hblakemore

[hblakemore]

You're so Dark but Life's to Short.

You’re so Dark but Life’s to Short.

Believe it! What your seeing really is my first post since May! My beloved monthly playlists had become non-existent as did my inspiration for creating content. Coming from unforeseen circumstances I have been stricken with inspiration along with a huge urge to write. This isn’t exactly a happy tale but a process of understanding and healing. A similar therapy which my series of surgery posts…

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On Repeat, April.

I had every intention of getting this playlist up early but other things happened. Anyway I’m serving up the best tracks from the last month and it’s a pretty meaty playlist. There are a few new finds, some come backs and some unexpected new loves. https://open.spotify.com/user/han-26/playlist/0EGSZ9LIvMqnL3jg00FG75 Last month I said Kasabian only get one banger per album and they’re clearly…

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Time works in weird and wonderful ways. Since the age of 13 I’ve endured countless appointments all in pursuit of the perfect bite. At times, I honestly believed that my surgery wouldn’t happen and I would be stuck with metal fixtures on my teeth forever. I’m now 1 year post Double Jaw Surgery and 3 months post Genioplasty and I’m starting to get a bit emotional about it all coming to an end. Crazy right.

Operation Day

This last year I have mourned two faces. The face I’ve had for 24 years, the face that saw me through so much. But now when I look back at pictures, that face is almost unrecognisable; all I see is excessive amounts of gum.

My newly constructed face never really stood a chance though and just as I warmed up to the new face, back under I went for Genioplasty. This face never fully recovered from the perils of jaw surgery but still showed traces of the old face. Although my time with this face was short lived looking back at these photos is truly upsetting.

I struggle with the thought that this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it’s just being forgotten about. It’s been a bittersweet process and as hospital appointments are becoming few and far between, the reality that it will be over is a thought I simply can’t bare. With just one year left of retainer checks, I’ll soon be discharged and sent on my merry little way and the people who have cared for my teeth for so long will just be a mere memory. This is strangely upsetting. It’s another loss altogether because they get why I needed jaw surgery and they made it happen. They changed my life and thats a pretty big deal.

How do you thank someone for changing your life?

“The words I’m about to write aren’t enough to tell you both how thankful I am for what you’ve done for me over the years. I remember when I was told all those years ago I needed jaw surgery, I honestly didn’t think I would be where I am now. Nor could I have imagined the results. 

I can finally bite into a sandwich without all of the filling falling out. I don’t feel embarrassed when I eat out in public anymore because my new bite doesn’t let me down. 

This long journey is coming to an end, I can’t quite imagine my life without trips to orthodontics. It’s been a massive part of my life and I can’t thank you enough for the hard work and planning  you have done. You’ve changed my life and I can’t stop smiling its perfect.”

– This little note with some sweet treat seemed to do the trick. Just a little token for the team that made all this happen.

To be able to appreciate this process @darryldoes helped me document the journey to a better jaw. One year later I’m writing a blog in awe of everything that has changed and how surprisingly well I handled it all. Here’s a little reminder of how far I’ve come.

After Surgery

1 Month

3 months post Genioplasty seems to have just flown by. After the initial shock of removing the cast to revealing my newly shaped chin I have finally come to love what my surgeons have been planning all these years. It was the icing on the cake, it finished my face and once all the swelling had finally subsided, I looked like me again!

All my feeling has returned, occasionally I get strange flutters across my chin but I embrace those as a reminder of what happened. Recently I get aches in my jaw where the plates are but I think these pains are more stress related but something I’ll be monitoring  just incase. I get a strange feeling if I poke my chin which shoots a pain up my one tooth but the moral of that story is just don’t poke that spot. All in all its been one hell of a rollercoaster as my nearest and dearest will tell you.

  1 Year on and this is my face. Now can someone please tell me how to stop it ageing? Cue my next chapter…

Writing these posts has been a great form of therapy where I could explain my feelings and help those going through a similar thing. Your face is the first thing anyone sees, and to have no control of the final outcome is completely terrifying. I had these surgeries because I had a severe over-bite which meant I couldn’t eat properly and would later cause problems like arthritis and gum disease. It’s a complete bonus, I look better for it but I still scrutinise my appearance; after all we are our own worst critics. This surgery has changed my life I don’t think anyone will understand how much this means to me.

💁🏼💁🏼💁🏼💁🏼💁🏼

Double Jaw Surgery; 1 Year Post-Op Time works in weird and wonderful ways. Since the age of 13 I’ve endured countless appointments all in pursuit of the perfect bite.

[hblakemore]

Glowy Misty Goodness.

Skin, it’s something that’s always crying out for attention and Pixi has a great range of mists that cater for different skin needs – have look here. I have Glow Mist, mainly because it was free from this years Glamour Festival. The Glow Mist is my most used freebie, it’s great to keep in your bag ready for that impending skin emergency. Simply give the bottle a quick shake, close your eyes and…

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Music Is A Healer.

Music Is A Healer.

