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heeaddict · 2 years

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Wet Dreams

requested by: anon

pairing: bff!felix x bff!reader

genre: smut

synopsis: felix developed an odd and sexually frustrating infatuation towards you, to the point he has dreams of things he would wish to do to you, yet he has to hide it from you so as to not drive you away from him, until on a certain night came that made reveal everything...

warning: piv, sexual dreams, perv!felix, some perv!reader, masturbation (both fem and masc), voyeurism (?), blow jobs, rushed ending

words: 3.1 k

a/n: ik i said i was gonna do a chan smut, but i intially was set with this lix fic that never seemed to finish, but thankfully i did <3 idk if anon is inactive or not (hopefully not) but if you're still active hopefully you enjoyed it <33

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

“Mmh, yes Felix, you fuck me so well!”

Your whines echo through every corner of the room as Felix inserts himself in and out of you at a good amount of speed where it was fast and hard enough to give you pleasure. He looks down with grunts and heavy breathing, seeing your breasts bounce along with the rhythm of his cock hitting the right spots through his blissed-haze vision.

“Oh, God, (y/n), do I—mm—do I fuck you good?” Usually, he would have felt pathetic at the way he whined out the question, but at that moment he did not care about how his usual deep vocals turned into a high pitch mewl, he finally got to feel you in a way he never would have thought of being in; fucking his crush, his best friend, and making you feel so good as he would hope.

“Yes, yes, you do,” you repeated the ‘yes’ like a prayer indicating how well he is performing as the head, as well as the loud pornographic-like moans that spill out of your mouth. It triggered something within Felix as he suddenly found himself going faster in you, making you straight call out his name, hoping that he could make you come with him simultaneously.

“Oh, Felix! Oh fuck, I’m so close!”

He whines and groans as he grips onto your hips to make his penetration deeper, “me too, baby—ah! Fuck! Please come with me…”

He begged as he was going faster but suddenly, he noticed her voice was silent. Fearing he was hurting you, he slowed down and regained his vision only for you to suddenly disappear and see a body pillow in place of you. He blinked in a confused and sat straight as he wiped the sweat off his forehead and looked around the room to look for you.

“(Y/n)?” Felix called out as he suddenly heard a whisper, that vaguely sounds a lot like you, and is repeating the phrase repeatedly.

“Wake up, Felix… Wake up…”

And suddenly Felix felt his eyes open up to the ceiling, gasping for air and panting. He got up and looked around his room for reassurance that what just happened was a reality or dream. He looks at the time and sees it was 4 a.m. He sighs in frustration into his hand and shakes his head. “Another fucking dream,” he mutters as he wipes his face down before widening them again. He throws his blanket away and looked down at his boxer shorts only to see them stained in a big dark patch in the center.

“Ugh, fucking hell,” he cringed, “it’s like middle school all over again… it’s too much,”

This was Felix’s third wet dream of the week. Recently Felix has been getting those erotic dreams and you would think he would enjoy them, which he won’t lie and say he doesn’t, but he was mildly disturbed over how repetitive those dreams were. They were practically the same; Felix fucking someone repeatedly and then gets rudely interrupted as soon he was about to come. But it wasn’t just anyone, it was you.

You and Felix have been friends for as long as you two could remember. You two went far back and enjoyed each other’s company, so much so that recently you both moved in together to make living easier and affordable. He always has thought of you somewhat platonically for the most part. He didn’t know where the sudden romantic—sexual—admiration come from; all he knows is that since the moment he realized he had developed feelings for you, he had been dreaming about you in a not-so-amicable way.

He feels guilt, but the sight of you splayed out naked for him truly sets him off and these dreams are not helping him in any cause. It’s all he thinks about when he jerks off as well, he would envision his fist to be your warm walls wrapped around his cock and just ride him all day and night. It doesn’t help that the minute things you would do would trigger it; like when you laugh at a bad joke of his or wear something simple like a sundress with a ponytail on, just the small things you could do would make him hard instantly. But he couldn’t risk throwing away years of friendship for his sexual needs, he would push that to the side for its sake. So, it's just him and his hand or perhaps his fleshlight for now.

Flash forward to today, where Felix got up from his bed to take his boxer off and switch it out for a new one. Once wore a new fresh pair, he noticed himself starting to lose sleep. He didn’t bother trying to go back to sleep, especially since he doesn’t have work today, so what’s the harm in staying up? Felix got out of his room to the hallway to wash his face and brush his teeth. On his way there he passed your room and paused as if he was a deer seeing headlights. if it weren’t for his slight alertness, he would have missed the whimpers that came out of your room.

Felix furrowed his brows in confusion at the sound especially when he got back and got closer to your door. Initially, he thought you were in pain of some sort, as you were muttering a bunch of ‘ah’s and ‘fuck’s. Whatever that is happening didn’t stop him from the blood getting to his head, and he ended up grumbling at himself for letting himself feel turned on by the noises you were making. You could be genuinely in pain, and he’s over here being grossly aroused by your hisses. But his guilt faded as he heard his name in a dragged-out, almost pleasurable, moan.

“Felix… mmm…”

Felix had his eyes widened as he realized the two possibilities of what was happening behind the door; you were either masturbating to the thought of him or also been having a raunchy dream.

“Fuck…” Felix muttered to himself as he got closer to the door, to have a better hearing. He sees that the door is slightly open, not too wide where he could notice, but enough where he can see your bed. The lower part of your body was covered, but you were laying naked in bed, one hand was on your breast, pinching your nipple, and the other was also covered by the door, but it is a no-brainer that you were pleasuring yourself. Not just pleasuring yourself though, but you were masturbating to the thought of him, Felix, your best friend. The mere sight of you calling out his name and playing with your tits could easily make Felix come on his pants.

While he hates to admit it, Felix felt like a pervert from the moment he started having dreams of you in a bawdy way. He likes to maintain his usual respectful demeanor and banters with you as friends would, but it doesn’t change the fact each time you show any skin, whether it’d be your cleavage or your thighs or any body parts you show, he’d want to take you at this moment. His disgusting thoughts about ways to make you scream out his name inhabit his brain without paying rent and it’s not like he’s going to send an eviction letter, especially not at this moment.

Who would have thought that this whole time you must have thought of Felix the same way he does of you?! Certainly not him. Either he’s an oblivious person who doesn’t read between the lines or you were good at hiding your signs of interest, he would have not thought you felt the same due to you actively going out on dates. ‘That must explain the failed relationships’ he thought to himself.

He pushed that thought to the side and proceeded to look at you pleasuring yourself, but this time he begins palming himself, as he admires you from afar, and enjoys being the audience. He sees your out-of-view hand start to go faster, followed by the squelching noises of presumably your fingers going in and out collecting your juices and your moans getting louder before you slow down, presumable edging yourself. The sight of you sighing in your masochistic decision to stop before going back to pick up where you left off drove Felix insane as he took his cock out and started to stroke along at your pace, biting his lips to not make a sound.

