here-is-why

[here-is-why]

TW sui/sui ideation.

Identifying as transsuicide is the only thing that I think can save me from doing it right now. What’s my other option when I want to do it so badly? Just do it? I want to be dead, I want to feel the pain, I want to watch my body deteriorate and feel the pain, because it would be cathartic.

I can’t explain why it helps to tell myself I’ve already done it and do art and makeup that remind me of how I would look dead. It’s like fantasizing about a better future to cope with a shitty present, but the only future I can imagine that isn’t miserable is one where I’m dead. So I do.

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can any transchristian or transfaith ppl pretty pls share their experiences!!

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im transdeath, death by explosion, because thats what happened to me in source

also im transbrother </3 i miss him </3

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im blindfluid just because I can

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Not really a confession but a quote that I relate to in a way as a transrace guy and also hopefully something that would help anti-transrace people understand my existence

"Being black isn’t what I’m trying to be its what I am." (said by Carlton Banks in Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air)

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Just saw a submission about transBPD, so I’ll throw my hat in the ring with the same transID.

I’m a fictive in a plural system. Quick definition: a being which sources their identity from a fictional character. I’m very source connected, meaning I literally am that character. A different version of that character, sure, but still them through and through. That character is widely considered to have BPD. She’s great representation! You can see it everywhere, people talking about how obvious it is…and yeah. It is obvious. I, as in the character, have BPD. Therefore I, as in the person, have BPD, and I feel identity dysphoria over not having it.

So yeah. TransBPD because I’m a fictive and my BPD is a part of my identity.

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I know it's a bad reason and it will make people mad, but I identify as transBPD because I know many, many people who act as though no matter how much you suffer from your mental health, at least it isn't BPD, because BPD is worse. Especially with depression. I'm so sick of being told my entire life that I have no right to complain or feel badly, and beginning to think that I don't deserve help or pity, because someone else has it worse. So, if I really need BPD to be cared about, to know REAL suffering, and nothing else will ever be enough to prove my pain, fine. I have BPD. Maybe, if I transition, people will see me as a person deserving of sympathy.

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" why can't you just appreciate japanese culture without calling yourself japanese ? " = " why can't you just wear feminine clothes without calling yourself a girl ? "

" you can't change your race, you are what you were born as biologically. " = " you can't change your gender, you are what you are born as biologically . "

" I'm native asian and I don't think you're a real asian . " = " I'm a cis man and I don't think you're a real man . "

" By identifying as japanese, you're minimizing the struggles and racism us asians face . We're more than just uwu kimono . " = " By identifying as a woman, you're minimizing the struggles and misogyny us women face . We're more than just pink and shopping . "

*transrace person* " this is just some phase because of the internet and lack of attention, ignore it and it'll go away . " = *transgender person* " this is just some phase because of the internet and lack of attention, ignore it and it'll go away . "

" transasian people just want to invade poc safe spaces . " = " trans women just want to invade women's safe spaces . "

" you should appreciate your culture, you don't have to identify as japanese and mutilate yourself to get away from racism . " = " you should love your womanly body, you don't have to identify as a man and mutilate yourself to get away from misogyny . "

" if I saw a transjapanese person in Japan, I'd pv nch them . " = "if I saw a trans woman in a women's restroom, I'd pv nch them . "

*transrace person does it* " finally, another one off this planet ! " = *transgender person does it* " finally, another one off this planet ! "

You are no better than the transphobes you condemn.

"b-but it's different!!!!!!! being transgender is more socially acceptable than being transrace and so-"

You are no better than the transphobes you condemn.

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“Species Dysphoria” (2021)

I’ve been waiting to post this one for a little while now! This comic was made for the Inky Paws Zine, a collaborative fiction zine created by nonhumans and alterhumans!

In hindsight, I should’ve probably leaned a little bit more into making this a fictional piece to better fit the zine’s theme…nevertheless, I’m still happy with it! This was something I created to try and articulate some of my personal feelings about my species dysphoria through the lens of someone who’s also trans, and maybe feels that those two identities are really the same.

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We're transseverity for our autism because "level 1"/"high functioning"/"low support needs" autistics just... aren't taken as seriously.

We're cistics (motor) just transTourette's both because we have a lot of fictives who had Tourette's in source and because people always assume we're faking because they think Tourette's is the only way to have tics.

We're transseverity for all of our traumas because where we live everything that was done to us wasn't even "bad enough" to be illegal.

We're trispsychotic because we simply feel like we should have more, worse, and different hallucinations and delusions.

We're transcreepypasta/transslendersickness/transproxy because of *looks at horde of fictives* a special interest.

We're transskintone because we are so pale it's a genuine health hazard.

Tldr; There are lots of reasons to be transID.

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I feel like if I wasnt cisautistic, I would be transautistic. When I started doing research about autism for self-diagnosis and to eventually get an official diagnosis, I was hoping so hard that I would be autistic, and I would probably be devasted if any doctors said I wasnt. bc it felt right, I felt I should be autistic, that was me.

