headphonesleatherjacket - Tumblr blog

[headphonesleatherjacket]

trans men be like hot and shit like they're just hot as fuck like what the fuck man why are you being so hot god damn

[headphonesleatherjacket]

you want me to get high? the thing that killed icarus?

[headphonesleatherjacket]

noticed my coworker was on tumblr so i told them “i like your shoelaces” and they said “never say that out loud to me”

[headphonesleatherjacket]

last night i had a dream that i told a joke that was so funny it killed people. I woke up after killing someone with it and in my tired stupor, rushed to write it down before I forgot it or fell back asleep. I just checked and this is what i wrote down

[headphonesleatherjacket]

me, a sensible boy, feeling a tickle: just your leg hair, calm down

caveman brain: it is so many spiders

[headphonesleatherjacket]

[headphonesleatherjacket]

"i won't be coming back here" is the funniest possible thing you can say to a customer service worker. you're at your place of work and someone comes in, acts like a jerk, ruins your day, and then, paradoxically, finishes up by reassuring you that this interaction is now over and you'll never have to see or hear from them again

[headphonesleatherjacket]

So imagine a DnD character who's whole motivation is 'X guy killed my parents and I need to find them' and the party just thinks 'ok, revenge quest, that's normal'

But when they finally find the guy the person with dead parents is just like "Hey buddy, long time no see. It's a shame we got separated, here's some money" and they're super chill.

The party is just confused and goes "Wait, why are you giving him gold?"

The guy just goes "Cause I owe him money?"

The party "But he killed your parents???"

"That's why I owe him money!"

[headphonesleatherjacket]

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the idea of the Evil Capitalism Companies TM from podcasts participating in rainbow capitalism. does Goddard Futuristics make their logo rainbow for the month. does LMG go above and beyond to put queer people in their advertisements for the month of June. Does Overhead make Gordon help them post during pride as he is their Gay Employee. because I personally think it would be hilarious

[headphonesleatherjacket]

The penumbra season 5 is WEARING ME OUT?! Is Jupeter going to be a thing in the end?? Is Slip going to be resurrected?? What’s with everyone telling Juno to stop searching for Peter?? This got my mind doing Olympics 😭

[headphonesleatherjacket]

every time i ask people if they do any new years resolutions its all ooooo i dont like making them bc i fail or ohhhhh no i couldnt keep up wiht that and then when they ask me and i tell them about Pasta Quest (i am eating as many different pasta shapes as possible in the space of a year) or when i did Fruit Adventures (every time i saw a fruit i had never eaten before id get one and eat it and read the wikipedia article about it) theyre like hang on i forgot you can make Fun Ones i want a fun one

[headphonesleatherjacket]

The strongest guy in the Magnus Archives is that one guy who was so obsessed with his dog that he just walked right out of the Spiral because it was her dinnertime

[headphonesleatherjacket]

Arthur stop flirting we’ve lost a lot of blood

[headphonesleatherjacket]

[headphonesleatherjacket]

"being a tma fan is so hard because everything becomes a reference waaa" i live in LONDON.

[headphonesleatherjacket]

alex and jonny dunking on jon my beloved <333

[headphonesleatherjacket]

finding a flower meadow in the apocalypse and making the best of it with your antichrist bf