heartshown

[heartshown]

[heartshown]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 — as the wind slips through all the cracks and holes in this forgotten house they've sheltered in for the time being. But the chill that Lori feels is deeper than just the weather, everything has changed. They had settled into life at the farm, they fell into the comfortable routine there and Lori had allowed herself to believe that they would be okay. She'd let herself think that maybe this world was one that she could bring another child into, that they could somehow make this nightmare work and there would be some new semblance of normalcy found there. But she'd been wrong and now, more than she would admit out loud, she was terrified and the quiet that came with the night only encouraged her to spiral in on herself until she was full of an internal storm of worry.

Carol's voice pulled her from her thoughts and the weather seemed like such a trivial thing to talk about in the grand scheme of things. But maybe this is what she needs, to focus on something small and unimportant at least for the time being so that she didn't lose herself to the fear inside of her chest.

❝ God, I hope not. ❞ The words slip out in a half-hearted chuckle, more like a rush of air than an actual bit of laughter. ❝ I don't think I could handle the snow on top of everything else right now. ❞

LIKED : revamp starter call / @heartshown

               it’s   almost   haunting,   the   sounds   of   the   weather   outside.      the   wind   howls,   the   old   farm   house   they’ve   found   themselves   in   for   the   night   cracks   with   the   rapid   temperature   change.      winter   is   here,   and   mother   nature   is   unrelenting   with   her   storm.      a   cloud   can   be   seen   with   each   breath   taken,   just   another   reminder   of   how   ill   suited   they   were   for   the   season.      only   the   clothes   on   their   backs   shield   their   skin   from   the   biting   chill.      the   fire   does   little   to   warm   her   frail   body,   and   given   how   others   huddle   together   and   hold   their   knees   she’d   have   to   guess   that   feeling   is   mutually   felt.      carol   will   get   no   warmer   sitting   here   thinking   about   how   cold   she   is,   so   attention   turns   to   the   brunette   by   her   side.      ❝   what   do   you   think?      are   we   going   to   have   a   white   christmas?   ❞      not   that   there   would   be   any   celebrating   among   them.      tensions   are   high   after   the   farm   fell,   with   rick’s   change   in   demeanor   and   his   admission   of   murder.      they   are   concerned,   afraid,   angry,   all   of   the   emotions   that   can   be   felt   in   a   person   they   were   all   experiencing.

[heartshown]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒏 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏 — as sweat beaded and gathered everywhere. Everything stuck to her body, her clothes, the dirt, her hair, bugs. Lori tried to make the most out of their situation. No amount of complaining or wishing would make things any different, so she'd grin and bear it as she sat with the bowl of foraged food in her lap, sorting for their next meal.

❝ Hi baby, ❞ She reached out towards Carl, grabbing hold of his hand to bring him closer to her under the shade of the tree she'd sat herself under to shelter from the unforgiving rays. ❝ I think we can make that happen. What if we don't just skip rocks today? Maybe we can hop in? What do you think about that? ❞

@heartshown wanted a thing

❛ HEY MOM? ❜ CARL CALLED, pushing himself up from where he had been sitting to walk towards her. he'd been drawing on some scrap pieces of paper with colored pencils recently sharpened with a pocket knife. IT HAD WORKED WELL ENOUGH. ❛ you think we could go to the water today and skip some rocks? ❜ the sun was getting hotter as the day went on, his hair sticking to his forehead with droplets of sweat.

[heartshown]

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒐𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒕 — at even the mention of telling Rick. 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝘩𝑖𝑚 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤. 𝐶𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝘩𝑖𝑚 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤. The voice inside of her head chants as she tries to steady her breathing before closing in the distance. This is her burden to carry, her secret to keep but she's set this into motion, placed this in his lap and now she has to tell him more than she wanted anyone else to ever know.

