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[heartsfms]

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[heartsfms]

" there's no pressure for me to crumble under. " lori responded plainly, folding her arms across her chest. a defensive position, yes, but also one to signify her mild irritation at the conversation. " my best friend was murdered, and i've never felt worse, but nothing i do in this situation helps me out, i can't win. " if she crumbled and broke down entirely because of the loss, there would be conspiracy theorists claiming she was overreacting to hide something, and if she kept on like everything was fine she was a heartless bitch. and she wouldn't give in to either.

" i don't want it to be years in the making, i want it to be over. " she mumbled, wishing that the process was easier, quicker, less of a whodunnit for clueless shits not even at all involved in what happened, but unfortunately it wasn't. " humor me. do you think whoever did it will be caught ? "

"cheeky. bold, even. probably could use it in your defense too, that you're not crumbling to bits under the pressure." he struck at the pool table again, clearing a ball into a pocket and watching her square up her shoulders. a fighter, maybe, but ultimately not his problem until the cops started pushing for an interview without an attorney present. maybe she was in the class of people here who could pay for their own lawyers.

"you probably don't have to worry though. case like this could be years in the making. everyone will forget about your reaction by then. town will be normal before you know it"

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at times like this lori supposed that all a person ever really needed was a hug, and yet she had been seeking comfort in just about every other thing, too afraid that the comfort of a hug, or even a simple apology or offer of condolences, would cause her to lose it completely, and despite her brief stint here at the funeral, she had been doing pretty good so far at keeping it together. but now, with suspicion looming over her thanks to that god damn podcast, the iceberg that was her state was crumbling. " thank you. " she told lucia, voice barely above a soft whisper as she went in for the hug. " i really needed this. "

Lucia resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It certainly wasn't Lori's fault that the town had twisted any genuine offer of kindness, of sympathy and attempt to understand, into something worthy of suspicion. That didn't mean it wasn't very frustrating to feel rebuffed almost before a conversation could get going. Just because Lucia didn't much care for more information on Hope Mercer didn't mean other people didn't. Suspicions were fair, she reminded herself, even if they were misplaced. "Of course it's still on the table. I wouldn't offer it if I planned to revoke it immediately." Lucia opened her arms and waited. "Come here." Kindness cost nothing, after all. Mercer Hollow seemed in need of a reminder of that.

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once noah had lit the cigarette for her, lori brought it up to her lips and took a drag, grateful for the burn in her lungs as she did. lori had never been much of a smoker, certainly not enough to go and purchase a packet of cigarettes herself, but she rarely passed up the opportunity to bum one off somebody else, especially after a drink. she smiled slightly at noah's reaction, before shaking her head. " no way, it may have been back in those days, for sure, and the look and aesthetic of it all definitely is. but the smell ? god no. and, you're definitely no james dean. " she added teasingly.

he gave lori his last cigarette and lit it with a lighter he swiped from a gas station even though he had plenty of money to pay for it. he couldn't explain why he still did shit like that at twenty-five, just like he couldn't explain why he didn't quit smoking until after hope broke up with him. "what the fuck, rhodes?" noah grinned slightly and took a long drag, "i've seen grease—alright, i've seen parts of grease, and the entire point is that smoking is sexy as fuck. and james dean? easily the sexiest man to have ever lived."

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" it isn't insane. " lori confirmed, shaking her head in assurance. " i mean, we know hope better than anyone, right ? definitely better than the detectives on the case. if she'd hidden anything, or at least tried to, it would make sense that they wouldn't be able to find it. but we'd know where to look, she was crafty and we know it. " she and hope had found many-a hiding places for their secrets over the years, and they had been good at burying things they wanted away from the public eye. " it's definitely a long-shot, and we shouldn't get our hopes up too high, but it's worth at least giving it a look. "

lori was definitely no amateur sleuth, but she refused to leave theo alone in this, especially now that they had both been named and shamed by the podcast, they both had something to prove now, and she couldn't bring herself to feel frightened when she was around the boy who'd never made her feel anything but safe before. " of course. i wouldn't dream of missing out. " she was certain that most people would worry if they were caught together ; the boyfriend and the best friend returning to the scene of the crime, it practically wrote itself, but lorelai deserved to prove her innocence as much as theo did, and she wanted to help him.

theo bit his lip, shifting weight from foot to foot for just a moment, his nervousness coming through in his body language. he took a slow breath to get control. "this isn't insane right? to go back there and try to find something the police could have missed? we know hope better than anyone. if she did something unusual we'd be able to find out."

he didn't want to get caught and accused of doing something nefarious. he wasn't hiding evidence. he was trying to find it. the feel of his suit was constricting on his neck. but he couldn't just tear it off now, he needed to look the part. grieving boyfriend. put together rich kid. "you'll be with me, right? no one will worry if we're together."

