hervbird21-blog

[hervbird21-blog]

Meanwhile in Florida..... 

Don’t be so judgemental.

You guys act like this is the first time that you’ve ever heard of a dude who gained the trust of an elderly woman, stole $65,000 from her, sold her Yorkie on Craigslist and attempt to kill her by shoving pills down her throat while trying to cover it up as a suicide... 

Jeez.

Who HASN’T thought of some pulling off this kind of crazy shit at one point in their lives? Kudos to this sick bastard for making moves and actually trying to pull it off. 

Few things that I really can’t get past here. 

The first thing is that this guy used to be a cop.I can’t tell if I find that terrifying or ironically hilarious.

The second, not only did he get away with ripping off 65K, to add insult to injury here, this degenerate put her dog on Craigslist. This alone act alone is a punishable offense worthy of the electric chair. 

Lastly, he’s pleading innocent.They caught you with the check book, the Craigslist ad and oh yeah...... she lived! 

I’ll tell you one thing..

It wont be pills that is getting jammed down HIS throat in prison.... :)

That was a reference to penis in case you were wondering.

[hervbird21-blog]

If you woke up this morning thinking that you wouldn’t be reading an article about a grown ass man who can’t stop eating pictures of Jason Segal then you were dead wrong.

 Like many of you, I did not plan on witnessing such a video today but sometimes in life things just happen and here we are. 

I have to admit, after watching the video multiple times, the whole thing started to grow on me and I don’t hate it. 

My issue isn’t that this guy is into eating paper, it’s that he’s chosen lifetime B lister Jason Segal. I mean, the guy hasn’t put out a good movie since Forgetting Sarah Marshall and that came out in like 2008.

 Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on Segal at all, I just think that there better suited candidates right now. If I’m going to be chowing down on anyone, there’s no doubt that it has to be Leo. Look at Leo’s stats in comparison to Segals.

 Does Jason Segal have an Academy Award? Has Jason Segal made a movie dedicated solely to saving the environment? Has Jason Segal ever let his girlfriend of four days lay on top of a floating door in the freezing ocean after the Titanic sank? The answer to all of the above is NO. 

In addition to the snuffing of Leo, there are a few more gripes that I have with our strange friend from the north. I kind of feel like he is putting A TON of pressure of Segal to respond and that is just unfair. 

Imagine you are Segal and you are all in right now… filming a new movie… doing the press circuit…. writing Dracula’s Lament part 2 and you get a call from your agent that some jerkoff in Canada is eating pictures of you and isn’t going to stop until you return the favor....

It’s an amazing time to be alive and I’m glad to be strapping in for the ride. 

[hervbird21-blog]

If my old man taught me anything in life, it was these three things...

1.) Always grab the check when you are out with a woman. 

2.) Never let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough.

3.) Never park your 365K sports car near a shady ass German donkey farm.

I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for this dude. Truth be told, I’m offended.

As the owner of a sports car, I won’t take my baby near a god damn Chipolte parking lot and here comes this idiot with his tom foolery. 

What about the donkey? Has anyone thought about how embarrassing that must of been for him? I can only imagine the sh*t his friends give him to this day... 

I’m done with this story. 

[hervbird21-blog]

WTF FRIDAY

“Oh the humanity!” 

“How can they do this to such a poor animal”??? blah blah blah

SHUT UP PETA!

Are you kidding me? This pig is now destined for physical greatness and is laughing all the way to bank. 

He doesn’t need to lift. He doesn’t need to do cardio. He is a physical specimen unlike any other the world has even seen before.

I only wish I could pre-order my kid... 

Have you even though about how great this is for the other pigs? 

Having Boss Hog around is not only going to motivate them to step up their gym flow but will motivate them to eat more. 

Bigger Pigs= Bigger $ 

It’s a win/win for science, farmers and the economy.

[hervbird21-blog]

NFL Week 4 Predictions

Bears @ Packers

The Bears are coming off an impressive win last week vs the agoraphobic Steelers but I don’t see them walking into Lambeau and taking down A-Aron at home. Obviously this is a divisional game that can easily go both way but my Magical 8 ball is telling me Packers 24- Bears 13. 

