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Above is a resource from the Center’s for Disease Control about dating violence among teens. 

Preventing Teen Violence Fact Sheet. (2017). Center’s for Disease Control. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/tdv-factsheet.pdf

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Did you know?

If someone is pressuring you to have sex, messing with your birth control to cause a pregnancy, or removing condoms without your consent, this is called sexual and reproductive coercion, and it’s a form of abuse. 

Please visit Planned Parenthood’s website to learn how to keep yourself safe sexually, and protect yourself from reproductive abuse. 

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Source: Love is Respect (2017). Collective Action for Safe Spaces. https://www.collectiveactiondc.org/2017/02/12/love-is-respect/

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How to Leave an Abusive Relationship

If you’ve read previous posts by Healthy Relationship Blog, you may have realized that you have a relationship with an abuser. Ending a relationship with an abuser is a scary process, but you can plan ahead. Below is a link to help you create a “Safety Plan” to leave your abuser for good and keep yourself safe. Love Is Respect is a great online resource for teens and young adults for information about how to have a healthy relationship. 

Create a Safety Plan 

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Hey, Healthy Relationships Blog, thanks for the great info about different types of unhealthy behavior in relationships! I'm still in high school, but I think I am struggling with some people in my life who are like this. What can I do?

Hello student! 

Thank you for this important question. You have made a great step in identifying unhealthy behaviors in those around you. Below, I will list six important strategies for preventing and coping with unhealthy relationships. 

1. Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis. 

It sounds like you have already done this, but it is always important to notice the positive and negative things that each person brings into our lives. Once you have considered each category of things, have a parent, guardian, or school guidance counselor review your concerns with you. Plus, an adult might recognize a behavior in your relationship that is harmful that you might otherwise overlook. 

2. Recognize when you must end a harmful relationship rather than work to change it. 

There are several “deal breakers” in relationships, where you have no choice but to end the relationship rather than work to improve or change it. For example, end a relationship that includes illegal substances like drugs or alcohol. End a relationship with someone who threatens your safety or health. End a relationship when a parent or guardian points out unsafe behavior of that other person. And always, get help from a trusted adult (a teacher, guidance counselor, school nurse, or someone else)  if the harmful relationship is with another family member. 

3. For any existing harmful relationship, identify behaviors that would need to change in order for you to stay in that relationship. 

List changes in yourself, or in the other person. Tell yourself that you will not cancel plans with the person, even if something better comes along. Or tell that person that you expect them to tell you the truth at all times, or you can no longer hang out with them. 

4. Talk to a parent/guardian or other trusted adult about the relationship. 

Discuss the changes you expect of yourself and the other person, and ask the trusted adult if the relationship is worth saving, or if the expectations are worth it. Discuss other relationships, and notice any similarities that might prompt you to work on your relationship skills. 

5. Have a frank and honest conversation about the relationship with the other person about your concerns and expectations, and have them share theirs. 

Discuss with the other person, and determine whether the relationship can be continued. If you want to continue together, make a plan for how to do so. 

6. Set a future date in which you will evaluate the relationship again. 

Set a realistic time frame for making necessary changes, and when the date arrives, evaluate whether the expectations on both sides have been met. 

Source: Meeks, L., Heit, P., Page, R. (2013). Comprehensive School Health Education: Totally Awesome Strategies for Teaching Health. 8th Ed. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

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Here is a great visual to help teens and adults alike understand what equality looks like in romantic relationships, at every stage of life! 

Source: Healthy Relationships Equality Wheel. University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill SAFE. Accessed on December 8, 2018. https://safe.unc.edu/learn-more/healthy-relationships-2/

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IN A HEALTY RELATIONSHIP YOU:

Treat each other with respect. Feel secure and comfortable. Are not violent with each other. Can resolve conflicts satisfactorily. Enjoy the time you spend together. Support one another. Take interest in one another’s lives: health, family, work, etc. Have privacy in the relationship. Can trust each other. Communicate clearly and openly. Have letters, phone calls, and e-mail that are your own. Encourage other friendships. Are honest about your past and present Know that most people in your life are happy about the relationship. Have more good times in the relationship than bad.

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A great relationship is one where you can both grow together

Healthy Relationships Blog 

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10 Harmful Ways of Relating

Relationships are tricky, especially when you are young and new to navigating difficult situations. While it is important to strive to surround ourselves with positive influences, the reality is that you will meet people who so not respect themselves or others, and who will try to relate to you in an unhealthy, harmful way. This blog post aims to address 10 types of unhealthy behavior in relationships to help students and parents be prepared to handle unhealthy relationships. 

The People Pleaser 

The people pleaser constantly seeks the approval of others by any means necessary, including participating in harmful behaviors like drinking and drug use. People pleasers are often described as “door mats,” and sabotage their chances to have healthy relationships because others do not respect them. It is important to be true to your own values and beliefs, and to respect yourself in order for others to respect you. 

