heartmindandsnow

[heartmindandsnow]

via weheartit

[heartmindandsnow]

Golden hour in August does hit different...

Hello August..🌞🌺🪻

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

Don't say you weren't warned, or "didn't see it coming"... because it most certainly is coming.

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

Szeretlek. Nem úgy, mint a mesékben, hanem úgy, ahogy az ember szeret akkor is, amikor fáj. Amikor már nem tudja, van-e értelme, csak érzi, hogy nem tud máshova menni ezzel az érzéssel. Nem könyörgök. Nem rohanok utánad. De ott vagy bennem minden nap. És bármit hoz is a holnap, te mindig egy darab maradsz abból, aki én vagyok.

- @justagirlwithbigheart

[heartmindandsnow]

From Sept 3rd 2024: I waited... and waited... 9 long months. Reaching out to her, still sending her notes, meme's and the sort. At first she would read it multiple times a day, then the slow fade to nothing.

I already know there is no "second act" in this case, because she now blocked me after I mailed her flowers for her birthday (the audacity I know). In our language, I sent a note that said, why? because I wanted to that's why.

I never really understood the term "soulmate" especially how frequently it is bantered about in the internet-relationship-world. But I will say, I've never really experienced a soulmate type of connection until this one, and I can confidently say that soulmates aren't created, you can't really connect with someone and turn it into a soulmate connection - it either just is or isn't from the very beginning and it's up to you to discover it.

As I experienced it, it's a connection that goes beyond just a physical presence. She and I would wake up within just a minute or two of each other (from different time zones). No, my phone wasn't "on" (DnD mode face down), and no alarms. But I'd wake up, and I could just "feel" her spiritual presence - before she could even message me "jó reggelt", her ... was in process of telling me. This went on for months. It's a connection that your spirit just feels completely at ease with one another, no tension, no "we just had an argument are they going to break-up with me", a feeling of security, peace, and genuine affection for one another. A feeling of like your soul is finally "home" and this is how the rest of your life is going to turn out. With them.

Prior to my own introduction to her by several months, in my line of work at the time I modeled realistic things for automotive simulation. I'm not an architect and don't want to become one, so using real-world examples as a basis to take artistic liberty with the things I create, I was drawn to start modeling buildings from her home city even though it was states away from my own, and I had no family, friends, or acquaintances that lived there.

Our natal charts lined up in a very harmonious way, from her being Gemini in conjunction with Jupiter, and with a Libra rising, to my Aquarius with Jupiter at the same degree, with a Libra moon.

There were many more "other worldly" experiences like these, but this is to just illustrate what kind of connection a soulmate implies.

Now, one might be able to argue, well you just felt like she was a soulmate because the both of you were intelligent Hungarian skiers that had a similar outlook on life with similar goals. In putting myself back "out there" again, very surprisingly, I talked to probably a dozen or more of women who share those same attributes - and yet, even with talking to a few of them on the phone - none of them actually felt like what I just described. "Well you aren't giving it enough time yet..." possibly, but in my 51 years of existence so far, I can confidently tell you that I hadn't felt that way about another person prior to her (including my now ex-wife), and that this sort of thing seems to be exceedingly rare.

"Well she clearly didn't feel that way about you then", no... she did, I could see it in her eyes even during the last time I saw her. She just refused to run with it (because of her own issues and standing in her own way because of it) and commit to us being a life long partnership. Everyone has their own choices in life to make, even if they don't agree with your own.

I figure ideally I've got about 30 years left or so on this planet, and hopefully 15ish of those to still be able to ski. Which is to say, I don't expect to be able to feel that again, and I don't really know what to make of it anymore.

This wasn't a lesson I needed. I don't need anymore lessons on soul crushing heartache. So if the Universe could just rightly fuck off and leave me alone - especially after this one, I'd appreciate it.

[heartmindandsnow]

Like memories hung up on a wall, never to be touched again...

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

Her birthday is Sunday... I never imagined there would be one that I would no longer be a part of.

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

[heartmindandsnow]

The body, the soul, and the mind - they all go together. You can't really separate or compartmentalize as much as you might think.