‘What am I doing? This is so messed up, regardless of if she’s thinking of me or not’ Felix was thinking rationally but it was too late for that, especially not when he already is jerking off. The pace of his hand matches up with yours, even as far as edging himself when you do so, but he had to keep his lip bitten to not reveal himself being in this situation.

“Oh… Felix…” you hissed out as you started to pick up the pace once again and Felix does the same. You found yourself finally almost orgasming but stopped. This time however wasn’t because of your conscious choice. Felix wanted to have a greater look at you, and his attempt to open the door slightly but not enough to alert you failed miserably as the creak of the door deafens the room, replacing it with the sound of your heavy breathing and wet noises.

You gasped as you closed your legs and covered yourself with the blanket as you looked at the door. You see Felix in the doorway, “Felix, what are you doing—” your words were interrupted as you noticed his compromising position; he was hunched slightly with his hand holding the shaft of his cock, as if he were rubbing one out. You two looked at each other flabbergasted as you two realized what was happening.

“Were you looking at me this whole time?” you shyly asked.

“Uh… yeah,” Felix responded equally bashful.

“Well… why didn’t you come in?”

Your question caught him off guard, even though it shouldn’t, considering the obvious call out for his name while you were rubbing your swollen clit and inserting your fingers, imagining him instead of your digits. It was rather dumb, and he sure should have walked in, but it was too late, especially since his hand was already on his hard cock.

“Um… well… I-I didn’t know if you’d react negatively, even though you were calling out my name and such…” Felix nervously rambled, letting go of his shaft and placing it back in his boxer, and proceeded to fidget with his hand. He notices that you were staring at his cock which looks like it was about to burst through his shorts, and he could only gulp as he blushes at the way you were looking at him, eyes filled with lust.

“Come here,” you seductively invited by facing him and sitting on the edge of your bed. Felix obliged as he walked up to you, you put on fake innocent eyes as you were looking up at Felix as you pushed down his boxer shorts. His glistening head was freed from its restrain and slapped Felix’s lower stomach, shuddering in response. You looked down at his cock, slightly drooling at the sight, getting on your knees before having your eyes up at him as you wrap your hand around it.

“Tell me, Felix, how long have you thought of me?” You said whilst stroking him, squeezing at the ideal places to elicit any noises coming out of him, which worked as he moaned in pleasure rather than answering your question. “Has it been long?” You asked, still maintaining the slow pace.

Felix could only mewl as a response, but he managed to nod at your question, making you smile and tilt your head in curiosity, “words, Lixie…”

“Y-yes, been thinking about you… for…fuck.”

His words were scrambled, incoherent in response. You would edge him right there, but you decided against it, thinking it wasn’t the right time. Instead, you smiled at him before you lowered your gaze to his cock and then back to him as you slowed your hand movement. Felix had his mouth agape, unsure of what was to come, but that quickly changed when you wrapped your lips around him, letting out strings of moans coming from him. He started to pant when you began to bob your head, looking up at him teasingly while you swallowed him whole, his head hitting the back of your throat. He fought every urge to not buck himself into you, but the pleasure you were giving him was making him go wild.

He feels himself getting closer and he begins to cry out and whines, “(y/n), I’m so close… stop… I don’t want to come like this…”

You enjoyed hearing how his deep voice was transformed into a high-pitched subby mewls, which you carried on bobbing to elicit more of his cute sounds. However, what you didn’t expect was having your hair pulled back by Felix, pulling your mouth out of his cock, creating a pop sound. He held a gentle yet firm grip on your hair, facing you up at him, as he pants and hisses at the sensation of the air-conditioned cold air hitting his saliva-coated cock.

“I said, I don’t want to come like this…” He whispered, his dark eyes lasered back at you, “get on the bed.”

His submissive side suddenly disappeared and in came this side of Felix you didn’t expect to see, which you didn’t mind whatsoever. You instantly obliged as he strips his shirt off and reveal his defined toned body to you, the body you’ve examined for so long. You weren’t completely innocent either in the realm of perversion, you had spied on Felix when he changes and/or showered, and you would ogle him the same how he would look at you the same way.

Your memory lane was disrupted when you heard the door shut, you looked up at Felix and see him carry a foil wrapper of a condom which he ripped with his teeth. He must have gotten a spare from his room while you were reminiscing, but it doesn’t matter as you prepared yourself by spreading your legs while he takes the protective cover and wraps it around his cock, pumping it slightly to make sure it stays secure. You bit your bottom lip in excitement as you looked up to him while he lines himself against your glistening hole.

“Ready?”

“Go all in…”

That’s all Felix needs as he inserts himself within your velvet walls, resulting in strings of moans and curses coming from both of you. After a few adjustments, Felix began moving in a steady motion to be cautious and fearing to not harm you. While you admired his kind gesture, you felt that you weren’t going anywhere if Felix kept at this pace.

“Go deeper, Felix,” you breathed out against his ear. He looked at you, his freckled face flushed in ensuing pleasure, “what?” he blurted out, his sense of self-being slightly out of it.

You took it upon yourself by wrapping your legs around his waist, your heel digging into his bare back made him realize what you were saying, and almost instantly Felix started to pick up speed and drill further in you just as you were told.

Your moans echoed exactly how you would in his dream, he lifted himself off you to have a good look at you as his cock constantly bore itself in and out of you. This was exactly like his last dream, you splayed out in your bed, breasts bounced to the beat of his cock slamming into the desired spot, skin slapping, and moans of each other’s names coming from both of your mouths were the only sounds being played in the room. His hand gripped your hips firmly as you yelped out his name and whined along with it as your head falls back.

Felix began running his hand through your whole body as he groans out about how good you feel around him.

"Oh, god, (y/n) ... you feel… so fucking good,” he breathed out followed by a groan as you occasionally clench around him. “Oh, how I wish this wasn’t a dream,” he mutters, not realizing what he was saying, which made you chuckle through your moans.

“Oh, baby, this is no dream…” Your voice was cut by your uncontrollable moan before continuing, “this is too good to be a dream…”

The way you were speaking to him drives him even more insane as he speeds up and his growls increase in volume, as well as your mewls and yelps. You felt your ropes tighten to the point of it snapping, “Lixie… I’m so fucking close…”

Felix was not far away from you as shown by the irregular speed and depth he was going, so he began encouraging you to come along with him. After a few more thrusts in and out of you, he came inside the condom with you following along after he thrusts in you to make you reach your orgasm and to slightly overstimulate himself.

After catching both of your breaths, Felix pulled himself away from you and removed the condom off himself before tying it and throwing it in the trash. You could only lay there still panting at the ungodly yet unbelievably pleasant session you had with your so-called best friend. You see him walking up to you to sit next to your laying body, unsure if the red face was from abashment or from the sex you two just had. How can he act all shy and cute as if he didn’t fuck you so good you almost saw God?

“Hey, you alright?” he asked in a caring manner while massaging my side. Can’t believe those caring hands were the same that bruised my hips… can’t say I’m one to complain.

