heckyeahiwrotethis

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

WIP 01

Chapter 04

"How's it going, sweetheart?"

I chew the inside of my mouth, switching my phone to the other ear as I think of what to say. It's the third Saturday of the month, and usually I'd be visiting my family back home for the weekend. But recently I've reorganized my finances and found a better way to minimize my expenses and minimize the load off my parents.

Oh and yes, I'm on a call. I sill can't hear most things, but by now I've realized that I can hear when either people are looking directly at me and is talking to me, or if it's a call. I'm not entirely sure why I can't hear anything else, but I don't care enough to figure it out.

"I'm good, Appa. Just sorting out my trash right now," I respond, grunting a bit as I heave a bunch of my old clothes into the trash bag. Turns out, you get paid a bit for donating to the local Goodwill center. And I've got quite a bit of unnecessary outdoor clothes that I haven't used in what, almost half a year now? I'm thinking of maybe using some of that money for a small splurge for Jaju.

"Ah, so that's the noise I've been hearing," Appa laughed, and I pause. Oh, was this all too loud? Ever since I mostly lost my hearing, I was starting to lose sense of what sounds others might hear.

I take a seat on my work desk, not wanting to put any sweat on my bed. "What's up with you, Appa?" I ask, taking a swig of day-old water on my desk. I don't taste the difference.

Ah yeah, that too. I've been losing my taste a bit too. Ever since that day at the convenience store last week, I haven't been tasting the food I've been cooking. At some point, I wondered if I just wasn't putting enough seasoning on my food, so I had Jaju try it out. But when she spit it back out with a nasty look on her face, I knew it was another sense I was losing. Oh well.

"Well," my dad starts, and I stare at the white paint on the walls. "As you know, my birthday's coming up," he pauses, waiting for my answer.

"Yeah, it's this Wednesday. Of course I remember," I roll my eyes now panning my gaze to the desk calendar at my right. Right there, X marks the Wednesday of my dad's birthday.

"And just so you know, you're gonna love my gift," I smile, my hand brushing against the ribbon of the wrapped gift that's been sitting under my desk for a month now. I consider myself to be a pro gifter, and it took me a while to hunt down a genuine autographed book published in the 1980s by his favorite author. It didn't cost much to get it, considering it was mass printed and popular for its time, but it was hard to get in the area I lived in. Not many local bookstores selling stuff for a reasonable price around here.

My dad laughs, and I smile. "Well," my dad starts again, and my brows crease slightly in concern. "I was hoping you'd come home this week and actually spend my birthday with me," his voice was light, but my stomach felt like lead. It's true, I've been skipping out on going home for a bit. But ever since Christmas, it was too expensive to keep coming home every month, so...

"Uhm actually-"

"C'mon, just for my birthday? There's nothing more important than seeing your old man on his birthday, right?" Right. Nothing. I have nothing going on that's more important than his birthday. I mean. Wednesday is just.... Wednesday is just laundry day.

"Of course," I muster, trying to sound as bright as my should-be excitement to see my dad for his birthday. As I'm recalculating my expenses to adjust for the trip back, I look at the bag of donations on the ground and realize the money could help account for the trip! Next time, my baby Jaju.

"Hello, are you there my love?" I jump, realizing I was too inside my head again.

"Yep, Appa! See you soon!" I chirp, this time genuinely happy to see my parents soon again.

"And bring baby Jaju!" He reminds me, and I laugh. "Duh, where else would she be?" The phone call ends as we say our I love yous and See you soons.

I sigh, putting my phone in my pocket as I stand to heave the bag of clothing donations onto my back. "Get ready Jaju," I strain, and Jaju stops licking her but momentarily at the mention of her name. "We're finally going home."

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

WIP 01

Chapter 03

Today I'm feeling a bit more rebellious.

I had just sent out a demo for a promising recruiter who approached ME first! I didn't think I had any shred of confidence left in me, but today is a hopeful day! I've been in contacts with this recruiter for awhile, and I'm hoping they'd really give me the teaching assistant role at the local arts high school! It's teaching.... But it's still art! And heck yeah, THEY approached moi!

So after submitting the link to my demo, I get up and put on one of my fancy sweaters that I haven't been able to use in awhile. Yes, it's still cold out, and yes it's also cold inside my apartment. I've been cutting down on using the heater at home because my parents keep footing my bill, and..... Well. None of that for today!

I look at my face in the closet mirror, seeing the camera-ready makeup I put on for the recording of the demo still on and smile. I look good! Because I still use the camera and lighting set-up I used in my uni days, I could keep my makeup subtle and good enough for everyday life while still looking like I was glowing. Think, Angelina Jolie on that one French interview that is on every lesbian's Pinterest board. Yeah! I even styled my hair after her! While I didn't dye my jet-black hair light brown like Miss Jolie's, I got that blown-in-the-wind look down!

