hannahsmusings

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*I was so busy pleading to Delilah and whatever higher being existed that I didn’t even hear my phone ringing, so engrossed in trying to figure out what my daughter needed from me right now, feeling her forehead and her cheeks for any sign of fever, checking her diaper to make sure she didn’t need changing or have diaper rash, making sure her clothes weren’t scratchy or uncomfortable, but everything seemed fine and normal, she just wouldn’t stop crying, and in turn, I couldn’t either* *I reach out and grab my phone, about to google something when it starts vibrating in my hand, looking down and seeing Anthony’s caller ID* *I wanted to ignore it, I didn’t want to talk to him in this state, I didn’t want him to hear Delilah in the background, but he was my boss for fucks sake, and I could not call out at the last minute and then ignore his calls, that was a sure fire way to get let go and I needed this job, especially now that I was going to have to pay for this divorce* *I take a deep breath, walking out of the living room and to the kitchen where Delilah’s wails were softer but still could be heard, and I still had a perfect line of sight on her, before clicking the green button to answer the call and putting it to my ear* Anthony, hi… *my brows furrow when he sounds so relieved that I answered, realizing that this wasn’t my boss calling to reprimand me, he was calling to check on me, no one has checked on me since I left the hospital with Delilah in my arms* *I stay silent for a long moment, my breathing becoming erratic, my heart pounding in my chest as I continue to stare at Delilah, fat tears streaming down my face and a massive sob cracks through me, it feeling like a flood gate just opened and the entire ocean’s worth of water was slamming through* No… I-I-I’m not okay… sh-she won’t… she won’t stop… my nan-nanny quit… I don’t-I don’t know what my d-daughter needs…  *I slide down the counter until I was sat on the floor in my kitchen, my knees up to my chest, still having a clear line of sight on Delilah* I-I’m failing, I’m failing so fucking bad… *I continue to sob, not even sure if my words are coherent, my entire body shaking with the force of my crying, realizing I haven’t cried properly since Charles left, since I found out he cheated on me again, since he called me every horrible word and threatened to take my daughter from me, I had cried of course, I let a few tears fall when I climbed into bed all alone at night, but not properly, I was trying so hard to pretend nothing was wrong, for my daughter’s sake, for my job, but it was all falling apart, just like my marriage* 

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*your voice cracks on the other end of the line, hearing your erratic breathing and when you sob out that first “no”, hearing the tremble in your voice, how totally raw and broken you sounded, I felt my breathing stop breathing for a second* *I press the phone tighter to my ear, my heart pounding in my chest  hearing the way your words come tumbling out, frantic and crushed and gasping for air* *my throat tightens, hearing Delilah in the background, crying like her tiny world is on fire, but it’s your voice, the way you’re trying to keep it together and failing, that makes something in me physically ache* *I stand from my desk, needing to move as the ache in my chest intensifies, hands shaking with the urge to move, to do something, never feeling so helpless in my life as I pace whilst you sob and let it all out, my eyes stinging to hear you in this state and wanting to do anything I could to ease things for you*  Hey, hey...*I say softly, rubbing my forehead in stress as the fact I couldn’t physically reach for you was tearing me apart* You’re not failing. Listen to me. You are not failing. You’re exhausted..*my thoughts were racing, words tumbling out before I could hold them back* Renee, please let me help. I-I can’t stand this, I can’t..*my voice was a little frantic and full of desperation* I’m coming over..*says firmly but gently, needing you to understand that this was important to me* Please, just let me come over and help. Not as your boss, just as someone that cares, okay? Text me your address and I’ll be right over. You’re not doing this on your own anymore. *tries to hide the crack in my voice, hearing the devastation in your voice over the phone had just about broke me, never having been so wounded by anyone like this before but your pain was so visceral I felt like my heart was cracking in two* Just hold on for me okay? I’ll be right there. 

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

Settle down?! We’re 18! You have your whole life to ‘settle down’ with a French boy… *Jackson tries to grin, trying to come off as joking and teasing, trying to go for cool and nonchalant, like this news wasn’t uprooting his entire life right now for some reason, but it falters halfway when you continue to talk about the guy, hoping you would leave it alone* *relief floods through his entire body, his magic physically reacting and sending a cooling sensation through his veins, when you say he’s not your type, feeling his face had gone a bit slack, giving away his relief so he quickly busies himself with drinking from his goblet again, knowing you could always read him too well and he didn’t want you to analyze him right now, he didn’t know what this meant* *sure you had men interested in you before, and every time Jackson convinced you they weren’t good for you, but he was right… no man was worthy of you, you were too good for all the boys here, but never once did his magic freak out this way* Right. No French boys. Good. I mean… I mean it’s good if that’s not your thing. Which it isn’t. Right? *he flinches inwardly, wincing at how awkward that sounded, running a hand through his hair, trying to shake the stupid off himself, never being tongue tied or awkward around anyone before, especially you, and his magic was making him feel off-kilter, uneven, like he was going to vibrate out of his seat* *everything calms slightly when you go on again about your parents, a genuine smile spreading on his cheeks now, his magic was still buzzing but it was softer* Oh Gods, your parents… I miss them. Your dad’s signs better match or be better than yours, love, I am expecting high quality theatrics from both of you! *Jackson laughs, his chest loosening, his eyes flickering over to you, his heart doing that godforsaken thing again, the painful twist he pretends he doesn’t feel every time you look at him like that* *the twisting just gets more painful when you mention that guys think you two are together so they don’t approach you and Jackson never thought that, idiotic boys did flirt with you… until Jackson would stomp over and make his presence known, and then that boy would never be within a foot of you again, all of this starting to make sense now, Jackson was always territorial of you but why was it now affecting him so greatly? Why now was his magic sizzling under his skin, feeling ready to explode, just from you mentioning some stupid French twat who you don’t even like? I would’ve liked to be there too… as your bodyguard, of course. *he chuckles, or at least he tries to, nudging your foot under the table, letting the simple touch linger before finishing off his plate and watching as it disappeared and re-appeared with desserts, trying to focus on the chocolate cake in front of him which was his favorite but now he was just going through his memories, realizing you’ve never even had a serious boyfriend throughout the years here, was that because of him? Was he always holding you back due to his presence?*��

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*you were being weird, I couldn’t put my finger on why but it was off, your voice pitched too high, your smile not reaching your eyes, cocking my head to analyse a little as you reach for your goblet to drink, shaking my head a little with a small smile, you never normally needing reassurance or ever seeming nervous around me* No, not my thing. No French boys. *chuckles a little before I look up and shudder as I feel an cooling in the air, like a cold mist settling over my skin, it distracting me for a moment as I wonder if I’d caught a stray draught* *focuses back on you with a cocked brow and a slight grin, you looking a little all over the place, figuring I’d tease to break this weird tension* You alright there champ? You look like you’ve been confunded. *it works exactly as I’d hoped, grinning as you laugh and we move on to talking about my parents, things seeming to relax a bit and I store that bit of tension away to analyse later* Oh he will be. He’s forever complaining about the fact they don’t show quidditch games on the telly. He loves it. *laughs, remembering when I’d introduced Dad to it watching one of your first games and he was immediately enthralled, you having always been a talented seeker, even in first year and now he was your number 1 fan* I swear he’s going to make his own merch at this rate. *grins, remembering a time where I’d have to explain all these muggle terms to you and now you knew all about what a telly was* *rolls my eyes as you mention being a bodyguard, shaking my head a little with a laugh but letting my foot rest up against yours* Bodyguard huh? That why you practically hexed that poor Ravenclaw who tried to ask me to the Yule ball last year? *cocks a brow, teasing but realising it had always been this way, you always having been very protective of me and now I saw it a little differently, wondering what it was about this distance over the summer had caused things to feel different for us* *looks back at the table as the desserts appear, grabbing a mini fruit tart and popping it into my mouth with a grin* Damn I sure missed the food here. 

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*I quickly left the office, feeling somewhat calm as I drove home but as soon as I stepped foot inside, all that calmness faded away* *my nanny was useless, finding my daughter in her bouncer in the living room, bawling and screaming, while the nanny said she tried everything, that Delilah just wouldn’t settle or calm down for hours yet and she was at her wits end* *I didn’t even know what to do, trying to placate my nanny and convince her not to give up on us, but also tending to my daughter and tying my best to soothe her* *the nanny finally leaves, saying she’ll see me tomorrow, but I was so engrossed in soothing Delilah that I didn’t notice how unsure she sounded* *after awhile of being held by her mama, Delilah started to calm down, allowing us to have a relatively quiet evening, us having dinner and a bath without much incident, Delilah seemingly had tired herself out from screaming and crying all day* *I was so new to all of this, always assuming I’d have Charles’ help, that we’d be a team, that one of us would tackle dishes while the other bathed our child, that we’d both be putting her down for the night, but alas, I was all alone, doing the best I could* *Delilah went down easily, allowing me to do the dishes and tidy up the house and down a glass of wine before changing into my pajamas and crawling into bed, falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow* *I jolt awake at the sound of Delilah crying bloody murder, glancing over at the clock and seeing it was nearly 3am, I had been asleep for nearly 6 hours but it felt like just a few minutes, jumping out of bed and going to her crib, and before I knew it, the sun was rising and Delilah had not settled* *around 7am, the time my nanny would be arriving to do the morning routine with Delilah while I got ready for work, I got a text that nearly caused me to screamed, my nanny was calling out… indefinitely* *I set Delilah in her bouncer as I try to reach anyone else, but at such short notice, no one was available* *I dialed Charles’ number, about to hit call but realizing it was a terrible idea, he’d hold it over my head for the rest of my life that I needed him and he’d honestly probably get off on me pleading and asking for help so I did the only thing I could… I typed out an email to Anthony* Hi Anthony. I am going to have to stay home today. I’m sorry, see you tomorrow. *I was nearly hyperventilating as I hit send, never calling out before, ruining years of a perfect attendance streak, looking down at Delilah as she continued to cry and sob and I felt completely and utterly useless, crumbling to the floor in front of her, tears freely streaming down my face now* Baby, please, what do you need? I don’t know what you need, babygirl… *I felt like I was an absolute failure, letting Anthony down, letting my nanny down, letting my husband down and now letting my daughter down, Charles’ voice in my head telling me how I was an unfit mother and how he’d take her away from me in a heartbeat, feeling a full on anxiety attack coming on and trying to keep it at bay but it was heading straight for me like a freight train* 

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*I was reading over the early morning emails, sipping on a half-warm coffee, when yours popped up, my stomach immediately dropping as I scan over it, the short sentences, the lack of explanation, so unlike how I knew you to be over email* *I stared at the screen for a full minute re-reading it, my fingers not yet moving as it felt so flat and off, a weird pressure in my chest telling me something was going on, knowing immediately that something was wrong, you never called out, never once, hoping it meant you were learning to take care of yourself but somehow I knew that something had broken, something had changed* *i begin to type out a response, keeping it professional but gentle so as not to spook you* No need to apologise, thank you for letting me know. You okay? Can I help at all? *sends, my stomach twisting with anxiety as I begin to think the worst, eyes locked on the email thread as I wait for your reply but it doesn’t come, waiting a minute, two, 5, my nerves totally fried as I needed to speak with you, needed to hear your voice and know that you were okay* *I pick up my phone and press speedial for you, putting it to my ear and holding my breath as it rings and rings before it clicks onto voicemail, your soft melodic voice sounding through the speaker and I curse under my breath, heart beat beginning to elevate as I try and think up a plan, wondering how I could check on you if you don’t answer again* Come on, come on. Pick up...*mutters to myself, ringing again and my whole body tense as I wait for you to answer, heart in my throat as I hear the click of an answer and your quiet voice on the other end, letting out a shaky sigh of relief that I’d got a hold of you* Oh thank god. *mutters quietly, speaking up a little as I attempt to reach out to you through the phone* Renee? You okay? *knows this was out of bounds as I shouldn’t be asking any questions but I knew there was something else, my instincts from our conversation last night and now this email were telling me you needed someone and I was determined to be there* 