“I’m doing excellent, you?”

“Oh, I’m doing wonderful,” he responded enthusiastically, his Australian accent thickened for some reason. You two looked at each other admiration spread through your gazes. Neither of you knew where all this was coming from, but you two didn’t care; the appreciation you two have for each other was very prevalent by the second each time you two hung out. While you two are too tired to speak of this matter, you were certain that he is feeling the same you were feeling and could possibly make a change in the relationship… but hopefully for the better.

And to think this all started from a messed-up dream you both had for each other…

#read later

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heeaddict · 2 years

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THE TWO OF US — S. JY

synopsis: when the chase for your dreams seem to have no end, you meet someone who’s walking the same road. two swimmers and a fleeting romance, could the both of you touch the stars that always seemed so far out of reach?

pairing: sim jaeyun x fem!reader

word count: 9.7k (a lot shorter than i thought it would be)

genre: highschool!au, swimming!au, strangers to lovers, first love!au, fluff, angst

warnings: insecurities, profanity, very mean coaches

note: it’s finally here! as a 1.3k celebration i’ve been wanting to put out another long fic for a while now and here it is! swimmer jake is in action!! thank you tiff @yeonify for beta reading this for me!! i also i know nothing about swimming competitions but i did watch 2 and a half seasons of free to know what i’m doing ,, hope you all enjoy ‘the two of us’ and let me know what you think!! <3

You watched as the clouds begin to merge with one another, the once blue skies slowly turning to grey. And yet, you stay motionless— the water beneath you keeping you afloat, and the low tide drifting you across the surface.

Drip.

Drop.

The droplets from the sky splatter against your face as it runs down your cheekbones. The raindrops grow bigger and the drizzle is frequent, causing you to close your eyes and feel the water rinse you from above. And even so, you refused to leave the pool— your daydreams filled with frustration, and your mind full of regrets.

Second place again? Don’t dream of entering nationals.

You should be used to it by now— the voices that constantly haunt your self-esteem. It has been five whole years and yet you hear the exact same words. Second place. It seems like it’s all you could ever get no matter how hard you try and how long you practice for. You hate how you could feel your tears in the corner of your eyes, though the rain masks it up. You take a deep breath as you sink yourself, the water engulfing your body a whole. You come up to catch your breath and just like magic, the rain seems to stop.

You pushed yourself off the edge of the pool as you grabbed your towel, heading to the locker rooms to rinse the chemical infused water off your body. A deep sigh leaving your lips as you swung your towel around your neck. It had been a while since the competition had ended, paying no mind to whether people were still here. It was better this way, since you didn’t want anyone to question why you were still hanging around the pool after everything ended.

Tossing your towel on the seats you head for the shower room to rinse yourself, the shower quickly warms up your body from the rain. You quickly got changed and grabbed your belongings from your locker before heading out— till the sound of chatter heightened your senses.

From the corner of your eye, you see a young male with the coach who you seemed to recognise from the male swim team. The male appears to be looking at the floor, as the coach constantly pokes his shoulder. It’s definitely not a heartwarming scene, but it’s something that you’re familiar with.

“At this rate, you won’t go to nationals.” You could hear the coach speak, and somehow it feels like he’s taking a jab at you.

“Second place! Is that all you could do?” Second place. It hits way too close to home. And you felt like if you continued to listen any longer, you would fall into the void of your thoughts once again. You pretend like you heard nothing, and quickly turned away from the pair as you left the building.

There are little to no stars above and the glow of the moon is blurred behind the fog of clouds. Cars are driving past you as you sit underneath the shade of the bus stop, sighing for what felt like the nth time. Thinking back to your conversation with your coach— were dreams always so hard to achieve?

Ever since you were little you loved the feeling of water against your skin, whether it was freezing cold or lukewarm— you had always enjoyed the way it embraced you whole. When you thought you couldn’t love being in the water even more— you learnt to swim, loving the speed, the resistance and the freedom it gave you to travel amongst the waves. You love swimming, and you want to make this a part of your life— to be remembered by something you are passionate about.

But now, just like the moon above— the vision of your dreams seem to be unclear. Like the stars in the sky, your goal seems to be so out of reach.

Always one step behind, and always trailing behind.

You suddenly felt a presence next to you. Usually you wouldn’t pay no mind, but somehow an unknown force brought your eyes to face the person. A male wearing the same uniform as you— instantly recognising him from the swim team, bangs still wet and a solemn expression painted on his face. You watch him as he looks up at the sky and sighs— a sense of deja vu hitting you as he’s acting the exact way you did prior. You’re drawn to him, and you realise he must be the boy you accidentally overheard in the hallway of the locker room.

And although you did not know his name, nor anything about him— you could somehow understand how he feels.

“It’s so far, isn’t it?” You didn’t realise you had said it out loud, though the male doesn’t seem to be fazed by a stranger talking to him unexpectedly.

The both of you look up at the skies. You have seen brighter stars before, but today— it just seemed like a speck of dust amongst the vastness of darkness.

“Will we ever get there?” The boy wonders and you’re surprised that his voice is a lot more soft spoken than you thought. Though it sounds soothing, complimenting the crisp air of the Autumn breeze.

You didn’t know how to reply. Personally you’re not so sure what your future lies ahead and you’re afraid to give him an answer.

So you hum in response, and yet he doesn’t question any further. A comfortable feeling of tranquility between the two of you, as you watch the vehicles run past.

The male stands up from his seat next to you, catching your attention as you look up at him. Spotting the bus halting at the station you’re at, you realise that it must be his ride home. He leaves you as he joins the line to get on, but just before he gets too far from your sight— he turns around to look at you.

“I’m Jake, by the way.” He smiles at you and which leaves a strange feeling in your heart. You realised, you haven’t had anyone genuinely smile at you for such a long time. Your team had never spared any glances your way, your coach was always so angry with you— and even your parents don’t seem to look at you the way he does. A sudden burst of energy, you return him with a smile of your own, your first smile of the day.

“I’m Y/N.”

There’s a line between you and the rest of your team. Sometimes you wonder whether you were really lacking, or was it because they were too good at the sport. Either way, you set yourself expectations every practice— hoping that you’ll cross the hurdle between first and second place.

After your last competition, your coach made you swim extra laps after practice. You tried to think positively, treating this a chance to practice and improve yourself more. Though, sometimes you wished you were as good as the rest of your team. You didn’t understand how your team always managed to get first in every category, and then there was you who grabbed second place every competition you participated in.

After the last lap, you decided to stay in the water a little longer. You had always preferred the water while you were alone. You watched the ripples of the pool, your fingers playing with the water droplets as you took your mind off things. When was the last time you had fun?

But your fun was short lived, hearing the faint footsteps entering the pool. Perhaps you have overstayed your welcome, you quickly swim to the edge of the pool. Pushing yourself up on the ledge, you stand up to grab a towel and leave. Your franticness makes you bump into an unknown figure, causing you to bow repeatedly.

“Sorry, I’m leaving now-”

“Y/N…?”