The Enabler 

Enablers sabotage their relationships because they do not hold others accountable. Enablers support the harmful behavior of others by overlooking or making excuses for it. An enabler may also drink or use drugs with a person who has a drinking or drug addiction. Healthy relationships require all parties to behave responsibly. When the enabler supports irresponsible behavior, they are hurting themselves and everyone else who is affected by the behavior. 

The Clinger 

The clinger is needy and dependent on other people. The clinger feels insecure and empty inside, and constantly turns to others to feel better. Attention helps the clinger feel better temporarily, but no amount of attention will fulfill the clinger for long, and oftentimes the clinger will lose friendships by making other people feel suffocated. Relationships that are healthy allow all parties to have necessary space, and separate interests from one another without feeling abandoned or threatened. 

The Fixer 

The fixer is someone who tries to fix other people’s problems for them, in order to avoid fixing their own. Fixers are very quick to offer advice, and identify possible solutions for other people. They often become too involved in other people’s problems and do not recognize their own feelings. Fixers struggle to have healthy relationships because people do not want other people trying to solve their problems for them. Healthy people can have others help them solve their problems, but do not rely on others to take over. 

The Distancer

The distancer is a person who is emotionally unavailable to others. The distancer does this by preventing other people from getting too close to them, and tend to avoid people in order not to share feelings or be emotionally vulnerable. Distancers do this in order to keep themselves from getting hurt, but they sabotage their opportunities for healthy, fulfilling relationships by refusing to take risks and form new friendships. 

The Controller 

A Controller might tell someone what to do, think, say, feel, wear, and where they can or cannot go or to whom they can or cannot talk. A controller seeks power, and is jealous, possessive, and domineering. For example, a controller might monopolize a boyfriend or girlfriend’s time. Controllers do not respect the interests or opinions of others and they sabotage their chance at a healthy relationship by doing this. Remember, healthy relationships thrive when people participate in decision-making within a relationship, not when one person tries to control another in a relationship (romantic or not). 

The Center

The Center is a person who is self-centered, or self-absorbed. If  you try to have a conversation with a person who is self-centered, they only talk about themselves without allowing you to discuss your feelings. Centers only think about what they want to do, and will do this without regard to how another person feels. They sabotage their chances at a healthy relationship by ignoring the needs of others and only thinking about themselves. 

The Abuser 

The abuser is a person who is physically or emotionally abusive. The abuser might constantly put other people down, pick fights, threaten, or act in other violent ways, such as forcing another person to have sex. Abusers often confuse their victims because they alternate between periods of violence and gentleness. However, periods of gentleness and kindness always end with an abuser, and the abuser will always return to their abusive ways eventually. If you suspect that a person you know is an abuser, STAY AWAY, as this person can harm you physically and emotionally. 

The Liar 

Honesty is the foundation of any healthy relationship, but the liar sabotages their chance at having a healthy relationship because they do not tell the truth. People base their responses on the words and actions of others, and when someone gives you false information, your responses are based on false information. The liar wants to appear better than they are, and as a result their relationships are based on lies rather than trust and honesty. 

The Promise Breaker 

The promise breaker is unreliable. The promise breaker makes commitments and often chooses to not to show up when something better comes along. Promise breakers might try to promise that they will change, but expect that they will break this promise too. A promise breaker struggles to maintain healthy relationships because others do not trust them to keep their word, and doubt their sincerity and commitment to people and plans. 

Source: Meeks, L., Heit, P., Page, R. (2013). Comprehensive School Health Education: Totally Awesome Strategies for Teaching Health. 8th Ed. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

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Source: Healthy Relationships Equality Wheel. University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill SAFE. Accessed on December 8, 2018. https://safe.unc.edu/learn-more/healthy-relationships-2/

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Greetings!

Hello students and parents, 

I am so pleased that you have visited my website about healthy relationships. This website aims to help students and parents alike navigate questions about healthy relationships that are common among adolescents and teens, as well as to help parents and students understand how to avoid unhealthy relationships. 

What is a relationship? 

A “relationship” is a connection that one person has with another, and there are many kinds of relationships that each of us will experience throughout our lives, including those with family, friends, romantic partners, and many more! 

What is the difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship? 

Whether a relationship is between you and a parent, friend, or romantic partner, a healthy relationship is a relationship that fosters self-respect, encourages health and productivity, and is free from violence and abuse (physical, verbal, or emotional), and is free from drug and alcohol misuse. 

An unhealthy relationship is a relationship with someone in your life interferes with your life and health with abuse or violence, damages your self-respect, or involves drug and alcohol abuse. 

In life, we spend a lot of time with our friends, family, and romantic partners, so it is important that we cultivate relationships that are healthy, safe, and enjoyable for everyone. This blog will discuss healthy relationships, will particular emphasis on recognizing harmful relationships.