hardknifeplays - Tumblr blog

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There was a German version of Deadpool called Deutschpool. He was like Deadpool but in lederhosen. He ate my leftovers. The only thing he said in English is when he smacked my ass and said, “Hey handsome”.

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The orange kitty presented...

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i've been drawn into some "disturbing" books lately (e.g. lapvona, paradise rot, tender is the flesh) and boy let me tell you i have this urge to write a fanfic with reader x könig as raw as those books

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I remember seeing a post on Twitter once that said, what if you’re significant other got possessed by a demon and they fucked you after and idk I feel like I need 1 or 2 or 30+ fanfics about that scenario with several characters bonus points if it’s a priest au

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A relationship with König would consist of the following:

Your first date being the embodiment of 'shit happens'.

Spontaneity driving your later date nights because every time König planned one, shit continued to happen.

König refusing to tell you his middle name (after you found out that he had one) no matter how many times you beg, plead, and give him puppy dog eyes because he's embarrassed by it.

Marveling at how König can be so big and tall and somehow make himself seem so small when he's sitting sometimes. He also doesn't mind some cramped spaces, either.

König resting his head on your lap because it is calming and he tends to suffer from tension headaches. You rubbing his head also helps quite a lot.

König being in a state of constant mortification while you're damn near dying you're wheezing so hard because of his sense of humor.

Piggybacking off the last point, it's endearing because it's either offbeat or poorly timed. It also doesn't help (or rather, it does) that he's a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to getting hip to memes, the latest slang, etc. There was that one time with the eggplant emoji...

Never failing to laugh when he laughs... because of his laugh. König has the gremlin cackle thing going on and it is hilarious.

Testing König's inner koala as he sleeps. Turns out that if you put just about anything near him, he'll automatically hug it close to him. You tried it with a pillow.

Using his height to your advantage. You tend to use him as your personal crowd parter person thingie, especially when you're grocery shopping or just... out in public in general. Or using him when you need to get that one item that's all the way on the top shelf at the very fucking back.

Standing on his feet so you can get some height to try and kiss him. Konig thinks it's cute and funny, so cute and funny in fact that he sometimes will not bend his head down just so he can see you pout and whine about how he's "not being fair".

Giving him a compliment and watching König.exe stop working because of reasons. Reasons that involve feelings.

You having to avoid wearing some of König's shirts also because of reasons.

Watching the shenanigans of Drunk König. The most common theme is Drunk König thinking the closest thing near him is you and so he's practically talking to his Schatz and wondering why you're not answering or something like that.

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there’s a dark void inside of me that only

FAT COCK

from a

FICTIONAL SERIAL KILLER

can fill

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sova, i think you will like this.

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KÖNIG in CALL OF DUTY: WARZONE 2.0

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KÖNIG in CODMWII

dedicated to ᐅ @sandinthemachine

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just König staring right into your soul

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biker!Ghost 3 1 , 2 , 3 , 3.5

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Hardened, muscled König who loves all the soft contours of your body so, so much. The plush rolls, the way parts of you stick out or in this way and that, the soft flesh beneath your chin for him to kiss, the extra bit of fat rounding your hips for him to grab, all the extra bits of you there are, he loves them all, wants to spend the day kissing each inch and telling you how much he adores you.

He sees you on your insecure days, pulling this way and that at your clothing, tears welled up in your eyes when something doesn't sit right on you the way you wanted it to, the hateful monologue in your head that you aren't even the right kind of fat. Not the pretty, hourglass shapes that get fetishized, the ideal fat body... no you're just... you; and he has to fight with himself not to yell, because no matter what shape you are you are so gorgeous in his eyes. All he sees are reasons to love you more, how perfectly you fit with him.

So, König will pull you away from the mirror, slip you against the hard wall of his body as he holds tightly onto you, his large arms around your stomach as he ignores your pleas to not hold your stomach, hating the way it squishes up against him, but he simply ignores your protests and grabs a handful of your belly as he says simply...

"I love you, and this body of yours, every inch, mein schatz..." and it's hard to protest anymore when he starts peppering kissing along your shoulders, down your arms and then down the center of your back until you're soft putty in his arms. König doesn't want you feeling insecure, but he loves the days he gets to wholeheartedly remind you of how beautiful you are.

