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harriesholla · 12 years ago

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Leap Before You Look || Chapter 8

A/N: IT'S HERE. IT IS FINALLY HERE. I don't really have much to say about this chapter, it pretty much speaks for itself ;) Enjoy! Feedback, likes, and follows are always appreciated, but not necessary! You being an audience is enough for me. Hope you guys like it.

When the rays of morning sunshine hit Lottie's eyelids, she was relieved to be greeted by such a sight. Lottie had feared that she would never be able to sleep, with the recurring nightmare of a memory at her heels and the chills still stuck in her skin.

"You awake, Lottie?" Her mother whispered from the bedroom door, creaking it open.

Lottie turned from the window to face her mom, who already had the worried crease in her forehead she had been so used to seeing back when her Panic Attacks were more frequent. "Yup, just woke up actually."

"I'm sorry, I woke you up." she gave a worried expression. "I made breakfast before I go to work, did you want to come down and eat with me?"

Lottie knew the tone of pity in a voice when she heard it, and in that moment her mom was drowning in it. Though she knew it was all in her head, that her mom only spoke this way to care for her, Loretta was tired of that sound all together.

Before she could make a sarcastic remark, Loretta bit her tongue and decided otherwise. This was her mom, not a kid in the classroom who pretended to know more about her than herself. To speak ungratefully would be a huge amount of disrespect.

"Sure thing, I'll be down in a few" Loretta nodded. When her mother smiled, she closed the door and headed down the stairs. The girl then sighed, knowing that this sort of tension would not go away for a good 2 weeks. Her mom took many precautions when it came to her anxiety. She knew that Loretta was triggered easily after a relapse, and this one especially had hit her hard. Not one of her friends knew about the relapse, and she would make sure to keep it as tucked in and hidden as she could.

Her anxiety was the rope tying her back, and all she wanted to do was untie it.

With a lazy effort, Loretta got up from bed, trudging along into the bathroom to be greeted by messy bed hair and tired eyes. Despite everything worth frowning about Loretta let out a small chuckle. Many things in her life could change, but her terrible bed head in the morning never would.

When she had done her business and fixed up the hair, Loretta made her way down stairs to be greeted by the wonderful smell of bacon and eggs, her simple but favorite breakfast meal.

She kissed her mom on the cheek before grabbing a plate. "My favorite, thanks, Mama" Loretta smiled warmly to her already tired looking mother, hoping to get her to smile as well.

It worked, and Felicia grinned. "No prob, Lottie" Loretta then picked a piece of bacon up from the plate and her mom's grin dropped. "Aw c'mon, don't go rubbing up your fingers all over the food."

"Mom, the only person I share this food is with you, and we're related." Loretta laughed, filling up her plate with strips of bacon.

"Yeah, but you're pretty nasty, so I'd like to keep as many germs on your hands and not in my mouth." Felicia joked, "Oh, seriously though grab a fork or something you've got greasy fingers now."

Loretta laughed. "All right, all right."

As they both settled down into a comfortable silence, Loretta's mom sat back and observed her daughter for a while. The young girl was a fighter, she had known that for years, but to relapse and act as if nothing happened at all? She knew her daughter was more scared than she let on. "So, that date with you and Finn, is it still going on tonight?"

Lottie looked up to her mother then sighed. "Of course, I just hope it isn't somewhere crowded. Or with people yelling a lot."

Felicia tilted her head, considering what she had said. "Well, you know if you really like this boy you're going to have to tell him about this at some point."

"I know, Mom. It's just...It's embarrassing." Lottie placed her fork down, glancing at her mom. "Yeah, you're afraid of heights? I have a triggering memory from my high school years that causes me to have a disastrous panic attack every time someone yells at another person."

Her mom stared in silence, and Loretta concluded. "Like I said, it's embarrassing."

Loretta's mom waited a few beats, then responded in a gentle tone, "You know, Lottie, everyone has their own baggage. If he really cares about you, truly, he'll learn to accept it. If he doesn't, well, screw him. Okay, don't actually screw him, I meant forget him." She added hastily.

Loretta laughed. "All right, Mom."