❝ No, it's — ❞ But where does she begin? The words lock up in her throat, and get lost in the breath that leaves her lungs. ❝ It's nothin' to be concerned about, just lady things. He doesn't need to know. ❞

(      *    i.       heartshown asked:      “ okay, let’s talk this out. ”

                         baseball   hat   sits   on   top   of    raven   soaked   strands    …   exhausted  ,     he    returned   from    the    small   town   with    the   others   but   this   time    it   was   a   request    from    lori     . .   though    after   reading    the    slip   of   paper.     he   was    a    little    confused       “    why    didn’t   you   ask    rick    earlier    ?    did    you   want    me    to       talk    to    him   ?    ”   prepared   to   go   after    the   other   ,   he   stops   …   as    she   cuts    him   off    from    the   path   to   the   house.    “    lori  ?  ”    it   dawns   on   him  ,   maybe  it   was   something   she   didn’t   want   rick   to   find   out   but   why?

[heartshown]

[heartshown]

if it feels wrong don't do it, alright? if it feels easy don't do it, 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖.

*𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒏 ❞ — independent and private 𝐿𝑂𝑅𝐼 𝐺𝑅𝐼𝑀𝐸𝑆 from amc’s 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑊𝐴𝐿𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐷𝐸𝐴𝐷. highly selective with interactions and mutuals only. canon divergent (ish) and mostly follows personal headcanons. written by 𝐉 - she / they - cst timezone — carrd (05/28/23)

𝒂𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 — @stillcominback, @miserybled, @deiridh

[heartshown]

@deiridh — ❝ if you need someone to talk to, i'll listen. ❞

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒉𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆-𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 — that had taken root inside of her soul and refused to let go. It felt like everything she was doing these days all went wrong and she couldn't seem to get anything to level out long enough for her to find her bearings. Lori didn't allow herself time to dwell on life before because it never did anyone any good but in moments like this when the quiet settled in and the overwhelming feelings seemed to overtake her, it was all that she could do.

She remembered her life with Rick before things got complicated, the house they shared, and the little moments that no longer seemed so insignificant these days like slow dancing in the kitchen or falling asleep watching movies on the couch. She remembered and mourned over the childhood that Carl should have had and the one she knew Judith would never know; school pick up and drop-offs, carefree moments at the park in town, and ice cream dates on the weekends.

Maggie's voice cut through the spiral happening inside of her head and jolted her back to the rigid reality of their circumstances. That sadness that was embedded into her must've shown on her face.

❝ Oh, it's nothin'. Just got lost in my thoughts. ❞ Lori offered up a smile knowing it didn't reflect in her gaze, one she knew Maggie would see right through.

[heartshown]

@miserybled — ❝ i’m not good for you, trust me. ❞

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 — but the crackling of the fire only emphasized the enormity of this gap that had been forged between them. It was clear that time hadn't eased any hurts, that it hadn't made any part of their situation and relationship less complicated or tense but this was a conversation that needed to be had. Their lives were intertwined deeper than most and despite it all, Lori knew that they were lucky to be able to have even had the opportunity to sit in this uncomfortable silence with one another. Despite everything that had happened between them, despite the world falling to pieces, they still had somehow made their way back to one another.

❝ I don't even know where to begin tacklin' that statement, Shane. ❞ Lori drew in a deep breath, hoping it might instill some sort of grounding that was desperately needed for this talk. She lifted her gaze to look at him. There was a new hardness to him, something that had changed bone-deep and it hit her harder than she'd expected it to. ❝ Don't I get a say in any of that? Or have you gone and just made the decision for the both of us? ❞

[heartshown]