Knowing I look amazing, I grab my go-to pink plastic tote bag that I've had since elementary days and head down to the apartment building's local stores.

Upon exiting the elevator, I breath in the fresh scent of.... Well, it's not fresh. Actually, a bus belching bluish smoke just passed by, so the air made me cough and my eyes water, but still! I smile, and head on over to the convenience store at the right of the lobby.

Entering, cold air gushes at me, hugging me tight with it's cool breeze. I forgot convenience stores are usually kept at practically sub zero to keep the food inside fresh. My sweater feels painfully thin now, but I smile and march onwards to my mission! Aiming right for the third aisle from the door, I spot my favorite cup of spicy buldak ramen waiting for me. Just as I was reaching for the cup, a cold hand brushes against mine.

We both retract our hands, and my insides shrink. Oh God, a person. I haven't interacted with anyone not job-related in forever! Jesus, they want my noodles too! Ugh, it's not like it's the only cup on the rack! Then I noticed that it's the only one with the highest spice level like I wanted left....

I hide my shaking hands behind me for a bit as I painfully raise my eyes to the person beside me.

Then lower it back down as I overshot a bit as the person - guy - beside me was actually just my eye level. God, he looks scary.

I mean, no he's not a thug. I think. He's dressed in some fancy slightly oversized wool coat with a turtleneck sweater like he's Steve Jobs with a... Well, isn't that a fancy gold necklace? It's a thin chain with no pendant, but the way it shines... It might be real gold too. I can't see his face as it is hidden underneath a black face mask, but his piercing dark brown cat-like eyes make my stomach churn again.

Whatever. It's My good day.

"I-"

"Did you-"

Crap. We both paused, and I felt awful. Right as I was about to assert dominance to get my favorite snack, this guy is about to offer it anyway. Now I can't have it! My ears blush, and I glance at my noodles goodbye.

"No, go ahead," I said meekly. Before he had a chance to respond, I grab the noodles beside it without paying it a glance, and hurry to the counter. Since no one was in line the cashier ran my item and gave me the total.

I stared at the cashier boy before I realized yet again that I, in fact, cannot hear. Right. Convenience stores tend to be filled with white noise, but I don't hear a thing. Not the air conditioner, not the buzz of the counter, not the hum of the freezers. Nothing.

To make matters worse, it looked like the cashier boy mumbled the total as they stared at the computer screen, so I hurry to look at the little screen above it to see my total. I rifle through my see-through tote bag, and okay it's disorganized and I don't have a wallet since I buy most of my groceries online, so it takes me awhile to come up with the right amount of pennies to pay for my snack.

By the time I had placed all of my pennies onto the counter, I sensed a presence line up behind me. I briefly close my eyes and curse to myself. It's the guy, isn't it?

When I opened my eyes, I move to grab my noodles and grab - nothing! I look down and my noodles are nowhere! I look up, and the cashier boy had gone to the side, where they were just placing my cup in the microwave! They probably asked if I wanted it heated, and took my silence as an answer! NO!

My eye twitches, but I grab my bag anyway and move to sit at the little booth by the window to wait for them to bring my noodles to me. God. I hope this guy isn't sitting beside me. There's only two chairs for this tiny convenience store, so I hope to God he isn't eating his noodles here.

And he sits beside me. Of course he does. I don't look at him and stare ahead at the busy street in front of me. It's a good thing I can't hear.

"We can switch,"

"What the fuck?" I blurted out, swinging my head and looking at the man with wide eyes. The man widened his eyes in response, seemingly just as caught off guard by my reaction. He opened his mouth to say something again, but he closed it soon after. I probably shocked him a bit too much.

"No, I mean," I stammer, trying to think of what to say. Oh, I wasn't supposed to hear you since I've been losing my hearing after months of being an utter recluse in my own home with no job, no hobbies, no one to talk to?

"Sorry," I concede. I give up, looking away. Please let this man get the hint and just leave me alone. I mean, it's great to finally hear something again, but. This is too much. The man says nothing too, I think. At least I hear nothing. I see in my periphery the man glance at his silver - is that a Rolex? Please don't sue me. Can people get sued for being an ass in a convenience store?

Then, our cups of noodles are placed in front of us by the Cashier boy. As I pick up my chopsticks, a hand appears above my cup and I follow it to the man looking at me perhaps for permission. I gulp, really hoping this is out of his honest good will. I give him a nod, and he switches our cups. I look at him again, and this time he takes off his mask.

Oh wow. With petal-like lips and high cheekbones, this guy is basically a model! A bit short for a male model, but still!

"Thank you," I whisper, too shy to raise my voice.

"It's nothing," he smiles a bit, his eyes crinkling at the corner. I sigh in relief, and tear open my cup.

