hellopeppermintea

[hellopeppermintea]

To Mr. Y

Its been months since the last time we talked, sadly i still think about you. I always think that when someone of out your sight, will be out of your mind. i was wrong. nothing change. You still in my mind.

sometimes i dreamed about you. i know, sad. dreaming about someone’s boyfriend. yup you have one now. i hope you’ll be happy

its tim for me to give up and move on.

Adios, Mr. Y the one who keep me thinking about the why.

xxx, T

[hellopeppermintea]

Anxiety

Hello! My virtual journal!

Let me talk about my anxiety. My therapist said that i should wrote about my anxiety so can be more relax.

I dont know which one is true. Anxiety cause acid reflux or acid reflux cause anxiety.

Its like a circle you know.

My anxiety causes acid reflux, and my acid reflux makes me more anxious.

Im trying to calm my mind. Telling myself everything gonna be okay. Im okay. I dont need my medication cause i know this caused by my mind.

I just need to stop being worried, and anxious.

Im trying

I never feel pain on my chest or heartburn.

I just feel my tummy full of gas and i cant fart (sorry) and it feels a little bit uncomfortable.

But i know, everything will be fine soon. I wont feel this anymore. I cant let this anxiety win.

I will win. I will definetly win this war.

Anxiety, be ready. You are gonna be lose

[hellopeppermintea]

Forget and Move On (Mr. Y)

If the first post is about my mental health. This time is about my love life.

We start now.

Theres a guy, lets called him Mr. Y. I knew this guy from tinder. Yes TINDER. We matched earlier last year. But we never messaged each other until June 2019. That was the first time he send me a message. But guess what? I didnt reply it. Cause i was stupid enough chose to talked to the other guys (called this guys as Mr. D, and we'll talk about him later).

Long short story. I decided to reply Mr. Y message on December 2019.

Guess what? Turns out he is from the same city as me. I never always use Tinder whenever my not in the town.

He is 2 years older than me. He is an Architect, he is cute ( i have to admit this), he can paly guitar (plus point). But here is the sad part. I wasnt in the town when i decided to reply his message. I was in another city, for the sake of started a new business at that city.

We started texting. He is quite fun to talk to. He is cool. Rather than asked "what are you doing, have you eat you lunch, etc" you small talks that quite annoying, he asked me whats my fears. What the bad things i have done. I told him i went to bar and drunk beer or wine. He said it wasnt that bad. Still normal.

I didnt ask him what he has done. I knew he went to club (from a pic on his tinder). I told him i would guess, " you go to club, partying, get drunk"

He said yeah he went to club but go to club wasnt his thing. He said he dislike the music ( he is more like indie and rock), full of smoke ( we both hate smoke and another clue for me he doesnt smoke). And guess what he told me, he smoked weed. Once. He told me he tried it once, but would never smoke weed again. ( btw, weed is illegal on my country). Well its his words we never know he will smoke weed again or not.

I remember, it was shock me. He look like a good guy and innocent. I didnt asked him how he got that thing or with whom he tried it. i was just like “okay”

Long short story, we were texting. i flew back to my home town to celebrate CNY, and he knew i was coming back home but he didnt know it was just short visit. i thought he would asked me out for a date, it turned out that he was busy during that time cause he got a lot of project to be done.i just stayed at home only for 10 days, and i had to flew back to that city again.

i was kinda sad he didnt asked me out cause i didnt know when i’ll back to my hometown again that meant i missed my chance to met him but something happened by the end of February, i had to back to my hometown for good. i canceled all my business plan in that town. i told him i was coming back.in the middle of march, he asked me out to watch movie. finally! we picked the date. Thursday evening on 6pm. he picked me up at my home. wait, before you judge me why i let stranger pick me up, heres the fun fact.

i told you guys i stalked him on his IG, and i found out his mom is my mom’s friend. so i know its save to go out with him. plus i live in small city where every chinese know other chinese too, so i’ll be save. i think till now he doesnt have a clue that his mom and my mom are friend. 

okay back to the story about my date. i remember when i was getting ready,my heart was pounding so hard. i felt nervous. i was afraid that he would dump me right after one date.6pm past something, he arrived. i went out from the gate, i saw his car. i opened the passanger door, hopped on his car and said “hello”. and i wasnt nervous anymore.

he is cuter in real life. yes he is. he isnt that tall. we are on the same height, 166cm. we had small talk cause it was the first time we saw each other. he chose the cinema, its near my home only 5 minutes by car. not so crowded, i thought he chose that cinema cause he was trying to avoid to met people like his friends or family cause it would be awkward but never-mind cause i was thinking about that too. he bought the ticket.

