haven1000

[haven1000]

"The ground feels more solid, my conscience feels clean and there is emotional serenity more often. The joy of living is starting to return to me. I was so anxious before, but I feel an inner strength that's allowing me to relax a bit more. I feel less rushed as now I'm more concerned with laying a solid foundation and living well."

[haven1000]

"You can't save your relationship by not growing."

[haven1000]

"I'm doing the best I can."

[haven1000]

"Sherry said what hurts is the self condemnation not the grief."

[haven1000]

Dragons

"I'd rather face dragons then let them come up and eat me unaware."

[haven1000]

I need to grow up and take on more responsibility.

[haven1000]

02/05/21: "Thank God for meditation. Food is being prepared at the moment, grateful for the sous vide experience and now sweet potatoes are being made. Some grocery shopping to make some fancy mac tonight. Going to go through the emotion coaching course. Basically, I may have cleared the stack, but I want to prepare so I can hold space for Carol once she's done with studying for exams. Gloria In Excelsis Deo."

[haven1000]

Commitment comes first.

[haven1000]

New Fire

"Today was a mixed bag sort of day. One post and then bed. I'll keep it brief. I feel like I need greater focus, discipline, wisdom, skill, humility. Okay time for bed. I can do this. I think it's time I bring the best of what I can do."

[haven1000]

"You must be open to talking about and discussing things. Never let that stop. You need to communicate with each other about everything that's of any importance at all. Don't just settle down and say, 'Well, I'm married now. He's mine or she's mine, so I don't have to worry about talking.' Communication is a central part of any type of relationship, but it's most important in marriage, because you become so dependent on each other and you've been through so much together.

You can pretty much say the way you really feel; that's the best thing about marriage. Your husband or your wife knows you so well that there's a freedom of expression that's absent in most every other relationship. ANd the intimacy of knowledge between you can make just the act of talking a wonderful thing. Don't ever let communication dry up, because it truly keeps your marriage alive." - Federico, 83, married 60 years

[haven1000]

Not Abandoning Myself

"I saw it today. How she's fine. How she's happy. How there's no insecurity looming over her. And I felt it in me. It's just how it was at that moment. No recrimination. I'm glad it didn't take away from my happiness since I was able to genuinely smile at the reality of her company. But this- whatever you call it - that I carry. I desire and pray for healing. Now that I'm home, temptations come up, but I won't now that I realize that I won't abandon myself. Going to do some chores a form of self care."

[haven1000]

"The fact that I'm writing again means that I'm in touch with the value again. And I'm going to express it in my daily life. I dreamed last night, where a door closed on me. Upon waking the interpretation was, perhaps medical school, and I ended up in a sort of phone/engineering room. And I saw Kevin there, but I was unhappy with where I was. Upon waking, instead of feeling sorry for myself, I'm taking it in my stride. Life isn't only dreams and intuition, it's also facts, the present attitude, including facts and actions in the waking state. I have free will. I have a set of options available to me. I realize in the shower, my deep study of these topics, free will, consciousness, human understanding, etc. Allowed me to actually be in touch with these existential realities in my daily living - it gave me conscious access and utilization to a greater degree than usual - with huge pragmatic value and application. So here I am, in the morning at 5am-ish. I've worked hard to acquire the opportunity to have asleep schedule like this. It's time to capitalize. Fact of the matter is, I'm still young. Life is still worth living. There are still opportunities available."

[haven1000]

"I woke up early. Close to four am. It's given me time to reflect. In the shower I realized that I do have some core/deep values. Economy of effort being one of them. I was in the shower feeling worse about my behavior yesterday. No recrimination though, neither for myself nor for J. I have seen the different aspects of our personality come out. His side brings out this youthful, young, hedonistic, partying side of my nature. But it makes me feel weak later. Or, an apt analogy, the hangover. But it rubs against the side of my nature that values discipline, achievement, the joy of fierce endeavor, and the understands that for something extraordinary to be build, compounding is necessary which means that I cannot loosing the necessary capital to hangovers."