hetacupid

[hetacupid]

rating actual medieval names i have found as a medieval studies student but they get progressively more unhinged:

William de Appeltrefeld: 8/10 bc appeltrefeld sounds like a nice place to live. who wouldnt want to live in a field full of apple trees? points deducted cause there are like fifty bajillion williams in england

Luke de Luka, merchant of Luca: 6/10. ur parents really werent creative huh

Hugh de Wlonkeslowe: 7/10. looks like a straight person trying to keyboard smash. *laughs in english place names*

Roger Smert: 10/10 absolute banger of a name. does it make any sense? absolutely not! but you guys. i dont think you understand. smert!!

John de la Bro: 7/10. when ur such a bro that its literally ur name and 800 years in the future its all people know of u

Hugh Sad: 7/10. weve all been there buddy

Gaylarde de la Mote: 10/10. slay. i bet this guys mote was the gayest mote youve ever seen

Hugh de la Penne: 9/10. we stan a pasta man

Richard de Astlegh: 10/10. verily, he shall ne'er give thee up, ne'er let thee down, nor shall he run with great haste and desert thee, he shall ne'er cause thee to weep, ne'er bid you farewell, ne'er shall he speak wicked falshoods in thine ear or cause thee harm

Bindo Hug: 8/10. who is this man a hobbit???

Eudo la Zusche: 6/10. deadass sounds like something youd see in a really bad fantasy novel

William crisp: 7/10. w h a t.

Asser son of Licoriz: 7/10 there is so much going on here i dont even know what to tell you

Baldwin Panik: 10/10 cause this is a heckin mood

Richard Cok, aka Dick Cok: 69/10. nice.

[hetacupid]

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

[hetacupid]

Romano commissioned by the lovely @hetalia-club!!

[hetacupid]

Allies Ringtone hcs

Let’s just assume they all have iPhones because I don’t know how Androids work; I also don’t know if the phone type makes any difference? Except that iPhones have paid ringtones and I don’t think androids do? Anyways:

America: changes his ringtone at least once a week if not more (currently it’s this, some music from 007). It’s usually something he knows will annoy England (such as the dog barking ringtone or the duck quack noise) or a movie theme, but if he had to settle with one of the original ringtones, he’d pick “By the seaside” because it’s funky and he can dance (badly) to it

England: doesn’t want to pay for a fancy unique ringtone from the iTunes store (he’s stingy) but also doesn’t want to have a generic ringtone, so he went with the “bell tower” sound from the default choices that came with his phone. He’s not completely satisfied with the ringtone because even though not many people use it, it reminds him too much of a grandfather clock (or the Big Ben) chiming to announce the hour, but he’s stuck with it because it’s the most decent in his opinion.

France: like England, he also wants a fancy, unique, fashionable and nice sounding ringtone, but unlike England, he’s willing to pay a small price for it. Probably has an elegant, soft ringtone (such as this); sufficiently loud so he can hear it but not loud enough to be obnoxious. If he had to stick to classic iPhone sounds, he’d probably pick Bulletin. (sometimes to annoy England he’ll just copy Arthur’s ringtone, and then they have a week long ringtone arms race to outdo each other)

China: the classic ringtone, because he can’t be bothered to change it from the default (it serves its purpose of letting him know someone wants him on the phone, so why change it?) He always gets calls at awkward moments and his phone will be on full volume as the ringtone plays. Not that he cares (he’s old: he gives 0 fucks about what people think.)

Russia: also doesn’t bother that much with ringtones; he could be doing other work, so he sticks to the default ones as well. Usually sets it to “Silk” but he changes it every once in a while just to mix things up; like France, he prefers quieter ringtones that aren’t “in your face loud” or obnoxious

Canada: puts his phone on vibrate so he doesn’t disturb others as much. He has rather acute hearing (which also comes in handy when birdwatching or detecting jumpscares) so he rarely misses calls even though his ringtone isn’t very loud.