****** BREAKING NEWS*********** 

Apparently the game was last night and I totally forgot about it.... 

F- Packers 35 - Bears 14

Panthers @ Patriots

The 2-1 Panthers will be traveling to Foxboro to take on Tom Brady, the Dark Lord and the rest of the Stith up in Foxboro. Over the past two games Cam Newton hasn’t thrown any TD’s, has 3 picks and his post game outfits have become increasingly stranger. After last week’s loss Cam looked like Mr. Peanut raided Lady Gaga’s dressing room. Anyways, I don’t see a HUGE victory for the Dark Lords but I see them winning comfortably.

Patriots- 35    Panthers- 20

Raiders @ Broncos 

Both teams sit at 2-1. The Broncos were beaten by the Buffalo Bills last week in a pretty ugly game for Denver. The Raiders were beaten like a Persian Rug down in DC by the Redskins. Amari Cooper couldn’t catch a pass, Von Miller is getting ridiculous penalties.  I really don’t know what to think here. The Raiders offense showed some serious signs of regression last week but the Broncos showed massive weaknesses in their defense. My cat is saying Raiders. 

Raiders- 28    Broncos- 24 

Steelers @ Ravens 

After a controversial stand last week, the Steelers found themselves in the middle of a national debate on the NFL’s handling of the National Anthem. The Ravens also pulled some dopey shenanigans when they kneeled for the American anthem and then stood for London’s anthem. If the Steelers come out of the locker room, they win. 

Steelers- 24  Ravens- 17 

Rams @ Cowboys 

The 2-1 Rams will be traveling to “Jerryland” to take on the Cowboys. According to a staffer for the Rams, the team is absolutely thrilled to be playing a live game in front of actual fans. The Rams look pretty legit. Todd Gurley had a monster 3 TD game last week, Goff has spent a higher percentage of snaps on his feet rather than being on his back and they are firing on all cylinders. The Cowboys finally woke up in the second half against the Cardinals and seem to be back on track. I’m going with the underdogs here. 

Rams 27   Cowboys 17 

Bills @ Falcons 

The Bills D is Solid and will be able to keep them in most games but their offense has to score more points. Going up against Matty Ice & the Dirty birds will be a HUGE a test for the 2-1 Bills. I don’t see it happening for Buffalo. 

Falcons- 35      Bills- 17 

Titans @ Texans 

The Titans (2-1) are a better rounded team than the Texans(1-2) but the Titans can’t win in Texas. Marcus Mariotta is no doubt becoming a legit duel threat and the Titans ARE taking that next step to becoming a powerhouse in the AFC South. The Texans looked GREAT on all sides last week until fu*king Tom Brady woke up from his nap. This is going to be a close game but I’m taking the Texans. Mostly because J.J. Watt is the man. 

Texans- 24   Titans- 20 

Dolphins @ Saints

The Dolphins lost to the Jets last week. Enough said. In all seriousness, the Dolphins secondary is pretty miserable and all the Saints do is go vertical.

Saints- 35  Dolphins- 10 

Jaguars @ Jets 

This is the first time the Jags have been favorites on the road since they’ve existed (I’m being dramatic, since 2011) Jags defense has looked awesome two out of the three games this year. They have a sick pass rush, a good run D and a handsome quarterback. The Jets beat Jay Cutler last week but he sucks even worse than the Jets do. I’m going Jags. 

Jags- 20  Jets- 14 

Eagles @ Chargers 

The Chargers are for some reason the favorites at home. Oddly enough, nobody even goes to their games. Joey Bosa will make Carson Wentz run for his life but I ultimately see the Eagles beating the Charges handily. 

Eagles 28  Chargers- 17 

Colts @ Seahawks

The only thing about this game that I am looking forward to is watching Carrie Underwood sing that terrible opening song. No, idiot, not the National Anthem, the Monday Night Football Song! Going into the season, you knew that the Colts would have a rough start with Luck sitting out but WTF is Seattle’s excuse? They look awful on both sides of the ball especially on the offensive line. However bad the Seahawks look, I don’t see Luck or Jacoby Brisket ( or whatever his name is) going into Seattle and winning on MNF. 