I can’t remember a time where music couldn’t solve my problems. It inspired me to finish my degree, kept me calm before jaw surgery, lulled me to sleep on a restless night and now its here to motivate me through this next chapter. Latitude is just around the corner and to familiarise myself with some fresh talent I like to compile a playlist of artists I wouldn’t mind catching. One artist who…

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Pick Yo’self Up

We’ve all been there. Shit happens but what you do next defines you. Hopefully in life we don’t experience this feeling all too often, because it can be bloody hard to pick yourself up again. Through no-ones fault, my time came sooner than expected. The kick up the bum I’ve been tactically avoiding for so long found me the but real sting came because I was actually happy. Not getting into the…

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Rosie’s Copper Gold Rush.

Rosie for Autograph, Copper Rush Eye Shadow Palette

I swore to myself no more eye palettes. Then I saw this one. And for a mere £18 how could I say no to this rose gold wonder? Just look at it. Similar in style to Charlotte Tilbury but at half the price, Rosie’s collaboration with Autograph isn’t half bad. This palette is available in four shades and the one I picked was Copper Gold Rush. Since acquiring the palette it’s all I’ve been wearing and…

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March on Repeat

The clocks have sprung forward. I’ve had my first cider whilst sat in the beer garden and festival line ups are out in full force. Summer is coming at last and the end of April is nearing, so here is March’s playlist. This months playlist had some obvious choices but on the whole I wasn’t blown away with the music this month. Even with new music from Kasabian, Alt- J and Lorde, I was left wanting…

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skyn Iceland - Fresh Start Mask

skyn Iceland – Fresh Start Mask

My face is in need of a detox, cue skyn Iceland and their magical Fresh Start Mask. This dual step mask claims to polish and re-texturise the skin’s surface revealing a more youthful luminous complexion. Luckily for me I’m still blessed with youthful looking skin as I’m reminded every time I try to order a cocktail. Anyway I’m all about giving my skin a deep clean so lets give it a go. This two…

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February On Repeat.

How is it nearly the end of March? Ok so my February playlist is 15 days late but I am still determined to deliver 12 playlists this year. Better late than never, I present you with the best tracks from February. It’s a little short but I was busy doing other things like having Genioplasty and getting old. https://open.spotify.com/user/han-26/playlist/2M5uCXzrnQdtfiHz1lLEUG The Magic Gang are…

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Lipstick Confidence

It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut with your lipstick, especially if you don’t dare to go bold. I can safely say I was stuck, steering clear of anything bolder than my own lip tone. I was gathering quite a collection of shades which were all pretty identical. One day I found myself in Birmingham wanting a new lipstick but I had no idea what I wanted. It was a combination of feeling spendy and…

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skin ICELAND - Hydro Cool Firming Eye Gels.

No more tired looking more thanks to skyn ICELAND

I’ve been so tired recently and there is no amount of water or sleep that is helping my sallow eyes. So last month I was feeling spendie and treated myself to skyn ICELAND’s Hydro Cool Firming Eye Gels. I’ve heard nothing but good things about the Eye Gels so I just went for it. #TreatYoSelf The gels are super easy to use, peel the backing away and position under each eye ready to enjoy the…

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Everything was going to plan; I had a light breakfast at stupid o’clock, stopped drinking water by 11AM and had all my stuff packed and ready to go a hour before I needed to leave. To keep me calm whilst I waited to leave, I cuddled up on the sofa with my furry friend. But then my phone rang. SHIT! I genuinely thought my operation was going to be cancelled as it turns out I was meant to be there at 11AM not 1PM like my letter stated. Luckily I was ready to go, so I rushed over to the Hospital without a moment to think and, before I knew it, was back on that bed in theatre number 7.

People told me the pain from genioplasty isn’t as bad compared to double jaw surgery, “you’ve been through worse” they said. My pain threshold is pretty low anyway but the pain from genioplasty is no easier than that of double jaw surgery, in fact it’s completely different. When you wake up from that forced slumber with the taste of blood in your mouth, your first thought isn’t “this isn’t as bad as before” but more “where the hell am I and why do I feel like shit.”

As I try to lift my weary body up and fling myself on to the bed where I’ll be staying for the night, I realise I’m on the very same ward and very same bed as 8 months prior. #Throwback. Drifting in and out of consciousness, with a bloody oxygen mask strapped around my face, I finally managed to stay awake long enough to sit up. I scrambled for my bag, grabbed my phone and sent Mom this.

Aren’t I pretty.

I was in for a long night, but then again who really gets a good nights sleep in hospital? I’ll be drifting off to sleep and the next thing I know the nurse would be prodding me in the arm ready to take my observations. Unfortunately for me, late into the night, my blood pressure was running low so I had to put onto a drip. The next morning all I wanted to do was go home, however the doctors weren’t hot on the idea thanks to my poor blood pressure. Thankfully after a terrifying x-ray and a bucket load of water I was soon home, ready for tea and reunited with my furry friend.

He loves me.

Double jaw surgery was hard going and when I woke up from genio I felt like I was heading down that road again. The first couple of days I was dosing myself up and sleeping the days away. Rinsing my mouth with an antiseptic mouthwash may be keeping the wound in my mouth clean but I was still very much aware of how sore it was. This new pain was making my bottom teeth feel strange, somehow leaving them more sensitive and more present. I know it sounds weird.

