Item: codpiece with concealed twelve-chamber revolver that totally works, despite the chambers clearly not overlapping with the barrel. As far as I can tell, you fire it by clenching
the problem with fairy portals is they were designed in the 1970s as a stopgap, under the assumption that they would be replaced after the first 10 years, when the Duchess of Loathesome Satin and Splendid Offal's cycle of death and rebirth was due to roll over. The thinking was, her shed carapace would be such an ample source of fine allegorical essence that waiting until then to enact a more durable, long-term infrastructure plan would be worth it, because the next-gen ley ways woulda barely needed servicing and could have run smoothly for the next 1,000 years and 1,000 days, when her vileness's Moribund Arousal would recur and provide a new batch of raw material. But then in '82 when Wee William Prickertoe tricked his mother the duchess into severing her connection to flow of time and subsequently took the throne for himself, he slashed the TransVeil department's budget and funneled all of those resources into "elixir development" (don't get me started). So basically we're still using portals that are half a century old and weren't mean't to last for more than a decade at most. It's really no wonder they're so unreliable these days, the hardware just gets repainted and retrofitted every couple years when some petty aphid-king or other seizes power and invents a new season or wants to give the Old Passages a new look