haveanicespring - Tumblr blog

haveanicespring · 4 years

Text

Let me tell you what have been happen this time round. The COVID-19 pandemic outbreak. Basically based on my brief research, the COVID-19 virus is a new virus linked to the same family of viruses as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS) and some types of common cold. Like stated before, it's a pandemic. People from around the world has been affected and chaos couldn't be hold anymore. Thousands died, thousands more infected, countries lockdown, economic suffered, tourism dying, stay at home mandate, panic buying, people live in fear, postponed olympic, and so on. There are many more things happening right now. It's like revolution of a new way of living for human being (ofc this one is from conspiracy point of view). Jump to my point, during this crisis, I stay at home almost all the time (bcs it's mandatory). I got some times to think and reflect such many things, from small to the big one, simplest to the complex one. Almost everything about my life. This post is such a one of the manifestation of my thinking activity.

It's been years since I started to like kpop. Well I'm here not to tell how I encountered it, so I'll skip that part. During those years, I couldn't say that I was fully in the mood of liking it all the time. It was ups and down. But for some recent years, I realized that I fell for it deeper than I could imagine I would be. It came to the point not only liking, more than that, it became obsessed. Kpop things successfully took over a half of me and create another me with another world that sometimes I couldn't differentiate which one is the real me and my real world. But to be honest, besides stealing me from me, it gave my stomach butterflies too many times. A healer and a hideout sometimes, which was why I dived into it till I'm lost. In this bored, uncertain, and worrying situation where I can take my time for me, I ask myself the same question I've been asking for the past few years. "Is someone in my body is really me? If it really is, then why I feel like I don't recognize it anymore? Why it isn't like me?" I try to evaluate where and when I started to feel this way. Surprisingly, even I don't know where this thought came from, I draw a hypthesis that this all happened since and because I liked Kpop too much. Well I couldn't give explanation, reasoning, or evidence to prove it but that's what my intinct said. I may be happen just playing victim by throwing all the blame to kpop and labeled it as a suspect factor. I don't know, maybe I am.

My long time "during crisis" thinking drive me to the decision to starting a change. To find the real me. To fill my body with my true soul. And I think eliminate one suspect factor can be one first solving step that I should take. So here I am. Starting today trying to give some spaces from Kpop, quarantine myself for uncertain times, lockdown all the things about it, hope it will be a success. As a run away, I started to read books, watch something knowledge related, and doing such a meaningful activities. I'll give some updates. I'm sorry I need to go to bed, can't handle this tiredness of thinking. Bye.

0 notes