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*Jackson chuckled, it felt so damn good to laugh and smile again* You’re never gonna let that toast-and-jam board go, are you? I was delirious and bored, what did you expect from me, love?! *he turned his head just slightly, cheek brushing your hair, his tone fond and slightly proud as he continued* It worked, didn’t it? I kicked Ravenclaw’s ass… and passed that Potions exam with flying colors. So, I think it was a win-win either way. *is laugh faded gently, and his eyes flicked to yours, able to sense your magic in some intimate and private way, like he could feel it rumbling under your skin, something he had never experienced before with anyone, but the trance was broken as soon as he looked away and focused on the food, nodding along as you talk about your summer break* *he glanced at you every so often as you spoke, nodding along and smiling, able to imagine you surfing and laying out in the sun, his stomach swooping at those thoughts in a new way, it feeling like his magic was going berserk inside him but he was trying his best to ignore it, trying to focus on the appropriate portions of your trip, like you eating cheese and drinking wine, not you sunbathing for fucks sake* *he was bringing a forkful of food to his mouth when you mentioned your mum trying to set you up, his magic zipping and zapping inside him, it feeling like some sort of electric shock, causing him to drop his fork suddenly* Wait, she tried to set you up? *he looked at you with wide eyes, the thought of that making something twist uncomfortably in his chest; not in anger, not even sadness, just a dull ache at the thought of you laughing and being with someone else, some sun-kissed, French prick who didn’t know what made you laugh the way he did* *his magic was freaking out and he needed to calm down, grabbing his goblet and downing some water, wishing it was gin or whiskey right about now, needing something to take the edge off* *you were his best friend, that’s what this was, he was jealous of you making a new friend, he wasn’t jealous of your mom wanting to set you up with someone… definitely not… but the thought of someone else getting to see you every day, hearing you ramble on about surfboards and cheese and potentially seeing you sunbathing in a bathing suit was enough to make him feel… unsteady* *his magic calmed a bit as you said that you were moping about missing him, giving you his classic lopsided grin* I was certainly moping at the manor too… but I’m glad you survived the French matchmaking attempt… wouldn’t have wanted to come back and find you engaged to some beret-wearing poncey prick. *his magic continued to calm at the mention of your parents, his heart squeezing when you said that your parents said hi* Tell them I said hi and that I missed them this summer next time you write them, yeah? *he adored your family, he loved your mum and how she treated him like her own son, how she looked at him with love and affection which was so new for Jackson and honestly caught him off guard the first time, and how your dad always talked to him about the muggle world and how he even showed Jackson some muggle magic tricks that made Jackson holler with laughter* *Jackson adored them even more since he never once held his family’s name against him, even after everything that his family was known for believing in, how he was taught that half-bloods were to be called mudbloods, that they were dirty and the scum of the wizarding world, but your parents never once treated him any differently than how they treated you* Gods, I miss them. I would’ve given anything to spend the summer in France… maybe then I could’ve told the poncey twat to leave you alone. *he laughed but it was off kilter, he didn’t know why he kept bringing up the guy who you were set up with, it just rolling around in his head, terrified at the thought of you finding someone else, of you leaving him to fend for himself* 

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*I laugh, shaking my head, nudging your knee with mine under the table as I shoot you a look that's all fond exasperation, feeling your cheek brush my hair and my stomach fluttered with a new feeling, something unbidden and sharp, and I almost lean in without thinking, curious about how my magic seemed to be responding to you* *as I talk about my summer I feel your eyes as they glance to me, always loving how when we spoke I held your complete attention* *I jump at the sound of your fork clattering, the sound coming as a shock and glancing at you to see the surprise on your face, my brows furrowing in confusion* Yeah... Is that so surprising? You know what she’s like. *I couldn’t understand why me being set up with someone would cause such a shocked reaction, frowning slightly, was it something about me?* She’s got it in her head that I need to settle down, now we’re in our final year and all. *I watch as you grab your goblet, analysing the urgency of your movements and my magic shuddering as I could swear I felt yours pulsing like it’s slamming into mine, hot and frantic, like it’s trying to tell me something your mouth won’t say* *i take a breath, trying to slow these feelings as I glance at you and you flash that grin at me, the one that’s a little crooked, a little too confident, and always makes my stomach twist in that way I don’t talk about* Don’t worry, no rings. No berets. No poncey French boys sweeping me off my feet. *I say, smirking, trying to play along even though my heart’s beating too fast* He was nice, but that’s all. Not my type really. *shrugs, not sure why I felt I had to reassure you, grateful for the shift of subject as we talk about my parents, grinning and everything in me softening at your clear fondness of them* I’ll tell them. *I say, voice quieter now* They missed you, too. Mum asked if you’d grown taller and if I thought you were eating enough. Dad pestered me for tickets to the next quidditch game, I’d be surprised if he doesn’t turn up with a more obnoxious sign than mine. *laughs a little, eyes softening* I would’ve liked you there. You know that. *I say honestly, looking over at you* You would have been a menace, guys already don’t approach me because they think we’re together. *laughs as I ignore the clenching in my chest*

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*I could’ve broken down right then and there when he says that I need support, knowing it to be true, not expecting to be a single mother, not expecting to have the vile and hate spewed at me from the man I thought I’d be with forever, I thought I’d have endless support from him since that’s what he promised when I got pregnant, that’s what he promised on our wedding day in his vows, but obviously those vows meant nothing to him, they were just pretty words he probably stole anyways, not believing my ex husband was even capable of loving someone after the things he has said to me* *I was trying to keep my emotions in check but it was getting harder, the stress of it all, plus the hormones that were still raging havoc inside me, it was a deadly combination but I needed to keep it together until I got home, I couldn’t break down here, not in front of my boss for fucks sake* *my chest ached as Anthony laid out what he was going to do to help me, knowing no other boss would be as understanding and helpful, they’d just tell me to get my act together or fire me or threaten me with getting fired or replaced, my shoulders sagging just a bit in relief as he says we can discuss remote working and more flexible hours, nodding eagerly when he finishes* Yes, that sounds great… thank you so much, Anthony. I should’ve come to you before to avoid all this but… thank you. *I could feel my eyes getting teary and I tried to blink them away, this not being the time or place* *once I feel the meeting is over, I stand, knowing I needed to relieve my sitter and get home to my daughter, giving Anthony a shy look* April report will be to you tomorrow. Thank you for understanding and having my back. Being a new mother is… hard so… just thank you. *I give him a shy smile before picking up my bag and slinging it over my shoulder* I’ll see you tomorrow. On time. *my smile turns slightly playful, letting my gaze linger on him for just a moment longer before turning and heading out of the office, feeling a little bit lighter, like my chest wasn’t moments from caving in from the amount of pressure and stress that was on it before*