You look up to see the familiar boy you met at the bus stop, shirtless from waist up making you step back in shock— almost causing you to slip till he reached for your arm to maintain your balance.

“Thank you…Jake.” You sigh in relief as you stand back up, the feeling of his wrist around yours still linger.

“It’s no problem, what are you doing here?”

“Had to do extra laps.” You sound defeated in comparison to the look on your face. You seem way too happy to be doing extra laps, but perhaps it’s because of the boy standing in front of you.

The silence was a little awkward between the two of you, and before it could get any worse— you decided to take your leave, bowing once more before walking past him.

“Do you-” His voice made you turn to look at him, almost a little too quickly. “…want to watch me practice?”

You didn’t hesitate to give him a slight nod, and you swore you could see the slight brightness in his features and the small smile that prints on his lips. He quickly does his warm ups on the side of the pool while you make yourself home on the bench.

He steps onto the platform, his toes curling inwards at the edge of the pool before pushing himself for a dive. You watched him as he spreads his arms out wide, his broad back along with the length of his arms resisting against the water. You assume he specialises in Butterfly, with the way his form is straight as he forces himself up with the movement of his arms. The splash against the water was minimal and he’s going at a steady speed— it almost makes you wonder why his coach was so hard on him when he’s doing such a difficult swim style so effortlessly. You had never watched the male swim team, but if he was always second place— how good were the other players?

Watching him swim was an eye opener— you think that the distance between him and the stars should be a lot closer than you. Everything about him was flawless, and that he did not deserve to be told like he couldn’t pursue his dream.

Just the sounds of water splashing against the kicks of Jake’s feet, and the catches of breath you could hear when Jake’s head comes up to leave the water. You wonder what thoughts are going through his head? The more you watch him swim, the more interested in him.

“Do you want to race?” You don’t realise that Jake had just finished his laps. He places his arms on the edge of the pool to look at you. You realise he looks like a puppy in water, and your heart couldn’t help but feel warm at the sight. You quickly toss your towel next to you as you begin your warm ups.

“Bring it on.”

Jake won.

And even so, it didn’t feel as bad as the races you did. Not because it wasn’t a real competition, but maybe because your mind was at ease with him around. It was like a reminder to you of why you enjoyed being in water so much, you have not had this much fun in a long time. Though, all fun things come to an end.

“Do you think this is the time to play around?” You suddenly hear a shout coming from the entrance of the pool, you turn your head to see your coach and he does not look happy the slightest.

You quickly pushed yourself off the pool and stumbled towards him. Refusing to look at him as your head held low.

“At this rate, you’re going to be second place forever!” The volume of his voice is enough to attack your emotions, feeling the familiar burn in your throat. You’re mustering the courage to say something until you see Jake stand in front of you.

“We were practising together.” Jake looks up at your coach sternly.

You peek up to see your coach looking at you, then at Jake before looking back at you.

“As you both should, since the both of you are bringing your own teams down with your second places…” It hurts more than it should, and suddenly the vision of your dreams began to shatter.

“We will go to nationals.” You look up at Jake in surprise, you never thought that he could say such words with confidence. And somehow, your admiration for him grew even more. Even with such hurtful words coming from your coach, he doesn’t seem to falter at all.

“We’ll see about that.” And your coach walks away from the both of you. Once he was out of sight, you could see Jake lose his balance as he let out a sigh of relief. His stumble causing your reflexes to hold him and he gives you a smile.

“Let’s prove him wrong.”

You remember the first day of your school year. Excited to dip your feet in the large waters of your school’s swimming pool. The main reason you joined Belift High was because of its alumni, as well as the countless prodigies they have supported. In its history, there was not a single time where Belift High swimmers had gotten anything below first place. And you thought that you could walk in the same shoes as them.

You knew it wasn’t a walk in the park, but you didn’t know how competitive it would be.

You had admiration for your current coach, the very person who brought golden trophies to Belift each year. You respected him— you still did, but his words had always brought a knife to your heart one stab at a time.

“What is your future goal?” You remember he asked each student after the first swimming heats of the semester. You remember the expressions on your team’s faces, all sporting bright smiles and eyes glistening with their dreams in mind. You could see your coach acknowledging and nodding at their goals too. So you did the same, your innocence showing and stars in your eyes as your coach asked you the very question he asked his team.

“I want to go to nationals. I want to swim for the country.” And it was then you watched your coach’s expression turn sour, his smile wiped off his face instantly and with a deep breath he gave you the words you least wanted to hear.

“What place did you get today?” His voice is stern and his expression is unreadable. Though with your own instincts, you could tell your coach was not happy in the slightest.

“Second.”

“At this rate, nationals isn’t even close.”

You could feel your throat burn as tears started reaching at the corner of your eyes. The fact that your team was snickering at you doesn’t help your emotions either. Though you wiped your tears with the back of your hand, hoping you could control your broken heart as well as the dimming fire within you.

And even years later when your coach asks the same question, you tell him the very, and he replies with the same.

Today, your coach bumped into you in the hallways mentioning how he wanted to talk to you and the rest of the swim team after school. Usually in situations like these, it either meant two things: you were probably going to be scolded again or there is a competition coming up soon.

And though you should have been used to it by now, you always dread every meeting with your team.

As you made your way to the swimming pool, you took notice of a group of boys coming out of the locker rooms. And there you spotted the boy that you had been slowly but surely, growing a friendship with.

“Hey!” He pants.

“Hey.” You smile back at him as you watched him catch his breath. And you stopped to stare at him a little longer, his hair wet from practice, you could even smell the chlorine mixed with whatever shampoo he uses.

“Did you hear about the upcoming competition?”

You assume that’s what your coach was going to talk to you about today and you could feel your heartbeat out of your chest. It’s no surprise to have competitions once in a while, but this always meant that your coach will train you harsher than before, especially with your coach’s distaste in your skills anyway.

“I think it’s what I’m here for anyway.” You smiled at Jake and you watched him as he gave you a pat on the back.

“You can do it!” He smiles at you with a little fist bump before his friends pull him away. You gave him a wave and waved back before turning back to his friends, you could see them tease Jake as he pushed them away in laughter.

At least Jake and his team get along well.

And as expected, a competition was coming up soon and your practice is scheduled to be a lot more tougher than usual. You were told there may be a couple of scouts and recruiters during this competition and it would be a good chance for the team to get noticed if they ever wanted to be in the national team. The news gave you a burst of confidence, and even though your coach kept looking at you as if he didn’t expect much— you wanted to see the look on his eyes when he realises the potential you could carry.

To do this, you decided that you needed to train a little more and a little harder around your current training regime. You would’ve wanted to ask your team to practice with you but seeing as they do not care about you in any way, you’ve thought about asking your only swim friend.

Speaking of the devil, you watched the classroom window as he walked right past. You quickly got up from your seat, the friction causing a sudden screech alerting the entire room— you ran out of the door to catch up with Jake who was just heading to his own homeroom next to you.

