hererafjastori

[hererafjastori]

Am I wet? Am I on my period? Did I pee my pants?- next on wtf is going on down there.

[hererafjastori]

[hererafjastori]

[hererafjastori]

Heterosexual relationship culture is so alien to me and I don’t know if it’s the fact I’m not cishet or the fact I’m autistic but I hear so many things that make me go “Am I insane or are they?”

There’s a lot of hate on widowers and I saw a woman say “You cannot compete with a dead woman.” which is perhaps a reasonable statement to say if he’s constantly comparing you to his dead partner but that wasn’t what the post was about. And I realized “Oh my God, these people genuinely feel like they’re constantly in competition with their spouse’s exes and the ex being dead makes them feel insecure that they cannot best her.”

There’s also been an uptick in the ‘men and women cannot be ‘just’ friends’ rhetoric which I feel like is extremely dangerous and reflects the rise of fascism and sexism. Some of these stories of women feeling threatened by their husband’s female best friend have some merit and others are like “I feel angry that my husband still talks to the girl he grew up next door to and she and her wife are invited to family gatherings and included in family photos sometimes. Am I right to be suspicious?” No. No you’re not. I cannot imagine being you and living with that high level of stress and paranoia and constant torment and jealousy about your husband having a positive relationship with anyone who isn’t you.

[hererafjastori]

“I wish I could be a boy” You can

“I wish I could penetrate but I don’t have a penis” There’s a surgery for that

“I want to piss standing up” The surgery does that too, but also have you heard of an STP device? You should look into those

“I like the effects testosterone could give me but what if people think I’m ugly after I start” would you rather be happy and ugly or beautiful and miserable

“I want to cut my hair short and look more like a guy but everyone is begging me to not cut my hair” bestie, it’s your hair and they can go fuck themselves

“I wish I was born a boy” The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago, the second best time is today

“I wish I was a boy” I have great news for you

[hererafjastori]

i think, if you're gonna open a restaurant, you should be legally required to have a fat person come in, move through the restaurant, and sit in at least one of the chairs. I think that person should be able to veto anything from how close together the tables are to how fucking skinny the chairs are. few things tick me off more then being unable to get to half the resteraunt because all the tables are like, 10 inches apart, or sitting down in a chair that has pointless side rails only to realize that they are gonna be digging into my butt for the next hour unless i sit on the very edge of the seat and never lean back.

[hererafjastori]

People are so much more sad, and desparate, and lonely than you think. I have had three incidents in the last four months were a technician I was working with was being either dangerously unfocused (we work with high voltage), or just flat out angry with their coworkers, and every time when I just pulled them aside to say hey, this isn't you, you're nice, and you're competent, so something must be up - what can I do to help - they have responded by bursting into tears. One guy was struggling to get his wife moved into a care home, one guy just got served divorce papers, and the other hadn't slept a wink the night before because his daughter had the pukes.

I haven't spent my whole life responding to people being rude, or stupid, or dangerous with knee jerk compassion. It's a new habit. The first time I did that as the lead for my lab, it was because the guy genuinely was so good natured that I knew something had to be off. But the other two times were just me going, alright, lets see if it always goes this well, and so far, it has. I'm almost 30, and I just figured out that the #1 reason people are shitty are because they are going through shit.

I don't think you have, like, a moral obligation to respond to people being jerks with knee jerk compassion. But it has made my life so much easier the last four months that I would recommend trying. For your own sake. Please.

(I'll step off my soapbox now. Enjoy your Sunday.)

[hererafjastori]

🩺

[hererafjastori]

[hererafjastori]

"came back wrong" but it's more explicitly + intentionally about medical and/or caregiver abuse

[hererafjastori]

hey bro can i ask you a question that will reveal a deep and fundamental gap in my knowledge of the world

[hererafjastori]

i hate seeing people now making fun of those who care about privacy online. i've seen people saying things like "well they already have your data. what are companies going to do with it" and it's like, that's not the point. it's that companies /shouldn't/ be able to have my data and sell it. am i aware they probably already have my data? yes, absolutely. but i'm still going to try and keep them from monetizing it any further, why are we defending companies selling data they shouldn't have to begin with though?

[hererafjastori]

oh and that gap in my resume is when i was digging my own grave

[hererafjastori]

[hererafjastori]

when I say “Let me ask my husband”, one (or both) of these things is taking place:

1. I am in a loving, happy relationship where we value and respect each other’s opinion

2. I am using this as an excuse to get out of something I don’t want to do (sorry habibi)

what is not happening here: I am being oppressed

[hererafjastori]

I cannot express how jarring it was after being raised by a "Porn Addiction Coach" to get into a relationship with a woman and come face to face with the fact that she did actually want me to sexually desire her.

Like, in Evangelical Purity Culture, male desire was basically poison. It was a threat. It was this constant temptation that would destroy everything. And even after leaving, in the sort of queer, feminist spaces i spend most of my time in that wasn't something that pretty much anyone was spending time actively dissuading me from feeling.

But my desire is good. It's not something that I'm being accepted in spite of. It's a positive thing. It's a bonus. Not even just vanilla stuff, all the stuff I'd convinced myself were these weird terrible desires that were shameful to have.

It honestly took me over a decade to fully accept that. To stop dissociating during sex and confront that I was, in fact, being a massive perv and that was fantastic and preferable and that I could accept that into my self-image without shame or self hatred.

But it's important to do. It's important to leave relationships that don't welcome that part of you. To know that your sexuality is valuable and valid and worth owning and celebrating. Because the alternative is just...not being. Either existing as yourself and repressing the part of your identity that is sexual or allowing that sexuality to exist but turning off your self while it does.

[hererafjastori]

My ideal societal treatment of transitioning is that its like, finding a new, better job and/or moving cities

It's a big, positive life event, but it happens to people all the time. It's often celebrated casually. It just happens sometimes, though. Maybe people at your old job change their relationship with you, and maybe you fortify your relationship with people elsewhere. You can mention where you used to work casually without it being a huge deal. You can joke about people quitting their jobs and becoming a goat farmer without it being a huge deal.