hepivs-blog

[hepivs-blog]

efimcro‌:

david stops laughing for a brief moment before continuing his tale.  “ can you tell me how to explain to my thirteen year old daughter that she needs to stop playing the baby shark song because i find it hilarious?  i think she does it to torture me, honestly. i’ve raised a meme queen. ”

“why’s your thirteen year old daughter even listening to that?” the male exhales a cloud of smoke, sighing slightly. “y’know, callie is a wonderful girl. so full of promise and intelligence. sometimes i worry you’re leading her down the wrong and lazy path, david.” rico stares at him with a disappointment that’s only matched and surpassed by the tone of his voice.

[hepivs-blog]

efimcro‌:

“ with my mouth, tongue and vocal chords. i’m sure you know how the making of a sound works, right? ”  green eyes are trained on the little creature as peter sweeps it off the ground.  “ he looks like a gremlin, pete. i’m all for building your baby’s confidence but that’s impossible. in this society?  in this economy? wow. rico would be proud of me for using that one in a sentence. ”  he scoffs at the scene before stepping quietly on a clean spot and snatching the broom. he’s done cleaning in no time, having the broken glass packed and ready to go to the trash.  “ got any beer? i don’t feel like going out again. ”

“i have a surgical scalpel in this house ready for use, david. thread carefully.” the male adverts, setting the dog gently atop of his couch and turning to help out with the glass and dried up beer scattered on the floor. “we’re big believers of inner beauty in this household and hugo has heaps of it.” once they are done, peter grabs a couple of beers in the fridge, tosses one back to the older male. “how’s callie? doing alright? tell her next time we can go out for bowling and ice cream.”

[hepivs-blog]

dreamercooper‌:

COOPER: that looks pretty bad, damn. COOPER: what did you do? punch a truck. COOPER: I’m no doctor, but I hear ibuprofen is good for that. if you want to go au naturel, green tea and turmeric are also good! 

ALEX: i fist fought the entire fast & furious franchise. the whole eight movies ALEX: how do y’all know so much about plants??? are the people of this town just really into essential oils? are they all the crazy essential oils aunt??? ALEX: i’ll just take the ibuprofen, i guess

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

kapowtm‌:

“how do i stay the cool teacher while telling him he’s an idiot?” she asked with a half smile, her tone sarcastic. to be quite honesty, emily meant it whole heartedly. teacher was her passion, but it became hard at times. she taught kids that were in the middle of the most important years of their lives. 

“tell him that as a teacher you found it refreshing, but as a mom he’s let you down greatly and you’ll never recover.” pete suggests, chuckling a little. truth be told, he has no idea how to handle kids, and that’s because he deals with them on a daily basis in the hospital and his nieces and nephews. mostly, he just hopes and prays they’ll warm up to him. unlike adults, they were much kinder at the awkward man who made balloons out of sterile gloves. “is it hard? teaching your kids? ‘cause it’s one thing to call out someone’s kid for being an idiot, and another y’know, to call out yours. or at least that’s what my mom used to say.”

[hepivs-blog]

efimcro‌:

ELLE: i miss ur dad and i’m snitching that u said he was gross ELLE: i mean… maybe but then again no thanks, expand ur horizons ELLE: right here bitch don’t fret. bought a mango strain. i wanna feel tropical

ALEX: oh fuck u. i love my dad. i was calling u gross ALEX: my horizon is that ass girl. can i holla at you?? ALEX: fancy. just don’t forget your sunscreen, babe

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

sayxcarpediem‌:

TAYLOR: well, ain’t that stupid but hey ! now you’ll learn  TAYLOR: anytime? what about now? door’s unlocked and i’m just chilling  TAYLOR: you might get more than a single kiss, at this rate  TAYLOR: also, not quite southern hospitality but monaco royalty** don’t get it twisted, we just know how to keep our guests entertained ;) 

ALEX: oooo yes ma’am teach me a lesson ALEX: damn okay let me just collect my jaw n i’ll be right over ALEX: oh, be still my beating heart ALEX: yes!!! ofc. terribly sorry your grace. your honor. my queen? shit, i should’ve watched the tudors to know how to deal with these situations

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

itstcssa‌:

𝕥 𝕖 𝕤 𝕤 𝕒 : truthfully?? it looks badass.  

𝕥 𝕖 𝕤 𝕤 𝕒 : i would give the local herb and botany shop a quick look. the cashier might have a remedy to help.