I had to wear a chin strap for the first 72 hours which was disgusting, covered in blood and anything else that dribbled out my mouth. However this dodgy tape beard was protecting my fragmented chin, which was precariously being held in place by a couple of titanium plates. I couldn’t get my face wet so washing my hair was a no go, and my skincare went out the window. My hair lived in a bun for 72 hours and I couldn’t wait to get rid of this tape bandage. Or so I thought.

Look how disgusting it is, also note the grease.

The removal of the chin strap wasn’t the happy moment I was hoping for. On the 72nd hour, I peeled back the bandages to reveal my newly proportioned chin. I hated it. Here we go again. The flood gates had opened, I was hysterical; it just wasn’t what I envisioned. It was massive, disgusting and I felt sick just looking at it. Yes there was a lot of swelling and the bruise under my chin was significant but you know me, I can’t see past that. I wanted it to be the perfect chin the surgeon had promised me, not a gradual surprise where I need to learn to love myself again.

Looking on the brighter side of life, I could eat. Yes the first couple of days are a bit of a struggle but if you’ve had jaw surgery trust me, you’ve got this. Yes the swelling in my lip combined with the chin strap restricted the movement in my mouth. To make life easier I dug out the trusty baby knife and fork again, cut things up real small #throwback week 4 double jaw surgery. Once the chin strap came off eating became a lot easier, I didn’t feel as restricted and the muscles in my neck didn’t feel like they were being pulled as much.

Today I am one week post op and I’m taking it easy, simple things tire me out but thats to be expected. Since the chin strap was removed I’ve been able to ice the affected area which has helped reduce the swelling and bring out the bruise. Underneath the chin I have two small hard balls which have formed along the break one of which is very painful. My bottom lip feels tight and I can’t feel my chin. At the moment I’m avoiding mirrors and using snapchat filters to get used to the monster on my face. I’m hoping the swelling disappears soon and maybe I’ll change my mind but for now I’m in pain, tired and just want to enjoy the look of my new chin.

Here are some photos of my recovery so far, tomorrow I see my surgeon I’m sure he will be doing his happy dance as usual.

  Day of Surgery

Day 5.

  Day 7.

1 Week Post Sliding Genioplasty. Everything was going to plan; I had a light breakfast at stupid o’clock, stopped drinking water by 11AM and had all my stuff packed and ready to go a hour before I needed to leave.

[hblakemore]

January On Repeat This year I am determined to successfully deliver 12 monthly playlists and 2017 is off to a flying start - I can’t stop listening to this playlist.

[hblakemore]

Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you’ve been following my jaw journey you will already know the length of the journey, the ups and downs I’ve been through and so far its all been worth it.

Today I’ll be taking that long walk to the Nucleus Theatre to be knocked out once more to finish my journey to a better jaw. Today my surgeon will be preforming a genioplasty on me. This was originally meant to happen during my double jaw surgery however my face decided to balloon, increasing the risk of nerve damage in the face, so the procedure was post-poned.

Genioplasty is a procedure that will increase or decrease the size of someone’s chin – in my case I need an increase of about 8mm. It looks something like this:

I’ve been told the procedure isn’t as bad a the double jaw surgery but it certainly isn’t going to be a walk in the park. My feelings towards to the genioplasty are completely different compared to my previous surgery. I’ve been so blasé about the whole thing and I think that’s down to how this surgery came about.

Back in December I went for a consultation with both my Surgeon and Orthodontist and on that same day they gave me a date for this surgery, with less than a months notice. It was a fight or flight moment and I certainly didn’t want to pass up this opportunity so I jumped at the chance. It’s not like jaw surgery where teams of people got together to meticulously plan how my jaws were going to fit together. No with my genioplasty the surgeon literally said he will just “wing it.” The risk of nerve damage is high, as there are more nerves floating around in the chin. I still have minimal swelling from the previous surgery and my feeling around my bottom lip isn’t quite right. I’m not sure if the genioplasty will make this any better or worse.

Here are I am 8 months Post-Double Jaw Surgery / Pre-Genioplasty.

I’ll update you when I’m on the other side but for now I’m hungry and fed up of waiting. @darryldoes thinks Ill end up having a sad face like my dog, but with a bit more chub.

PRE – GENIOPLASTY Finally there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you’ve been following my jaw journey…

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Magical Samples.

I have this box in my draw where I hoard beauty samples from magazines, old beauty boxes and more recently 25 days of the M&S Christmas Beauty Calendar. Since Christmas broke my bank I just haven’t replaced any of my go to products so I’ve been delving into my magic box instead, searching for something new and exciting. If you bought the M&S Beauty Calendar and you are a Sparks card holder you…

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New Skincare Heroes

I never thought this day would come but I have no choice but to ditch Liz Earle. Since my jaw surgery my skin has been tragic and its rebellion has caused spots to streak down my cheekbones. It makes sense though, my skin’s been through a lot so it’s only natural my hormones have gone crazy. I still love Liz Earle but for now I’m having an affair with NUXE. Honestly I didn’t know where to start,…