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*my heart squeezes in my chest as I watch your shoulders sag, just a little, seeing how much you were holding and I hated it, knowing there was something else going on and although I’d never push you for it, it killed me that I couldn’t do anything about it* *sighs softly a sad smile on my lips* I understand why you didn’t but I want you to know that you can. I know I’m your boss but I also like to think that I’m your friend so I want to help, I mean it. *voice was insistent and I couldn’t hide the worry or concern in it, knowing maybe I’d overstepped but this worry was eating at me, not being able to stop second guessing or over analysing everything when it came to you* *seeing the tears well in your eyes ripped me to shreds, feeling the urge to stand and wrap you in my arms, clenching all my muscles tight to prevent me from acting so rash, my emotions always seeming to get in the way of my judgement when it came to you* *watches you stand, my eyes wide and full of concern, shaking my head as you repeatedly thank me, realising how little kindness you must have received lately if this small offer of support seemed to make a difference for you, determined to ease the load for you one way or another* No need to thank me. Thank you for trusting me enough to say. And if there’s anything else, work related or not, you can talk to me okay? I’ve always got your back, Renee. *I needed to hint at the fact I felt there was more you were saying, needing you to know I’d noticed and that I cared* *watches as you grab your back and feeling a familiar tug of sadness that you were leaving, ignoring it as I smile at your playful comment* Looking forward to it. *eyes catch yours for a beat, my gaze soft as things inside me still, letting the moment rest for a beat before you were turning away and leaving my office, letting out a shaky sigh as you as I run a hand through my hair nervously, feeling so shaken by the fact you were not okay, it impacting more than anything had in awhile* *remains a little off balance for the rest of my work day, being unproductive and distracted and deciding to sack it off and leave early as I was being useless, closing things down and leaving the office as I head home, you in my thoughts the whole way*

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*Jackson laughed softly, the sound low and warm, it escaping before he could even try to hold it back, that always being the case with you, you being the only person who could make laughter bubble out of him unexpectedly* *there was always something easy about being around you, something that settled in his chest like calm after a storm, something so familiar, but now there was an edge to it, a hum beneath the familiarity that hadn’t been there before… or maybe it had, and he’d just never let himself feel it, maybe being away from you for 3 months finally cracked something inside him* Entertaining the masses, sending my rivals tumbling from their brooms… *he teased, nudging your shoulder gently, squeezing your hand as he gave you a playful look, raising his brows in teasing* That’s exactly the kind of legacy I’m aiming for, obviously. Maybe you can charm those banners to chant my name, too. Really give me all the glory I’m clearly seeking. *Jackson grinned happily, laughing at the thought of all that chaos but he also knew that’s what your aim always was, to make him laugh and to make him smile, to make him forget about the demons that were always right at the surface, threatening to rear their ugly heads* Hey, that whole situation with being up that late was one time and you are the one who spilled the ink because your hands were shaking so badly from all the caffeine you drank to stay up! *he narrowed his eyes playfully at you, scooting even closer, shaking his head* I promise to find a balance… well, a semblance of balance. *his words nearly die on his tongue as you were suddenly leaning in closer, your dainty chin resting on his shoulder, your scent enveloping him and suddenly he felt dizzy, his magic fizzing and bubbling under his skin and it was new, never feeling his magic react like this before to your closeness, his heart pounding so hard in his chest he could hear it in his ears*  *when you say you’ll be there, his face softens, his brows furrowing as he looks you, something unspoken flickering behind his eyes* You always are.  *his voice was low and soft as he refuses to break eye contact, thinking to himself about how you’re not just his good luck charm, but you’re the only thing that ever felt like home* *he squeezes your hand back, his thumb drawing soft little circles against your knuckles, wondering if you could feel the shift in his magic, If you could sense what was changing right now* *he clears his throat suddenly, looking away from you and focusing on the food that magically appeared on his plate, reaching out with his free hand and popping a roll into his mouth, suddenly needing something to do besides gaze at you before looking back at you, needing his heart to slow the fuck down* Enough about me… How, erm, how was your summer? You look golden.

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 *eyes were bright and smile wide as you echo my words back to me, grinning* Jackson Ford, household name. That’s the goal. *lets out a soft laugh, cheeks flushing as I remember that late night and shaking my head* I had to drink that much caffeine because you kept getting distracted making your quidditch strategy boards with your toast and jam! *laughs, eyes softening as I always had so much fun with you, even doing nothing I just enjoyed your company, feeling like now we were reunited, sitting elbow to elbow in the great hall, parts of me were re-aligning and fitting back into place, always feeling a little off balance without you around* *doesn’t think too much of me letting my chin rest on your shoulder because I’ve done it before, because it’s easy, because it’s you, this familiar touch being so usual for us* *the moment my skin brushes your robe, something tightens beneath my ribs, a quiet fizz of magic dances at my fingertips, like static before a storm and I still* *glances up at you as I feel my breath catch a little, something feeling charged between us, the sensation feeling like an uncast spell and it was different, brow furrowing a moment as I try and figure it out* *pulls out of my thoughts at your words, a soft and fond smile on my lips as I look up through my lashes at you* I always am. And always will be. *our eyes were locked, the hum of my magic swirling in my chest, it only dissipating when you look away from me, pulling back but keeping our hands held as I sip my drink, grinning at your words as I look down at my exposed forearms* Aren’t I? Glad you noticed. *giggles teasingly, letting go of your hand to reach for food myself now it had appeared, my magic suddenly going quiet at the loss of contact, noting the change and curious about it* Well, you know I was in France. I spent most of my time swimming, surfing, anything outside really. I drank a vineyard’s worth of wine and ate so much cheese I’ve been dreaming of it so pretty standard really. *grins in amusement as I chuckle, you knowing that I was half blood, my Dad being a muggle and so I’d grown up learning how to surf and taking normal family holidays, we spent time in both the muggle and magical world* My Mum was trying to set me up with her friend’s son, some poncey French wizard. Couldn’t understand a bloody word he was saying to be honest. *laughs, glancing up at you with a grin* She saw me moping not having you around I think, wanted to keep me occupied. *my parents loved you, having met you a number of times but I also talked about you incessantly* Mum and Dad say hi. *grins, digging into the food I had on my plate starved from the travelling*

[hannahsmusings]

𝔴𝔥𝔢𝔯𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔰 𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔡 𝔶𝔬𝔲?

[hannahsmusings]

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

 I continued fiddling with my ring, nodding as he asks me if childcare was all that was wrong, wanting to laugh, wishing that was the only thing going wrong right now, but nodding instead* Yes, it’s all to do with child care… or lack of child care. *I speak, hoping that I was coming across as truthful as possible, hating that it felt that Anthony could see through me, like he knew I was lying* *I shrug when he asks me why I didn’t tell him* I didn’t want to admit that I was struggling I guess. And honestly, I hadn’t even noticed that I’ve been late so many times which is a horrible excuse but having a baby without her father around and without a nanny… time kind of becomes fake. But, that’s no excuse, and I am going to be on it from now. Like I said, a permanent nanny is in the works. *I wanted to say ‘once Charles gets back’, but that was too big a lie, he wasn’t coming back, and if the custody agreement went my way, he would only see her on weekends anyways which would do me no good in terms of getting to work on time* I’m sorry, Anthony. For not letting you know, and for falling behind. I promise, it won’t happen again. I will have the April expenses to you first thing in the morning.