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" oh really ? and why, pray tell, is that ? " the blonde questioned, an amused smile practically plastered permanently onto her lips. given everything going on lately, it was nice to be able to experience some tranquility and fun, even if short-lived. " oh of course, i know all about conflicts of interest, trust me. "

"you could," chasen shrugged his shoulders, far too smugly for someone in his current situation, "but it wouldn't get you very far." he leaned back against the wall behind him and let out a soft, little forlorn sigh, like the situation was completely out of his hands. "conflict of interest stuff, you understand."

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" well, that makes one of us because i definitely am. " something she hadn't learned about herself until recently, but lorelai rhodes was definitely a drink your sorrows and problems away until you feel them no longer kind of girl. " oh absolutely he did. probably why so many people worshipped him, god knows i'd give anything to have perfect hair all of the time. " she commented, nodding her head along in agreement. it was disguised, sure, but lori knew what ren was really asking her here, the same thing she imagined everyone she crossed paths with from here on out would be asking her too, for at least the next few days before another 'suspect' gets name dropped. " tell me about it, why do you think i'm hiding out over here. " she had no interest in the judging glares from people pre-deciding she was guilty, and she refused to be the next theo in hope's murder case. " she didn't call me for help, or say anything relevant, if that's what you're wondering. if she did i would have told the cops. "

ren snorted and then smoothed her face out into a more neutral expression, one that would even make veronica mercer proud, "i'm not a 'drink your sorrows away' kind of girl, promise." she envied people who were so quick to throw away all semblance of self-control with such ease, but she would rather sit with this hollowness than throw caution to the wind. the corner of her mouth twitched into a small smirk as she tossed the weighty can into the trash to scandalize a priest later, "but you have to admit that he had hella good hair." she sat with the silence for a moment until her mouth opened without permission, "so, the chronicle...immaculate timing as usual." aka: were you really the last person to hear hope's voice before she was killed?

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“ oh definitely chocolate chip, though blueberry’s a close second. ” lorelai answered. she was fully aware of her new found status as a suspect in her best friends murder, thanks to the godforsaken dumbass podcast deciding to stick their enlarged noses into everyone’s business as of late, but she didn’t care what people thought ; hiding away would only cause more people to believe her to be guilty of something, and she had nothing to hide. she wasn’t going to give the satisfaction. “ i’ve never heard of fruit explosion, but there’s probably blueberry in there too, possibly raspberry, strawberry, any other berry you could name, so it might be a bit of an overload. ”

Open, Black Ridge Coffee

Hope Mercer. Hope Mercer. Hope Mercer.

It was all she heard around town these days. Sure, she'd known when she'd moved into Mercer Hollow that the Mercer family would come up now and again. But she hadn't expected to be plagued by a person. Especially not one that was coming back to haunt her from beyond the grave.

She knew she was going crazy and that likely no one was paying extra attention to her and making judgements that she wasn't focusing all of her attention on the case 24/7. Or were they? But everyone needed coffee in the morning, right? And maybe a muffin... Best muffins in town, so she'd been told...

"Would you go for chocolate chip or blueberry? Or...what is that, fruit explosion? That sounds interesting..." she inquired with the person stood nearby as she peered into the baked goods display case.

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“ my office ? yeah, uh huh. because i’ve definitely got one of those. ” the look on lori’s face was one of undisguised confusion, but she’d never been one to pass up an opportunity, and she was also pretty nosey when it came to other peoples business, especially when it didn’t involve her. “ yeah, got it. we’ve been together all day.. but can i ask why ? ”

chasen didn’t make asking for favors a habit. the last thing he needed was to be in debt to someone in a town so small it didn't have an expressway to get the hell out of dodge—but some emergencies couldn’t be avoided. “if anyone asks,” he glanced over his shoulder, instinctively, and pursed his lips like he was about to get a root canal. “i was in your office discussing...business?" his nose scrunched as he contemplated the plausibility this impromptu scenario before continuing, "all day. got it?”  