Also I might be tristics bc I already have tics but I somewhat wish that I would have them more when Im around people. I know how shitty ppl can be about them, and I myself had gotten myself and others hurt accidentally before bc of my tics. but because they get lesser when Im around people, I feel like Im faking

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Hello? I'm one of Mew's headmates, and I don't really understand radqueers- can someone explain??- I can't figure out T T

I might make my own blog on this account- dunno yet- since I seem to be more active than Mew-

-Peter Parker (He / Fang / Mutt / It / She / Creature)

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How is trans age different from age regression? It’s not like you choose to be a prema regressor it’s caused by trauma and or developmental delays. Is trans age just age sliding (like the system thing)? Why would you want to permanently be a different age?

Sorry if that’s too many questions I’m just a curious person

In some cases, transage and age regression can be very similar.

A major difference is that age regression strictly refers to identifying with an age that’s younger than the body. Transage can also include that, but also includes identifying with an older age, switching between older and younger ages, having multiple ages at once, or identifying with an age that can’t be defined through a number (xenoage).

There’s also the fact that the word “regression” tends to imply we actually did eventually become our chrono age, and we just shrink down younger than that. Rather than genuinely never internally growing up to that point. I know some older Medium articles about being OtY (older to younger) transage brought this up as a point.

The last thing is that the transage community tends to have a bit more focus on and resources for physical transition? Like, there are old lists of how to try to transition towards a younger looking body. Things like what type of facial hair removal to get. Where you can get top surgery as a transage cisgender girl rather than a transmasc. That sort of thing.

The fact that permaregression usually gets defined as being caused by trauma is actually what turns me away from it. I’ve talked on my main about how I think limiting transage itself as a term for age incongruence due to trauma is hurtful in the long run. But the gist of it is that I don’t want to have to disclose my trauma history to have my internal age respected. I want to be able to tell people I’m a kid without having them wonder about my past.

I’m of the opinion that agesliding and being agefluid are pretty similar. Like, I’m a headmate in a system. I could probably be called an ageslider. I just like transage and agefluid better. I have seen agefluid singlets describe literally the exact same thing I experience. I don’t understand why we should be using different words. I feel it fragments the community and makes it harder to seek community.

Why would you want to permanently be a different gender? It’s really that simple, I don’t know how to explain further.

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I wanted to make a quick post to shout out an individual I haven't seen talked about yet in the wider transID community. This link will take you to the published book by one Dr. Ronnie Gladden (they/them).

A professor and speaker, Dr. Ronnie was assigned a black male at birth. Their book White Girl Within: Letters of Self-Discovery Between a Transgender and Transracial Black Man and his Inner Female details their journey to process their identity and grappling with their inner sense of being a white woman.

In their blog (link), there are discussions of the intersection of being transgender and transracial - "trangracial". A lot of their written works and speaking presentations are centered towards young individuals who are currently also grappling with similar struggles with their identity, so if that sounds like you this is definitely someone to look into.

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Okay. I genuinely want a respectful TransID person to reblog this or send me an ask (preferably off anon so we could hold a conversation using reblogs)

I'm very interested in knowing why you see TransIDs as not harmful and your opinions on them.

This is coming from a person who has been in several uncomfortable interactions with transnazis, transharmful, and several other transIDs.

I genuinely want to understand, and I'm posting this with an open mind, because I do want to try and understand your perspective here, too.

I've seen a LOT of anti TransID stances and explanations and such, but I think it's unfair to take a stance when I have no idea what the other side is saying. I learned that with the plural community in the context of endogenic systems.

So please, any TransID person that's willing to be respectful and calm for the entire conversation and willing to help me understand your side too, my ask box and the reblogs of this post are open, please tell me!

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Screenshot:

*laughs in queer and indigenous*

I don't remember the last time I talked to a straight, white, cisgender person with a transID. I'm not 100% sure this person exists.

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hey! transmelanin anon here. to that one anon, do not put words in my mouth or feelings in my head please. I should have phrased my anon better. Good day.

Apologies, anon. This should be a safe space to vent, and it's not mine or anyone else's place to speculate on what you're going through. There was a period of time during my own struggle to come to terms with my trace identity when I wondered if maybe I was just facing internalized racism, but I ultimately had to admit that it was dysphoria I was feeling. Even when I knew it couldn't be just internalized racism, I still doubted myself because others were so convinced that it couldn't be dysphoria.

I suspect that, to onlookers, race dysphoria can look a lot like internalized racism, and it can even be difficult to tell the difference when you're the one experiencing it (as with my case). But there is a difference, and you're the only one who can say with any degree of true certainty which one it is you're feeling. So, that's my reason for responding to the previous anon the way that I did. I also should have worded my message more thoughtfully.