head--over--heart

[head--over--heart]

Love,

I love you too.

,

FILA

05062022

12:16

[head--over--heart]

Love,

I watched you prepare our breakfast and you never fail to put a curve on my face every time you do that. I can't help but smile as I watch you cook and see how concentrated you are doing that.

After having breakfast and small talk. I saw you how you explained to her what you are feeling about last night.. I saw how she is happy and she feels so love knowing you were just jealous to the person she is talking with.

I saw her happy assuming that there is a chance that you will be together again soon as she can see your jealousy. The thing is I know how you are feeling towards me but you can't deny the fact that you still love her and you really feel jealous right now.

The love may not be stronger as before but I still see the chance on your relationship. And why not?

The fact that I can see how happy she is I am happy too. Even if it means that we can't be together soon.

I can't help myself to think of her happiness that I am willing to sacrifice the happiness that maybe I deserve too.

Now, I am looking at both of you having lunch together made me think that maybe.. maybe.. if I didn't came into your lives.. your relationship will still be okay. Even if it's not always good as before you will still hold on to her... you will still stay and love her whole heartedly.

Fudge. Can i just make myself disappear right now?

Feeling the pain and happiness,

FILA

05012022

12:51

[head--over--heart]

Love,

As I watch you sleep by my side, I am smiling because I am thankful you came into my life. We may have met at the wrong time but can we wait until the right time?

How I wish to have the kind of assurance that I have something to wait for but I guess I should never assume as you may go back to the place you should like before.

I can definitely understand if you decided to go back to her.. but the pain it will bring will be hard for me to bear.

I am willing to give way, just promise me that you will be happy someday.

I will treasure the moments we have shared and memories will stay forever.

I really want to let you go... Uncertainty hurts me a lot that me myself wanted to go.

But love, how can I look away now that I have seen you?

Wondering,

FILA

05012022

10:21 AM

[head--over--heart]

Love,

I never thought that you will be the reason why I can't close my eyes peacefully. Reason why I can't rest my mind tonight..

Darkness meets the state of my sadness...

Thoughts keep rushing into my mind lined up like ants going to my heart. It hurts.

I heard my heart skip a beat when the thought of not being chosen suddenly pops up into my tired mind.

How would I feel if you will be mine?

. ,

FILA

04152022

2:49

[head--over--heart]

Love,

Why I always feel sad everytime I open up my thoughts and feelings to you? Feels like I don't have the right to question what's inside of this uncertain situation.

Is it really have to be like this? Is this what I really have to feel?

The fact that I know that you are not mine is already a red flag but I welcomed that kiss as if you are. I feel like you are mine everytime we are dreaming together. My eyes close as you come closer. Feels like it close purposely for me not to see that the person I am kissing is definitely owned by the other.

Love, what should I do? I know you still love her but you are saying that you love me too? Is it true? or you are just holding on because you dont want to hurt me? I know you are going back to her but my thoughts about it are playing in my veins around my heart. Do you love me? or you just love the thought of having me around? do you like me or you just like dreaming with me?

I already promised myself not to entertain that kind of thoughts because I know my place. From the very beginning and up until now I know.. I know that I am just an option. An option that you can enjoy. An option that you can choose when I am around. An option that you may not choose. An option that can be ignore and throw away soon.

That will be painful. That will definitely be one of the saddest moments of my life but I know, if that happens. I DESERVE IT.

If you will grant wishes from me... can I ask you a favor to be true to me? Let me go if you decide to go back to her... I know Im just an option but will never be a choice. A question that doesn't need an answer.

I can bear the pain just tell me its over.

Hurting,

FILA

04142022

20:50

[head--over--heart]

Love,

I can't sleep tonight.

This is the first letter that i dont have any plans to show you. This is 100% bold and I just wanna say that yes I am falling for you.

For how many times I asked myself why I felt jealous, envy and insecure of her I always ended up asking myself do I really like you? why? what are the reasons for me to like you? to love you?

I always told you how I can control my feelings because I dont want to get hurt and I dont want to experience pain on the same level as what i have experienced but here I am. loving. you. silently.

I am really use to like people because I am really appreciative of the peoples good sides. I try to understand how people behave and the reason why they do things. I am a friendly person but with you? I can't l even answer a single question why I am crazy over you. I can't even tell what's wrong and what's right because I enjoy simple things like looking at you without you knowing it. I can't see the connections of my first sentences on this phrase on the next I guess it's like how I try to connect my head over heart feelings.

I am sorry for this kind of first letter. Haha I just remembered I don't have any plans to give this to you anyway.

Let me love you silently for now.

Dreaming,

FILA

04142022

02:18