hellogodareuthere
dear diary
mid 20s. trying to heal. she/her
38 posts
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if you think im ever gonna actually be your friend again ur dead wrong... i miss you but it wouldn't feel right
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hi i miss you!!! i love you!! im sorry for being angry and resentful. i miss you every day all the time. you're still my best friend no matter what bc i gave you my love and it was pure and honest and real. i blessed you with my love and you blessed me with yours. im so grateful to be able to say we had such a beautiful and endless amount of love for each other. i hope you're doing ok! i think about you all the time and see little bits of you in everything. i drink coffee and think of you, see snow and think of you, hear a song and think of you. you're in my dreams again like you were when we were in love. these dreams are different than before, they're a lot more sad. last night i dreamt i called you, begging for you to forgive me for all the stupid shit ive said and done. and you did. i hope that you do forgive me. i forgive you. i finally understand.
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nonono i dont think u understand! i want you to KNOW how badly u hurt me.. how badly u broke my trust! i want u to know that everything ive been crying about... everything ive been hurting and agonizing over is all because u made the decision to let me go! you have forever changed my opinion and view of you.. i know the real you now. i know how heartless u truly are. "this is the hardest thing ive ever had to do" you can save that for the next foolish girl u lead on. maybe she'll believe you
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listen all i want for 2024 is for the person who hurt me and made me cry to get the same in return. doesnt have to be from me. but whoever u get it from just know that its ur punishment. and i hope when u get it u think of me. and think of how u hurt me. and think of all the months ive spent shedding tears bc of u. i hope u spend months trying to find urself again in all the wrong ppl just like i did. all because of YOU
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i hope u know that u make me feel sick to my fucking stomach now. i could NEVER be friends with someone like u... someone who wasted years making me think u felt the same way i felt about u. ur a chump. and a loser. i hope u live the rest of ur life alone and realize how good you had it with me. i loved you so deeply and whats fucked up is i STILL love you. i kiss and fuck other people and my mind just goes to YOU...... if u ever EVER came back to tell me u miss me and love me and want me back IN ANY CAPACITY id fucking LAUGH in ur face and tell u to go fuck urself!!!!!!
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things would be better if i just shot myself in the fucking head
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i miss my ex so deeply its almost pathetic.... no matter what i do to get over him... i still come back to missing him
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im back to wanting to die all the time again and have been shing this time im not burning anymore im cutting i wish i had the guts to follow thru i wish i would stop with the small cuts on my legs and just cut my wrists open and bleed out theres so much that stops me from following thru but none of it is because i WANT to keep going its bc i dont want to hurt my loved ones i dont eant them to feel guilty for "not seeing the signs" or "not doing enough"... theres nothing anyone can do or say to get me to stop feeling the way im feeling all i have is dread and doubt for my future i dont even SEE a future for myself anymore actually
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well... i got my heart broken once again. i would do what my 19 yr old self used to do and just say ill never fall in love again or ill never give my heart to someone again but the reality is that he's the only one that i truly believe is for me.. even if he doesnt think that he is.. even if he feels like hes not enough or cant give me what i "deserve" it just isnt true... i wish he could realize that.. i wish i could get it thru his head that he is enough for me and he's given me more than i could ever ever ask for... i dont think ill ever stop loving him.. ive always loved him
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thinking you're too much while also thinking you're not enough is craaazzyyy
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my body image is terrible again and ive gained 15 lbs i wish i was dead rn tbh
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things are really hard rn emotionally.. im trying to stay strong though i know things will be ok but rn im just hurting so much inside 😔
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im still doing ok but today has been really hard mentally im so insecure and its really affecting me so badly i cant get away from the negative thoughts no matter how hard i try :( i just want to get to a place where i dont feel so insignificant i dont even have to love myself i just want to stop hating myself and thinking i mean nothing to the ppl i love
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as happy as i am and have been.. i still really hate my body :// its just... i cant handle how i look i cant accept that part of myself
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hello to anyone who cares. ive been doing good lately. i have my ups and downs but ive been doing so much better than before. im still not being healthy eating-wise but that's the least of my worries at this point in time. i have people that love me and that i love back. im doing better. i dont want to delete this blog just in case i feel like i would need to come back here to vent or anything but just know im doing better :)
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