𝕥 𝕖 𝕤 𝕤 𝕒 : also?? your eyebrows?? wickedly stunning.

ALEX: thank you very much, but very counterproductive for business ALEX: i mean, if he deals on the side, then i guess ALEX: aw thanks that’s so nice. i can’t remember the last time i plucked them tbh

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

efflcrescences‌:

riley: how’d ya do that klutz riley: i’m both jealous and aroused that you’re ambidextrous … i can only write with both hands ! i’m not worthy !  riley: i’m fresh out of weed if that’s the herb you’re looking for :~( riley: i DO have alcohol and donuts though …… so …… there’s that 

ALEX: tryna fist fight my fears n anxieties. and they won ALEX: aroused??? tell me more abt that. its useful when you gotta clip ur nails ALEX: damn. i can’t catch a break today ALEX: mmmmm, i guess i can fuck with donuts and alcohol. depends on the filling tho. i only accept jelly donuts

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

efimcro‌:

closed starter for peter velasco / @hepivs

“ listen, pedro – all i’m saying is that your dog spooked the shit out of me. i wasn’t expecting to see him in all his glory when i walked in here and now that’s why we have to go out to buy another six pack of beers. it was you who put us in this predicament. ”  he said, raising his hands as he justified the mess on his feet.  “ it’s your fault, not mine. now go get a mop… a broom… something to pick up this mess. ”

“that’s so goddamn rude, how can you even say that?” peter’s quick to sweep hugo up into his arms, making sure the small dog doesn’t step on any leftover broken bottle pieces. he coos at the thing, holding it close to his chest. “david doesn’t mean that, cutie. you’re the most beautiful dog in the world, and he’s just a bigheaded dork.” turning to david once again, shielding the dog from him, peter nods towards the broom. “help yourself, you heathen.”

[hepivs-blog]

efimcro‌:

ELLE: you need to stop thinking about kitties and start putting in WORK ELLE: ok delete this please i’m disturbed ELLE: i have some arnica, menthol and ice packs. come thru? i’ll help you

ALEX: you weirdly sound like my dad. thats fucking gross ALEX: but u thought about it, bitch ALEX: that’s cute but like, where are the drugs mom??

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

sayxcarpediem‌:

TAYLOR: how the fuck did you even manage to do that, you clumsy thing  TAYLOR: now we’re talking 😏 though i demand a demo before approving on how well that left hand can work  TAYLOR: all i’ve got for you is an ice bag and a kiss to take away the pain, you choose your medicine 

ALEX: i went training without gloves  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ain’t got time for that, chief ALEX: a demo? well, gee golly ma’am, anytime ALEX: mmmm. i’ll take the kiss, you can keep the ice bag. god, i love southern hospitality

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

[hepivs-blog]

SNAPCHAT 👻 OPEN

ALEX: fucking sprained my hand tonight while training. i love being an idiot ALEX: not to worry, women of lakeview. my left hand is working just fine 😏😏 ALEX: no, but rlly. it hurts like a motherfucker. got any medically miraculous herbs on ya?

[hepivs-blog]

keycut‌:

*   EMMETT  SAT  IN  THE  CHILD  seat  of  the  cart.  in  front  of  him  he  held  an  ipad  —-  large  in  size  due  to  the  fact  of  the  MASSIVE  child  protective  case  that  surrounded  it.  on  low  volume  played  LIKEY  BY  TWICE  for  what  selina  believed  to  be  the  SIX  MILLIONTH  time.  she  rubbed  her  temple  knowing  that  if  she  even  dared  to  turn  it  off  her  three  year  old  would  ERUPT  into  tears  &  no  one  ,  especially  selina  wanted  to  be  THAT  mom.  instead  she  expressed  her  frustrations  through  slamming  a  palm  down  on  a  watermelon.   ❝  how  the  heck  do  we  know  when  these  are  even  ripe  ,  huh  ?  am  i  really  going  to  spend  FIVE  WHOLE  DOLLARS  ,  struggle  to  cut  it  open  ,  only  to  find  out  it’s  not  even  SWEET  ?  ❞  she  assumed  that  her  tone  of  voice  was  soft  ,  only  for  herself  to  here  but  oh  ,  she  was  MISTAKEN.  her  new  york  laced  accent  (  that  only  appeared  in  moments  of  stress  )  echoed  throughout  the  produce  aisle  for  everyone  to  hear.  