She then smiled, pulling her daughter into a hug. "I love you. And I'll always be here for you at the end of the day, don't forget that okay?"

Lottie nodded. "Of course, love you too, Ma."

_____________________

She couldn't sit still. No matter how hard Lottie tried, she was fiddling with her bracelet, switching out of jackets, tying her shoelaces again and again, basically doing anything to keep her distracted from what was going on.

A date. A date with not just anyone, but Finn Harries, a man she had been admiring for so long but never had the guts to meet up with and talk to, after all the things she was worrying about, he was the priority right now.

Would he think she talked too much? Fixed her hair too often? Cross and uncross her legs every two seconds? Try too hard?

It was all swirling in her mind. So many things could go wrong, so many things. Maybe it was a better idea to cancel, play it safe and just stay home the night. She was still recovering, what was she doing going on a date a day after a panic attack anyway? It was all a big mista-

A knock was heard from the door.

Lottie's head snapped in the direction of the sound, taking a shaky breath. She walked by the mirror and once again messed around with her wavy hair, hoping to get some sort of hairstyle on her that didn't make her look like she had severe bedhead.

Lottie was the at the door, and with one final smoothing out of her outfit, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Well, no turning back now.

Her breath came out ragged as her eyes beheld his presence. He looked so handsome, with his casual but fitting for the occasion outfit, breathtaking smile, and shy but charming attitude, she was taken aback. Her heart was already pacing faster.

"Hi," was all he could get out. "You look absolutely stunning," he murmured, eyes doing a subtle once over of her body.

Loretta blushed, knowing he liked what he saw. She gave a breathy laugh and replied, "I could say the same. You're looking quite fresh, Harries," she smiled.

Finn laughed. "Oh, you know," was all he seemed to say. Lottie laughed along with him. "So, um, you ready to head out?"

Loretta nodded. "Let's do this," she urged Finn on as they began walking down the pathway from her house.

"I hope you don't mind, I just planned on us going on a walk today around the park. Is that okay with you?" he asked, letting her into his car.

Loretta settled in her seat and faked disappointment. "No Finn, it's not okay with me." when he stared at her in a nervous and alarmed state, Lottie began laughing. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Of course it's fine with me."

Finn heaved a sigh of relief, taking the driver's seat. "Oh thank God, I don't know what I'd do if you meant it."

She giggled at his shaky laugh. It was a relief to know that he was as nervous as she was for this.

The car pulled out of her driveway, and off they went.

Silence took it upon itself to be seated in between the two at that moment, creating an obvious atmosphere of conversation being avoided.

Finn decided to send the silence off on its way by speaking up. "So, since I'm not quite accustomed to the LA area, I might need your help from time to time. You know, finding places, dealing with locals, certain slang, finding places, dealing with people driving on the otherside of the car, finding places. You know, finding places."

Lottie laughed. "So finding places?"

"Finding places." he grinned, turning to face her from the wheel.

Their eyes met and she gave a breathy laugh. "This, uh, this car. Isn't it Tyler's?" She asked, kicking herself in the face mentally for ruining a what could have been serious moment.

Finn's gaze averted from hers as he checked back on the road, then looking around. "Yeah, he let me borrow it since I didn't want to take you around in a taxi and stuff. He tossed me the keys when I was leaving and said have fun, but he had a really mischievous smirk on his face. I don't know, maybe it was just me." he shrugged.

As Finn was talking Lottie remembered that at one point she had left some eyeliner in Tyler's car. Feeling the need to occupy her fidgety hands with some sort of activity in the time being she searched for the makeup item.

It wasn't in the cup holder, or the pocket area at the bottom of the car door, so she assumed it would be in the glove compartment. Lottie then reached over to the glove compartment, opened it up, and was shocked to see what she was seeing fall out of the holder.

Guess what it is. Go on, take a gander.

Yes, you guessed it. A condom.

It was glaringly obvious as it landed on her thighs, as if neon lights had an arrow pointing down to it, signaling Finn to look over as well.

Lottie's face was flushed as she gaped at the object in surprise. "I think this is what Tyler was smiling about."

Finn looked over. "Oh god," his eyes widened upon realization of what was on Lottie's lap. There was a note attached to it as well, and before Finn could do anything Lottie began to read aloud.

