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hellovoid-meagain · 8 months

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Hello Void,

I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning. What I thought would be a fun way to spend my morning has landed me on a downward spiral. But talking to you always helps me clear my thoughts out.

Void- I'm so afraid. I know this is the early morning anxiety and a wake 'n bake gone wrong. But while testing the audio was connected to my headphones before I started listening to my erotic stories (my one vice because Brad isn't into BDSM), I decided to open tiktok. Only it wasn't an ad first thing. It was a video about NATOs War Warning. (I'll try to come back and name the creator if I can for posterity). Quick Google search, and yeah, it's real. An article from The Hill was the very first link.

So, this is it. I know I should be trying to keep it together and be hopeful, but... the Titanic is going down and people are still going about their business.

I have to stop because I'm spiraling.

Perhaps Apollo did not give Cassandra the gift of sight at all. Maybe he just lifted her head up to see that Paris was off to steal Helen of Sparta. She tried to warn everyone, just lift their eyes off the ground for just a moment to see for themselves, but no one could bring themselves to do it. Cassandra wasn't clairvoyant. She just looked up.

I don't know what the future holds for anyone anymore.

I'm sorry for being such a downer. I don't know why i felt the need to type that. Apologize for feeling like the world is ending while WWIII is about to start.

I need to go channel the last of this manic energy into something good, or at least try to shut my brain off for a hard rest.

I promise I'll write you a happy letter soon. But for now I need to rest.

I love you, Void.

-Me

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hellovoid-meagain · 8 months

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Hello Void,

I wanted to have something planned for this first post. Maybe something deep and thought-provoking to encapsulate what vulnerability im hoping to achieve by doing this... but as Taylor Swift (though I can't bring myself to listen to her music with everything going on right now), poignantly once said;

"You don't have to belabor it and polish the doorknob so long you forget to open the door."

So, here's my first unfiltered thought written on a blog with no tags in a weird attempt at exhibitionism while petrified of being perceived;

Therapy and self reflection are ruining all my kinks. First, I find out the stalker/kidnapping fantasies stem from extreme emotional neglect and watching Silence of the Lambs WAAAY to young on multiple occasions. Okay, that's fucked. But hey, I can recognize the difference between fantasy and reality. Lena is always telling me to be more proud of myself when I'm able to recognize that I'm falling into dangerous patterns.

But then it was that the hypnotism/bimboification was me attempting to shut my brain off to keep from overthinking and cope with the anxiety. That's kinda valid, considering I've been in fight or flight mode since basically forever.

That had to be it though, right? I mean aside from like the praise kink (does that really need to get explained?), there's no more kinks and things tide to my trauma... right?

Nope, because PRIMAL IS FROM ME WANTING EXPERIENCE THE ABILITY TO EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS WITHOUT HAVING TO MASK!!!

Don't even get me started on the fact that my heavy oral fixation with sucking is potentially a symptom of autism.

Can't I just like something for simply enjoying it?

...

Thanks for listening Void. Sweet dreams.

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