we came quite early. we were waiting, we sat on chair and had small talk about our work and stuff. we entered the studio, waiting for the movie to be played. and again small talk again, this time about corona cause we kinda paranoid about that. the movie begun, we stopped talking.

we focused on the movie. i was trying to took glance on him, but i wasnt brave enough to did it. the movie ended, we left the studio, headed to the restroom. i went to the female restroom, he went to the male restroom.

after i done, i thought he was waiting for me in front of the male restroom, but he wast there.i saw him, he was sitting on the waiting area, talking to 2 guys. i was like should i came to him but it would be very awkward, or should i just wait for me from afar ?when i almost walked back to the restroom, he looked at me, and then after that he excused himself, and ended his chit chat session with those guys. i quietly followed him.

i didnt talk to him cause i knew those 2 guys was looking at us. after we left the cinema, we talked about  the movie, and he told me about those guy. we didnt have dinner together cause i had my dinner before he picked me up. and it almost 9pm. he drove me back to my home.

after we arrived at my home, i said good bye and thank you. i was waiting for him to texted me after that. but he didnt. no text at all.

i was thinking, maybe he felt a little bit intimidated by me cause im quite tall. but honey, i dont care about your height. i like talked to him cause he is open minded, cool, and smart. i texted my guy best friend, asked for his opinion.

what am i supposed to do? should i text him first? or should i not? what if he reject me? my friend said what if he was the one felt rejected? no, i would went on 2nd date him i told my friend. lucky me, on the next monday i had to flight to accompanied my sister to visited her doctor. i posted on my instastory, i was on airport. after i landed in X, i saw a chat from me, he asked where i was going. i told him i went to X. he asked me what would i did in that city, i told him why. he just replied with ‘Ohh” “no honey, im not gonna take “ooh” for the answer. im gonna make you asked me out again” that was on my mind. and i send him a meme. he likes meme, so do i. after one meme sent to him, we talk to each other again. 

guess what ?just few minute after that he asked me out for dinner. we had not pick the date, but he picked a cafe. nice little cafe/bakery near a beach.

long short story, i backed to my home town cause this virus is got worse, and he had to cancel his business trip. we still texting, till one day he said “ i think our plan is cancel, how long are we gonna waiting for this virus to be over” i felt sad when i was reading his text. 

we waited 3 months for our first date, now we had to wait again for 2nd date? it wast fair! he is the guy that i would date! he is really my type. what am i gonna do?after that text, he started replying my message twice a day, sometimes once a day. i felt it was kinda boring. i hoped he would tried to call me, but he didnt. and me being me, i was not brave enough to called him first. 

and on the day the last time he texted me, i had big fight with my dad. i felt i wasnt deserve to be loved. i felt like no one will love me cause im quite rude to my dad (we will talk about my dad later), so i didnt try to maintain the text. i just replied it with not so long text and he was gone after that. he didnt reply. till now, i have no clue is he read my text but decided to not reply it or is head just leave my text unread? cause i have deleted all the message

well its his choice. i know i didnt try to maintain cause i have my issue, but hey if he still want to talk to me he can try right? but he didnt. so that means he feel bored too.

i read a quote “ during this quarantine, you can tell how much people want to invest on you. either in friendship or relationship” now i know, he doesnt want to invest him time anymore.

do i try to text him again? hell no. 

do i blame the virus? no.

o i blame the time? no. why? cause RIGHT PERSON IS TIMELESS.

i feel theres something wrong with this guy. but i dont know what is that thing. is this because his friends? i almost know his friends cause his friends are my senior when i was in secondary school, and his friends have that bad boy vibe.

what if this guy as bad as his friends? i was thinking like that.what Gods plan? is He trying to save me from this guy so He close the door?or is He trying to teach me to wait in the “wait room” with a good attitude?

i tried to gain this guy attention by post all the food that i cooked on my instastory but it didnt work. well at least i tried, a part of me want him back to me, talked to me again, and wishing he isnt as bad as his friends. he still look at my instastory, he still follow me on instagram. 

i dont know what his intentions. do you want me, or he just talk to me cause he needs someone to talk to when he feels bored?

we both on the age where we are mature enough to get married. he is turning 27 years old this year and i’ll turn 25 years old in few days. i thought we’ll beat the bush and straight up to the business, tell each other want we looking for in relationship. but we didnt. i still feel sad, but im on my process to move on. 

i keep telling myself sometimes you dating life isnt smooth as what you want. and its okay, lets start over with someone new after i finish healing myself, after i get over my trauma, depression and anxiety. i know i deserve to be loved. and love will find me. its just the matter of time. the love will come, the right one will come.

 xxx,-T

[hellopeppermintea]

Untitled

Hello tumblr. Its been a while. 5 years maybe? A lot of shit happened in 5 years. I've graduated from uni. Plus im turning 25 years old this sunday.