“Jake!” You called for him and he turned around, a big smile on his face as if he was happy to see you.

“I wanted to ask you something, I’m not sure if you’re up for it though…” For some reason you felt your confidence diminish by the way he’s looking at you, he’s staring right into your eyes and that alone left your blood rushing up to your cheeks in embarrassment.

God, he is beautiful.

“What is it?” He tilts his head. And his voice sounds so nice too.

“Ah-” Your admiration interrupted as you went back on topic, “I wanted to ask if you want to do morning swim practice with me for the upcoming competition?”

You refuse to look at him, afraid that he’ll laugh at you for some reason or even question why you’re trying so hard. You slowly take a peek at him and you see him checking his phone, leaving you confused.

“Sure! I have nothing in the mornings.” He then gives his phone towards you, “Give me your number I’ll call you!”

The whole ordeal is happening too fast and way too well for you to imagine. You almost couldn’t believe what you had just heard. You slowly take his phone with both hands and insert your digits. And with a smile on Jake’s face he places his phone in his pocket and waves you goodbye. You wave back though you stood at the same spot, dumbfounded at how smoothly it had just gone. As he’s out of sight you feel a smile slowly creep up, the excitement building up for what’s about to come.

It’s early in the morning, the sun has yet to greet you and the school was filled with nothing but rustling leaves dancing across the field. You had arrived slightly before your meeting time with Jake and you thought to let the security know about your morning practices.

You’re waiting for Jake at your school’s swimming pool. The guard was nice enough to open up the area for you before school starts. You had gotten changed and did your warm up beforehand, leaving you to dip your legs into the water as you waited for the boy. You suddenly hear the frantic footsteps coming from the pool entrance and you see Jake panting with his swim gear.

“I’m so sorry! Let’s begin.” Jake laughs and you laugh along with him, walking towards the diving platform as you wait for him to get ready.

As Jake steps onto the platform next to you, he pushes his goggles against his nose bridge and he gives you a little smirk. You smile at him as you do the same, pulling your swim cap down before gripping your toes against the edge of the platform. Your arms pointed towards the pool as you took a deep breath.

“See you at the finish line Jake.” You spoke quietly but enough for him to hear and he counted down.

“3…2…1…”

“Go!” You both push yourself off the ledge as you begin your freestyle race, your arms flicking towards the air before striking down, turning your head sideways to get a breath in your system. You kick against the water and you could hear the muted splashes against your feet. With the corner of your eye you could see Jake was just in level with you. You turn forward, watching the finish line grow closer and closer as you reach your fingertips as far as you can as you touch the end of the pool. You rose from the water to catch your breath, watching as you see Jake right next to you. You take a look at the timer on the board, and you were only off by three seconds.

“So close!” You removed your goggles, massaging your nose bridge from the pressure.

“You did better than last time! You’re definitely going to do well.” The words that come out of Jake’s mouth reassured you, and you hoped you would hear it again from him on the day of the competition. You quickly pushed yourself off the water and grabbed your towel and stopwatch in the process.

“Alright, let's start with your practice first. Then we could do mine.” You suggested and Jake nodded as he began to swim back to the platforms.

Jake swims as if the water rides along with him, he spreads his arms as wide as he could, the stretch accentuating his broad back and he lifts himself up so effortlessly. It does not make sense that Jake would come in second with skills like this. He truly resembled a butterfly rising through water, his arms as his wings and the water completing the art that he creates through the way he swims. It’s beautiful, and he is everything you wish to be in the eyes of others.

With each lap Jake does, his time decreases little by little. To you, such improvement could only be because he was such a good swimmer. Yet again, how could his coach not see the beauty that is in the way he swims? What was it that Jake lacks in the eyes of his teacher? You look at Jake with glowing eyes and you don’t even notice that he does the same. He has stopped his practice and he’s staring at you. And even without saying, all he does is gives you a smile and it’s like he’s telling you that you could do the same.

You have been practising with Jake for almost a week now, and you do see the improvements in both Jake and yourself as well.

Jake gives you the best comments and feedback in the way you swim, he gives you exceptional pointers on what you could improve and you were always thankful for Jake in allowing you to change the way you swim and yet focus on your usual form.

You wanted to thank him so you had decided to ask him whether he was available for breakfast before school which he agreed to.

You chose a tiny coffee shop close to the school. The coffee shop was hidden in the main street, different potted plants decorate the window sills and the aroma of coffee scented around the entrance door. You’re quite happy that you’ve found such a gem as none of the students in your school seem to visit this shop despite it being so close to your school.

“Sorry, I’m late! I never realised there was a coffee shop around here.” Jake pulls out his chair sitting before you.

“It’s alright. Not a lot of people know about this place.”

“Ooh…then it’ll be our own secret location then.” He gives you a little wink which causes your cheeks to heat up. You could tell that Jake is no beginner in flirtatious acts. He was definitely suave in more ways than you thought and even the wink was natural to him. You tried to put it behind you, even though you could feel your cheeks blush.

“I’ll take an iced latte, you?” You questioned.

“Iced Americano.”

The waiter takes both of your orders with a smile before heading back to the counter. You fiddled your fingers whilst trying to think of what to say to the boy in front of you.

“I just want to thank you for practising with me.” You shy away slightly. Jake’s presence makes you slightly nervous.

“No! I want to thank you for asking me. The sessions really do help me out a lot!” Jake smiles at you before the waiter interrupts your conversation with both of your drinks. You both thank the waiter before sipping your drinks, feeling refreshed at the sudden coolness.

The silence starts to grow comfortable, and you’re no longer nervous in front of Jake after a while of sitting in front of him. You both had been talking about things other than swimming as well as what you’re both up to in school.

Though as you both reveal more about each other, you start to delve into the sport you both shared.

“Why do you swim Jake?” The air grows a little solemn, but you’re curious. Ever since you eavesdropped on the conversation between Jake and his coach, you wonder what keeps him going.

“Because I feel free.” You nodded at his words, completely understanding what he meant. It was the exact same reason as to why you began to swim for the first place, and the same reason why you wanted to pursue a career in swimming.

“Then, what are your goals?”

“Nationals. It would be nice to represent Korea as well.” You looked at him in surprise. Your dreams were the exact same as his, and you suddenly grow a little too excited.

“Me too. Though, it’s hard when you're in second place all the time.” You sound a little dejected and Jake takes notice of him. With your head looking down you suddenly feel Jake’s warm palm on top of your head and you look up at him, slowly— so that he wouldn’t remove his hand away from you.

“We can do it, I’m sure.”

It felt like a sudden surge of energy rushed through you. Never would you have thought just simple words would leave you feeling motivated. He lets go and with the same hand, he gives you his pinky.

“Promise me you’ll make it to nationals.”

You stared at his pinky for a while, a little afraid to make such a big promise with him. You’ve always doubted your abilities, and you hate to make a promise that you can’t keep. You stare at his pinky for a while, and you could tell that Jake could sense your hesitancy.

