things i have said, heard, or done at work sentence starters. before u ask, yes, i’m an idiot.
great, another episode in the “i’m stupid” saga.
*hits head on metal first aid kit and gives self a concussion*
*falls down a flight of stairs in front of a bunch of people*
i can totally do this, i do this all the time.
have you lost weight? like, within the last week?
in case nobody’s told you lately, you’re doing a fucking amazing job.
i walked out in the middle of the last halloween movie cause it was so bad.
i think i’m in love with you. or maybe you just look like my ex.
i’m gonna regret wearing this today.
*breaks three glasses in the span of thirty seconds*
today the lady at wendy’s absolutely clocked me as an idiot.
you’re really sweet. you’re so, so sweet and so, so dumb.
i’m gonna drop a mixtape and every other song there’s gonna be an ad like spotify.
today my grandma shared a photo of a guy’s bare ass on facebook.
NO CORRER, POR FAVOR
it’s super cold over here. it’s almost like it’s cold outside.
i accidentally left a cucumber in my car. i hope she’s okay.
i’m never coming back here. a child just burped in my face.
can i have a hug?
you’re my favorite.
thank you for not slacking off.
i really, really try.
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shit my film professor says sentence meme pt 3 . pt 1 here . pt 2 here .
❝ walt disney was a true capitalist gangsta . ❞
❝ what the hell was that about ? ❞
❝ that was some buuuullshit . ❞
❝ * hits student on the head with mic * BAD writer ! ❞
❝ this family is like wonder bread . look at those mormon smiles . ❞
❝ you’re awful . we’re voting you off the island . ❞
❝ clever boy/girl/person , i am . ❞
❝ don’t clap for them , they didn’t do shit . ❞
❝ it’s melodrama , bro . ❞
❝ i don’t mean for this to be shady , but i kinda do . ❞
❝ this is why i don’t let you talk . ❞
❝ the audience for teen mom 2 was teenage girls and me . ❞
❝ i’m making my shit list and checking it twice . ❞
❝ i’m not trying to be shady , but .... for realsies . ❞
❝ you can’t phone a friend , regis . ❞
❝ * makes a pirate noise with no emotion * ❞
❝ there’s not a point to this . ❞
❝ i’m just making fun of you for being weak . ❞
❝ you’re an illiterate skunk . ❞
❝ i don’t need his/her/their weak ass in my bloodline . ❞
❝ you have some major emotional inconsistencies that i’m kinda worried about . ❞
❝ BALLS . ❞
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shit my film professor says sentence meme pt 2 . pt 1 here .
❝ * beatboxes into the mic * ❞
❝ you’re an artist . you can do whatever you want . ❞
❝ my job is to retain as much distance from reality as possible . ❞
❝ i’ve said a buncha worse things than ‘ son of a bitch ‘ . ❞
❝ when i was giving up ---- shit , i meant growing up . when i was growing up . ❞
❝ after my man fights , he wants some boom - boom time . ❞
❝ no , we didn’t get married , weirdo . ❞
❝ when politics have failed you , when religion has failed you : art is still there . ❞
❝ my little pony is SHIT . ❞
❝ there’s a long history that i won’t talk about cause i don’t know it . ❞
❝ sorry , grandpa’s hearing aid is off . ❞
❝ arthur -- no , i mean author . arthur is an aardvark . ❞
❝ i didn’t put this sweater on for my health . ❞
❝ * 90s comedian voice * what’s the deal with corn nuts ? is it corn , is it nuts ? ❞
❝ i’m loud as hell . ❞
❝ we could sit here and discuss this for hours -- which is why i’ve locked the doors . ❞
❝ a hoe ? ❞
❝ not only am i scaredy cat , i’m also a badass . ❞
❝ your sexual frustration will make you a better creator . ❞
❝ it’s been five weeks , we’re practically married . ❞
❝ and that’s why i don’t drive behind logging trucks anymore . ❞
❝ stimulate me ! ❞
❝ home alone 2 : lost in new york was the best movie of all time . ❞
❝ even shit movies like sausage party have style . ❞
❝ i’m trying to get y’all away from being boujee . ❞
❝ * holding a mic to someone’s face * say you were wrong . ❞
❝ she’s wearing red heels , which means she’s a hussy . ❞
❝ she has a perm , which all women get after having sex . ❞
❝ lighting is just a series of bitchslaps . ❞
❝ children aren’t eternal . art is . ❞
❝ i remember hearing about this on NPR , cause .... y’know , i’m a white liberal . ❞
❝ what cereal has the best after - cereal milk ? ❞
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shit my film professor says sentence meme .
❝ we got waldo over here , our resident cinephile , and then a human muppet . ❞
❝ it’s not hard , it’s just tedious . like ____ . except ____ is also hard . ❞
❝ there’s a certain degree of sadism in horror filmmaking . ❞
❝ for those of you who have tried to come see me , i have been hiding from you and i have been successful . ❞
❝ get your shit together ! ---- i’m just gonna keep cursing . get your shit together . ❞
❝ your notion of me that i'm infalliable and almost godlike will be corrupted when you realize i am , in fact , mortal . ❞
❝ WHAT’S THE FILM , NERDS ? ❞
❝ * white guy voice * any preguntas ? ❞
❝ when i was a kid , my mom gave me those little stickers to put on my ceiling. i was like , give em to me . i’m neil fuckin armstrong . ❞
❝ i’m jacked up on fried chicken and sprite . ❞
❝ good morning , poptarts . ❞
❝ i’ve accepted my heterosexuality , but sometimes gene kelly makes me wonder ...... ❞
❝ ursula is the best disney character of the past fifty years . ariel isn’t ---- ARIEL AIN’T SHIT . ❞
❝ not only am i pretentious , i’m a coward . ❞
❝ no one wants to go into a gun fight with a pool noodle . ❞
❝ GIVE THAT MOFO A GUN . ❞
❝ how DARE you fall for a false binary ? ❞
❝ that was the visual equivalent of a warm brownie to me . ❞
❝ look at me , i’m twenty and i’ve got long legs ! ❞
❝ those fuckers are trifling . ❞
❝ apparently not only am i your professor , i’m also your pimp . ❞
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