hayleylwong

[hayleylwong]

end of quarter life reflection

It is close to the end of a challenging and tiring quarter. This was a new experience that I do not wish to repeat but do not mind that I went through. Right now in my life I think I am in a preparatory stage, I am still learning and developing and gaining new experiences that will help me later in my life. In this quarter I think I became more comfortable talking to new people and have more trust in the goodness of the people around me. I used to be very insecure and nervous of other people’s opinions of me, but I think this quarter has definitely helped me to get rid of some of that anxiety. I also think that this quarter has offered me the opportunity for many more personal connections that I hold very dear to my heart. The people I have met, especially my pledge brothers, have been great friends and I hope we will continue to be close to one another even after this quarter is over. In terms of things I can improve on, I definitely need to work on my ability to manage multiple responsibilities at once and balance my time. I need to work on my procrastination habits and my willpower to do what is necessary instead of what is most enjoyable to me. I need to work on staying upbeat and positive even when I am not in the happiest mood. But overall I think that I have been pushed to grow during this quarter and that I will be better off for it in the future. I am excited for it to end so that I can relax. In the summer I will relax so hard. But because of this quarter, I will be a better communicator and more motivated to not let my life stand still until next year.

okie bye <3

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-28

4:21am - i woke up at uhh i dont remember. i hmm lets see why is my memory so bad oh i got up at like 2 i think ? and then got study pizza omg thats right and then i went to the mall w my club friends to look at dresses and i bought lip balm hehe. then we went back to campus and i ate my shake shack in bplate lol. then i went to see my bf and we were chill wathcing movies for the rest of the night it was fun. okie byebye <33

sam? sam is chilling at home he is glad to relax a lil but also wants to come back to school to be w his club friends. hopefully

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-27

1:10am - today i woke up at like 1:30pm oops. i didnt get up until like 4 because idk my mind was fine and i dont think i was hungover but my body was j so tired lol. i ate instant udon which i always do after i drink and then i showered and it felt sooo nice. i got ready to leave and i wore business prof stuff to go to santa monica w ian 😭😭 ik i looked stupid ash wearing a blazer on the ferris wheel. oh yeah we ate yakitori and one of those long spiral potatoes and then we got sushi at kazunori. i have been feeling different abt him in a good way recently. we got back and tried to watch beef but i fell asleep like instantly. yeah okie bye <33

sam is recovering from fn3. he is glad to be going home today so he can rest.

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-25

4:22am - today i woke up at uhh i dont remember. i think like 11. i went to help at donation drive and got another bcafe smoothie i got the strawberry one it was good but i think i like the island one more. then i went to the ww farmers market w chelsea and we got dumplings and kettle corn and we went to brandy and i got pants and socks bc i need to do laundry but i havent yet so now i have another day. then we got more dumplings w claire and kaui and ellie and then i went to class and fell asleep in it oops. i went back to wash my face and do my makeup and then i went to bplate and cafe 1919 and bplate was so ass today. but the soft serve machine at cafe 1919 was finally working so i got dole whip and it was yummy. and thennn i went back to saxon to study w my friend. i fell asleep on the couch and couldnt get up even though my club friend kept calling me to help them make a dance. sorry guys. anyway at 1 i finally dragged myself up and then went to meet them i felt bad bc they were so tired and i also feel like i missed a lot of bonding activities the past two nights. anyway now i am finishing choreographing in hedrick i was abt to record one of the songs and these people walked in the mirror room what am i supposed to do now. i cant be doing this alone in front of people. i guess i will find somewhere. ughhhh i am tired i actually wasnt doing anything despite what everyone thinks. in fact i was abt to and then i got cbd by adams ft. so yeah. i will make dance and then see what time it is. okie byeee <3

sam: sam is doing okie. he is a little stressed for our club event tm but his fam is much more prepared dancey dance wise. omg we prob have to make a jp vlog soon

also oh my god do you see this. ignore the mess lmao but like are you being fr rn. thats not my trash. unless you count using my tissues and throwing them away as mine. im barely in the room you take it out. why should i esp if youre like scared to talk to me to my face ?? who tf leaves a note and uses literally my own stuff to write the note. at least text me jfc. and the double exclamation is so passive aggressive i would know bc thats what i do. im not taking the gd trash out if u ask ima say oops i didnt see that sry. ur gonna have to ask me in person love. ugh what if i just write back ‘no thanks xo !!’