Seahawks- 21   Colts- 10

Giants @ Bucs 

The Little Giants are 0-3 and their fearless leader Napeolan Dynamite ( AKA Ben MCado) doesn’t look like he knows that he is on Plant Earth. The Giants have one of the most talent receiving cores on paper but Eli spends most this season on his back due to his abysmal o-line. The Bucs are going into the game with 3 of their front 4 hurt including Gerald Mccoy. I’m going to say the G-men get their first win this week. 

Giants- 27   Bucs- 20 

49ers @ Cardinals 

The 49ers suck. The Cardinals have weapons but they can’t get it going. David Johnson is hurt which means more touches for CJ2K. If I was a fantasy football guy and this was 2007, I’d be super pumped about this.... Cardinals still beat 49ers easily. 

Cardinals- 28    49ers- 12

Bengals @ Browns 

Who gives a sh*t...

Bengals-21  Browns- 10

Redskins @ Chiefs 

If the Chiefs stay healthy, I’m calling Super Bowl. Alex Smith is playing smart football while still playing with a pair of balls, Kareem Hunt and Tyreek Hill are hitting superhuman speeds of 20 MPH this season and Travis Kelce is a MONSTER.  Redskins are playing some good ball at 2-1 but beating the Chiefs at home is going to be tough. 

Chiefs- 31  Redskins-20

[hervbird21-blog]

Random thoughts on TV/Movies

1.) Ace Ventura

Remember “ Laces out, Dan”? 

Dan Marino ( starting, all-pro QB) wouldn’t not be caught dead holding the ball on ANY field goal attempt! 

That is the punter’s job... 

C’monnnnn mannnn

2) Friends

There’s not many story lines in the history of television that I hate more than Ross and Rachel. 

Does anyone else have a problem with the fact that Rachel just casually packed her sh*t and decided to move to France? 

Basically without even having a sit down conversation with Ross?

I don’t blame Rachel for wanting to be as far away from the dude as possible but..that’s cold.

Even more aggravating is the fact that Ross was just like “oooookkaaayyyy”.

Are you serious? If my baby mamma threatened to take my kid to Paris, you better believe that there would be more lawyers involved than the damn OJ trial! 

These two idiots would never be able to get away with this in real life. Unless the father was literally NFG about this kid. 

What a dopey ending to such a great show.

3.) Mrs Doubtfire 

I’m sorry but... 

There’s no way in hell that Robin Williams could pull off that stunt without spending hours in a professional make up chair...

 Seriously? The fat suit and extra chins ALONE could take hours to do!

 I’m not buying it. 

The fact that the mother & kids couldn’t tell that the old lady looked/sounded exactly like Robin Williams is insane. 

If my old man threw on a dress, put on some make up, I’d know. 

I would be absolutely scarred for life and horrified, but I’d know...

 4.) Sharknado 

Show me the proof that this CAN’T happen.

Ya’ll want to make jokes and sh*t all over this movie but where you see science fiction, I see as a very real scenario. 

Have you not seen the news as of late? 

Are you seriously going to sit here and tell me that there is no chance a super storm can’t one day sweep up a blood thirsty, man-eating, Mega-Shark and toss it onto the streets of LA? 

When that day comes, ya’ll all be wishing you were nicer to Tara Reid.

PS 

I have no idea why I am whipping out the “ya’ll” on this page.

5.) Grey’s Anatomy 

Has anyone given crap about this show since 2008? 

How is it still on the air? 

All the major cast members have been either killed off, given their own spin offs or removed from the series due to using homophobic slurs. 

Is the main doctor still alive? 

Where did Katherine Heigel go?

What happened to Patrick Dempsey? 

I’m cluless here. 

All I know is I hated it then. And pretty sure I’d hate it now.

[hervbird21-blog]

Warning...

What’s up friends?  If you’ve landed on this page, I am assuming two things... 

1.) You’ve either landed here via Linkedin or Twitter.

2.) You are doing so under your own free will. 

With that being said, I want to give you a quick warning that this is NOT a fully professional blog! 

If you are expecting a “how to” guide or a buttoned up corporate brochure, this is NOT the place for you!

I’ll be talking recruiting, sports, news and everything in between!

Keep checking back for more updates! 

Herv