hellbrainspeaks

[hellbrainspeaks]

I love a woman with a loud ass laugh. I love a cackle. I love a guffaw. Love when a bitch laughs so hard it scares the dog. Be unapologetic in your joy.

[hellbrainspeaks]

I don’t think the ultimate solution to “maladaptive” thinking or behaviors is “using better coping skills” I think it’s having a life you don’t constantly need relief from.

[hellbrainspeaks]

hey here’s a secret: self esteem and self worth are actually different things.

I struggled for the longest time because people (usually therapists) assumed I had poor self esteem. But I don’t. I genuinely think I’m a wonderful, kind and strong person who makes meaningful art and puts kindness out into the world.

But self worth is believing you are worth something just as you are. On your bad days. That you’re not your productivity, or your creative output, or your usefulness to others. Just as you are right now.

And so long as you think your worth is tied to any of those things you’re going to burn yourself out in a self imposed meritocracy. You are worthy of love and care and kindness just as you are. And of food and joy and rest. You never have to earn any of these things.

[hellbrainspeaks]

eat drink sleep play

[hellbrainspeaks]

While it's important to recognise that depictions of mental health and mental illness in video games are often dogshit, and a "sanity meter" flattens understanding of the impossibly complex issues of mental health into a single metric

We also have to acknowledge that sometimes you do just encounter shit that causes your sanity meter to decrease

[hellbrainspeaks]

[forgetting I am mentally ill] why do I feel so Bad

[hellbrainspeaks]

Make sure you don't accidentally punish people for communicating their needs and boundaries. When someone cares enough to have the uncomfortable conversation, that's a compliment and a clear sign that they are invested in the relationship. Yes of course it's uncomfortable to hear that something you've been doing has been upsetting someone you care about when that was never your intention, but people generally only bother to have these conversations with the people they want to keep around - the people they trust to care. If they just didn't like you, they'd probably just try to avoid you. So make sure you don't make it into a more punishing experience than it has to be. Try to see the care and the trust behind the criticism, even when it triggers uncomfortable emotions. It's a good sign that they're there telling you.

[hellbrainspeaks]

It hasn't been a good couple years

[hellbrainspeaks]

[hellbrainspeaks]

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

[hellbrainspeaks]

the fact that i have to be in the “right headspace” to do even the simplest tasks. absolutely humiliating

[hellbrainspeaks]

stuck in a timeloop called i just have to get through this week

[hellbrainspeaks]

Credit to: user

[hellbrainspeaks]

kinda fucked how a full-blown mental breakdown/ugly sobbing crying episode is supposed be like, all good for your soul and whatever but it always comes with insane headache/congestion shit. like yeah i scream-exorcised a rotting part of myself but at what cost.

[hellbrainspeaks]

I needed this drag. Let’s change guys and not look back

[hellbrainspeaks]

narcissism/NPD recovery resources, because there’s like nothing good out there

Books and things to read:

Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Aimed at providers but apparently super great for self-help too

How Do You Develop Whole Object Relations as an Adult? by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Tips on how to stop seeing yourself and other people as only either all-good or all-bad

10 Stages in the Treatment of Narcissistic Disorders by Dr. Elinor Greenburg - Goes through the stages of treating NPD

Rethinking Narcissism by Dr. Craig Malkin - A book about promoting healthy narcissism instead of unhealthy narcissism

Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders by Dr. Daniel Fox - what it says on the tin. May be best done guided by a therapist

Shame in patients with narcissistic personality disorder PDF - What it says on the tin.

Narcissus and the Daffodils - an essay about NPD by someone with NPD. Probably the best description I’ve ever seen

Things to watch and listen to:

Recovery FOR the Narcissist by Dr. Eric Perry - A compassionate podcast to provide insight, support, and encouragement to anyone who exhibits narcissistic tendencies. Very in-depth

Early Morning Barking - A YouTube channel by someone with BPD and NPD about coping with and educating people on BPD and NPD. He also has a Recovery from NPD by Dr. Todd Grande - A video about this provider’s experience with helping people recover from NPD

Misc:

Narcissism Self Help Therapy website - A daily program for people with NPD (may have some triggering aspects in Part 2 of the program)

NPD Safe carrd resources - More resources for NPD (I have not gone through all of these so I don’t know how good they are)

NPD Recovery Comics by The Ego System - A bunch of fantastic comics about recovering from NPD.

[hellbrainspeaks]

You are not a bother. You are not a burden. You are not a waste of space. You are not annoying every person you talk to. Your existence matters. Your presence makes a good difference.