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*I let out a slow breath, leaning forward a little so my elbows rest on the edge of the desk, not wanting to startle you and conflicted about how to handle this as it felt like there was more you weren’t saying* I appreciate you being honest with me..*I say, my voice low, careful as I look over you, torn between needing to be professional but also wanting to just hug you* I can’t pretend to know everything you’re carrying right now, but I do know it’s a lot, and you’ve been trying to shoulder all of it alone. *pauses, my eyes locked on you twisting that ring, it was like watching a storm you wouldn’t name, contained, but barely* *my hands itch to reach across the small space between us, flexing them over the table to prevent myself from taking your hand, knowing that would be wildly inappropriate but the urge was so strong* Listen, you need support. *pauses, leaning forward a little and hoping the worry and care was clear on my voice, needing to impress this on you so you trusted me* That’s what I’m here for, all right? When you’re scrambling for childcare, it can be hard. I can understand that. But I can’t help if I don’t know. *looks in your eyes, seeing the tension and the stress there as I quietly sigh, feeling the thickness of the air that always seemed to appear whenever I was close to you* *I don’t lean back right away because as much as I want to believe you, as much as I want to take what you’ve said at face value, I could feel the rest of it, the parts you’d left unsaid, and how they were impacting you and it was tearing me apart quietly* *that flicker in your eyes, the way your voice caught when you mentioned the nanny, the way you didn’t even say his name, I knew there was more to it but I knew I couldn’t force it out of you, not if I wanted your trust* I’m not angry about April’s report..*I say gently, though the worry in my chest is louder than I want to admit* I’m worried about you. You’re important to this place, and to me. I don’t want to watch you burn out. *I’d voiced much more than I’d intended, finally leaning back to give you space, but my eyes stay locked on yours, softer now* “So here’s what we’ll do. You get me those expenses whenever you can tomorrow, no need for ‘first thing’ panic okay? Then we can talk about flexible working hours, or time working remotely until the nanny situation is sorted. Deal?*I pause, letting the silence sit between us for just a beat longer* You don’t have to prove you’re invincible, okay? I’ve got your back. Let me.

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*Jackson chuckles softly, shaking his head as he glances over at you, his eyes alight with amusement, clearly entertained by your creativity, thinking back to all the signs you’ve made in the past* You’re something else, you know that? ‘Ford, You Can Ride My Broom Anytime’… really? *he lets out a playful sigh followed by a chuckle, trying to look exasperated but clearly enjoying himself* That’s a bit much, love, even for you, but… it’s also kind of perfect. I can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s face when you hold that up. Hopefully a Gryffindor sees it and loses their balance… would do us some good. *Jackson smirks, knowing you didn’t like when he talked about people falling off their brooms but Jackson was cutthroat when it came to quidditch, it was his passion, plus there was no broken bone, sprain, fracture or wound that Madam Pomfrey couldn’t fix anyways* *he feels his magic tugging at him, it radiating through his veins, starting from where his fingers were touching yours, making him feel warm and floaty, it always being this way when you were near, especially when you two were physically touching, his magic reacting to yours, but he never gave it much of a thought since it had been this way from the very beginning, and he loved the feeling, it bringing him such calm* *he squeezes your hand just a little, a genuine smile on his face, speaking softly* Honestly, those signs… they’re my little good luck charms before every game. I don’t know what I’d do without you cheering me on like that. *his father never came to a single game, never once came to see him play or acknowledge how amazing Jackson was on a broom, so having you there was of utmost importance to him every time* The next stage of trials are in October, but I am going to go out every morning before breakfast and get a few laps in… don’t worry, I will still keep up with my coursework. *he already knew you’d be on his case, like always, about his courseload and his quidditch schedule, especially if he ever started falling behind, but that was one thing he adored about you, you never let him fall behind, you were always there to help him, even if it meant the two of you staying up all night so he could finish an essay that was due the next morning*

_____________________________________________________

*I grin, trying and totally failing to hold back my laughter at your response to my sign, always wanting to make you smile and laugh as I loved that you reserved that side of yourself to me* *my eyes sparkle with mischief as I nudge your shoulder lightly, my fingers still laced with yours as our magic slows and and brushes up against each other at our points of contact* Entertaining the masses and people falling off their brooms? That’s the kind of impact I strive for. *grins, raising my chin in mock pride, but beneath the teasing, there’s something warmer, something real. I know what it means to you, to have someone in the stands showing up for you, wanting to support you and be your little good luck charm whenever I could* *the teasing slips away a little, replaced by something softer as my magic shudders beneath my skin, warming my body as I squeeze your hand a little, my thumb brushing gently across your knuckles* Well, lucky for you, I’m not going anywhere. I’m thinking glitter this time. Maybe even one of those little charmed banners that waves by itself. Go big or go home, right? *smiles, eyes bright with fondness, having missed you so much I was so glad we were right back to normal* *listens as you mention the trials in October, I feel that familiar tug of concern, mixed with pride, you always being so hardworking and determined but hoping you didn’t overdo it, you being your own harshest critic* *my brow furrows slightly, but there’s only affection in it* Just don’t push yourself too hard, Jax. You always say you’ve got it handled, and then suddenly it’s two in the morning and we’re writing your Potions essay with ink smudged all over our faces. *I smirk, looking at you with that stubborn mix of worry and belief that only someone who truly cared could wear* I believe in you, always. But I also believe in sleep and passing your classes. So we’re finding balance this time, yeah? *grins, leaning in just a little and tilting my head back sligtly to look at you properly, my chin brushing your shoulder as my voice drops to a whisper, meant only for you* I’m proud of you. And I’ll be right there - sign, glitter, and all, when you fly. Every single time.

