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old one incoming.

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What about Kendrick Elmo. What about Kendrick???

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STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

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Of course it was a dark skinned black woman that was accused of being a man, the misogynoir is disgustingly obvious

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God the traffic laws in this state have such a double standard. When Mad Max does it in the desert it’s “The best action flick of the year” but when I do it in a school zone it’s “reckless endangerment” and “destruction of Exxon property.”

Hypocrites…

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"getting laid" is very hot and sexy. "getting off"? great news as well. so you would think "getting laid off" would be wonderful news for your penis. but alas

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bad news for chocolate lovers: amid massive corporate downsizing, Lindt has had to euthanize 2,000 of its handsome european chocolate chefs . an additional 1,300 will be thrown out in the cold with nothing but their stupid Fucking whisks

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my friend sent me a screenshot from the show with menacing ゴゴゴゴ over it and I just had to redraw it

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Chat that's me!

What are you supposed to do on this ""Valentines day""????

Among the original 69 theses posted by St. Valentine on the Wall of the Chaste, there are seven and ONLY exactly seven things you can do on St. Valentine's Day:

Trade candies made of chalk and honeybee bile, or chocolates that are 98% filler and fake skunk-gland raspberry flavoring.

Tell a secret crush that you are interested in them with a rose, and that they may therefore stay on until the next episode.

Give them a fine necklace of beads that they can introduce into their rectum to be slowly pulled out for anal stimulation.

Make a gingerbread cookie in the shape of a heart, flower, kissing lips, or your favorite Dragon Quest monster (traditionally a Drohl).

Watch a play by the great poet and playwright William Shakespeare, such as Titus Andronicus or Macbeth.

Play Elden Ring by yourself in a dark basement while ingesting unhealthy amounts of stale Fritos and expired Jolt Cola.

Chase down your lover while dressed (per the tradition of Lupercalia) as a werewolf, to make them your juicy pineapple.

Look for a weak Pisces and lock them in a heart-shaped box for weeks, then keep them forever in debt to your priceless advice.

File your taxes early, as the April 15th deadline causes frequent workload and postal delays.

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What is this Euroslander, do not rope Ireland into this we stand united. (Most) Europeans are very friendly.

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hey can i get some sweet sweet facts about ireland?

The sweetest fact about Ireland is of course, Cadbury.

In the town of Coolock is an unassuming building with the word "Cadbury" on the side. This is where the first Creme Egg was laid. With a chocolate shell and albumen of pure sugar, the Cadbury Creme Egg is not only the sweetest thing in Ireland but the sweetest object known to humankind, ranking over 95,000 Beetuses on the Wilford Brimley Memorial Scale.

The mystery of what laid the egg remains to this day. Once claimed to have been a rabbit, gorilla, or golden goose, genetic analysis of modern eggs suggest that the egg laying being has not only crustacean, but reptilian and annelid DNA. This suggests the existence of a proprietary, genetically engineered egg laying being, developed by Cadbury in the depths of Spike Island's catacombs, where it has been fed on the bodies of martyrs since the pagan days of yore.

Though nothing else is known about the creature, known by cryptozoologists as the "Cadbeest," the Cadbury Creme Egg is unquestionably delicious, and slightly less than 80% likely to result in its offspring bursting out of anyone who eats has eaten one, an event predicted by the prophet Chocoladamus to occur on St. Patrick's Day in 2028.

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What did Cesar mean by veni vidi vicci?

It's Latin, in the first person possessive for his neck, back, and vulgar unmentionables. Literally translated, "My neck, my back, my pussy and/or my crack." It's no coincidence these are the same parts mentioned in the song "My Neck, My Back (Lick It)" by rapper Khia, as Julius Caesar was a huge fan of the album, owning it on cassette tape. Ancient times indeed.