[hayleylwong]

05-25 mmm water

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-24

3:09pm - i woke up at 9:30 and rushed to my chem midterm. i was actually disgusting this whole morning and ny midterm was absolutely horrible. but i got bcafe smoothies for the first time w scarlet and she is so cool and then i went shopping w gabi and ellie and i got this cute top that looks exactly like all my other shit. then i went to go showerrr it was so so nice i felt so gross before and now i feel better. i am about to go meet juliet i hope i am not late. i think i will be exactly on time. i am excited for 7pm. i have put a nap on my calendar.

1:35am - i have returned from the white guy concert. it was actually shocking to see the number of white people there. so fascinating to see their humor, their culture, their dancing.. it was truly eye-opening and reminded me of my hometown. however i was glad to leave. never before have i felt so minority. we got in n out mmmm and now i am going to watch another tinker bell movie.

sam: sam is remorseful today because he broke our dad steves chair. so he has to gorilla glue it back together. silly silly sam. he is so random sometimes. every time i talk to him it is so interesting.

[hayleylwong]

this week my self care is aromatherapy. i am smelling this sexy blue candle. it smells like a field next to a cute little cottage. i feel so relaxed. okie byee <33

[hayleylwong]

materialism <3 (unironic)

1. fenty lip gloss in the color fu$$y i lost it winter quarter and i was so sad.

2. my airpods. i lost them at the same time as my lip gloss. i only managed to have them for like three months. sorry mom and dad

3. rom&nd glasting melting balm in color 1 2 4 or 6 i bought color 2 last quarter and lost it the same day. i was so sad. lol the same day i lost everything else

4. my cream color cardigan i lost fall quarter. do you see a pattern lol. it was so cute and cropped w balloon sleeves but it didnt have the thing where the sleeves have like a weird cuff. and it was drapey in a good way.

5. pretty gold thin jewelry. i have been wearing the same necklace every day since junior yr hs. i should change it up. i should start wearing rings. i should get more earrings since i keep losing them. lmao i didnt even mean to list another lost item

6. the pink gucci flora gorgeous gardenia perfume im running out of my mini size one but it smells so yummy imo i want more

7. a private room. why are there so many people here everywhere. how is it 4am and i cannot have the lounge to myself. i need to decompress.

8. glow recipe toner. i got a sample of it two months ago but i am out now. it was nice but it is so expensive. and i need new toner.

9. aritzia jeans oohhh i tried them on before looking at the price tag and i had to put them back after. but they were so nice they fit so well.

10. white or black or grey cargo pants. last week i had to pee really bad and i broke the zipper of my old ones taking them off. lmaoo it was hella embarrassing idk why im saying this here. but does anyone rly read these? anyways idc now i need new ones.

okie bye <3 this one was fun to make i am fr a material girl

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-23

9:33pm - today i woke up at like 12:30. this was disappointing bc i was supposed to get up earlier to study for my chem midterm tm. instead i didnt study until like 4 bc i had to go sit outside and talk to people and then i went to class for like five minutes but i left to go study for chem bc i thought that was more important. i went to the schoenberg music practice rooms w my friend that can play piano to take a break from studying and omg the practice room hallway looks and sounds like a psychiatric ward like i swear all the instruments blended together and sounded like clown music and the hallway was long and the doors were all like scary w one little window in them. but i liked hearing my friend play piano. then i met my other friend at feast and ate dumplings and we got to talk i wish i could see her more often. then i went to study some more w my friend from before and we had to check like 15 lounges before we found an empty table. tn im gonna do pomodoro method so i am writing this during one of my breaks. i hope i can get through everything rn i feel like it is doable i bought yerba and celsius earlier so i am prepared for my all nighter. we will see how doable it feels as the night progresses. i am looking forward to 4:00pm tm when i can finally sleep after my midterm and hanging out w people for an hour 3 times in a row.

9:44pm - omg i called today the 21st accidentally. i just realized i cannot sleep at 4 bc of club work due at 5. ughhhh it is only the beginning of the night and i already want to sleep. i have overdone my pomodoro break by 11 minutes now. it is not a good sign.