“Come on, my hand is tired!” He encourages you, and you look at him. He’s still smiling, and with the look on his face he’s still coaxing you to make this promise with him. He has so much hope in you, and you vow to not disappoint him. But that is, if he is willing to walk the same path as you.

“Only if we both make it together.” You give in and interlock his pinky with yours. It’s like you could feel the faintest spark between your intertwined fingers. A symbolised promise between the two of you, and you’re hoping that it’ll come true.

You’ve been practising with Jake for almost a month now, and you have about another week left till the competition begins. Just like the usual routine, you arrive at the pool a little early, Jake runs in apologising for being late, and the both of you start with a race. This time, Jake suggested doing races for the full session so that the both of you are prepared for the real thing.

It’s also a good change of pace between constant sessions of timing each other.

“Loser gets splashed.” Jake speaks up next to you.

“You’re so on.”

The both of you count to one and like you’re most familiar with, you dive into the pool with ease. With multiple practice sessions with Jake, you began to find your own comfort and style while swimming freestyle. Your stamina was a lot better, and you felt a lot lighter in the water. And just a few centimetres away, your fingertips touch the wall and you see Jake trailing just slightly behind you.

“Yes!” Your fist punches the water in excitement and Jake applauds you. You take a look at him and in just a split second he begins to swim away as you push the water against him. You watched as he used his hands to shield the water splashing towards his face, but you gave him no mercy as you continued to chase after him. You caught up to him and in defence he grabs onto your wrists pinning you against the corner of the pool.

The sounds of the water splashing stops and the pool is silent. The laughter shared between the both of you dies down as you realise your compromising position. You think Jake was going to let go but instead he does nothing but, though his grip softens a little bit. You try to avoid his eye contact but it was no use, so you stare back at him and you watch as the droplets on his face drips down to water below you. You watch him focus on your eyes, then now to your lips then back towards your vision once again.

“C-Can I kiss you?” It’s the first time you see Jake so shy to the point that he even stutters on his words. Right now, you would like to believe you were in a dream. Jake was only centimetres away from you, the sunlight from the window behind you shining as if the spotlight was on him. He’s glowing in front of you, and the outline is so bright he doesn’t seem real. So much that you closed your eyes and open them again to just to see if you would wake up from the dream you believe that you are in.

But he’s still standing before you, waiting for your response and he’s quivering— anxious but yet hopeful that you’ll allow him to place his lips on yours. So you nod and you close your eyes once again, and then you feel the cushion of his lips pressed against yours. His soft lips taste like chlorine but you didn’t mind, all you knew was that the boy that you’ve been trying to reach is right in your arms. He lets go of your wrists and holds your cheeks in the warmth of his palms and you wrap your arms around his neck as you cherished the moment.

“I really like you.”

You felt like you were on cloud nine.

There is an unspeakable feeling between you and Jake. After your rendezvous with him, the both of you continued practising with smiles on your faces. No words exchanged but just a newfound understanding between each other. The feeling of being with Jake could not be explained in detail, and yet you feel yourself grow to like him more each day. You’re starting to believe you cannot live a day without seeing him at least once.

There is no label that describes your relationship with him. And you’re aware that in the opinions of others it may be a bother— unsure of what line they are treading across. But you’re quite content with what you and Jake are now. You like to emphasise that it’s more of a relationship between two people who are beginning to learn the feeling of love.

Even without saying it directly, Jake seems to feel the same way. And it’s clear to the both of you that it’s your first time experiencing such an emotion between you. And it’ll likely take some time for the both of you to accept each other as two people who are in love.

You’ve always imagined falling in love to be a magical thing, a slow process between two people and a rare occasion for one to reciprocate feelings for another. But after your shared kiss with Jake, your perception had shifted drastically. Not only has it been less than a few months since you’ve met Jake, but your feelings for him developed so quick that you almost didn’t notice it until he asked to kiss you. And with that, it seemed like he has taken an interest in you too.

Though, you couldn’t dwell on your feelings any longer than now that your competition is only a day away. It sucks, but the both of you have to focus on what’s ahead of you. As the hours go by, you start to feel distressed and worried for what the future holds.

You’re wiping your palms against your uniform as you start to think of all the possible scenarios that could happen at the competition when you accidentally bumped into Jake who had just sent off his friends.

“Oh Y/N!”

You were a bit shy to look at Jake, memories of the morning flashing through your mind. You look away towards the window next to you, but Jake couldn’t help but move his face in line with your vision.

“Now, don’t be shy. You weren’t so shy with me when we-” Your eyes quickly widened and reached for Jake’s mouth to prevent him from teasing you any further, turning your head left and right to see if anyone heard the conversation. Making sure the coast is clear you let go of his mouth with a sigh and Jake chuckled.

“Good luck on the competition tomorrow.” He quickly sneaks in a quick peck on your cheek before running away, shouting a ‘Bye Y/N!’ loud enough for everyone in the hallway to hear his voice. Usually you would want to hide in a corner in embarrassment, but you were too caught up on the sudden peck to dawn on what had just happened.

He’s a sneaky one, isn’t he?

And soon the day of the competition arrives. You were doing stretches in your changing room, while the rest of your team chatter amongst themselves. You plugged in your earbuds, listening to some acoustic music to calm your nerves down. Even so, you could still hear the loud cheers from the crowd outside and you hoped to not disappoint them with another second place.

Your competition was one of the firsts of many races today. The sun was blaring from above, the noises from the thunder sticks hitting against each other along with the chants from the bleachers could be heard in the sidelines. The atmosphere was intense and it gave you the adrenaline rush that you needed.

Passing the heats of your swimming competition was easy but you knew that the finals was what always set you back. The opponents you faced were nothing like the heats nor the players back in middle school. Seeing so many incredible swimmers made you realise that your goal was definitely not an easy ride. Mentally giving yourself a pep talk, you did your final stretch before stepping onto the platform. The sounds of the crowd now tuned out and all you could focus on was the rapid thumps of your heart against your chest.

“On your marks, get set…”

The siren blares through and in reflex you push yourself off the ledge of the diving board. The tips of your fingers pierce through the water as you perform two butterfly kicks before fluttering your feet against the water. You swim past the resistance of the tide, your arms stretching as far as you can to get the most out of your strides. You try to limit the amount of times to catch your breath, hoping to use your stamina to the fullest till you reach the finish line.

With each kick you splash against the water, the closer you see yourself to the end of the pool. So with one final push you stretch your fingertips to the wall, touching it fully before taking your head out of the water.

You hear the crowd cheer and you’re nervous to look at the scoreboard in front of you, it’s only when you notice your coach in the end of the pool with his jaw dropped you look at the board above you.

You did it.

You had made first place, and with the fastest record out of your team.

Then the emotions got the best of you. The tears began to fall nonstop, it’s almost as if your team began to cry with you. As you pushed yourself out of the water, your team immediately ran to hug you— even though they never treated you well and they were also your rivals, you had always felt like they somehow understood your predicament. No matter how skillful one is, everyone has had a journey to get to where they are.