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FROM THIS

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Absolute saga

For my non-German mutuals wondering wtf is happening in the Bundesrepublik of Beer and Bread, here is an overview over the clown show so far:

Nov 6 - chancellor Olaf Scholz fires minister of finances Christian Lindner (FDP) for being an incompetent little bitch and drags him on live TV, resulting in a government crisis as the three party coalition (named Ampel aka "Traffic Light"), which is ruling the country at the moment, falls apart.

Scholz also calls for a vote of confidence on January 15th which (if lost) will lead to the Bundestag being dissolved, triggering snap elections in March. This sends everyone into a panic because the ultra right-wing AfD (with Best Of hits such as "Russia is sexy.", "We should criminalize abortions and force every woman to have more babies instead of rights." and "Deport all immigrants and traitors." and the inofficial ones such as "Why don't we just kill everyone we don't like, let's start with the queers.") has been gaining support for a while (because MAGA has no monopoly on racism, sexism, hate and overall stupidity) and no one with an ounce of empathy or a triple digit IQ likes that very much and is thus worried they might actually make it into a new coalition.

Nov 7 - minister for justice Marco Buschmann is heartbroken over the Ampel-Aus and resigns.

Volker Wissing (FDP), minister for transport, commits the funniest anime betrayal and backstabs his party in order to keep his job, leaves the FDP but gets promoted to minister of justice as a little treat. The memes skyrocket.

Bettina Stark-Watzinger, minister of education and research, resigns along with Buschmann and gets replaced by Cem Özdemir (current minister for food and agriculture) because agriculture - education - at the end of the day where's the difference, right?

Federal President Steinmeier hands Christian Lindner his official participation certificate in an awkward ceremony at castle Bellevue. This is broadcast live on television so everyone can be sure that the little bitch is really leaving.

Friedrich Merz (CDU) threatens the nation with the promise that if he (Merz) becomes chancellor, he will let Lindner back into the government so they can keep fucking up the country's budget together. Bffs.

Nov 8 - after backstabbing the FDP Wissing's website gets hacked in retaliation to display FDP ads.

Meanwhile concerns are being voiced that snap elections in March might be way too early due to a lack of paper.

Robert Habeck (Bündnis 90/Die Grünen), vice chancellor and minister for economic affairs and climate action, announces that he will be running for the position of chancellor with a social media post that shows him wearing a Swiftie bracelet which spells "Kanzler-Era" (chancellor-era). This sends Gundolf Siebeke from the super conservative CDU spiralling.

Nov 9 - Siebeke fires off a tweet stating that if Habeck becomes chancellor that would of course be totally the fault of women alone (who are all too emotional to make rational decisions) and Germany should "inofficially" consider revoking women's right to vote and officially implement "antiemotional" history lessons in school, earning him a massive shitstorm (completely deserved). Siebeke deletes the tweet.

Nov 10 - previous minister of justice Marco Buschmann processes his grief over the end of the traffic light coalition by composing and uploading a song to Soundcloud (feat. Gregorian chants) which is not exactly a banger but is admittedly still better than 99% of Germany's entries in the ESC these past few years.

Siebeke is still on his misogynistic bs and makes another incoherent and sexist tweet, this time yapping about queens and Christianity while trying to paint himself as the misunderstood victim.

There are sadly no more Volker Wissing memes.

Nov 12 - everyone has agreed to move the elections from March to the end of February because paper is no longer an issue, I guess? However, now everyone is unhappy because the date clashes with the carnival. No joke.

Siebeke changes the banner on his Twitter profile to read "Frauen. Wahl. Recht. Der 19. Januar 1919" / "Women. Right (to). Vote. January 19th 1919" in a pathetic attempt to show how much he actually (not) respects women while at the same time claiming in his Twitter bio that "only conservatism can secure democracy, freedom, rule of law, equality, climate and culture". No comment.

Nov 13 - 113 members of parliament have officially called for the Bundestag to open the long overdue investigation in order to finally ban the AfD.

It has been the longest week in the history of the Bundesrepublik. Everyone needs a fucking break.

To be continued