hashtagssdgm - Tumblr blog

[hashtagssdgm]

[hashtagssdgm]

[hashtagssdgm]

"This story is a tragedy because it didn't have to end this way."

vs

"This story is a tragedy because it was always going to end this way."

[hashtagssdgm]

Jean-Paul Sartre, No Exit (tr. by Stuart Gilbert & Lionel Abel), 1947

[hashtagssdgm]

the disrespect

can’t believe it ended in just a month. I really dislike your friends and you can’t seem to understand that. their mouth is so… whacked. and I’m so disappointed in you that you’re hanging with this kind of people. to the point I am fucking someone? that’s a messed up disrespect.

what shocked me more is you asking me to reflect on my behaviour when I showed you proofs that I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’m so proud of myself for initiating to end things. to end the disrespect, to not be in such a relationship where I’m always being looked down.

love is not supposed to be this chaotic. your friends play a part and you should know that. somehow I always feel so stressed in this relationship and it’s sad.

I’m proud of myself to know although I can’t control strangers mouth, at least my friends trust that I’m not like how you portrayed me, how you formed a bias against me. you don’t know me, haiqal. you never do.

[hashtagssdgm]

I heal

life is crazy, it’s never constant and it’s always up and down but I feel contented with how life is even tho I’m going thru life alone right now. things don’t work out and it’s okay, at least I know what I want right?

feeling inspired ever since 24 march 2023. 3 adults hanging out at changi beach late at night during fasting month, talking about anything and everything and I decided to tell them about my plan - to start a business. I’ve always wanted to start a business but I don’t know how and what. they both already had a plan in mind; 1 wanted to have his own clothing brand and the other wanted to open a lasagna stall. then there’s me wondering what should I even do till I work at gaosyp (shoutout to them for making me feel inspired). I don’t know how it’ll be and I still want to pursue my childhood dream but He knows best and I hope he’ll make me into a successful independent humble woman. I really want to be one and I know I have good intentions. hoping all will turn out well because I know I deserve it after suffering so much. I don’t know how I am still alive but I know I’m a strong warrior so lets fucking go.

[hashtagssdgm]

empty feeling

I've been feeling very empty the past few days and I don't know how to get rid of this feeling. I've always wanted to journal physically but I don't have a safe space to do so. maybe I should do my art again and express my feelings thru it. this feeling sucks.

[hashtagssdgm]

may our favorite people never turn into strangers

[hashtagssdgm]

naked truth

I was worried that being in a relationship would add to my responsibilities. that’s why I’ve avoided them my whole life. I already have enough on my plate, and seeing the stress my parents’ marriage seemed to cause them, I wanted no part in something like that.

I learned a new word that represents me; stonewall. A silent relationship killer and I don’t know how to stop this. It’s so suffocating.

[hashtagssdgm]

How are we doing today ladies. Are we still losing it. Are we going completely insane

[hashtagssdgm]

[hashtagssdgm]

months after

hello tumblr and hello December. it's already the end of year, how fast time flies. I'm on my bed right now and it's 1.32am. life have been so crazy, so many ups and downs and I don't know how to feel hence why I'm here. looked back at my previous post and it still hurts I'm still not living my dream job - well I haven't even try it yet because I'm still going for my monthly treatment. every month, my money just fly away, sigh but beauty is expensive right? I'm in the financial/sale industry right now and alhamdulillah, I've been doing quite well. hitting fastback elite in a month+ and now hitting QCE soon within 3 months+, wow. I myself am amazed. not to forget, all thanks to my clients who trusted me. but I'm still scared I won't do well or I'll run out of clients... meh. after I quit my previous job, I feel SO MUCH happier. my first year in school and I signed up for gym. I have time for myself, at least more than how it was and I am so glad I left.

and...

I met a boy. his name is Haiqal and we've been talking since May. well he tried to hit me up on April 17 but I didn't entertain. then he tried again on May 7 that's when we started talking. I wasn't really interested in him cause I was talking to a lot of guys but it was on our 2nd date on July 31 to the museum, doing TikTok and not finding a cab with both our phones low in batt that made me feel like I had a really fun day with him. we're now actually arguing but I'm here typing about how I feel about him. it took an argument where he said we should stop talking for me to realise that I do actually like him. it took a heart pain for me to realise that I really liked him and so I went to his place to apologise because it is really my fault. we decided to make it exclusive on October.

I don't know if I'm scared to be with him or I'm just building up a huge wall because I still don't trust him fully. I trust myself but I don't trust myself that I can handle my emotions well when it comes to relationship arguments. I don't want to be like my mum and that's my ongoing goals. I don't want to be overprotective and I just want to be someone confident with my relationship but I'm still working on it. I'm trying to not be who I was but it's so hard. I don't want to hurt him but it feels like I'm hurting him.

and I feel like how he is as a person is hurting me too. I do feel unloved, I know it's good that he doesn't feel jealous with whoever I hang out with but it's nice if I know my partner is a little bit jealous - to know that he cares. but how do I even know he cares when everything to him is fine? sigh.

both my best friends are in overseas and I have no one to share my problems with physically :( also, my brother just got married last Saturday and I cried like a baby 4 times, oh god... and we are not even close but it felt like I lost a brother when he's married. we went thru a lot and I am genuinely happy for him. my parents didn't even come which is one of the reasons why I cried because when it's my own wedding, it means they likely won't come to. I just wish my brothers and I had the siblings bonds when we were younger. I just wish for now my eldest bro wouldn't leave me alone to die in this shithole. it hurts but I'm happy for him :-)

[hashtagssdgm]

[hashtagssdgm]

[hashtagssdgm]

thinking about “you haven’t met all the people who will love you” and like!!! you also haven’t found all the things that will make you happy!!!! there will always be new authors and musicians and artists whose work you will one day discover and love!!!! there will always be new hobbies and skills for you to learn and feel fulfilled by!!! there will always be new things around the corner that will bring sudden and unexpected happiness!!!!!!!!!!!

[hashtagssdgm]

[hashtagssdgm]

maybe if i get hugged and kissed on the forehead, ill calm down