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“ theo didn’t do anything. ” lori stated firmly with a shake of her head. she’d be willing to bet good money on it, in fact she didn’t suspect anybody close to hope of anything where her murder was concerned. “ this isn’t a horror movie, it’s real life. the stereotypical don’t trust the love interest doesn’t apply, and neither do most movie rules. all that happens is people who should be grieving in peace get harassed by the media and wind up even more miserable. ” she could see exactly where things were heading, and she didn’t want either of hope’s parents to have to go through it. “ yeah. i think that’d be great. iced coffee date ? ”

lori's smile wasn't full, but it still felt like a victory. she gently dropped lori's hand. sometimes, anna worried about being too much for the people around her, but she figured that with the people she cared about it was better to do too much than too little. "yeah, they went pretty hard on her boyfriend. soon they'll be saying her parents did it, or something equally ridiculous." anna shook herself a little. "but hey, enough talking about things we can't control. are you free to hang out? wanna go somewhere?"

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" we'd have to construct a mountainous pile of designer handbags or gossip magazines, the teddy bears would have to be a more private display, so that she looked more mature and sophisticated to the general public. " to the people that didn't know her well, if at all, that wouldn't really know what to look for or how to properly memorialise hope. " it would be a full on candlelight vigil, and a display that would live on way longer than it needed to. " she mused, nodding her head. " yeah. she does. like her. "

theo looked down at their joined hands. hope could be jealous, sometimes. but she never loved him. she liked having him close, but he always knew it wasn't about love for them. he wondered if now it was wrong of him to want love, seek it out where he could, just for the feeling of being cared for. "she would hate a teddy bear pile though. that's for kids. hope would want something more dramatic and not hidden in the woods where people had to hike out to find it. she'd want it on center display."

he couldn't quite picture a statue outside the college or in the middle of a fountain, but he could picture a display of flowers outside her house. her family name was already on plenty of benches and buildings in the town. "she needs something unique. special."

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the kindness of people who didn't owe you anything wasn't something that lori had quite grasped just yet, being used to people sucking up to hope in order to gain something as they were growing up, but maya seemed to genuinely want to help her, and so lori complied, holding out her free hand to take the glass of water. " thanks. " she offered in response, quieter than she ha dbeen earlier, but loud enough for it to be heard. " sorry.. i don't mean to be such a bitch, it's just.. hard. " she had been pretending to have it all together, for her family, for veronica mercer, for theo, but it was clear that she didn't.

"i was just going to ask if you wanted a glass of water. gotta keep hydrated, doctor’s orders" maya half-heartedly joked with a smile as she held out a glass of water. she didn’t know lori well other than the fact that she was hope’s best friend and seeing her around the hospital when she volunteered or when she was on rotations, but she could tell that she wasn’t dealing too well with the whole ordeal. though if maya’s best friend was murdered, she probably would be the same and all she could think about is how she hoped there was someone to look out for her, even if it was something as basic as making sure she wasn’t giving herself alcohol poisoning. 

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her eyes flicked over to the cigarette box in noah's hand, before her shoulders shrugged. she reached out a hand expectantly. " go on then, hand one over. you can never have too much stress relief. " especially not when hiding out at your best friends funeral to take a drink away from prying eyes, that would only make up conspiracies if they caught you trying to numb the pain in any way. lori knew that noah got it, got her and how she was feeling now ; he may not have been her most recent boyfriend, but he had been once, and he had loved her in his own way, even if that love had changed over time. " well she isn't wrong, the smell alone is far from enjoyable, and definitely not sexy. " a little hypocritical of the woman about to light one up of her own, but she wasn't wrong.

noah held up his hands in surrender and then reached for the box of newports in his suit pocket, "just wanted to see if you wanted one, but clearly you aren't in need of any stress-relief." he tapped the carton against his palm and pulled out a cigarette, holding it between his fingers for a long moment before finally lighting it. "hope hated when i smoked," he finally spoke, watching the smoke swirl towards the overcast sky, "she said it was like making out with an ashtray." guess that wasn't a problem anymore. he realized, belatedly, that he couldn't even remember the last time they kissed. he spent most of their relationship drunk, hungover, or screaming. he knew from the beginning that kind of powder keg couldn't last forever, but that hadn't stopped him from letting her pull him into the bathroom of his frat house the night they lit the fuse.