misc sentences

“ who do you think you are? “

“ wait , did you just say you love me? “

“ please just … leave me alone. “

“ i’m so happy! “

“ is this a gift for me? “

“ hey! i’ve got something for you! wait right here! “

“ i love you. “

“ shut up! shut the fuck up! “

“ who told you that?! i didn’t say that! “

“ w — what? “

“ … i’m sorry. “

“ what? ME have a crush on YOU? whaaaaaat?! haha! what? pfft … shut up! “

“ bitch , guess what? “

“ oh my god … “

“ fuck you to fucking hell! “

“ man … go to hell. “

“ what did you just send me? “

“ what did you just say? “

“ they’re totally checking you out right now. “

“ jealous?! i’m not jealous! “

“ are you jealous? “

“ wow … you’re hot when you’re angry. “

“ wow … your smile is breathtaking. “

“ you’re so stupid. “

“ okay! that’s it! put your dukes up! “

“ you don’t want me. “

“ question , you’re not dating anyone , are you? “

“ let me take you out on a date. “

“ i swear to god i’m going to scream at the top of my lungs. “

“ no! don’t tickle me! “

“ i’m not good for you , trust me. “

“ no offense but i’m out of your league. “

“ so , how does it feel to know me? a blessing , isn’t it? “

“ … why does this card say ‘ happy 3rd birthday ‘? “

“ so what will it be tonight? “

“ please , let me listen to celine dion in the dark in peace. “

“ i don’t love you. “

“ you don’t love me. “

“ … is there something you want? “

“ you know , you’re really cute. “

“ god , just let me fucking love you , you idiot! “

“ shh … don’t cry. “

“ i just feel like everything is falling apart. “

“ DON’T YOU DARE! DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE! “

“ hello darkness my old friend … “

“ so … do i get a goodnight kiss? “

“  i wish i knew how to talk about it.  ”  

“  you don’t have to talk, we can just sit together.  ” 

“  i don’t want to be alone anymore.  ”  

“  i wish i could hate you. ” 

“  take a seat, we’re gonna be here a while. ”

“  i need you to trust me.  ”  

“ i missed/miss you. ”  

“  she/he won’t listen to me. ”

“  let me do this for you. please.  ” 

“  is there anything else you want to say to me?  ”

“  tell me something happy. ” 

“  promise me.  ”

“  i just want/wanted to help.  ”  

“  let me explain.  ”

“ i didn’t/don’t need you to understand, i just wanted/want you to support me. ”  

“ i’m on your side. ”

“ i’ve got your back, okay? ”

“  please, tell me you have a plan. ”

“  stay with me tonight. ”

“  don’t go. please.  ” 

“  i’ve been alone for so long i’m afraid i don’t know what it’s like not to be. ” 

“ talk to me.  ”  

“ i did what i had to do.  ”

“  we can’t keep going on like this. ”

“ i’m just tired.  ”

“ i’m scared.  ”

“ it’s okay to be afraid. fear can be good. use it.  ”

“ it’s better to expect disappointment. ”

“ hope is dangerous.  ”

“  i like seeing you smile. ”  

“ you look beautiful.  ”  

“ be patient with her/him. they’re trying. ”  

“ i’m trying my best and it’s not good enough. it’s never good enough. ”

“  i’m starting to think i’m just fucked up.  ”  

“  have a drink with me.  ”

“ she/he is better off without me. but i guess that’s their choice. ”

“  you can’t dictate what’s best for someone else. ”

“ can i help you?  ” “ i thought you’d like this. ”

“  do you wanna get out of here?  ”

“  walk with me?  ”

“  well, shit.  ”

“ change isn’t easy.  ”

“  i just wanted to say i’m sorry.  ”

“  i guess being angry was/is just easier than being sad.  ” 

“  what did you want to tell me? ”

“ it was supposed to be simple.  ”

“  you’ve got blood on your shirt. ”

“  you can stay with me.  ”

“ what did you want to show me?  ”

“ i miss ____ more than i thought i would.  ”

“  i don’t like to talk about it, but i wanted you to know.  ”

“ shut up. please. ”

“ fuck off.  ”

“ hush, i’m trying to kiss you.  ”

“  you’re lucky you’re cute. ”

“ i fucked up. ”

“  i just want to take it all back.  ”

“  i can’t sleep.  ”

 “ can’t sleep?  ”

“  we should get a pet. ”

“  if you have something to say, spit it out. ”

“ i’m allowed to be angry.  ”

“  she/he aint even that cute.  ”

“ just hold me. ”

“  do you want me to go?  ”  

“  i just need time.  ”

“  i already made my decision, you’re not going to change that.  ”  

“  nothing you can say will surprise me. ”

“  everyone leaves, eventually. either they move on or they die. they leave and i’m left behind.  ”