FINNY,

You probably won't need this tonight (you better not be needing this tonight!) but y'know, at any point if you feel the need to, it's right here for you, buddy. Don't say I never did anything for you. But if I get into my car the next day and see stains that shouldn't be there I will personally kick your fine ass all the way back to London.

Have fun!

Tyler O.

P.S. If Lottie sees this before you I think I'll actually be screaming of laughter. If you're reading this right now then HI LOTTIE. DON'T GET FREAKY JUST YET GIRL.

Both Finn and Lottie were in tears laughing, using it as a defense mechanism to hide their obvious discomfort as to what the condom symbolized.

"I'll just be putting this away now," Lottie spoke, doing so and tucking the condom safely back into its rightful spot.

"I can't believe he did that." Finn shook his head, wiping tears from his eyes from the laughter.

"I gotta hand it to Tyler, though," Lottie nodded. "That was a perfect icebreaker."

They both then glanced over to each other and shared another small laugh before arriving at the street closest to the park.

Finn parked the car and took the key out of the ignition, his full attention on Lottie now. "You ready?" he asked.

Her once cleared mind began to fog when she noticed crowds around the area. It was building up, too big for an afternoon transitioning into night. What was the buildup?

She unknowingly began to breathe a faster pace, and a worried expression flashed across Finn's face. "Hey, Lottie, is everything okay?"

Her mind was exploding with so many thoughts, she couldn't focus on one. Her gaze was shifting around, she was sure to God that this date was a terrible idea, but suddenly her eyes met his, and the crowd was silenced.

His eyes were the ship going against the current that was her mind, willing her to move forward and fight off the force. He was the calming rain after a storm, and suddenly she felt like she was breathing in fresh rain air. She could do this. He was there, everything would be fine.

"Yeah, sorry, it just got a little hard to breathe for a second there," she lamely tossed out the excuse. "I'm ready, let's go."

"You sure?" Finn asked, worried gaze still fixed upon her.

Loretta smiled faintly. She reached out a now steady hand, and placed it on top of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure."

And with that, Finn nodded, getting out of the car faster then she could even notice that he was gone and coming up on the other side to open the door for her. Loretta was pleasantly surprised. "Whoever said chivalry was dead?" she joked.

"A bunch of liars they were," Finn grinned. He put out his elbow for her to hook on to. "Shall we?"

Lottie nodded, wrapping her arm around his. "We shall, Sir Finnegan."

____________________

"I'm not kidding it was a great idea!" Finn shouted.

"Oh yeah, like shoving your brother off that trampoline when you were younger was a great idea?" Lottie tossed back, laughing when he looked down at the grass, ashamed.

There was a picnic set up for the both of them as they ended their stroll. It had a perfect view of the sunset passing through the trees, casting a warm orange glow over the two as they enjoyed it.

"Yeah, that scar on Jack's head won't let me forget it." He chuckled nervously.

"You're terrible," Lottie laughed.

"Well all right, Miss Perfect, you talk like you've never done something as stupid as that in your life, which I highly doubt. So, humor me." Finn challenged.

She grinned. "Well, while the title Miss Perfect is very flattering, you're correct in assuming I'm not above you. So, yes, I will humor you." She replied matter-of-factly, turning from her sitting position next to him to meet his gaze.

"When I was in the 2nd grade there was this boy, Damian was his name. I caught him climbing the fence during Recess, and being the goody two-shoes you say I am, I ran up to him asking what he was doing. Damian then shouted back 'getting away from you!' and for some reason, it annoyed me so much that I grabbed onto his ankles and yanked him back onto the ground. Unfortunately for Damian, he landed at an awkward angle and ended up breaking his arm, so yeah, that's how I broke another person's bones one time." Loretta spoke nonchalantly, as if it was a everyday thing to be breaking bones.

Finn laughed. "Okay, the title of Miss Perfect is dropped."

Loretta grinned. "Good, it didn't suit me anyway." And when the memory tucked all the way in the back of her mind began scratching its way forward, she knew that the title really didn't fit her.