ˊ     *     ✩      ◟    OPEN  STARTER  FROM         →         SELINA  STERLING  !

buying groceries seemed like the last thing rico would be caught dead doing. and yet, through a series of unfortunate and unrelated events, he found himself deciding which yam was ripest -------- of course, abhorring the thought of eating a yam that wasn’t deep fried. “careful with that.” he looks at the woman above the rim of his glasses, a reading prescription because it’s impossible to decipher the price tag without them. “the way you’re slapping that watermelon is a personal injury lawsuit waiting to happen.” he puts the yam back to its place. today is definitely not the day he’ll be switching to a healthier diet, he’s decided. “you can always put a little bit of sugar on it, y’know. god, your kid really loves that song, doesn’t he?”

[hepivs-blog]

kapowtm‌:

“my kids had a book report due last night - “ she began, as if this story was going to be one of the most interesting ever told. the brunette had a tone of both disbelief, but also humor. it was hard to make some of this stuff up. “ - and one of them forgot to delete, uh - “ she paused, showing the other the paper that she had printed out. apparently it was a tactic to see how much space was supposed to be used. the entire song ‘sorry’ by beyonce was the last two pages of the essay. emily immediately began to laugh, teeth biting onto her bottom lip as she waited for the other to catch on.

“i mean. those are some serious bars.” pete raises an eyebrow, brown eyes focused on the attempt of an essay before him. he smiles a little, handing it back to the other. “however, i’m pretty sure they don’t condone plagiarism in academia, so i guess they’ll have to write something else.” broad shoulders shrug slightly. “really. depends on the teacher. some of them don’t even read through this stuff. i know my history teacher in eighth grade didn’t. i could’ve fed him rod serling’s monologue and he wouldn’t notice.”

[hepivs-blog]

❝   oscar isaac.  cismale.  he/him.   ❞   ━    𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨  welcomes  enrico garrastazu  with  open  arms.  the forty year  old  finance consultant has  been  living  here  for  three years,  give  or  take.  on  a  good  day,  they  seem  the  shrewd  &  pleasant type,  but  their  testy  & brusque  tendencies  shine  through  when  there  are  no  taxis  into  the  city.

going 3 for 3 cause i don’t know what i’m doing please help me this is a cry for help pls don’t ignore it and also oscar isaac am i right??? what a fucking mans

here he is omg the biggest douche in the fucking universe. god i love him

so enrico, rico for short yk, is the only one of my characters who doesn’t have a middle name cause his parents were too damn busy working their ass off to actually think of another name for the kid

rico is..... sort of a conundrum i think. his childhood was extremely poor, like e x t r e m e l y. his parents sold lunch to buy dinner kinda deal. and lemme tell you rico HATED growing up like that. esp bc he had to share with three older siblings and he just didn’t understand why his parents kept making babies when all they had to eat was flour and one egg yk

so yeah you can say he hates poverty, wishes people never had to go through it, the whole nine yards. but rico had something that his siblings didn’t have and it was drive. he had a smart mind for business and money, and the drive to never go through a situation like that ever again

while his parents and siblings worked, rico went the extra mile. he worked his ass off even as a kid, and poured every single dime of his money that wasn’t going to food and basic living necessities into studying. he saved up for books, went to night school, and in rico’s mind the only thing that would save him from repeating his parent’s mistake was education

turns out he was right and though he had to put in a lot more effort than the rest of the kids his age, enrico was brilliant. gifted w a logical mind that’s very quick with numbers, rico passed every single challenge in his academic life with flying colors

because of his hunger when it came to learning and business, he was noticed by quite a few higher ups in the places he worked, admiring the way he made money multiply, making himself well off ( compared to his previous situation ) and his bosses even richer

in his early twenties, rico decided that this is what he should be doing for a living. obviously he had a talent for making money, and that was a talent that a lot of people - but mostly himself would benefit from

by his thirties, enrico’s bank account was so impressive that many would say he didn’t have to work another day in his life, but a workaholic at heart and also eternally afraid of the mark that his childhood left, enrico buried himself into work more deeply

his personality is a bit unsavory to many. he’s v cynical and has quite the acid humor, but he means well yk. he believes capitalism is the worst thing to ever happen to mankind but he’s making money off it so he just makes sure to give back as much as he gets. and tho he doesn’t flaunt his charity work bc in his opinion thats a ridiculous thing to brag about, he does a lot for people in need