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a part of lori felt pretty damn bad when she noticed the other woman, timid and clearly only trying to do something nice, but another part of her knew all too well that almost everybody wanted something, and she wasn't interested in engaging with people who might have been pretending to be nice to her to get any insider information on hope or her murder, especially with lori being openly known as her best friend. still, a hug couldn't hurt. " well, if it's still on the table, it definitely isn't going to make me feel any worse. "

Once, Lucia had arrived in a small town that seemed straight out of fiction, where everything seemed like a dream or entirely fake. It had taken her years to realize just how fake so much of it actually was. What she'd gained far quicker was her own best friend, someone she never would have made it this far without. There was a desire to help Lori, but the way she was greeted caused both of Lucia's eyebrows to raise up. "I didn't want to bother you at all," she said quietly, looking somewhere on the ground behind the other. "I just wanted to know if you wanted a hug. So... Apology accepted. But the offer of a hug is still on the table."

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" ren. " despite the not so close relationship the mercer sisters had, while hope was alive anyway, lori had never let that deter her from acting friendly towards the younger sister, and even though she knew that the two sisters had never been as close as lori and hope had been, lori still imagined the pang of losing a family member, an older sister, had to hurt, even deep down. " i'll hand it over when i know you aren't going to take it yourself. " she compromised, holding out the can to ren. " it's a little unfair to compare me to jesus. i would never wear those kind of sandals. "

not everyone had the luxury of being coached by veronica mercer their entire life. maybe, she should thank her mother for ensuring that she didn't look like she was spinning out when she couldn't form any other coherent thought than 'don't start screaming'. lori evidently didn't receive the same training. "i know you guys were close," clearly closer than sisters, "but you need to pull it together before my mom sees and blows a gasket." she held out her hand and gave lori her sternest look, "hand it over. i know jesus turned water into wine, but he could probably handle his booze being the son of god and all."

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" you're right, and she'd definitely give the woman over there in the fake designer a good stern talking to. " lori nodded, gesturing towards the funeral goer in question, who she didn't think had ever even spoken to hope before, wiping presumably fake tears on a handkerchief.

as theo went on about trying to form his own sort of investigation, to figure out who had really done this to hope, lori had to wonder herself whether that would work ; the two of them knew hope better than the detectives on the case, so maybe they could find evidence that they would miss. " or maybe they wouldn't. not if they don't know what to look for, or maybe the murderer knew how to cover their tracks, even well enough that the cops could miss it. " she trieed to think back to hope that night, to her behaviour - trying to pinpoint if anything was off, but she couldn't.

"and- i mean, she'd have a field day with how people dressed. i think i saw black denim. anything comfortable to wear should have been banned. she'd want people to hurt physically if they're not going to cry over her." it made his eyes water, just for a moment, to think about. hope sitting in the passenger seat of his car complaining about how she got dressed up to go out and other people just wore sweats like they didn't even try. the sound of her laughter. then he remembered he'd been sleeping with other people and it felt sacrilegious somehow to have memories of her that made him laugh in the moment.

"i keep... thinking about going back to the bonfire site. like somehow i can retrace her steps and find something or make sense of who was there. but i swear i walked around that place like a hundred times the day she went missing. and the cops would have found something if there was something to find." unless they were fucking up, which wasn't unexpected of cops. and if theo found something, anything, that could point them in the right direction and away from him and the people who actually loved hope... maybe it would clear his conscience.

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" that was kinda the point. " this was her best friends funeral, so lori obviously had to show her face, and she knew better than to prance around drunk off her ass, which is why she had found a quiet area away from things before attempting to drown her sorrows. " i don't understand how anyone does these things sober. " she muttered, looking down into what remained of her drink. " of course i do. "

“ i didn’t actually know you were over here. but good to know you can handle your liquor, lori. “ julien attempted to joke to lighten the mood with how reactive the response had been. but he’d be lying if he didn’t understand where she was coming from. and hell, from his perspective the drinking was well warranted. “ look, i get it. “ he exhaled as he folded his arms over his chest, allowing some silence to pass before saying anything else. “ you really miss her, don’t you? “