I dont know what to write. I've through a lot of stuff. Bad things, good things, disappoiments, heartbreak. You name it.

I started my counseling with psychologist since this March. So far so good. I think i can manage my anxiety.

Im trying to fix my reliationship with my mom. Trying to understand her more. Trying to forgive her. And trying to love her even more

But what i get? I told her yesterday what my therapist said to me. My therapist (lets called her Mrs. N) said that i had trauma, depression, and anxiety. She said that i needed to forgive people who did the wrong things to me.

But whose those people? People who bullied me during my elementary school to junior high school? Or my parents? Who didnt did their job as a parent?

I do forgive. I've forgive them those people who bullied me. I have forgive them. With all my heart, i have forgive them. Im wishing them to have good life, and i have they can be better.

How about my parents? Do i forgive them? I dont know.

A lot of disappoitment. Last night, my mom blamed me why i never told her about i got bullied during those years. Did she forget how busy she was back then? Did she forget that she never really care about how i felt back then? She care about what i eat, she manage to earn more money so i can go to uni. She did. But what about my mental health? What about that?

She never questioned me how was my day during that time!

I feel disappointed. I do. Till now. I just need support. But she blamed me. Like i let myself got bullied. Like who whats to be bullied? I was the one defend myself. Did school counselor helped me back then? A little bit but nothing much happend.

She blammed me like its all my fault. Let me tell you one more time NO ONE WANTS TO BE BULLIED!

She not even on my side. She said why i talked about it now? Got bullied, its shaped me become iam who iam right now. That thing, she doesnt understand.

I just want her to be on my side, support me during my healing journey.

Thats all what i want.

But what i got? More disappointment.

Now i start feeling that my mom is a toxic. Exactly like what my sis said. Toxic.

-T

[hellopeppermintea]

x

[hellopeppermintea]

niall ft. the saxophone

[hellopeppermintea]

Blessed

Hello! Its been a while! Im so freaking busy this semester. A lot of good things and bad things happened to me! 2 weeks ago i turned 21 years old 🎉🎉 Im legal now! Yeay! Im 21 years old now, i just realize how blessed am i. I have parent who always gives me never ending support. My mom my dad, both of the give me encoragement when im at my lowest point in my life. But now i passed it. I have so many friends who always help me.. im so thankful to have them. I have the best sisters in the world. Even sometimes we fight, but we end up together. We always share a joke and stuffs. I love them! Im 21 years old know, and my new habit is prayer. I always praying before i go to bed. Its make me calm, and make me so much better. Im so thankful God always listen my prayer. Even bad things come and go this semester, i fight them. I can solve every problem, i can fix the wrong things. It isnt about the result, its about process become a good person. I become someone who mush strong than before. I can through all of this problem cause God' help, and my parents support. Im Blessed! Xxx, T

[hellopeppermintea]

6th semester aka Senior Year

Hello! Its been a month since the last time i write my last post. I really want to post something, but i dont have any idea. So, its 6th week of this semester which means 2 weeks before mid term exam. I have 2 group project dan 3 weekly task, and 2 individual project. So far, im doimg good. I can get over my homesick. This semester make me feel brand new. I've got new habit this semester. First, i always make my bed before i go to campus. I usually make my bed after i come back from campus. Second, i always praying before i go to sleep. Third, i always wake up on 7am, even on weekend. Actually, this year i try to avoiding one of my friend. I dont like her. I used to be hang out with her last semester. But now, i dont. I dont like hang out with her. She is so freaky noisy i think. And she always talk about her boyfriend, which is not important. If she has problem with her boyfriend and she talk about that to me, its okay. But, she always talk about her conversation with her boyfriend. Its something you shouldnt share with your friends. Thats what i think. I not envy at all cause she has a boyfriend, and i dont. The fact is i like spend my time alone than hang out with someone who i dislike. I dont want to be fake person. I dont want to look nice in front of someone who i dislike. If i dislike someone, i dont want talk to them or act nicely and i usually avoid them and make less contact with them. To be honest, i rather be alone than ac ompanied by someone who i dislike. Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

lonely

lonely. thats what i feel right now. i have nobody to talk with. and i hate it. i hate being alone. i need someone to talk. my friends are busy, so do my sisters. i need my mom. i really like having a chit chat with her. i know people said that if u miss someone, call them. i already called my mom. everyday. i love listening to her voice, it makes me feel like im home. 