very confident and always thinks he’s right. he’s rlly stubborn n believes hes the smartest person in the room but,,,,, that aint it chief

always well groomed and always clean shaven bc he knows appearances mean a lot in the world of business

works as a consultant for other businesses trying to get off the ground and make sound financial decisions, he’s the guy you go to if u need help w ur tax deduction

before he came to lakeview he lived in washington and then for a while in germany and now he’s back after a sour divorce yk, bc he’s romantically a mess and can’t make a relationship work cause he’s too focused on work and on being the latino warren buffett

drinks a lot and smokes a lot and he thought he would be dead by his forties bc of the amount of salt he puts into his food but so far so good

needs reading glasses so he always has them tucked away in his jacket pocket yk, an old gentleman

wears a lot of turtlenecks under suits bc fashion is his passion

a ridiculous man but whether you like it or not he’ll always give you his unbiased opinion

believes he’s the best thing that happened to america since sliced bread

his pinterest board

if you would like to plot w this idiot pls like this post or alternatively, kiss me thru the phone n my people will get in touch w ur ppl. gracias n adios

[hepivs-blog]

❝   zoë kravitz.  cisfemale.  she/her.   ❞   ━    𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨  welcomes  alexandra palmer  with  open  arms.  the thirty two year  old  mechanic has  been  living  here  for  seventeen years,  give  or  take.  on  a  good  day,  they  seem  the  affable  &  tactile type,  but  their  sullen  & distant  tendencies  shine  through  when  there  are  no  taxis  into  the  city.

hey whats up jake paulers. ron here once again, bc i have poor impulse control and i just love too many ppl to only pick one fc at the end of the day yk. so here’s my second kid, alex. n honestly my big little lies ass is just head over heels w zoë so its a win win. anyway, here’s my gal

folks!!!!! *claps hands* ( im too into the kurtis conner intro im sorry ), this yee haw mf right here is alexandra katherine palmer and for the early fifteen years of her life she lived in tucson, arizona so u can say shes a certified yee yee cowgirl n all tha yk

family wise the girl hasn’t had a grand ol time yk, her mom died when she was four due to cystic fibrosis and boy did it take a TOLL on her family fr. honestly tbh alex’s dad loved her mother so much and made sure that alex grew up loving the memory of her mom as much as he did

so yeah, maybe out of a need to occupy alex’s time with activities that encouraged a healthier life for her or out of fear that alex had inherited her mom’s disease, the palmer papa made sure alex was always wrapped up in sports. swimming, cross country, basketball, nothing was too much for alexandra and she genuinely felt a deep connection w athletic activities. but the real winner out of all the modalities alex performed, the girl was an innate boxer

in fact, she became kind of a rising star. alex took up boxing at twelve years old and evolved quickly, her natural disposition and agility were a deadly match and three years later, alex was invited to join a professional boxing team in louisiana ( the reason why they came to lakeview ok )

ofc alex thrived and put a lot of wins under her belt, winning a few championships, even H O W E V E R, when alex was getting ready to go big and finally turning eighteen her dad, papa palmer, had a stroke :///

so she was left with a choice of closing her dad’s garage and going off to fight ppl everywhere professionally and leaving her dad to the care of nurses and the like, or staying w her dad and abandoning her dream of being the next million dollar baby

obvs you can tell which option she picked. bc of her childhood trauma of losing a parent, alex couldn’t envision a living where she didn’t stay and help out her dad. and though nowadays papa palmer is alive and well and kicking, the window of her success is already closed. but alex doesn’t resent her dad for it tbh, if she had to make the choice ten times over, she’d pick her dad

nowadays alex works in her family’s garage and makes a living as a mechanic but she ocasionally still pumps out a few punches. she’s also v protective of her father and couldn’t bear if anything ever happened to him tbh ( can u imagine that??? a good dad?? me neither )

her personality is v hot n cold tbh shes v matter of fact and doesn’t take any bullshit and at the same time shes v confident and extroverted bc of all the sports shes ever practiced and being good at them all yk it must b nice to not suck at coordination skills

yeehaw lesbian yk

has some trouble w relationships bc she always viewed her parents marriage as the be all end all of relationships and the fact that her dad hasn’t remarried and how he says his mother n him were soulmates rlly gets to alex n its sad cause she cant believe she’ll find that in her life thus making her a lil cynical