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*as if this day couldn’t get any worse, now I was going to get reprimanded and chastised by my boss who I had a great working relationship with, all because of my god damn ex husband wreaking havoc on my life* *I swallow a bit thickly before taking a seat, my posture straight as an arrow and my hands on my lap, idly playing with a ring - not my wedding ring, of course, I took that off the moment I learned that Charles had cheated on me again* *my eyes widen a bit as he mentions that I had been late 6 times, that not even being something I noticed, my head had been in the clouds and so absorbed with my daughter and her flaky nannies and dropping off and picking up and making dinners and getting her bathed and dressed along with myself* God, Anthony, I’m so sorry… I didn’t even notice I’ve been late. *I sigh, running a hand through my hair, desperate to vent to him, to anyone, about what was going on, about how my husband has cheated on me over 5 times and this one was the last straw, how I was going through the ugliest custody battle, how I felt like I was a horrible mother and failing my daughter in every single way, but I was too prideful for that, I didn’t get to where I was by making people feel sad or sorry for me, I was a strong woman and I was not going to let a man, especially my ex-husband, be my downfall* *people got divorced all the time, every day, I was no different* It’s just childcare is hard right now. Charles has been away the past two weeks on business and my nannies are college students and they don’t always show up when they’re supposed too… I am looking for a permanent nanny, but none are jumping off the page at me, and I know none of that is an excuse. I’m sorry that my personal life is causing so many issues, my mind is just… elsewhere. But I am going to hire a permanent nanny very soon, and I will be more present. I promise. *I tried not to let my voice shake, not wanting to tell Anthony that my husband has been ‘away’ because I kicked him out, not wanting him to know any of that* 

_______________________________________

*the tension was radiating off your body as you sat, never seeing you look so stressed and it only made me more worried* *my eyes glance to your hands as they fidget in your lap, glancing at the ring on your finger briefly and furrowing my brow ever so slightly as I could swear it looked slightly different* *glances back up at your face again as you begin to apologise about being late, stomach twisting as I felt bad for bringing the lates up when you hadn’t even noticed, that telling me even more that something else was going on here, something in your personal life that was interfering* *i stay quiet as I wait for you to explain, eyes catching on small mannerisms and micro expressions, all of them telling me I had a fair reason to be worried about you, you not looking yourself at all* *eyes furrow a little as you mention childcare, having expected something else as although that would be difficult, it didn’t seem like it would cause you the level of stress you seemed to be currently experiencing, especially someone so unshakeable as you* *I knew about your little girl, guessing she must be around 6 months old now, remembering how overjoyed you were to have her and the warmth spread in my chest at how happy and totally in love with her you were only a few months back, thinking there must be something else going on to have completely wiped that joy from you* *i felt a strong pinch of annoyance at Charles because why would he leave you for such a long time, having never really liked the guy but you always seemed so smitten with him, trying to push my personal feelings about him aside as I assess you when you speak* Okay.. so this is just about childcare? Are you sure that’s all it is? *asks, not fully convinced as I chew on my lip* You should have just told me that was the case, you know I can be flexible if you’re a bit late or struggling with deadlines. Why didn’t you let me know? *asks, a little hurt as I thought we got on with each other better than that* 

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*the hug lingers in Jackson’s memory longer than it should, something about the way your arms wrapped around him grounding him in a way nothing else had in weeks, wishing he had received one of those hugs during the grueling summer he endured, dealing with his father who was growing more and more resentful and hateful of his own son day by day it seemed* *he lets out a soft chuckle at your teasing, eyes flicking toward you with a faint grin tugging at the corner of his lips, shrugging* I’ve had one too many bad experiences with a hair cutting spell… my hair is my best feature. *he never teased or joked like this with his other friends, it being reserved solely for you, you bringing out a young and slightly playful side of him, your presence and friendship allowing him to channel that inner child that was never allowed to be a child* *he couldn’t ignore the way his heart fluttered that you had even noticed it, but he shouldn’t of been surprised by that, of course you did, you were you after all, you noticed everything about him just like how he noticed everything about you* *that all-too familiar weight comes back when you ask about his father escorting him, his body tensing since he wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to explain the revelations that had come to light this summer, how his father had planned the rest of Jackson’s life pretty much and Jackson had little to no choice but to follow obediently, his father reminding him of that daily* *his body sags with relief when you move on, his heart squeezing in his chest as he feels your small hand in his own, your delicate fingers interlacing with his, grateful for your concern but also grateful that you knew him so well, you knew not to push and prod, you knew he’d tell you in his own time and he would, just not now* *your touch always had such a way of grounding him, like you were his tether and like always, it was working it’s magic now, his mood lifting at the mention of quidditch* Trials were insane but so good. The scouts from the Tornados were actually watching my runs, and I think I caught their eye. *Jackson knew that his chances of going pro were slim to none now that his father had something to say about it, but nothing made Jackson happier than when he was on his broomstick, in the air, playing quidditch, it was so freeing and so exhilarating, he would never give it up while he was still in school* *his thumb brushed over the soft skin of your hand as he spoke animatedly, his passion for the sport really shining through* It was weird not seeing you in the stands with one of those ridiculous signs you always make for me. *he gives you a warm smile, squeezing your hand softly* 

_____________________________________________

*rolls my eyes playfully as you say your hair was your best feature, chucking and shaking my head as I knew the girls would agree with you, you always being very handsome but you’d grown into your looks recently, you were tall and broad and had thick brow hair and blue eyes, knowing a lot of girls had crushes on you and you appeared to have this quiet confidence about you but I also know you were more sensitive than that, more measured* *you immediately lace our fingers together and I feel my magic settle in the core of my chest, having not intended to hold your hand but it was something we often did around each other, it being a private thing between us and it settled me so much, my magic warming my blood, having not thought much of that feeling because it had always been that way* *smile brightens when you light up talking about quidditch, grinning and nudging your shoulder fondly* I bet you did! I knew you’d be great, bet they’ve never seen a seeker so fast. *eyes brighten and laughs loudly as you mention my signs, always using magic to make flashy obnoxious flirtatious signs as it made you smile, knowing you got nervous before games and it was a thing that helped you relax* Oh don’t you worry, I’m already working on my next. I’m thinking ‘Ford's Got Me Falling Faster Than a Wronski Feint’ or ‘ Ford, You Can Ride My Broom Anytime’...*pouts my lips in a playful thinking face* The last one feels predictable but it’s snappy you know? *eyes alight with mischief, in our own little bubble as I giggle* When’s the next stage of trials?