“ death is a part of life. i accepted that a long time ago. ”

“  i don’t fear death. i fear anonymity. ”

“  listen to me, please.  ”

“  i’m not even sure what to say to that. ”

“  that should probably shock me, but honestly it doesn’t.  ”

“ am i supposed to care?  ”

“  i do care. ”  

“  you make me happy. ”

“ you look beautiful like this.  ”  

“  if this is your idea of fun, i don’t know what to say to you.  ”

“ it terrifies me. ” 

“ just let me show you how i feel.  ”

[heartshown]

🐝  *  ―  𝑬𝑴𝑷𝑨𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪 𝑺𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑵𝑪𝑬 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑺.

❛  i know how hard this is for you, but i'm here if you need anything.  ❜ ❛  you did everything you could.  ❜ ❛  honestly, it's impressive that you're still standing after everything that has happened.  ❜ ❛  you're allowed to feel sad about this.  ❜ ❛  i wish you'd told me sooner. you need me and i ... i'm so sorry.  ❜ ❛  i know you feel like giving up right now, but it's not gonna solve any of your problems.   ❜ ❛  i don't know how you do it. if it were me, i don't think i'd have been able to get out of bed today.  ❜ ❛  i would like to know what i can do to help.  ❜ ❛  it's totally natural you feel this way.  ❜ ❛  i feel for you. this sounds like an impossible situation.  ❜ ❛  i know it feels like no one understands, but i'm listening now.  ❜ ❛  is there anything you need? anything i can do for you?  ❜ ❛  if it were me, i'd be upset too.  ❜ ❛  come on, talk to me, please. i can hear it in your voice that something is wrong.  ❜ ❛  i'm sorry you are going through this. no one should ever have to go through something like that.  ❜ ❛  i can't even imagine the pain you must be in right now.  ❜ ❛  i wish i could make it better.  ❜ ❛  if you need someone to talk to, i'll listen.  ❜ ❛  thank you for trusting me with this. it really means a lot to me.  ❜ ❛  i understand how hard it is to talk about, but i promise you'll feel better after you've opened up to someone.  ❜ ❛  how are you feeling? do you need any help?  ❜ ❛  you are so brave, and i'm incredibly proud of you.  ❜ ❛  what do you need?  ❜ ❛  i'm here for you. no matter where or when i'll always be here for you.  ❜ ❛  i can't believe how strong you are, this must be taking everything out of you.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how you do it. how are you able to stay so strong when everything around you is falling apart?  ❜ ❛  this must be so confusing and frustrating for you, and i wish i could do more to help.  ❜ ❛  you're managing this so much better than i ever could.  ❜ ❛  i can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, this is just awful.  ❜ ❛  you have no idea just how many people are rooting for you.  ❜ ❛  you're so strong for everything you've been through.  ❜ ❛  i care about you, and i want to help you ... if you let me.  ❜ ❛  i'll make sure you'll never have to go through anything like this again.  ❜ ❛  i don't know how you feel, but i want you to know that i care about you and am here for you.  ❜ ❛  it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. maybe we can just sit here for a while instead.  ❜ ❛  you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. but i'm here for you when you decide you do.  ❜ ❛  whatever you need, i'm just one phone call away.  ❜ ❛  how are you holding up?  ❜ ❛  you're gonna get through this. i believe in you.  ❜ ❛  i promise you, it will get better after time.  ❜

[heartshown]

You  gotta  do  what’s  right.     It’s  so  easy  to  do  the  wrong  thing  in  this  world.     So,     if  it  feels  wrong  don’t  do  it,     alright?     If  it  feels  easy  don’t  do  it,     Don’t  let  this  world  spoil  you.

*𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒏  // independent and private 𝐿𝑂𝑅𝐼 𝐺𝑅𝐼𝑀𝐸𝑆 from amc’s 𝑇𝐻𝐸 𝑊𝐴𝐿𝐾𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐷𝐸𝐴𝐷. highly selective with interactions. canon divergent (ish) and mostly follows personal headcanons. written by 𝐉 - she / they - cst timezone // CARRD