headintheblackcloud

[headintheblackcloud]

Jan 10, 2021

I’m sleeping over at Sara’s. Amanda is her roommate. Amanda comes out showing me a wound on her shoulder. Her skin is eaten away and it’s necrosing. She told me she was shot a few days ago, and that the bullet is still inside of her. I tell her she needs to go to the hospital but she has a flight she’s trying to make. For some reason I’m very adamant about needing to get home. It’s dark out again. Sara insists on taking her motorized scooter. I hope on back. It’s terrifying because there’s barely anything to hold on to, especially since she’s so tiny. I start thinking about how we have to take i4 to get home and how terrifying that will be and suggest that maybe we drive on the shoulder. Before we get on the interstate, we’re stopped at a light. A guy Sara knows joins us and now it’s even more crowded on the moped. At one point he sees one of his friends and gets off to go talk to him. They seem like they are plotting something. All the sudden one of them pulls out a gun. We run back on to the street we just came from as they chase us. There’s a small get together and we stop to try to blend in with them as the guys steal the moped. We’re freaking out and screaming to call 911 but everyone is super drunk and lifeless. We’re huddled together and hoping that they pass by without seeing us. Thankfully they do. I start thinking of what to do next. It’s the middle of the night. Too late for a rental. Uber! I think. But first we have to get to a public place. I see a McDonald’s across the street and we start walking over. I can’t stop thinking about how Amanda needs to go to the hospital. We decide we might as well get food while we’re at McDonald’s. Everyone inside is packed together and sweaty and gross as most people had just finished a night out. In that way it almost feels like a nightclub itself. I feel lost because I haven’t been to a McDonald’s in forever. We grab our food and head back downstairs.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 25, 2020

I’m at the mall. A guy is with me, presumably my boyfriend. He took a “relationship pill” he doesn’t like how it makes him feel and doesn’t want to eat anything. I try to cheer him up but it doesn’t work.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 25, 2020

I’m roaming around in the mall. I lost my friends. I’m really drunk/high and I start freaking out bc I can’t find anyone. When I try to call them it calls a diff number. It’s hard to focus to try to dial. My girlfriends tell me they’re at Santa, but struggle to tell me which store and think I’m just being over dramatic. I feel like I’m on the brink of an anxiety attack. I continue to roam around and get a call from an Uber. I think maybe my friends got it for me to take me home but it turns out it was just the wrong #.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 24, 2020

I take an excursion that is a day trip to another city by boat. I get there and everything is going okay, but then all the sudden there is this sense of doom. Like a flip switches. The bad guys took over the city. And everyone is freaking out and trying to make it on the boat back. For some reason I have a special power where I can turn into a bat. There’s herds of people, as everyone is trying to gather their things and get the hell out. I fly over them to collect some of my belongings back in my room. Sean asks in the chat room if anyone is available to help. I want to, but I need to get myself together first. Somehow it flips to us....those of us who didn’t make it out. We’re standing in a line, being tortured. We can’t act out. Milo is crawling on the ground and starts to get anxious and barks. I cant pay attention to him or I’ll get in trouble. I don’t know how long we’ve been there at this point, but everything is dirty and dingy and Milo is in rough shape. They hurt him. I want to cry. Then they hoist me away for disobedience.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 24, 2020

I’m with my best friend Sara. She asks me to drive her to the grocery store. She tells me to drive her car. It’s a big huge SUV. I’m really struggling to drive it. Like there was a black screen in front of me and I was just hoping and praying I was staying on the road. Swerving and unsure of where I was going. I felt like my foot could barely reach the break. I was frustrated because she wouldn’t even help me with directions

[headintheblackcloud]

December 24, 2020

I’m with my brother and his gf at a classroom by the water. I take off my nail polish and all of my nails are broken. I ask my brother for his nail clippers so I can try to cut them short before they break more. As I’m doing so, I guess my brother starts to not feel well. He goes to get labs drawn. Then the nurses come back and tell us the results for Bun:Cr....32:1. I say that’s not bad (knowing normal is 30:1). But the nurse corrects me and says 37:1. I try to think of what it could be...maybe dehydration? Britt starts freaking out, saying we have to go find him now. I tell him he’ll be ok but she’s like hysterical at this point and somehow says it’s my fault. I’m fumbling around trying to pick up my belongings. Idk why there’s so many pens, etc but I’m hurrying. She gets frustrated and I tell her to just leave!! She does and the tide starts getting higher. The waves crash closer and closer as they look like they’re on their way to eat me. I’m still scurrying to pack everything up.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 21, 2020

I was touring a giant mansion that was for sale. Some rooms were super old and creepy. Others were super modern. It was kind of crazy. Next thing I know I’m in a Spanish speaking country. I’m a afraid of walking down the street at night. The girl I’m with makes herself look like a guy so no one will bother us. Next thing I know I’m a kid again. In hindsight, maybe I was reminiscing. We moved into an apartment with my siblings. It was so horrible that the furniture was falling out the windows. My parents were never around. Someone has an asthma attack and almost dies. They get to leave the apartment. I found out my sister slept with my bf. He’s coming over to clear the air. But I can’t believe she would do this to me. An argument breaks out between two girls, one ends up killing the other, and savagely shows off to the media. Saying they should be happy with having that footage. The house is driving me insane. I start going bonkers. It feels like some crazy haunting. At this point I think I try to kill myself. When I realize that gets me one step closer to being out of this country, I climb to the top of a building and see someone taunting me to jump off. It feels like some sick mind game. I do it, and now I’m almost across the border. People are trying to kill me. I get back into a restaurant, where moving through each level of room is traumatized with someone brutally chasing me. Finally I make it to the end, where they no longer have any power over me. I pop out of the door and I’m in my childhood neighborhood, finally having escaped it all.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 19, 2020