"Nobody's perfect, Lottie" Finn shrugged. He then smiled shyly, looking away from her as he hesitated to continue. But when he met he gaze her murmured softly, "But if I'm going to be completely honest, I think you're the closest to perfection I've ever been to in my life."

Lottie was at a loss of words. Not once had anyone ever said this to her. She smiled and let out a shaky laugh, looking down at the ground. "You're just saying that."

Finn then replied urgently, "No, I'm not. I'd never say anything just for the sake of saying something to you, Lottie. I never take every chance I get to talk to you for granted. You seem like a really great girl, and I feel like we have something good, and the last thing I wanna do is ruin it by lying to you." He then gently placed a hand on her chin, tilting her head to meet his. "Please believe me when I tell you this: I have legitimately never felt as nervous and happy and giddy and just plain out affectionate for someone as I do around you. I care about you, a lot actually. I really do."

Lottie was once again at a loss of words. "Finn," she began, sighing affectionately as she leaned into the palm of his hand.

"You don't have to say as much as I do, I wouldn't want to force you into doing it." He shrugged. "I just wanted you to walk into this knowing that that's how I feel. Because to be quite honest I was crap at showing it the first time we met." He chuckled to himself before continuing, "And I think I'm making up for lost time now."

It seemed that Finn's name was the only vocabulary word that Lottie knew how to say, since she repeated once again, "Finn," in a choked tone, fogged up by the crippling feelings of love and adoration seeping through Loretta's body with every word he spoke.

She couldn't take it anymore, his eyes sparkled as he quietly stared into hers, a faint smile etched on his soft lips, at least she thought they were soft. Only one way to find out, right?

Loretta closed the gap between them, lips locking and moving slowly against one another, almost as if something was stirring and coming to life in the both of them. She was right, his lips were soft.

They then pulled away, and Lottie bit her lip, feeling an aching need for him to return to her.

Finn's clouded gaze saw Lottie bite her lip, and he took in a shallow breath. "That's really tempting you know?"

"What is?" Lottie asked, confused.

"This," he murmured, running a thumb along the skin being pulled at by her teeth.

Lottie mustered up her bravery to deliver her response, "So, what do you plan on doing about it?"

Finn smirked. "You're quite the cheeky girl, aren't you?"

And with that, he returned to her, kissing her once again.

____________________________

The car pulled into Lottie's driveway, and Finn got out of the car himself and once again opened the door for Lottie. "After you, m'lady," he smiled, taking her hand as she stepped out.

"Still the gentleman." Lottie smiled warmly, arms gently swaying as their hands were connected, both walking down the pathway leading up to her house.

Thankfully, Felicia wasn't home. So when they reached the porch Lottie and Finn shared one last quick, this one soft and more gentle than the first two, serving as the goodbye they couldn't express in words.

"When can I see you again?" Finn asked, fiddling with a stray strand of hair hanging around the frame of her face.

"Whenever you want to," Lottie breathed, making Finn smile.

"I'll think of something for us to do first, then I'll call you up. How does that sound, babe?" he asked, a hopeful expression on his face.

"Yeah, doesn't really work for me." Lottie shrugged.

Finn had the alarmed look on his face again, and she cracked up. "Just kidding!"

Finn gasped a relieving laugh. "You've gotta stop doing that."

Lottie smiled. "Nah, it's too much fun to see you get so flustered over things."

Finn shook his head, smiling down at her. "You're impossible." He then gave her a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you soon, all right?"

"All righty, sounds good." Lottie mumbled, shyly giving a smile.

He then pulled her into a hug, and when they pulled a part he kissed her on the forehead affectionately, then making his way over to Tyler's car.

"Oh, Finn, one more thing!" Lottie called out as he was getting into the car.

He looked up, "Yes?"

Lottie then smirked. "Tell Tyler that the next time I see him I'm gonna slap him in the face so hard his mom will feel it."

Finn laughed. "Will do, Babe. I'll be sure to add on to the threat as well.

They both laughed, saying a final goodbye before Finn got into the car and drove off.

Lottie was left standing on the porch still, in a daze.

She remembered her worries from the morning, and it seemed like light years ago. Everything was in place, and she didn't have a worry in the world.

Things were finally starting to look up.

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