I hum, back to not hearing anything again, but also not caring as I finally dive into my favorite snack. This is nothing! I had a promising morning, and only a slight hiccup at the convenience store! As I'm about to finish my noodles, I see my phone light up with a notification.

"Thank you for your application to....

Unfortunately...."

Oh.

At least they were quick this time.

My ears begin to heat up, and I'm not sure if it's because of the spicy hot buldak ramen or because I couldn't even have one fine morning. I finish my noodles, noticing the slight burn on my tongue and lips. Huh. These are usually spicy with a hint of sweetness, but all I can taste now is the heat.

As I wipe my mouth with tissue, my heart begins to pound again, and this time I have to fold my hands together to keep the slight tremble away.

"Are you okay," the man beside me asks, and I look up at him again in surprise. He's standing and is offering me an unopened cool water bottle. Probably for the ramen.

Unfortunately. Unfortunately. Unfortunately.

I stand, grabbing my empty cup. I bow, unable to look anyone in the eye anymore, and give the man a deep bow. Sorry, sir. I need to be alone again.

I head out, dumping my trash at the bin along the way, and rush to the elevator. The doors opened immediately, and I enter. My hands shook harder as I pressed my floor number, and I press my back to the elevator.

Once I was in the confines of my apartment, I slide down to greet Jaju as she lazily rolled on her back for rubs.

"Hi baby," I croaked, crouching down and burying my face in her fur as I let the tremors take over me.

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

WIP 01

Chapter 02

It wasn't always like this.

While I didn't think I'd become some genius who would earn the Nobel Prize, I was quite the ambitious person back in the day. Student body president, editor-in-chief of the school newspaper, rival to the top 1 student in the campus - people looked up to me. I was so good in everything I did that people didn't even try to stop me when I chose an art degree for college. One of my classmates even told me TO MY FACE one time: "You're so smart and capable. Only the rich and intelligent could pursue a degree in art."

Yeah, I corrected them that I was pursuing a film degree in a prestigious university under a tuition-free scholarship, but that probably just made me sound even more annoying.

Even in art school, my mentors and peers applauded me. I won prizes in our regional film festivals for indie film makers. I was featured in Vogue's Upcoming New Artists one time.

Even when the pandemic hit and the film industry took a dive, my short documentary on the neglected youth in local orphanages got me a headliner on the local newspaper!

But I thought....

I thought after all that.....

I thought after everything that my life was building up to....

I thought the film industry would want me.

Ever since I got my diploma, I've been applying everywhere. At first it was for some hotshot directorial roles, hoping someone would take a chance on a minor league celebrity. Then I bumped it down into assistant director. Then assistant writer. Then stage assistant. Then assistant to the assistants. Then anything to anyone who would pay.

I was so praised in my formative years, I deluded myself into forgetting my most obvious characteristic to people outside of my circles: I'm nobody. Worse. I'm a poor nobody from a nowhere town with nothing to my name.

I.... I forgot. I mean, my family did well enough to give us a nice house in the province and has good food on our table every meal, but. I forgot that my dad, who provided excellently for his family, was simply a successful small-town carpenter who was known by the locals and only by the locals.

The first few months after graduation was gut-wrenching, so I jumped at the opportunity to work for this random startup company founded by this old man who wanted to give workaholics a good break.

Workaholics.

I think I'd be a workaholic too if... If I had work....

Bark!

I jumped out of my seat at the sound of my dog's demand for dinner. The sun had gone down for the day again and I didn't realize I was only staring at my computer screen amidst the darkening space around me. I blinked, and tears formed. Ugh. I probably was staring too long again at my empty emails. I rubbed my eyes and got up from my seat, my aching joints popping and protesting with every movement I make.

"Dinner time!" I yawned, scratching the back of my head as I unwrapped the bag of meat I'd been thawing out for our dinner. Cutting it in half, one placed immediately onto the pan - left unseasoned for my little Jaju. The other, I mushed with some salt and pepper and popped it right into the pan after Jaju's half.

I try not to eat too much nowadays. I mean, my family still sends me some money after my savings ran out, but.... I'm an adult. I should try to not be too much of a burden to my parents.

Once I was done, I turned off the heat and brought the sizzling pan onto a thick pad on my dinner table and chewed on my meat.

The only thing I could hear was Jaju's nom noms as she devoured her dinner below the table. I hummed, testing to see if I could hear my voice alongside Jaju's.

Nothing still.

I could feel the pounding in my heart beginning to speed as the sinking worry I've been having over the months try to take hold of me, but I swallow it to nothing again. So what if I can't hear?

Even if I could, what would I gain?

The red blinking light at the corner of my eye tells me my laundry is done. The beef in my mouth tastes savory and a bit too salty. At least I only lost one sense, right?

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

WIP 01

Chapter 01

I woke up to silence.

Again.

It's been like this for awhile, and at first the silence was deafening.