Had the dreaded dream last night........for some reason I was in the car with a guy driving. Eventually it turned into Stefan. He was flirting with me as if we were going to get back together. He tells me that he has a new gf now. He tells me he has to do something nice for her. This is where I start to freak out, upset that he was doing nice things for her that he never did for me. He makes her sound a lot better than me. He said sometimes it’s hard to get it in when they have sex, which felt like a jab at me. I mention that we were together for 3 years and he just broke up with me with a text message. He doesn’t remember this. “Why didn’t you ask to talk to me about it?” “I did! I did!”, I’m screaming. “I asked you to call me and you barely said anything.” He seems a little surprised that this detail left his memory. “I remember your dad hated me,” he said. I asked him what he meant. “That one year I just got you a cup for Christmas”. “Yeah, he was kind of shocked by that”. He starts telling me that his current gf does get annoyed with him sometimes, that he only hangs out with one of his friends besides her, that he still lives at home to save money. At this point idk why, but I’m hysterical. ~HYSTERICAL~. Screaming, “I hope she hurts you like you hurt me. I hope some day you have to feel what I feel.” We’re at a place now. We go upstairs and sit on the couch. I apologize for freaking out. I try to change the subject. I ask him if he thinks it’s possible to be friends with an ex. I swear that I’m not talking about me and him. Apparently I am talking about me and Alex (although we never officially dated irl), although I am kind of wondering about me and Stefan in the back of my mind too. I don’t remember what his answer was, but I have calmed down and the conversation is more civil now. I’m hurting, hurting so bad, but I try to think of all the reasons why we aren’t together and logic starts to kind of take over again. I decide to leave. I’m walking down the stairs, looking for my shoes. I say bye and he doesn’t respond. I get frustrated again, “see? This is what I mean! Why can’t you just be normal?”. He pauses for a second at the top of the stairs. I think now he can see that this wasn’t a plea to get him back. He says, “thank you for having a genuine conversation with me”.

[headintheblackcloud]

December 18, 2020

I’m on the porch of my house, which happens to be my childhood home. Some guy that I apparently like is there but I know that he has a girlfriend. My friend Katie comes over. My mom comes outside, drunk as per usual, and starts saying how Katie is pretty but that she looks old. I’m mortified. I pull Katie aside and said this is why I don’t invite people to my moms. I go inside to find Milo. Suddenly we have a lot of pups. I let them into the backyard to go out. Somehow my crush comes around the outside of the house to meet up with me. We’re walking and talking, and ultimately he says he wishes it was me. He gives me a hug.

[headintheblackcloud]

Dec 16, 2020

(Took a break for a little while bc I started having dreams that were kind of good??? I mean they still had bad flecks like losing my dog but I also fell in love or w/e lol)

I was forced to audition for a music video type thing, along with the rest of my classmates. If you weren’t chosen, you would be murdered. I couldnt get one of the dances right and was so frustrated in my inability to keep rhythm and eventually was told to step aside because I didn’t make the cut.

[headintheblackcloud]

Dec 5, 2020

Went to Panama with my best friend (Sara) and some other people. At one point I got separated from everyone. I was trying to text them for the address of the hotel but it seems like they didnt want me there. Next thing I know I’m stranded in the ocean on a kayak. The waves are huge. I try to call my mom. She tells me to come home but I can’t fight the current.im terrified that I’ll never make it to shore as wave after wave crashes over me. Somehow I do, and I go to the hotel. Someone that is friends with Sara tells me I need to be tranquilizers and Sara agrees. I’m at a loss for words. I was just stranded in the ocean. I was just fighting for my life. And they didn’t even care.

[headintheblackcloud]

Nov 29, 2020

I’m downtown with my brother and dad. None of us know how to get home, and every time we try to put our address in the GPS, it autocorrects it to somewhere completely different. For some reason my dad won’t listen to me. We’re riding on scooters and I’m on the back of his. He keeps leaning and turning in a way that is forcing me to fall off. I don’t know why he’s acting like this. I eventually go my own way. I remember my own scooter is parked in a parking lot. I go there and start beeping my keys and follow the sound. The sound is coming from the back of a guys van. I start screaming at him for stealing my only way home. He laughs and steps on the pedal. I try to catch his license plate.

[headintheblackcloud]

Nov 28, 2020

Also took place at our old Omaha house. I was trying to get ready for the last day of school but I was running late. I was putting my makeup on in the mirror and panicking that I wasn’t going to make it.

[headintheblackcloud]

Nov 28, 2020

I was living in my house in Omaha. Milo ran away. Another dog came to our house. At first I thought it was Milo but then I realized the coloring was a little off. I started freaking out trying to figure out where Milo was. The dog told me they kidnapped him.

[headintheblackcloud]

Nov 27, 2020

I was living in a dorm with a shared bathroom. I was taking a shower. A few of the girls started banging on the door because I was taking too long. Little did they know it was because I was trying to power wash grub off the tiles with the shower head. I started to panic because I had this sense of OCD that I had to finish the job.

[headintheblackcloud]

Nov 27, 2020

A guy at the mall asks me on a date. He’s done it before, but I always said no. This time I say yes. I get in my sport car and run off bc the other cars are coming. I drift around the parking lot and struggle to control the car.

[headintheblackcloud]

Nov 27, 2020

Old guy getting x rays at the mall. Turns out he’s the villain. He starts flying around and trying to attack everyone. I quickly build a light saber and try to take him down.