since im back to this city, i lost my appetite.. i think maybe i should back to home which mean i leave my college. now im on my sophomore  year, which mean i only need 2 steps to get my Bachelor degree. i know i cant give up. i have worked really hard to achieve everything that i got today. good GPA, friends, and everything.

i dont want to give up, but i really miss my home.

xxx,

-T  

[hellopeppermintea]

Homesick

Its been 3 days since i left my hometown and im missing my home like crazy. The first day i arrived at this town, i stayed at my sister’s with make me feel like im home and i really enjoy it. But yesterday, my sister drove me to my flat and then she back to hers. Right after she left me, i feel lonely. Very lonely then i cried. Im really sad right now. I dont like being alone. Its killing me inside. I feel empty. I miss my mom, my dad, my sisters, and my home. I dont wanna go to college anymore. I just want back to my home and help my parents run their business. I just need my family. I have stay at this town almost 3 years, but this is the first time i feel like i want to run away from this town, i dont want go to college caus its suck. I just want my family.

I just need the so much. I miss them so much. I just wanna go home.

Even my hometown is really small town without luxury mall, i like to spend my days at my home. I just wanna go home.

Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

Dreaming

Hello! Its been a while since my last post. Last night, i dreamed about that guy who has broke my heart. In my dream, i was sitting and he was standing next to me and held my hand, wraped his arm around my shoulders and hugged me. A year ago, he started text me. And now we are nothing. He dumped me. And i've dreaming about him like 4 or 5 times. Am i miss him that much? He has done a lot of terrible things to me, and why i do still miss him and hoping that he will back to me? I feel so pathetic. I know i deserve better, but i only want him. I have googled about dreaming about someone. And i make conclusion: 1. You think about that person alot. 2. You have feelings to that person. 3. That person miss you so much. Actually, that night before that dream, i thought about him, so maybe thats the reason why i dreamed about him. And i dunno why sometimes i stalk hi IG and Line. Maybe i still cant get over him. Or maybe he miss me so much. Hahahaha. I think its impossible cause he is a player and of course he knows how to forget someone. My friend is his friend too, and she told me a few months ago that he got his karma. He asked a girl for date, and he rejected by that girl. And he cant find a new girl. I dont know why still hoping that we can get back together, i like him with all my heart. But theres no chance for us to getting back together. He told me when we still dating, that he never gave a girl a 2nd chance because he will never trust same girl again. But i never done bad things to him which means i never broke his trust. But he did. Few months ago, i thought that i have get over him, but i think its wrong. I still want him even he did so many terrible things. Whats make me like him are: 1. He always listen to me. 2. He is so sweet and romantic 3. He knows how treat a girl. 4. He has a great personality. For me he is a good guy if we are just friends, and he can be an amazing boyfriend actually but he likes to dumped the girls that he has dated. He never want in relationship. He just needs girls when he is lonely. He is the first one who told my friends, A and D that he texted me and ask me for a date. He said that im different cause i always pay my dinner or snacks and anything with my own money and i always refuse him to pay my stuff. I feel sad everytime i remember things i have done with him. Our dates, when he visited me when i was sick, the first time he held my hand, and the first time he kissed me ( he kissed me on my head and hand btw). Now its just a memories. Beautiful ones, but its always make sad and wants him more. Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

Single

Im will turn to 21 years old lady on next April. And im still single. I never been in relationship. But i have dated 2 guys.

The truth is, i really enjoy my life a single. No drama, no tears, no fighting. I really have a very peaceful life. I dont have to worry about someone except my family. And i have a lot of times for my friends and family.

But, sometimes i need a boyfriend. Yeah i need one. I need someone who can hold me when im down, someone will tells me that everything is gonna be alright, someone who let me crying on his shoulder whenever im sad. I need someone like that.

I hope this year, i will find that one. So i can bring him to my sister wedding on this September. And i will introduce him to my parents.

Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

Bryana Holly vs Arzaylea

Okay i have posted it yesterday. I have to repost it again to explain something. You guys know who these 2 girls. Bryana Holly and Arzaylea. Lets talk about them. 1. Bryana Holly Bryana Holly is Ash's girlfriend. This blonde chick is a model. Very skinny, very perfect and really good person. Never make a drama. Many 5SOSfam really shipped Ash dan her (Brashton). She never post her pic with Ash cause i think she play save so she will receive less hate or less bully. And do you know guys that maybe have lied to us? I read it on IG and im really sorry that i forget that account. Its about Bry answered a question about her boobs. Its fake or not, and Bry answered its naturally big. And and that account said you can compare it to Victoria Secret Angel, and choose Josephine Skriver and Kendall Jenner as the example, both of them have small boobs and both of them as skinny as Bry. What i think, if its really fake boobs you can admit it, its okay. A few days a go Bry tweeted " Im NOT in relationship with anyone" and she deleted it a few hours later. And im like 😩. If you are not in relationship with Ash, and why the hell you visit his family? And why you wrapped you hand around his arm? And why you join his vacation to bali? Now i think she starts a drama. 2. Arzaylea As known as Luke's girlfriend. Drama queen. Only wants Luke's fame and money. Thats the most 5sosfam's opinion. I always appreciate everyone's opinion. She leaked her pic with Luke, and show off her relationship to everyone. I think she is trying like a normal couple who can post everything about them and their boyfriend and she just be herself. We have no right to tell her that she cant do it. She can do everything she wants. Many people said that she is ugly. I think she is pretty, like Bry. She is stunning and her eyebrow is really P-E-R-F-E-C-T. She already apologize to us, she admitted her mistake. We just need to forgive her, and let her do everything she wants. People said that Luke paid her rent, come on guys do we have a proof about that? I guess no Actually, we cant judge them. We need to respect them. Why? Because they are a human too. We cant hate them cause they date Luke or Ash. As long as Luke and Ash happy, let them be. Even they arent happy with their girlfriend, its their problem not ours. Respect them like you want to be respected. Be wise. Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

Scars

Everybody got scars on their skin, or maybe on their heart. So do i. I got my scars on my right leg. Its almost 25cm. Its quite long. I got that on december 13 2014. I remember it very clearly. The first i got that, i was really freak out. I was thinking that its make my skin look awful and nobody wants me cause is really ugly. But thanks to God its fade now and that scars on my inner legs, not the outside one. Lucky me. I really hate it when i get scars. I feel like it ruins my life. I got low selfesteem. Now, i got chickenpox and really afraid it will leaves scars on my skin. My mommy thinks that im overreact, my mom said it would leave scars and she said that if theres scars, it will fade a way cause time will heal it. The only things i can do is, praying to God and hope this chickenpox will never ever leaves scars on my skin. Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

I miss their holiday in Bali

@Michael5SOS: ‘‘king of the baby monkeys’’

[hellopeppermintea]

Chickenpox

I'll give you a few tips how to fight chickenpox virus 1. Lemon shot I always have lemon shot every morning to boost my imun. Cause lemon source of vitamin C which really good for you imun. 2. Eat Veggie. Always eat veggie everytime, especially brokoli and spinach. Why? Cause those 2 veggie is source of vitamin K, it helps your skin to dry the chickenpox bubble faster and heal the scars. 3. Eat 3 times per day. Dont forget to have breakfast lunch and dinner. 4. Eat dragon fruit. I eat the red one. Why? Its good for your imun system which really good to fight the virus. 5. Mangosteen Mangosteen is really good for your imun system. So i eat that, especially mangosteen skin. Dont ask me how its taste. Its really bitter, but its good for you. 6. Dont take a shower I know its really disgusting when you can take a shower for a week. Your face gonna be very oily but thats my doctor told me to do. Hope it will help you! Xxx, -T

[hellopeppermintea]

Fangirling

Hello its been a while! I got so much better right now. I fought that chickenpox virus. Fanzone or fangirling is suck. I know that i have wrote about this like 3times or more maybe. Hahaha. I dont know we have to fangirling over someone. We defend them, we love them, and we do crazy stuff for them and then we spend our money on them. Why we have to that? We always wish we could meet them and maybe be they can falling in love with us. Once you meet them, theres like 1:10000000000000 chance they will remember us. Why? Cause they have met thousand peoples, of course they barely remember us. They falling in love with us? Its only in fairly tale honey. Its not gonna happen. Why? Cause they have celebrity crush too, and they maybe want to date their crush. Or maybe they date another famous people. We have yo accept the truth that its not gonna happen. Be realistic. Sometimes we even dont have chance to meet them. Fangirling is suck. Obsessed with someone is suck. Xxx, -T