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my top 5 scariest/creepiest British children’s stories

because honestly? British kids’ media goes way darker than in the U.S.* These are my top pick of the excellent-if-disturbing stories that traumatised little me. 

5 - Doctor Who. Thought I’d start with the one people will know the most about. DW isn’t always scary, but when it goes creepy it goes creepy. Episodes that always unnerve me are Silence in the Library (always a classic),The Waters of Mars, and especially Midnight. This one’s good for when you want to be disquieted, but still enjoy yourself. [Usually.]

4 - Coraline. Another well-known one, it may surprise you to learn that the book is both is both British and even creepier than the film. Really a classic for kid power, and a fairytale for the modern age. [And you thought bread dough couldn’t be creepy.]

3 - Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids. Now we’re getting into the ones you might not have heard of and... I mean, it’s all in the name. This is just an anthology of the terrifying and horrific deaths of various British children. Yup, not many happy endings here. The happiest ending I can remember is a little girl murdering her abusive older sister. Fun times. Some episodes aren’t as creepy as the others, but the best of the best outdo even Coraline, and that’s saying something. [If you want a go-to episode, Mr. Peeler’s Butterflies is truly excellent. To be honest, though, not all of the series has aged well. The ableism is subtle, but it’s there.]

2 - Thomas the Tank Engine. Either you’ll find this one surprising or you won’t. Thomas has a fairly niche internet reputation for being full to the brim with horror, a lot of which won’t quite hit until you’re opening the fridge for a snack. Of course, some of it is as upfront as any horror film, and the jarringly strange visuals as well as the jarringly strange knowledge that the narrator is Ringo Starr definitely make this one a probably-written-by-an-eldritch-god kind of deal. This episode is somewhat famous for essentially being a retelling of an Edgar Allen-Poe story, but that’s pretty tame compared to some of Thomas’ other stories. [”I think he deserved his punishment, don’t you?”]

Before we get to number one, I thought I’d do some honourable mentions: the 1954 film adaptation of Animal Farm. I don’t remember it in incredible detail, since I was so young when I watched it, but there are parts that have been branded into my brain. The only reason this isn’t on the list is because, though I watched it as a kid, I’m not really sure this allegory for The Russian Revolution and Soviet Union really counts as a kid’s film.

My second honourable mention is the 1991/1992 short film The Sandman. The reason this isn’t on the list is because... I didn’t think of it until just now and I’m too tired to redo this wholeass post. It would definitely be high up on the list though, because it’s excellent. Do yourself a favour and watch it here. 

And finally, number one....

1 - Watership Down (1978). This is a hand-drawn animated film about a group of rabbits migrating across rural England in search for a new home, U rated (that’s the British equivalent of G rated) and family friendly. Oh, what an adorable premise! 

*cue hysterical laughter*. No. That is. No. Just. No. 

Watership Down is so unutterably terrifying that, while it is a masterpiece of a film, I would wholeheartedly recommend people with relevant triggers against watching it. Ever. Now, thing is, I’m biased. Given that its rated “suitable for all”, my grandparents thought it’d be a lovely thing for me to watch as a kid. Around age 5 or 6 or possibly even younger. Alone. In the dark. Right before going to bed. It’s a cartoon about bunnies after all- what could go wrong?

Hoooo boy. To anyone who’s watched it and says it isn’t scary, just know you didn’t watch it like I did. Fear factor will always be subjective, but I doubt there is a child on this earth who wouldn’t be disturbed by it. If time travel were real and you could go back to being a 5 year old to watch it alone and in the dark, I would beg you not to. Because I would rather leave my point unproven than be responsible for that kind of trauma in anyone else.

And anyone who’s sceptical (and doesn’t mind a little bit of a spoiler- nothing that’d ruin the film) I’ve put a quote from TVtropes under the cut that I think gives a good base for understanding just how much this film scarred me as a kid. Do I recommend watching it? Yes. It’s an incredible film. But no one deserves to go into an ordeal like that unprepared. If you don’t find it scary (and not everyone will), just remind yourself that this is a kids’ film. (According to the official website, U rating is suitable for everyone, but recommended for kid’s aged around 4 and up). So... keep that in mind.

For the TVtropes quote, they discuss a sequence of (faithful to the original novel) “cute bunnies clawing out the throats of other cute bunnies as they all slowly suffocate.”

No, they’re not exaggerating, and neither am I when I say that the above quote is an understatement.

[have-i-written-a-book-yet]

bringing this blog back bc i have so many ideas yeet. currently writing so much stuff including but not limited to: the most disturbing kids story i can manage, and the most terrifying kids story i can manage but this ones about hedgehogs