hellspawner-blog - Tumblr blog

[hellspawner-blog]

I file a complain.

[hellspawner-blog]

Fuck the what.

[hellspawner-blog]

DIYs and stimmy videos for now!!!! (slime making, jello, stress balls, etc) join me!!

[hellspawner-blog]

Discourse is over

Now we criticize with our fists like adults

[hellspawner-blog]

S/O to @ironictimedeaths for bringing me another frap.

[hellspawner-blog]

Who is he.

[hellspawner-blog]

9kay, l99ks like this 6l9g is all set up and I can get t9 actually p9sting things. This f9rmat 6ugs me a l9t 6ecause I can’t get an immediate resp9nse 6ut I’ll give it a g9 6ecause it gives me the 9pp9rtunity t9 make p9sts as l9ng as I like, all9wing me t9 explain everything in great detail. I 6elieve this is definitely the way t9 g9 as then every9ne will 6e much 6etter inf9rmed. I’ll 6e d9ing my 6est t9 make sure every9ne kn9ws the ins and 9uts 9f any p9tentially sensitive su6ject, and may6e even s9me n9t s9 sensitive 9nes. 

[hellspawner-blog]

ill get you a frappuchino

Are you serious, though? Don’t play with my emotions.

[hellspawner-blog]

[hellspawner-blog]

I miss that Frappuccino Raziel brought me.

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Sky King’s Falconry was at the ren fair. This white-collared raven named Lenore takes tips from the audience to help support the organization and the work they do! www.skykingsfalconry.com

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Not “me too,” as in, I have boobs. I don’t. Just “me too,” as in, like, 

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There’s straight up boobs on my dashboard.

[hellspawner-blog]

if a demon possessed me I’d just b like ok take it from here good luck man

[hellspawner-blog]

Once again, I wrote that. By myself.

[hellspawner-blog]

You go and buy sushi.

Before I explain the potential of this situation in relevance to the cuil (or ‽), we must go over something first, as always.

1 Cuil = One level of abstraction away from a situation. 

As the title implies, our example is the action of buying sushi. 

1 Cuil: 

You go and buy sushi, but a waiter brings you a plate of rats. The rats are cooked.

2 Cuils:

You go and buy sushi, but it turns out you’re actually a live fish. 

3 Cuils: 

You go and buy sushi, but as soon as you pay for it, the sushi turns into a semi-solid, cubed substance with the reflective properties of a mirror. In the mirror, you see yourself: but as a child. 

4 Cuils: 

As you go and buy sushi, you notice: softly, a mother weeps. Upon turning your head to look at her, you notice that she has the head of a slug, but the body of a human. She is 50 feet tall. Her tears flood the building, and her sobs grow louder. Your legs no longer work, and you drown in the flood. You awaken in a silent, endless room of pure black. The only thing illuminated is a plate of sushi, each topped with an elephant husk.

5 Cuils:

You go and buy sushi, and return home with your food. As you take it out of the bag, the bag unfolds to expose George Clooney. He has no skin on his face. He hands you your sushi, but the sushi is now covered in blood. You pay him for the sushi. Skinless George Clooney gives you a gentle smile. You suddenly find yourself with his toes in your mouth. They taste of raw fish. You try to speak, but nothing comes out of your mouth. Skinless George Clooney is crying over his ex wife. You would like to comfort him, but the taste of sushi is too severe, your hatred too strong. He continues to cry. 

6 Cuils:

You go to buy sushi, but in your universe, sushi doesn’t exist. The government collapses as your demand for sushi grows so strong, and restaurants and grocery stores across the universe are failing to meet your demand. You disapprove. The sushi loan is created. You are in debt. You die of starvation before you ever see your first plate of sushi. Tree bark weeps for your death, but your family remains silent. Your family’s tongues have ionized. Their teeth are made of corn, hair made of straw. All along, your family was farm supplies. You disapprove. You are reborn as a garden hoe. Someone repurposes the wood in your handle to make a fishing pole. He catches fish with your flesh. The fish is the fish whom created the universe, and everything around you collapses into the 5th dimension. You can hear color. Sound is a foreign concept. You have never once seen a child in your entire life. In the white house, a small cat weeps. The sympathy you feel is only felt in half of your body, and you split into two. Your sympathy half dies in a freak accident, meanwhile, your cold half rules the universe with an iron fist, the weeping cat at your side. The laws of science are suddenly inverted, and the entire multiverse explodes. In the new multiverse, created from said explosion, nothing exists but sushi.

7 Cuils:

Your sushi was free. The waiter gives you a tip. As soon as your hands touch his, the universe collapses in a puff of Russian folk songs. You disapprove. Somewhere, you hear your father’s voice. Your childhood pet is reborn as a top 100 most sexy celebrity. Your perception of reality is skewed by a wall which does not exist, and in fact, doesn’t exist to such a degree that it is multiplied by 42 in every instance. Somewhere, a dead fish is given a pulitzer prize. Space and time switch places in the multiverse, causing only mild confusion among sentient beings. The president of the Ukraine shoots you with an airgun, killing you instantly. Your body is used as sushi filler. Each time someone cannibalizes your flesh, a mosquito explodes. The United States Armed Forces decide to use exploding mosquitos as a bio-weapon. You disapprove. Mosquitos are wiped from the plane of existence, replaced with flying bears. Somewhere, a heroic bumblebee is baptized with your blood. The sushi you are eating with your elbows strongly disapproves. The entire solar system of which your soul is contained ceases to exist for 18 days, only to return with a slightly sadder vibe. New York City is a desolate wasteland, populated only by sterile dragon hybrids. There is a dragon working the front desk at your mother’s office. You never had a mother. How did you end up here? The sushi in your hands does not answer you. You disapprove. The sushi disappears. Your anguish for the sushi reestablishes the world as it once was, and you are the only immortal being in existence. The void in your chest is filled with cement, and your lungs stop functioning, but you continue to life. Your soul lives on in a specific cat, as it has left your body. Your disapproval for everything in sight causes a rip in the space-time continuum, from which you build your new home. It’s a log cabin. Morgan Freeman narrates the life of your best friend, who is also Morgan Freeman, but with sushi in his hands at all times. You commit mass genocide on the human race. A horse kills your family. The remaining member of your family, your half-brother, goes to buy sushi. He comes home with nothing but unadulterated happiness.

[hellspawner-blog]

And I wear it.