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[harleycakes]

Me: “You see that bumper sticker? You know how Michigan has two parts? People from the upper part are called Yoopers-“

8yo: “What are people from the BOTTOM called? POOPERS?”

*Everyone dies of laughter*

(My apologies to everyone in our 26th state)

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wish customer service jobs operated w video game standards, so a customer would come up to me and i’d say “greetings traveler! looking to trade?” and they’d only had 4 options for their response 

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American Girl stories were the best tbh

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me at 2.37am: okay guess i’ll go to bed at 3

the rational part of my brain: why not right now 

me: logical arguments will only be heard at half and full hours, sorry

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No one:

Pavi: Pavi gets laid!

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my tiny human body isn’t big enough to hold all the love that’s inside me and that’s why i’m always crying

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i need to swim in a clear cold stream and then lie down on a big warm rock in the sun to dry this is non-negotiable

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[harleycakes]

I recently had a “Fuck it, I’m confident in my shooting ability” moment and came out to a bunch of my semi-conservative co-workers at a BBQ (I work for a rural fire department), And one of them started to awkwardly scoot away from me, so I said “Don’t worry dude, you’re not my type, I’m only interested in attractive men”. All of my other coworkers started laughing at the dude I said it to and a couple of them complimented me on my comeback.

The moral of the story is, When you come out to a new group of People, target the first person to look uncomfortable and roast them into oblivion.

[harleycakes]

art by Tara Nareshwar

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An absolute fucking QUEEN!!!

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Maybe all the twentysomethings are obsessed with cartoons because all the “adult” shows show the same traumas, frustrations, and anxieties we already have to deal with 24/7.

Sometimes you just wanna watch a princess of power or a magical alien child do fancy magic stuff in a lower-stakes world where you can be reasonably sure you won’t be subjected to depictions of extreme violence, gore, assault, and sex without warning, ya dig?

[harleycakes]

most relatable melodramatic fox mulder moment was when scully walked in on him sitting in the dark and was like “what are you thinking about” and he said “oh, the usual. destiny, fate, how to throw a curve ball. the inextricable relationships in our lives that are neither accidental nor somehow in our control, either”…………. he gets it

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i learned that there was an early 1900s act named “Sober Sue”, who’s draw was she never smiled. A theater offered $1000 to any one who could make her laugh, attracting big comedians. Crowds came out to watch them try, and fail, giving them a free show. Later it came out that Sue suffered from facial paralysis (x)

[harleycakes]