You wrap yourself with your towel as you head to the locker rooms, only to see Jake waiting for you at the entrance. And without thinking you ran up to him and he took you in his arms, crying on his shoulder more. He pats your back in comfort and gives you tiny pecks on your forehead, and if you weren’t too busy crying you would see the slightly watery eyes he has.

“You did so well.”

You pulled back with a smile as you wiped your tears and patted your puffiness down, “Good luck.”

Jake waved you goodbye and you quickly went to get changed so that you could make it in time for his race. You were nervous for him to say the least, but yet you were confident he was going to do well.

Once you were warmed up, you sat on the sidelines to cheer for Jake. He was warming up in the centre lane, and you took a look at his opponents while you were at it. He steps on the platform, realising that he was about to start his race any minute now. You look at him closely, your fists balled in your lap as you silently cheer for him in your heart.

The siren sounds the entire pool and the swimmers dive into the water. Your eyes never leave Jake as he swims just like you have witnessed many times before. He’s still as beautiful as ever, just like a butterfly in his element as he flies across the water. You see him taking the lead and everything seems to go smoothly so far.

Wait.

You stood up from your seat as you took notice of Jake holding onto his arm right for a split second, but yet he acts like nothing has happened and he continues to swim. You begin the worry now, and you could see he’s trailing behind a couple of swimmers right next to him. You quickly walk towards the end of the pool, hoping to catch him at the finish line. You could tell that he’s hurting and even so, he does not give up, and he manages to snatch himself a second place after all. Though with the way he’s looking at the scoreboard he does not look pleased, and neither does the coach who is staring him down. He pushes himself off the water wincing at the pressure he places on his arm and walks away from his team as well as from you.

You would like to believe that he may have not noticed you standing there, but you thought you should leave him alone for now.

You hope that he’s okay.

“Y/N congratulations! It seems like the Seoul swim team has taken an interest in you.” Your coach lets you in on the big news and you stood in front of him mindlessly, trying to take in your coach’s sudden change of attitude as well as what you had just heard from him.

“Seoul?”

“Yes, they are inviting you for tryouts after your senior year ends.” The coach gives you a pat on the back, “I knew you could do it, I was just trying to give you that push.”

You watched as your coach walked away, though you are really happy that one of the biggest swim teams are interested in you— you couldn’t help but worry about Jake.

You had not spoken or seen him ever since the competition, and you thought to give him a few days for him to rest. But as a week goes by, you begin to worry for his well-being. You asked his team his whereabouts and they tell you that he hasn’t been showing up to practice as well as his classes. You tried calling and messaging him a couple of times to no response, so you asked his team for his address.

You’re standing in front of his door and you start to think of the multiple things to say once he opens the door— or maybe he won’t open the door at all. You were about to walk away when you suddenly hear the door open and Jake peeks out to look at you.

“My friends told me you were coming.”

“Ah.” Well this is slightly embarrassing.

“Come on in.” He opens the door further and lets you inside. You proceed to take off your shoes and walk in his apartment. His place was clean, decorated with wooden furniture and potted plants, a couple of medals and trophies from the bookshelf as well as family pictures on the drawers.

“Drink?” You hear Jake ask you from behind, you turn around to face him with a smile.

“Water is fine.”

You made yourself comfortable on his couch, staring at Jake as he prepared your water. Usually he would be happy to see you, he would even be the one to initiate conversation— but today his face shows no emotion, just sadness behind his eyes. Instinctively you walk up behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind and he stops everything that he’s doing.

“Tell me what’s on your mind.” You could feel Jake’s shaking up and you take a peek to see his tears rolling down his cheeks. You let go instantly and made him turn towards you, wiping his sadness away.

“Why is it so hard to achieve your dreams?” You could hear the crack in Jake’s voice and you began to embrace him once again, hoping you could comfort him in some way. He looks at the trophies and medals on his shelf, reminiscing the time when he felt happy in the water.

“Every time I see the finish line, it only goes further and further away.” He lets out an exhale, the words hesitantly coming out of his mouth.

“I’m tired Y/N, should I just…give up?” You look at him immediately and shake your head, refusing to hear any longer. You grabbed onto his shoulder to bring his attention to you, and you watched as his eyes widened. You were furious, you could not believe what you had just heard from him.

“What the fuck do you think you’re saying?” It was rare for you to use such language, nevertheless use a tone towards anyone. But you could not bear to hear Jake demean himself any longer.

“I see you looking at your achievements Jake, how did you think you got to where you are now?” Jake stays silent, letting you continue on. “It’s you. You worked hard to get here, are you really going to let all that go down the drain?”

“But Y/N I just feel like I don’t have a reason to swim anymore-”

“Me!” You cut him off and he looks at you, “I want to see you reach your dreams, I want to see it happen.” Jake softens up at your words.

“I thought of the same thing, I wanted to give up…that was until I met you. You told them you wanted to prove that we can do it right? You taught me to hold on, I don’t understand why you couldn’t do the same.”

“We still have one more competition left, and I want to see you reach the finish line. Whatever place you get, I want to see you swim.” And at this moment you felt yourself get pulled into Jake’s arms, this time a lot tighter than usual. It feels like he does not want to let you go, so you stay still for him to hold you a little longer.

“I’m sorry Y/N…I’m sorry. I’ll promise you, I’ll make it there.” And you wrap yourself around him once again, whispering reassurances to him that it was okay. You’re glad that you’ve managed to talk some sense to him, and you’re hoping he’ll reach for the same star that you’ve managed to get ahold of.

Ever since your win, you had been grabbing first place constantly and even your competition just now, you had just managed to get yourself a gold.

You knew that Jake was coming up soon and you prayed to yourself that he would swim through his laps without trouble. Sitting underneath the shade of the pool, you watched as he did his warm ups.

He was in good condition today, and deep inside you knew that he’ll make it to the finish line.

Like he always has.

You watched as Jake stepped onto the diving board, taking deep breaths, pulling his swimming cap and tightening his goggles in the process. He touches his toes and bends his knees in a position, his toes preparing himself for the push. You could hear the standby lines, and your heartbeat quickens in response. On three, the siren alarms and he pushes himself into the pool, his butterfly kicks smooth underneath the water, his arms stretches and his chest lifting himself out of the water to dive right back in. He’s quick with his arms and you could see him catch minimal breaths before resuming back in the blue. He’s reaching the halfway mark and he’s taking the lead, though you could not be relieved yet as his opponents are only a few strokes behind. Your eyes never left him, you’re holding your breath as he grows closer to the opposite end of the pool and he touches the wall. You immediately look up to the scoreboard and you see his time placed on the first row of the board.

He fulfilled his promise.

You quickly jump up and run to where he was. And you could see him punch the water in excitement as he raises his fists in the air in victory. Ignoring all the warnings of ‘no running around the pool’, you watched Jake leave the water and run up to you.

“I did it!”

“You did it!”