[hetacupid]

Hi! Sorry to disturb, but I’m very interested in one thing. When do you think was Francis born?

I'm not decided on Francis yet, but I have a few dates that could work:

anywhere between 260-274 AD: the Gallic Empire breaks off from the Roman Empire and functions as an autonomous state until reconquered by the Romans in 274. this lets Francis be born Gallo-Roman and be 'adopted' by the Franks, which would mirror Arthur's backstory.

286 AD: Roman Commander Carausius declares himself emperor of Britain and northern Gaul. you once again have Gaul as a Gallo-Roman-now slightly Frankish breakaway state as all three cultures exist together.

418 AD: Aquitaine is given to the Goths. not as solid logic here except that the story idea of the Romans giving away baby Francis as a sign of 'fine, your territory now' just really got me.

anywhere between 455 AD and 476ish works, as the Romans withdrew and the Visigoths, Burgundians, and Franks move in.

481 AD: that motherfucker Clovis suddenly shows up on the historical record and starts just wrecking shit for the Franks. beginning of the Merovingian conquest of France.

486 AD: Battle of Soissons, and the establishment/unification of Merovingian France. since this is when Franks finally rule all of France, this is kinda seen as the point where Gaul becomes France. or Francia or whatever.

Uuuhhh yeah I personally don't really put his birth any earlier than the Crisis of the Third Century or later than Soissons, though you can do whatever you want.

[hetacupid]

Random clothing garments that hws norway would 100% definitely wear, no I do not take constructive criticism

[hetacupid]

Things I Want From A Normal Hetalia Beach Episode

All of Northern Europe either needs to be sunburnt within five minutes, like lobsters. OR covered in comedic amounts of sunscreen.

On the other end of the spectrum for Europe all of the Mediterranean are perfectly tan in like five minutes. Witchcraft.

Australia and America get to be surfer boy stereotypes for the whole episode, as a treat.

Japan would probably show up in regular clothes (like shorts and a t-shirt) and sit under an umbrella with a book until he gets picked up and thrown in the water.

He loses a shoe and his glasses :(

some landlocked country ignores the "Riptide warning" flag and promptly almost drowns. idiot.

At the end of the episode they're packing up and someone just is like "Hey were is so-and-so?" and they're a speck in the water flailing; no one notices them.

(I think it'd be funny if it was Switzerland but idk)

Remember that time in canon when Canada got high and declared himself King of the Banana Boat? That happens.

Volleyball Tournament. They play all day legit team elimination the final game almost starts another world war.

Some nations show up with the whole nine yards and others are like "I brought my swimsuit and this almost empty tube of sunscreen"

I will take votes on who is the first to get drunk and try skinny dipping in the ocean

Feel free to add to this, this was just the stuff I could think of

(Grandpa Rome does still show up, Austria does still play the piano on the beach I don't make the rules man :\)

[hetacupid]

Hetalia Human Names

NOTE: This is my personal interpretation and the names may diverge from canon and established fanon. Also I might update this every so often to make it more accurate, depending on the information I find.

Table of Contents

The Main Characters

Western Europe

Northern Europe

Eastern Europe

Southern Europe

Western Asia

South Asia

East Asia

Southeast Asia

Oceania

Micronations

Former nations

The Main Characters

Italy Veneziano: Feliciano Vergano

I chose the name Vergano instead as it keeps the essense of the original surname, but is actually Italian.

Italy Romano: Lovino Vergano

Germany: Ludwig Beilschmidt

Japan: Kiku Honda

Prussia: Gilbert Beilschmidt

America: Alfred Franklin Jones

I like the headcanon of his middle name being "Freedom", but Franklin is my personal favourite.

England: Arthur James Kirkland

I came across this in a fic a while back and never looked back. This man needs a middle name.