It had started the week after New Year's. I had just come home to my apartment after spending a month back at my hometown with my extended family for the Christmas season. That entire month was the busiest I've ever been in the entirety of my adult life. Family drama, work drama, and even personal drama - all at once!

Family: My older brother suddenly came home with a whole new wife and kid none of us ever met before. It had only been a few months since we last saw each other, which was my birthday in September, and he came home with a toddler and a pregnant woman in his arm! It's nice that they're naming the newcomer after our mom, but his little surprise certainly caused an uproar.

Work: For the entirety of Christmas season, we spent it hustling our asses off pumping out better learning materials for our clients to get our investors' approval to renew our department for the next year. I mean, that's what I did at least. My job was remote, so I was able to bring my work with me as I traveled half the country back home for the holidays, but there was no such thing as a break. I finished my part of the job right on December 31st, so I was able to spend the entire first week of January waiting for the results.

Personal: Nothing exciting except for the fact that my future mother-in-law still hates me and my partner doesn't believe me when I tell her about it still. She gave me a used lipstick she didn't like for Christmas! The woman shits Chanel for breakfast, but I get a knock-off possible not FDA-approved second-hand lipstick for Christ's sake! But nooo my partner thinks I'm being delusional. As if she couldn't believe her very Christian, very traditional, single mother approves of her daughter's life partner.

All that for the month of December. But.... When I got home, I saw the letter.

The company I worked for was a start-up that our elderly founder pushed for as sort of a rehab institution for workaholics. Something like a place that teaches adults how to be playful again. It sounds nice, but the work that makes the company run is backbreaking. But perhaps fulfilling?

And yet the letter....

It was handwritten from the founder. They've fallen ill in their old age. While the company was waiting for the investors' approval, our founder decided to close the company altogether to spend more time with their family. They apologized for the inconvenience, and gave us our final pay with an additional 2-months worth of salary to help us tide over while we search for new jobs.

We all knew we might lose our jobs if the investors back out on us, but we thought we'd have the rest of the fiscal year to look for jobs if ever.

Not right after an entire month of breaking our backs over nothing.

The morning after the letter came was when the silence introduced itself. It was scary at first. The lack of meeting notifications, deadline reminders, and things to do.... The silence enveloped me.

But after four months of silence, and four months of reaching out to companies to see if anyone would take me in, the silence had become my everyday life. I'm not sure if I could even still hear.

My partner tried comforting me at first within the first one month of my looking for a new job, but they wouldn't believe me when I told them about how silence could be deafening. Then, I just heard them less and less. I don't even know if there's even still an us.

I looked up, and the sun had retired for the day. When this happened, I couldn't tell. All I remember from today was going to another interview in the morning, only to be rejected the minute I walked in. The interview was supposed to be a formality. But. I'm back to counting the money I have left and sending out another feeler application. I don't hear the swoosh of the application being sent out. I don't even hear the ringing of silence.

On these days, I wonder if my life is some sick joke to a cosmic entity somewhere, finding my futile efforts to try being a normal person again amusing.

Jokes on them. I can't hear their laughter.

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

subscribing to a fic isn’t enough I need the author to blast a bat signal into the night sky whenever they update

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

me as a writer

[heckyeahiwrotethis]

The letter says "Just play along"

I look at the damn letter, confused and a bit dazed. I just woke up from the morning's sweltering heat as I spent another morning sleeping it away hoping the day would pass by quicker. It's been four months of constant rejections from job hunters, so the mornings have become harder and harder to wake up to.

I blink at the short message printed on the nice 180 gsm folded letter-sized paper and sigh. It's another one of those cryptic messages the apparent "universe" is sending me and don't even bother trying to decipher what it meant. I used to get these as a kid, back when cryptic almost prophecy-like messages used to excite me.

Back then, I'd see them in the most random places. I'd be in the playground, and a random sticker under one of the swinging chairs would strike at me, and I knew. That message was for me. I just knew. I can't remember what these messages exactly said, though. But everytime I saw these messages, it's like I'm staring right at the person who sent me this. So maybe it's God, maybe it's my guardian angel, or maybe it's like my soulmate yet to reincarnate. Whatever. I get these messages, I'd feel warm, and I move on.

I guess this sender knew my depression was taking another toll on me. I stop looking around. I sleep more. I do what I can to pass my days, but I stop counting the hours. I somewhat notice the passage of time, but I start to prefer the number feeling of nothing feeling real. Because being unwanted... Hurts.

So I look at the letter on my hand, the fog lifting for the slightest moment, and chuckle at the sender's usage of Times New Roman to send the message. I'm so used to job applications, I'm starting to get sick at the sight of this overused business don't. But the content of the message was... Cute. I crumple it up, throw it away properly on my desk bin, and finally walk to the dining table to have breakfast. Time still pulls at me, but perhaps for today I'll see where it takes me.