12:10am - it was not a good sign. i have watched one and a half lectures and am two hours and twenty minutes into my current break. i went to the store and got more yerba mate but it is not working. i have seven lectures left and less than ten hours before my midterm. when am i going to shower. i now cannot sleep until 7pm tomorrow. my eczema is making me itch inside my body i am uncomfortable and everything is irritating me i cannot focus but i will. i will do it i have to otherwise idk what to do no i have to i really have to. only 19 more hours of misery.

3:54am - i have watched one hour of lecture in the last six hours. i am scared. there are other peoples review notes on the white board and i do not recognize some of the words. my friend said theyre important. no position is comfortable i am hella fidgety and my skin is freaking out. i want to shower but i do not have time. my friend is abt to go to sleep and leave me. who will keep me awake. i an beginning to do the thing i used to do where i blink weird and tense my head muscles bc i feel off. i am going to hug my boy. except i just saw his explore page and let me tell you i have never seen so many asian bikini thirst traps in my life. and i scrolled through his for you page and the same girl kept coming up. tell me why when i was scrolling through the explore he said ‘ooh a white one’ like three times. like actually wtf. have i told u guys his ex is white. my chem prof is rly grinding my gears rn. i hope i does not ever find my tumblr. i hope i can focus in the next six hours. oh no that is not enough time. no no no no no

5:16 - i actually cannot think. my head is numb. but the caffeine is finally working and i cannot sleep. i am so f ed. my head does not work. maybe i am just irritable rn. i hate everything. wtf is a nucleophile and how do u tell how strong it is. i just learned but i forget. i am going to cry.

5:26 - my friend is going to sleep soon. what am i gonna do. i was supposed to be done w lec by now and i have six left. i have four hours left before the exam. i have never been so disappointed in myself. i am sad. what am i going to do. i cant cry im too dehydrated and i dont have time for that. what is wrong w me

6:26 - how am i still on the same lecture as an hour ago. i am so miserable. was this quarter really worth it if im gonna fail this class? i wasnt even good at this quarter. but it is too late now bc if i dont go through w that i alr failed. i cant even hear anything shes saying anymore but i barely have time to watch even on 2x speed

6:50 - i am struggling. thinking abt doing anything makes me want to sob. i really really hope my club does not make us do stuff for an extra week bc i actually do not think i can. that week will be spent studying for finals. ik what to prioritize now. they should make that more clear. ughhh my brain is being attacked with words. it does not like it. i hate myself rn. i need to scream

jp updates: sam is feeling good today. he is curious whether or not he asks people for contact information weirdly and is working on changing his phrasing.

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-22

11:49 - today i woke up on the saxon study lounge couch at 10:45am. this was disappointing bc i was supposed to not sleep last night so i could watch every lecture before my math midterm today. instead i watched a grand total of one oops. i went to my midterm and wrote absolutely nothing and guessed on legitimately every problem but its fine bc you can drop one. uhh and then i was disgusting so i went to go shower. errmmm and then i went to kerckhoff and talked to nobody except my same age club friends. then uhh i went back to my dorm and talked to nikki smith on ft and then i called my friend to study tgt but we didnt. and thennn i got dressed up and went to club meeting and it was so hot in that room oh my god i took off my blazer asap. and noww i got feast and i hope kelly brings me boba later. i hope i can learn everything for chem later bc i am so behind but i think if i start rn its doable. it has to be doable ahaha otherwise uhh idk what to do.

sam: sam is doing okay. he did not appreciate our club meeting today but he is gonna be okay. he is realizing that he should watch what he says.

