here-for-the-refreshments

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Katniss: You lied to me Haymitch: That depends on how you define lying. Katniss: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it? Haymitch: Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position?

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Effie: Haymitch told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

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Haymitch: Onion rings are vegetable donuts. Effie, used to Haymitch being weird: Sure... Haymitch: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed. Effie: Okay? Haymitch: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake. Effie: Haymitch: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio- Effie: Good lord, that one is a little- Katniss, interested: No, no, Haymitch, keep going.

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Haymitch: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

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After Snow is killed by the rebel mob

Haymitch: He needs some milk!

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Haymitch: I only have 6 weeks left to live. Katniss: Oh my god, really?! Haymitch: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.

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Effie: Haymitch! Have you no dignity? Haymitch: Of course not! How long have we known each other?

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Peeta: I can be very scary. Haymitch: You're about as scary as a wet kitten. Peeta: Wet kittens are cute, at least I've got that going for me. Haymitch: And small. Peeta: Peeta: ...Yeah, yeah. I guess.

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Effie, looking at a map: It’s a barren, featureless wasteland out there, isn't it? Haymitch: Other side, Effie...

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Waiter: What would you like? Katniss: Bring a milkshake with two straws. Peeta: *blushes* Katniss: *puts both straws in her mouth* Watch how fast I can drink this!!

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Haymitch: I hate to say ‘I told you so’— Effie: No, you don’t. You would marry 'I told you so’ and have a baby with it and buy adjoining burial plots.

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Haymitch: Hey, Drusilla. Why did the chicken cross the road? Drusilla: To get to the other side? Haymitch: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“ Drusilla: Ugh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road? Haymitch: To get to the idiot’s house. Drusilla: ...Ok? Maysilee: Hey, Drusilla. Knock knock. Drusilla: No. Maysilee: You were supposed to say “who’s there?” Drusilla: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there? Maysilee: The chicken. Drusilla: Maysilee: Haymitch: Drusilla: Listen here you little shits-

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Wiress: Oh no, the power went out. Beetee: Don’t worry, I got this. Beetee: *stomps foot* Wiress: What-? Beetee: *Sketchers light up*

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Katniss: So how’s the food Peeta made? Effie: It's wonderful! Compliments to him. Katniss: *goes to the kitchen* Katniss: You're adorable. Peeta: *blushes*

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Effie: Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

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Effie, talking to Katniss: Well Katniss, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Haymitch do that?’ and if he would, I do not do that thing. Katniss: … Haymitch, from the distance: She's not wrong though!

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Haymitch: I’m so tired. Katniss: Did you get to bed late? Haymitch: No. Katniss: Did you do something strenuous? Haymitch: No. Katniss: Then why are you tired? Haymitch: I’m alive. Katniss: Sounds exhausting.