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why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.

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i let him hit cause. uh. well i’m gonna be honest it’s cause i fucked up my parry timing

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you have to be able to defend people who are receiving unjust treatment even if they annoy you even if you personally find them extremely annoying you still have to be able to stand up and say "well thats fucked up"

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pee

part 2 tomorrow

on the edge of my seat

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arrival (2016) is such a good movie because it turns the typical alien invasion story on its head. at the beginning, ian quotes louise, saying, "words are always the first weapon drawn in war" and it reinforces the idea that this is a war story, an invasion. and then the aliens insist that they are giving the humans a weapon. only, it's not a weapon. it's a gift. and we think that louise's daughter is already dead. she's not. they gave her the gift of knowing her future. and we don't see hannah die, because it's already happened even before she is born. and louise knows. she knows how it ends. and still, "despite knowing the journey and where it leads, i embrace it. and i welcome every moment of it."

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odysseus absolutely does present a threat to penelope if he perceives her as at all unfaithful, and i feel the unfairness of this, and i think people tend to undersell how much tension at least potentially exists between odysseus and penelope. but i'm also like. his reaction, all speculation aside, his actual reaction in the odyssey to her flirting with the suitors is delight, because he immediately ascertains that she is running a con. sorry that they're so in-sync in spite of the forces that try to drive a wedge between them, including their own misgiving hearts. sorry that they invented homophrosyne ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

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Ah these children who always create problems for poor mothers....

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something vindictive but ultimately harmless I do at work is that if you’re at my register and you’re rude to me and you pay with cash I am finding the most disgusting desolate fucked up unspeakable coin I can to give to you. oh you were mean to me? you’re getting the yucky nickel bitch

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so what do u think about plays

i like how in a theatre time and space are necessarily metaphorical. i don’t like how plays always have to begin with someone walking onstage and talking. too many directors try to work around this by having someone walk onstage and brood in silence for a moment before talking. this is worse. 

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Spin this wheel first and then this wheel second to generate the title of a YA fantasy novel!

(If the second wheel lands on an option ending with a plus sign, spin it again)

Share what you got!

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You can and should write fanfiction that isn't perfect. You can and should write whatever fanfiction you want. You can and should write fanfiction that brings you joy even if it's silly or goofy or weird.

Except for me. My fanfic has to be perfect and read like a novel and ruin at least one person's sleep schedule.

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victorian trans guy who goes to beloved local barber sweeney todd and presses half a crown in his hand and says “begging your pardon sir, i know it ain’t much but i was hoping you might tell my employer i get me shaves from you should he ever come around. only he’s been asking me how i keep my chin so smooth and i haven’t the heart to tell him i can’t grow a beard, so i might have told him a little lie, sir, and said it’s all due to your wonderful skill, sir” and sweeney todd goes “no problem. by the way would you say your employer deserves to die”

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i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

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astonishing how good it can feel to get some chores done sometimes. you’ll be sitting there like damn i am some type of horrid little smeagol like creature who should be crushed to death. but then you do some laundry and you’re like wrow. im actually gods most fuckable soldier.

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i love it when you accidentally meet eyes with a stranger in public and you flash a quick polite smile and they look at you like they wish you were dead in a ditch