You both laugh in each others arms, ignoring the amount of people who were looking at the both of you. You could see his team cooing on the sidelines, even his coach seems relieved at Jake’s achievement. But Jake’s eyes were only on you and you had never ever been happier for him.

You notice that Jake’s coach is waiting for him, so you insinuate him to go to his team. Though he refuses to let go of his arm, you push him to go— not wanting him to get into trouble.

Everything is going well for the both of you.

You meet Jake at the rooftop of your school. It’s late at night, the moon shaped like a crescent, glows above you. And the stars shined a lot brighter than usual. The wind was crisp but not cold enough for an extra layer, and the air was quiet. You and Jake laid down, appreciating the glitters decorating the night.

“How are you feeling?” You break the silence as you turn around to look at him. Even at night Jake glows brighter than the stars in the sky, you could say that Jake is the star himself.

“Out of this world.” He replies as he turns to face you, his smile never leaving his face and he looks at you with loving eyes. “It’s all because of you.”

“No, it’s all you.”

You both stare at each other for a little longer before turning back to the sky, commenting on which star was the brightest, pointing towards different directions of the darkness. Daydreaming as you stare up at the sky, you could feel Jake intertwining his fingers along with yours, taking your attention away.

“Busan wants me.” Jake breaks the news and suddenly the air is tense, your face drops and you turn to look at Jake who is already looking straight at you.

“I know, Seoul asked for you right?” He continues on. You never had the chance to tell him ever since the incident, and you’re mad at yourself for not being able to tell him yourself.

“That’s good! We’re both one step closer, right?” You feign sadness, refusing to accept the reality that has been shoved right to your face.

“But…what about us?” You did not want to answer his question, nor did you want to face the reality that is your separation. You already swore to yourself you could not live without him, but who were you to stop him from chasing his dream?

“Jake…” You smile at him and he does too. Neither of you wanted to face the truth, and neither of you are ready to move on with your lives. The both of you would be too busy for each other, with training, practice and even your lives— deep inside you both knew that maintaining a long distance relationship would not last.

“You should go to Busan.”

“Y/N!”

“I can’t stop you from going to your dream.” You both stayed in silence. Jake understood you and he thought the same. He can’t bring you with him either and that you both had to accept the harsh reality. You don’t have a lot of time left together, and you did not want to leave Jake in an argument or even sadness.

“Then…let’s just cherish…what we have now, okay?” You nod at his words and he pulls you closer to him. You sniffle against his chest, hoping to treasure the moment with you in his arms.

Just a little longer.

Then senior year comes to a close. You’re wearing your graduation gown, taking pictures with your classmates and your team. Now that your school year has ended, you’ve grown to put all your bad blood and unwanted memories behind and appreciate the new friendships you’ve developed along the way.

No matter how many ups and downs you had with your team, you had always appreciated them in some way. Even though they never treated you well, you thought of them as a motivation to do better. And it took graduation to forgive and forget, and that even such experiences are memories you wished you keep.

However, there was only one person you wanted to see at the moment.

You ran to where his classroom is, peeking at the window hoping to catch a glimpse of where he could be. There you could see him taking pictures with his friends, and for a split second you spot him looking at you, gesturing you to come towards him.

You walk up to him and he passes his phone to his friends. “Hey, can you help me take a picture?”

He pulls you next to him and wraps his arm around you, his friends taking multiple pictures of the both of you in different poses. He takes his phone back and turns to face you, removing the strand of hair and tucking it behind your ear.

“Ah!” You reach for your pocket as you hand him an envelope, a ‘To Jake’ written on top of it. “Don’t read it now! Read it when you’re on the way to Busan.” He takes the letter from you and smiles at your handwriting before tucking it in his pocket.

You only have a few hours to spare before you both have to go your separate ways, and you’ve decided for your last time together the both of you would hang around your shared home.

The pool.

The both of you took your shoes off, dipping your feet into the water as you sat side by side. None of you shared any words, just trying to live the moment as much as you can with each other. You focus on the way the water ripples beneath your feet as Jake does the same, laughing at his antics as he kicks a little water to your side.

You hear his phone buzz indicating that it was time for him to go and suddenly everything hits you. Jake was about to leave you, and the both of you are about to take the next step towards your dream.

You send him off at the bus stop and he gives you one last hug. You did not want your separation to be a sad one, so you held your tears back and smiled at him as he let go. Though you’re still in his arms, you look up at him one last time and he returns you with a smile as well.

“Goodbye Y/N.”

“Goodbye, Jake.”

You watch him as he walks away further away from you, waving at him as he looks at you for a final time.

In your eyes, Jake was a star that you desired to reach. He stood by your side through the journey towards your dreams. You both relied and gave each other a reason to continue forth and without each other you wouldn’t be able to get to where you both are today. Though the moment between the both of you was brief, you knew you will always love Jake no matter how far he goes.

He was a part of your youth and you hope someday in the future, he could be more.

And that was a different story to be told.

Dear Jake,

By the time you’re reading this, you’re probably on the bus to Busan. Though Seoul and Busan are still part of South Korea it still seems so far away.

Do you miss me yet? Because I for sure, miss you.

I remember when we first met at the bus stop, I didn’t even know what came over me but I began talking to you. To be honest, I overheard your coach scolding you. I thought you were just like me— getting second place all the time, getting told off by the coach. So I began asking you, whether dreams were all so hard to reach.

And you questioned the same thing as I did, even though you never gave me a solid answer. But yet again, I couldn’t give you one either.

I thought it would be the last time I’ll ever see you.

But no, we saw each other again at school. And you stood up for me against the coach. It was then I realised you were a lot different than I was. I was so close to giving up, but you were always so positive. You were always so confident that you and I could make it to Nationals— even our coaches couldn’t see that kind of future. But you assured me that we will, you wanted to prove them wrong and you wanted to show them what you were made of. That alone had me motivated everyday, you inspire me to be better and not to give up on chasing my dreams.

And I hope you continued to do the same.

It took me a lot of courage to ask you to practice with me by the way. And bless, that you did. The practice sessions not only improved my swimming overall but I also got to know you even more. It was also then when we realised our feelings for each other. I never knew you felt the same way, and honestly it was slightly overwhelming too. To me, you were someone who was so out of reach, I did not deserve your feelings.

When I won my first competition, I knew I had to see you. You were my motivation, the reason for my win and you helped me so much to improve and find myself. I will forever be thankful for everything that you did for me. Don’t say it was all me, because without you I probably will not be entering Seoul tryouts right now.

Our chapter is coming to a close, but I hope you won’t be too upset. I just want to remind you not to give up, and that you will always get to where you are. It’s just the matter of time that you’ll touch the stars you desire to reach. I hope that Busan treats you well and perhaps in the future, we’ll swim at the same pool.

Actually, I know we’ll definitely see each other again.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me. I know it sounds dramatic, but my youth was built around you. My final year of highschool ended perfectly with you, and maybe in the future we’ll share the same goal, just as we once did. I hope you take care of yourself, and I wish that you continue to be free.

And Jake, thank you for being my first love.

Y/N.

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