hecateasteria - Tumblr blog

[hecateasteria]

hunger

i have attended a thousand funerals of the person that i used to be

do you know what it feels like to lose your passion?

do you know what it feels like to lose your fire?

do you know what it feels like to be a burning firework one moment

and then be submerged in the icy waters of a lake frozen over with desire

and not be able to find a way out?

do you know what it feels like to scream only to have water fill your lungs?

do you know what it feels like to dip your feet in longing until it burns? 

// asteria ☽

[hecateasteria]

this was once my darkest nightmare

the memories stabbed my heart

with a knife so deep it kissed my soul

my hands bled with the loss of the love i killed

so red, so raw, so beautiful

i made art out of those wounds

and found solace in the melancholy

but all the blood has now dried out

and all of me is spent

these nightmares are now nothing more

than a half-remembered tragedy

// asteria☽

[hecateasteria]

there’s something about living life deliberately…wearing clothes that you actually want to and that you feel reflect you and your style not just because you’ve had them for years and don’t know what else you would throw on….listening to songs and creating playlists that excite you and represent your actual mood not just listening to songs that you’ve had downloaded for years that don’t make you feel anything special anymore…it’s VERY easy to stay with what you’re comfortable and it might take a bit of experimenting before you find what feels like a deliberate choice that reflects more of YOU but it’s absolutely worth the leap of faith you may have to convince yourself to make in order to stop feeling like a passenger in your own life

[hecateasteria]

cottagecore academia

[hecateasteria]

Finally back in my favorite library.

[hecateasteria]

He asked me when I fell in love with him and I knew it sounded dramatic to say the moment I saw him, so I told him this story of my grandma who had Alzheimer's- she forgot her name and the words for fruit and food, she forgot her address and how to use the washroom, all her life lost to the disease. The only thing she remembered was her son's name and when that began to fade, the one thing she always remembered was that she loved him, even in illness, even in insanity. She saw this 6 foot 2 man with a scrubby beard and she didn't know him but she said she trusted him, she asked him to hold her hand when she died. When does memory end and love begin? All I know is- she loved him before she remembered him.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire

[hecateasteria]

12.02.22, saturday

[hecateasteria]

green academia

[hecateasteria]

a guide to exploring abandoned farms

essential supplies include: plenty of food and water, a change of socks, a hat, rope, bandaids, a knife, gloves, an acorn in your pocket, and an offering

there are always odd noises on the farm. half of them come from the animals

try to forget what the lake looks like between the hours of three and four AM

never ever find yourself alone in the milking shed in the south end of the farm. time passes differently there

if you happen to hurt yourself in your exploration, make sure you do not bleed onto the dirt

bring plenty of water, you do not want to drink from there

the cows will watch you, this is normal

close every gate you open, even if the fields are empty. don’t ever leave one open behind you, just trust me

beware unstable rocks, the cracks tend to be filled with insect nests

bring a weapon with you, but no guns

if you see someone else while exploring, never tell them your name. you can never be sure if they are real or not, and further out you go, the less real they will seem. the patupaiarehe have evolved in cruel and unusual ways

do not go inside the empty share-milkers cottages, whatever you do, do not go inside. something else lives there now

a tree with the undersides of its leaves showing mean that a storm is coming. a tree with no leaves means the storm has already come

sometimes the hills look like they’re moving. be aware of this, because some things don’t like to be disturbed

do not sleep under the full moon, in fact, just don’t sleep on the farm

finding skulls is normal, only become worried when you start finding ribs

if you find yourself lost in a forest, continue walking in a straight line until you are free again. the trees may make it look as though you are going in circles, but i promise you’re not. ignore the soft music you can hear

your phone won’t work out here

the ghosts from the land wars won’t harm you, but be sure to show them respect

don’t take anything from the farm with you when you leave. just be grateful you have made it out alive

[hecateasteria]

— maybe my mother loves me, but she has never liked me

please do not repost without credits! (^_^)

[hecateasteria]

― Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays

[hecateasteria]

And when you let your walls down ,

Quivering in fear about the thoughts you had .

Tell me what you regret more ;

The one you were or the one you became.

[hecateasteria]

Instagram: abookandadream

[hecateasteria]

“There comes a point when you either embrace who and what you are, or condemn yourself to be miserable all your days. There will always be people in your life who will try to make you miserable. Don’t help them by doing the job yourself!”

— Laurell K. Hamilton (via quotefeeling)

[hecateasteria]

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”

— Hermann Hesse (via perfeqt)

[hecateasteria]

“Letters from Medea”- Salma Deera

[hecateasteria]

“I know that feeling. You have to do something. You have to change something radically, because you can’t stay like you are for another second, or you’re going to explode.”

— Jennifer Echols, Forget You (via meineluft)