[hardknifeplays]

making thibgs... to send people

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Not bald anymore >:)

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:^)

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Things that are better than sex:

1. when a masked character does the head tilt thingy

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simon riley with a virgin!gf would be such a sweet, softhearted bully. always making an effort to be so gentle with you, never pressuring you past a prolonged kiss or some touches between layers of fabric, only to turn around and relentlessly tease you in passing.

simon riley with a virgin!gf and his addiction to subtly dragging a hand up your thigh when you're in public, whispering sexual remarks in your ear to get you all hot and flustered at the worst of times.

simon riley with a virgin!gf thought the reason he worked you up so much and so often was to get you begging for it, but was proven terribly wrong when he finally broke through your reserve and even he couldn't believe the words that came so surely from his mouth.

"not yet, baby. wanna make sure you're ready for me when the time comes, otherwise you’ll end up hurtin’ yourself."

simon riley with a virgin!gf adores watching you touch yourself. whether it be from right by your side as he guides you along, or from the entrance to your bedroom as you missed his texts telling you he’d be home early. he just loves to see you struggling to finish, getting all frustrated and embarrassed when you can’t do it yourself, prompting him to reassure you that everything’s alright before he’s taking over.

simon riley with a virgin!gf allows you to use his thigh or abs to get off only when you really need it badly, which you'll need to be in tears to prove most often. it's cruel, maybe, but reticence is necessary.

simon riley with a virgin!gf will urge you on as you rub your clothed cunt against his flexed muscles, even grabbing your hips to help you finish when you lose energy and begin to slow your movements. laughs when he bounces his leg to make you lose balance and yelp, but pouts in sympathy when you whine 'cause he ruined your high.

simon riley with a virgin!gf never lets you use his crotch to get off, though, as he can't promise his own restraint after a certain amount of your whines. it's the only time the soldier feels grossly weak, and you could never seem to figure out why it’d be such a bad thing.

simon riley with a virgin!gf gives you his mouth at most, and that's only after weeks of your pining and pleading for the next step. he just had to taste you before he went mad, but nothing more. he adores your innocence far too much to take it away it so soon.

the first time simon riley eats you out is nothing short of a warm mess. he tries to take his time—and he did, bringing out every word of praise in his vocabulary as you gradually got more comfortable—but once he started with the real thing, he couldn't hold himself back.

his thick and hot tongue laps at your pussy as his eyes quickly turn dazed, big inked arms wrapped around your soft thighs to hold your sensitive frame down. you can't tell that he's just slightly grinding himself down on the bed since you're instantly entranced in watching him show you what you've been missing out on for so long.

you don't notice how severely his cock strains in his pants with your mind only able to focus on the knot in your stomach, and how pretty he looks with a slick-covered stubble and drunken smirk. he makes you come on his tongue once before the moment is quickly cut short, your blissful whimpers and raw taste driving him to mutter a sharp swear under his breath and abandon you for the restroom.

you're left on the bed alone, distraught and worried you'd done something wrong, completely unaware to the fact he's fisting his cock with gritted teeth and an unruly pace only a door away.

heavy breathing filling the space, his mind running on all the possibilities for how he could just take you right now, apologize for everything. christ, he should just give you what you want and his poor cock throbs at the prospect, but what kind of man would he be?

he bites his tongue, muffles his groans, and spills himself in his palm with clenched eyelids and fists. absolutely shameful, but bound to happen. you hear the sink run for a moment before he's returning without a single trace or reason for his disappearance. he reads the guilt on your face and soothes you with a kiss to the forehead.

"sorry for the wait, lovie. wasn't very fair of me to leave you like this, now, was it?" and you can only shake your head, tears spilling over.

and finally, simon riley with a virgin!gf who will spend the rest of his day making things up to you: resuming his services with a newfound patience, showing you all the best ways to touch yourself for when he's not there- or for when he is there, because as he reminds you often, he won't be able to take his sweet girl's virginity for a long, long time. for your own sake, of course <3