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-21

12:46am - today i woke up at like 8:45 and got around uhh lets say 6ish hours of sleep yeah. i went to dim sum w my family and it was sooo yummy hehe i havent had dim sum in so long it made me happy and made me want to go home. then my parents brought me back to school and left me :(( and then i went to boba and on a drive w cade. it was a good time. then i talked to eunice for a while and she is so sweet and funny. i watched a math lecture ! and then i went to dinner w some club ppl. maybe its bc i was sitting in a better spot this time but that was one of the best club dinners imo. then i dressed up and made a dancing video and then me and kimi and ava went to in n out bc no one wanted to go to sun nong dan w us :( and we didnt want to spend like $60 lol. so now we will go another time w our other dance team friend. but it was still fun and i love them sm. i really need to study but i am so tired. maybe being w a friend will help me stay awake. i am not excited for tomorrow i have so much stuff to do i will not be able to relax until thursday. i want to go home and do nothing and lie in bed until dinner and then lie on the couch until bedtime.

sam is actively denying the rumors about him today. he is still his usual sammy sam self. he is glad that he does not have a midterm tomorrow.

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-20

8:55am - i guess its the next day but i forgot last night oops. yesterday i woke up at 8:45 to get ready for my cousins wedding !! i slept like 4 hours lol. even though i got up two hours early i still was late bc i decided to curl my hair. but it was okay bc we were not late. the wedding was super cute and they were so pretty and it was a lil awkward in the beginning but at the reception it was less weird. i got to see all my cousins and aunts and uncles and i even met one of my clubs alumni from like ten years ago. the reception was fun it was chinese banquet but they were wearing viet stuff or maybe shes cambodian tbh i dont rly know uhhh oops and we danced a little too. my cousin was so funny she was dancing by herself. and then i was so tired i fell asleep w all my makeup on oops.

sam is doing okay. he is feeling a little better bc he has impressively met his talking to people for an hour quota this week !

[hayleylwong]

05-20 this bottle tastes like lip gloss

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-19

1:20am - today i woke up at likee 9:30 and then didnt have to lol. i met sam and we ate some hill food and then i met jenna for a minute lol. omg i j realized me n gabi never remembered to take our picture tgt. oopss anyway then i sat outside for a bit and showered but i didnt wash my hair so i have to now. hmm then i went to kerckhoff and me and emma prepared a new act for the talent show. we were embarrassing ouselves hella everyone was staring at us screeching lol. then i went to the makerspace to fix my shoes and this one girl there was such a bitch she was like umm theres no more 3d printers and then i went back to the first guy and he was like heres one ! like girl it was literally right in front of you. then i went to sac for a v awkward dinner and then i did my group portion of my ls midterm i hope they said i participated even though i couldnt make it lol. then i ate chips for dinner and went to club talent show and then forgot my dance and sang badly. but it was a fun time i think. then it was scary time and then it was better. and now im a little bit upset at my friend bc i told him to not get too drunk bc we have an important event tm but he called me and was. and last night he wasted my time and i didnt sleep and then yelled at him and he said hed start being better so im fr pissed that he didnt listen again.

sams doing alright. he is looking forward to doing something for the first time but i feel bad bc i gave him some advice and then he said he wasnt anymore. but i hope hes still looking forward to it. and he gave me some knowledge too. okie yeah bye <3

[hayleylwong]

jp hill food tour !

[hayleylwong]

reflection 05-18

11:22pm - today i woke up at likeee 10:40 and got like 7 hours of sleep. this was not good bc i had only 20 minutes to get ready and meet ranen so we could go get bagels. the bagel was really good tho lmao i got one w cream cheese and raspberries and passionfruit on it. then i went to the mall w jamie and kelly to get our ears pierced ! i got my second on one ear and then she helped me put one through my almost closed first ones. that one hurt more highkey i can barely feel my other one. i got butterflies and i think they are so cute even if my ears are uneven now oops. and they undercharged me by like $50 hehehe. anyway then i went to kerckhoff and talked to people and then i went to class yay. i got pizza and went to hang out w some club people and even though less people than we wanted to showed up it was still a good time. then i went to bplate w ashley and chelsea and coincidentally ran into a few people hehehe. i got cafe 1919 w vanna and she is so cool and funny lol and now bc of her and ranen i have good date ideas. i had to fix my tote bag w a hair tie now i am preparing a dance and watching audioless lecture w some of my club friends bc i found an airpod ! but its dead and i dont have the case to charge it. also thinking rn that i might have lost it again sometime today. i have caffeine today so hopefully i can get through a decent amount.

sam my jp is doing good. he had a good time hanging out w pauline today yay. okie bye

[hayleylwong]

i <3 my club friends