[hannahsmusings]

Renee

*I was never afraid of Anthony per se, he wasn’t the type who tried to instill fear into his employees, he didn’t run the company that way, but he was intimidating when he was mad and I was never on the receiving end of that before, us never having to have any negative conversations about my work before, and I knew that was all about to change* I’m sorry, Anthony, the day just got away from me. I was backlogged, trying to get through March and February reports along with everything else… *normally I did the expense reports ahead of time, always having one month’s done by the time the first of the next month rolled around, but now I was confessing that wasn’t the case this time, having been so wrapped up in my divorce and my entire marriage and life as I knew it going down the drain, and figuring out childcare every single day, I was an absolute mess and my work had officially been affected* I can get it to you first thing in the morning, or I can stay late tonight and get it done… well, actually, no I can’t stay late tonight, I need to relieve my sitter, but I can work on it tonight at home and have it ready for you on your desk first thing tomorrow morning. I’m so sorry… it won’t happen again, I promise. *I was not going to cry to my boss, I was not going to be that girl, that girl who used her personal life as an excuse to not do her work and receive pity, I was not going to do that right now* 

_________________________________

*fully stops what I was doing and turns my chair towards you as you begin to speak, a frown on my face as I let my eyes scan over your appearance, catching on the red rimmed eyes and dark circles, the creases in your trousers and the slight panic in your voice, you not looking right at all and I was worried about it, especially now that whatever it was was interfering with your work* *lets you apologise and ramble and just watched quietly as I see how flustered you were, it not being like you at all, one of the reasons you were promoted was for your ability to be so collected throughout the high pressure stress environment it could be, having always felt calm around you but now I was tense* *I just gesture to the seat opposite my desk, wanting you to sit so we could talk* Take a seat, Renee. *waits for you to sit before I start, not knowing how to play this as with any other employee I’d be firm but fair, expecting them to work in their own time to make up for the delay, but with you I’d always had a soft spot, something about your sunny disposition always melted me a little, plus the fact I couldn’t get rid of the niggling feeling in my gut that something else was going on here* What is going on? You never do the expense reports the day of the deadline, you’ve always completed them way in advance. That and the fact you’ve been late...*pauses as I check the sign in system*.. 6 times in the last 2 weeks. *sighs, brows furrowed as I run a hand through my hair anxiously, this conversation feeling so wrong to have with you* I know I have high expectations of you but you’ve never failed them before. I’m concerned, especially with our busy period coming up. I need to know what the issue is, what is going on? *softens my voice as I genuinely cared about you, hoping you could see that I was worried about you*

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*Jackson barely had time to react before you were in his arms, warm and soft and smelling like the same sweet perfume you’ve worn since he’s met you, the smell that was so familiar and so you, the smell that never used to make his head spin like this* *your hug was tight, familiar, and yet somehow it made his heart stumble against his ribs, his heart beating faster and harder than it ever has before without doing physical exercise, what the fuck was going on?, stunned by how right it felt to have you so close and how hard it was to let go, feeling a sense of loss when you pulled back* *his hands had landed instinctively on your waist as your arms stayed around his neck during the hug, and now they lingered there a beat too long before he let them fall, trying to act normal* *acting normal had seemingly flown out the window now because you were running your fingers through his hair and that was different, finding himself wanting to close his eyes and push his head into your hand and have you play with his hair all day long* Yeah… didn’t have time to get it cut. Glad you like it. *his voice sounded tight and nothing like his own, telling himself to get it together, silently cursing himself before sitting down next to you, your scent enveloping him all over again as soon as you leaned into him, looking down at you and noticing how all your attention was on him, like always* *Jackson never got attention at home, never positive attention anyways, you were the first person in his life besides teachers who actually listened when he spoke, who thought what he had to say was important and had merit, one of the reasons he was immediately drawn to you* *he gives you his classic lopsided grin, nudging you gently, his eyes playful but his tone fond* Missed you too… lets not do whole summers apart thing again, yeah? *he chuckles but his smile quickly falters when you mention that he didn’t take the train, sighing and shaking his head* My father brought me, actually. *his body immediately tensed at the mention of his father, picking up his goblet of water that had magically appeared in front of him as if the Great Hall knew he needed it, downing half of it in one go* How was the train? Did I miss anything? Anyone turn into a frog or something?

_______________________________________

*the hug felt more special than usual somehow, chalking it up to the fact it had been so long since we’d been together, realising in this moment how much I’d really missed your company, our friendship always being so easy and feeling more myself around you than anyone else, knowing lots of our other friends didn’t fully understand it as our backgrounds were so different, our personalities also, you being quieter and more reserved with your feelings whereas I was bubbly and open with everyone, us just seeming to balance each other out* *cocks a brow as you say you didn’t have time to get it cut, narrowing my eyes playfully with a slight smile* You didn’t have time for a quick cutting spell? Hmm, likely story. *teases, wondering if you were just trying a new style and I liked it, remembering how you always were so put together in our younger years, hair always parted and combed like how your dad liked, enjoying this more ruffled and casual version of you, it softening your features a little* *nods in agreement as you say not to be apart, grinning* Yeah, never again please. *murmurs before furrowing my brow as you mention your dad, knowing enough about your childhood to hate the man and what he’d done to you, letting my eyes scan over you and noting the tension in your body, you acting a little off and noticing it immediately, always being attuned to your tells* *sees you jump straight into asking me about the train, that concerning me further as I ignore your questions* He escorted you the whole way? Why? *asks, that being highly unusual as he seemed to pay little attention to you nowadays, seeing you shake your head and realising you didn’t want to talk about it* We can talk about it later. *smiles softly, reaching for your hand under the table and giving it a squeeze* Tell me about the quidditch trials, how did they go?? *grins, knowing you loved to talk quidditch and you were hoping to go professional after Hogwarts, you having been scouted to try out over the summer*

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson

*Jackson had arrived later than usual to school, his father forcing a private escort instead of the train - another power move - but Jackson was trying to put all of that out of his head, not wanting to focus on the worst summer of his life, wanting to focus on the new school year, and seeing you* *writing letters wasn’t enough he realized, he missed actually spending time with you and talking about nothing and everything into the late hours of the night, desperate to feel that closeness again* *he used a spell to unpack, not being the type to leave it, before heading down to dinner* *he walked into the Great Hall, wearing his not-so-casual clothes, running a hand through his slightly mused up hair as he glanced around for a spot at the Slytherin table, eyes scanning the crowd for a familiar face, until they land on you, already sitting, talking animatedly with friends like you’d never left* *he stops moving for a second without meaning to, feeling frozen and caught off guard; you looked… different, not drastically but just little things that only he would notice - your posture was straighter and more confident, you were smiling that same familiar smile  but there’s something lighter in it* *the summer left you glowing, even your hair looked like it’s caught the sun meaning you were outside a lot, knowing how much you loved being outdoors in the nice weather* *he watches you for a few seconds longer, shaking his head and trying to clear it before heading over to you, his eyes taking in every new element of you, how your jeans and sweater hugged you in all the right places* *his heart kicks up a bit as he gets closer, but he’s not sure why… It’s just you, his best friend, his calm in the storm since first year,  but there was a weird, quiet kind of nervous energy buzzing in his chest that he hasn’t felt around you or anyone before, chalking it up to the fact that maybe it’s just been too long, maybe he just missed you* *he walks up behind you, tapping your shoulder, his breath catching just slightly when you finally look up at him, your eyes locked together and it’s like all the tension in his body evaporated, giving you a lopsided grin* Better late than never, yeah?

