hermione-of-sparta

[hermione-of-sparta]

*pushes past him* Oh, I love Ithaca!

I need a new wardrobe, stat. I'm getting sick of seeing dresses everytime I open my closet.

But I also don't wanna ask my mother since she already has enough to deal with... Someone fund my new closet.

[hermione-of-sparta]

I want it. Please give it. My idiot of a husband didn’t get me the dresses I wanted from Sparta yet.

I need a new wardrobe, stat. I'm getting sick of seeing dresses everytime I open my closet.

But I also don't wanna ask my mother since she already has enough to deal with... Someone fund my new closet.

[hermione-of-sparta]

*smashing up herbs* This is so relaxing! I am being relaxed. I’d taste this if it wasn’t for the suitors. They make such a ruckus. They better not come in here. I don’t like being interrupted while I’m trying to make food.

[hermione-of-sparta]

I would never! I like Penelope.

*runs to the kitchen*

I hate those dammed suitors so much.

I was just sparring peacefully, doing my own thing. none of them ever come to this part of the palace so I thought I was safe! But nooooo one of them decides to go exploring and he sees me.

Next thing I know, he's calling a bunch of his friends and mocking me for training.

"aw, the little princess wants to learn how to fight" - "here I'll be your sparring partner princess."

First off, it's prince. And second, by sparring partner he litreally meant just him hurting me.

he had his buddies break my spear and trip me around to give him an advantage!

I never even wanted a sparring partner in the first place.

I hate their guts. Why won't they just leave me alone and die or something?

[hermione-of-sparta]

And what’s wrong about that? I’m not the one running around cheating with any whore who’d look his way. I can say that, if given the chance, I would have rathered marrying his father, if we’re going off of looks alone. Only off looks! Hypothetically! It would obviously never happen because of the prophecy.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

Whatever. It’s either this or I stab Andromache, and I don’t like ruining my silk dresses with blood.

I hate those dammed suitors so much.

I was just sparring peacefully, doing my own thing. none of them ever come to this part of the palace so I thought I was safe! But nooooo one of them decides to go exploring and he sees me.

Next thing I know, he's calling a bunch of his friends and mocking me for training.

"aw, the little princess wants to learn how to fight" - "here I'll be your sparring partner princess."

First off, it's prince. And second, by sparring partner he litreally meant just him hurting me.

he had his buddies break my spear and trip me around to give him an advantage!

I never even wanted a sparring partner in the first place.

I hate their guts. Why won't they just leave me alone and die or something?

[hermione-of-sparta]

Ask your ‘lover’ how my mother was to Prince Paris, then try and comment on unhealthy relationships. And, just so you know, he is not that hot. Achilles looked better.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

It’s not my fault you came here and immediately became lovers with my husband! That’s not really respecting xenia, is it now?

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

I can do it! Ithaca is very beautiful. I also need to succeed at poisoning somebody before I do it to myself.

I hate those dammed suitors so much.

I was just sparring peacefully, doing my own thing. none of them ever come to this part of the palace so I thought I was safe! But nooooo one of them decides to go exploring and he sees me.

Next thing I know, he's calling a bunch of his friends and mocking me for training.

"aw, the little princess wants to learn how to fight" - "here I'll be your sparring partner princess."

First off, it's prince. And second, by sparring partner he litreally meant just him hurting me.

he had his buddies break my spear and trip me around to give him an advantage!

I never even wanted a sparring partner in the first place.

I hate their guts. Why won't they just leave me alone and die or something?

[hermione-of-sparta]

I am VERY secure, there is no reason to believe I’m not. I was just being a gracious host and offered you food. You refused! It’s not my fault that it may or may not have been poisoned, Andromache sneaks into the palace all the time. If it is poisoned, it is her!

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

No! How? Firstly, I haven’t done anything wrong, so there’s no reason. Second, I am COMPLETELY mentally sound. You should’ve seen Orestes with the furies. He was insane! I’m not insane. I would never be insane. I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? I mean, like I said before, I’m not insane.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

I would never lie about these things! You should be happy because, for some weird reason, my family’s curse has skipped me. I would have succeeded otherwise.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

Who are you to assume everything about my marriage? You’ve barely been here a week! Considering no messangers have been sent here yet, I can assume that your kingdom didn’t even notice your absence.

You’re just projecting your insecurities on me. My home is very secure. Don’t suggest otherwise.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

I never try to poison her! I’m always very nice to her. Very friendly. It’s not my fault she’s Trojan! It’s in her blood. I’m sure she loves her hemlock and whatever other herbs she goes out to pick. She also just LOVES blaming me for all her problems. I would never do that.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

😒 You were much less insufferable when you were a child. Homewrecker.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

And who said that was my fault? Maybe, like you were saying before, it was your ‘enemies’. Or maybe Andromache. She loves poisoning people.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!

[hermione-of-sparta]

My father is far too busy to pick himself and eat bread with you. Anyways, it’s a gift, you should eat it now! It’s better when it’s fresh.

Hi Telemachus. Do you know how we talked, right? And how I said I was going to bake you something?

Well I did! I made some bread. Do you like bread? I do. You should eat the bread right now. It is very safe.

Oh thank you so much but I'm actually not in the mood for bread right now! Maybe later.. or never!