however v flirty n will offer to pay drinks for pretty girls

kind of a sweetheart but has a hard time showing that cause she hates feeling vulnerable or some dumb shit like that so yk dont invite her to watch sad movies cause she’ll cry n then punch u bc u made her watch it

loves to fish bc shes outdoorsy n annoying

abs for fuckin days

oh def a stoner my dude, she loves to fix cars n smoke n listen to some swift lauryn hill yk how it is

won’t ever admit she has feelings ok the way she’ll show she cares about u is asking you for ur netflix password cause she considers that a familial gesture idk either

conspiracy theories galore she swears she saw an ufo while farming when she was a teenager

has a weird sense of humor but she means well

her pinterest board

okay so i still have one more intro to write but if you’d like to plot w my beautiful but ocasionally aggressive gay pls hmu or yell into the void n i will come to u. thats it arigato n sayonara

[hepivs-blog]

❝  theo james. cismale. he/him.  ❞ ━ 𝕝𝕒𝕜𝕖𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨 welcomes peter velasco with open arms. the thirty four year old doctor has been living here for thirty years, give or take. on a good day, they seem the droll & considerate type, but their drained & fastidious tendencies shine through when there are no taxis into the city.

hi hello i’m ron, i’m 23 years old and i have a basketball game tomorrowwww. do people even quote vines anymore ? anyways. hey guys. i’m from the gmt -3 timezone and i’ve been away from roleplaying for a while so i’m john wick getting back in the game now even tho idek whats the aesthetic anymore . i’m old n wrinkly but i’m easily entertained by anything at all so i’m fairly easy to talk to . but, enough of my gay rambling . let us esketit

folks !!! *claps hands* i introduce you to peter maxwell velasco. new orleans born and bred, his parents have owned a family restaurant that has existed for over 200 years. its one of those yk, legendary joints kinda thing where everyone can have lunch after sunday mass

peter always wanted to be a doctor, yk. even tho his folks werent exactly well off, he did his best and made it through med school and we don’t bring up his student debt ok. he pretends it vanished jus like what thanos did to the avengers

peter???? fuckin loves being a doctor my guy. its the only thing that makes sense to him. he’s in orthopedics and usually he gets ppl w broken arms n legs and its pretty regular but he ocasionally does some cool surgeries. the whole greys anatomy routine

a dork. a nerd if you well. he’s a sweetheart but v stressed and overworked but then again in this economy who isn’t??? tho he gets along p well w his family n coworkers, peter just feel like something is missing??? we’ll call it the idea that his parents put into his head that he was going to b extraordinary and now he’s here in his thirties and he’s just??? another ordinary guy trying to survive. he most likely won’t find out the cure for parkinson’s or anything. he’s just. gonna live his life yk??

but yeah. he’s just an awkward, extremely tall guy ( my heart goes out for every short king out there jsyk ), who likes comfy sweaters and drinks a little too much coffee and never seems to relax yk

would go to war for dogs. he watched isle of dogs and it completely resonated w him god he would never let dogs get banished from this world ok. he has a dog n he’s a mutt ( half amazing and half terrific ) and he’s named hugo and he’s like eleven years old and blind and possibly very ugly to anyone BUT peter but thats just how it is 

a little bit troubled in the relationship department because though he’s easy enough to make conversation with he’s not very good at picking up flirting queues so he just likes someone and hopes they will notice him back and his idea of a date is just eating palak tofu and showing memes to each other ig. 

oh hes a vegetarian. has been since he was ten years old which was around the time he first watched babe, yk the pig movie??? yeah, so that was his whole ‘im vegetarian’ realization moment. 1995 was the year of realizing things

when he’s very distressed he likes to lock himself into a room and listen to toto. if he was to get married he would probably walk the aisle to africa by toto

ocasionally not an idiot but most times definitely an idiot

nourishes a very deep and all encompassing love of twilight zone

he’s just a mess please just???? get him outta my sight i hate him

here’s his pinterest board

and thats it ig??? im sure we can work out lotsa plots for this guy n ur guys cause he’s v sweet and approachable and just all around a cool dude who will eventually make dumb mistakes on the account that he’s an idiot. but yeah. if you’d like to contact me off tumblér, you can find me @ kurtistown resident#2978 on disc*rd. if youd like to plot w this sad excuse of a human pls hmu or drop a swift like on this n i shall bother u thru ims