_____________________________________________

*i was chatting away with my friends around me, being well liked in the house as I was pretty nice to everyone, always being smiley and warm and not what people expected of a Slytherin necessarily but I tended to get on with everyone* *throws my head back and laughs at something Leo says, eyes scrunching and smile bright as I giggle, covering my mouth a little and not noticing you looking or approaching* *doesn’t notice you approach, feeling a tap on my shoulder and looking up, eyes widening and heart kicking into gear to see you there, a smile lighting up my face and realising how much I’d missed you* Jax! *exclaims excitedly, getting up from the bench and throwing my arms around you in a hug, burying my head in your neck and squeezing you a little, your familiar scent of cologne washing over me as we hug, feeling settled and ‘right’ now that you were here, pulling back from the hold a little but my arms still around your neck, letting them fall gently back to my side and smiling up at you, now noticing all the little changes in you, you looking like you’d grown a little and definitely filled out, like you’d been working out, wondering if you’d got back into your swimming as I knew you loved to swim* *your hair was longer too, smiling as I reach up and tug the strand that had flopped forward* I’m into this. *grins, us always being so touchy and affectionate with each other, knowing everyone around us was used to it, taking your arm and pulling you down next to me as I lean into your side, turning towards you completely and the others I was chatting to before knew that you had my full attention now and probably would for awhile* Missed you. *murmurs with a slight pout, my eyes bright and blue as I look at you* You didn’t get the train this year?

[hannahsmusings]

*I was trying so hard not to lose it at my desk, today had been utter chaos, my nanny was calling me non-stop, complaining about this and that, making me worry about my daughter unnecessarily* *on top of that, my daughter’s father, my soon-to-be ex husband, was calling me just to taunt me, having just hung up the phone with him, a conversation that went like all the others before it, starting off nice and sweet, him trying to charm me again, but when it didn’t work, he just got nasty and mean, and I fell for it every single time, letting his hurtful words bother me* *I was so relieved that my boss had upgraded me to this private office last year when I got my promotion, or else I’d be so embarrassed if all my colleagues could see me like this* *I check the time on my watch, my eyes nearly bulging out of their sockets when I see it was already nearly 6, realizing that I did not finish the expense reports for this month yet, having done the past few months but not this one* *I swear to myself, knowing it was way too late now, it would have to be done tomorrow, printing out what I had and throwing them haphazardly into a folder, Anthony being rigid about deadlines and I was never one to disappoint* *I don’t even bother checking my reflection before leaving my office and heading down the hall to Anthony’s office, knocking gently, smoothing out my top and letting myself in* Hi, Anthony. *I give him my best attempt at a smile but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes, wearing minimal makeup and a boring outfit, usually being all done up and wearing pretty skirts and dresses, but since my divorce started, I have been too stressed to really care about any of that, along with being a newly single mother* I have the reports… up until March.

______________________________________

*working away at my desk, today have been a long day of meetings and I was drained, tapping away at my keyboard as I respond to an investor, having hoped I’d have the expense reports by now to attach to this email, you not normally being one to leave things to the last minute but assuming you’d be in with them soon considering it was near the end of the day* *sips at my water as my mind drifts a little bit now it had focused on you, frowning to myself as I’d noticed over the last few weeks that you’d not been yourself, your normally sunny disposition had dimmed and you always seemed a little out of sorts, having missed the calming warmth you brought with you but your energy was frantic now, you always seeming heightened and on edge* *even physically you’d looked different, knowing as your boss I wasn’t meant to notice these things but I had, your hair normally perfectly styled, now often just tied up, your outfits lacked the colour you usually portrayed, you smiled less and when you did it never reached your eyes like it used to* *rubs my hand over my chest as I feel a familiar ache there, sighing to myself as I try and reassure myself not to be too worried, knowing I noticed you more than I should anyway, it having been like that since you’d started working here* *shakes my head to clear these thoughts from my mind as I try and focus on the email again before I hear a knock on my door, looking up before you were coming in, letting my eyes scan over your form and lingering on the tension in your jaw and the dimness in your eyes, resisting the urge to ask you what was wrong* Hey, Renee. Come on in. *gestures into the room to welcome you, us always having a good relationship* *smiles as you mention the reports before I pause when you say until March, frowning a little in confusion* Where’s the April one? I need to show it to the board. *chews on my lip a little, feeling the anxiety build in the pit of my stomach as I’d never had to have a conversation with you about you falling behind on work and I really did not want to have that conversation, being the sort of boss that ran my business with friendliness, not fear*

[hannahsmusings]

Jackson (New Plot)

*the summer had flown by, 6 weeks having felt so long when I was in my first year but now as a final year it seemed to move so quickly, always missing my time away from Hogwarts and friends and having been so excited to return, having spent all of the holidays abroad on holiday with my family so I hadn't been able to meet up with anyone, not even you which was unusual, us having resorted to writing letters back and forth which I was grateful for but it didn't feel enough, excited to just see you again* *our friendship had blossomed fairly soon into meeting as first years, remembering it was like it was yesterday when we were paired in potions, remembering how stuck up you were at first and how we didn't get along but after a few library sessions that was it, having connected with you so easily as our minds were so similar, we both loved to learn and discuss, finding you the most interesting person here and never boring of your company* *I scan the great hall and the Slytherin table , wearing my casual clothes still as we were always allowed to on the first dinner, having unpacked my dorm and not seen you yet* *I was tanned and freckly now, having leaned out over the summer with all the swimming I'd done, my hair having grown and just having this glow about me as I felt excited to be a 6th year, growing into myself and my confidence as a Slytherin, always being very driven and ambitious and even more so now* *pouts slightly as I don't see you but heads to our table anyway, smiling brightly at other friends and people in my house as I greet everyone and grab a seat*