France: Francis Bonnefoy

Russia: Ivan Braginsky

China: Yao Wang

Canada: Matthew Williams

Western Europe

Austria: Roderich Edelstein

Belgium: Laura Janssens

Liechtenstein: Erika Vogel

Luxembourg: Henri Janssens

I've also used the name Gabriel before, but it doesn't seem to be used much in Luxembourg, so Henri would be more fitting.

Monaco: Louise Bonnefoy

The name Louise and it's masculine variant, Louis, appear a few times in the Monaguesque royal family.

Netherlands: Willem Janssens

Willem appears a few times in the Dutch royal family, and it sounds a bit older than other suggested names, which reflects his age and general vibes imo. I really like this name.

Switzerland: Sebastian Zwingli

Personally I see his name "Basch" as a nickname for Sebastian. It's also easy to adapt to his official languages: Sebastian/Sébastién/Sebastiano. The Romansh variant would be Bistgaun, but the archaic version seems to be Bastgaun, which is more similar to Basch. I headcanon that he goes by the name "Basch" in all languages to make it more cohesive.

Northern Europe

Denmark: Mathias Rasmussen

I'm from Scandinavia myself and I don't know if it's widespread, but I've heard people say "all Danish people are named Rasmus" more than once, so I like to incorporate that into his surname.

Estonia: Eduard Kaasik

Around 50% of Estonia is covered in forest, and one of the most common tree types is birch. Kaasik is a common surname and means "birch forest".

Finland: Timo Väinämöinen

Iceland: Eiríkur Steinsson

Steinsson means "son of Stein (given name meaning stone)",. Also Emil isn't traditionally Icelandic, but it's widely used. Personally though, I prefer the name Eiríkur.

Latvia: Raivis Bērziņš

The surname Galante corresponds with the modern Latvian opera singer Inese Galante, but I couldn't find anything to suggest it's commonly used or that it's Latvian at all. Bērziņš is one of the most used Latvian surnames and means "birch tree", like Estonia's surname. Personally, I don't see the Baltics as siblings, but I think this would be a cute reference.

Also, based on what I read, surnames became common in Latvia around the 19th century, with Bērziņš being one of them. Latvia could have picked up whatever the people around him (Estonia) was using and made it his own.

Lithuania: Tolys Laurinaitis

Norway: Sigurd Bondevik

Sweden: Berwald Oxenstierna

Eastern Europe

Belarus: Natalya Arlovskaya

Bulgaria: Mihail Petrov Isporov

Isporov is the family name and is derived from an alternative name of Asparukh, the first king of the First Bulgarian Empire.

Czech: Tereza Novakova

Hungary: Erzsébet Héderváry

Moldova: Marcel Popescu

Poland: Feliks Łukasiewicz

Romania: Vladislav Popescu

Slovakia: Jozef Novak

Ukraine: Iryna Chernenko

Southern Europe

Greece: Herakles Karpusi

Portugal: João Silva Ferreira

Spain: Antonio Fernandez Carriedo

Western Asia

Cyprus: Stasinos Karpusi

Stasinos was one of the first European poets who wrote the epic poem Cypria.

Turkey: Sadiq Adnan

TRNC: Tarkan Adnan

South Asia

India: Rajesh Thakur

East Asia

Hong Kong: Leon Wang / Wong Kulung

Macau: Chen Wang

South Korea: Im Yong-soo

Taiwan: Mei Lin

Southeast Asia

Thailand: Prasert Chakri

Vietnam: Lien Nguyen

Africa

Cameroon: Emmanuel Mawdo Ahidjo

Many of the most commonly used forenames in Cameroon are of French or English origins, such as Emmanuel.

Mawdo means ‘elder’ in Fulfulde.

Ahidjo refers to the first president of Cameroon.

Egypt: Gupta Muhammad Hassan

Seychelles: Michelle Mancham

Americas

Cuba: Carlos Machado Rodríguez

Oceania

Australia: Daniel Kirkland

New Zealand: Zachary Kirkland

Micronations

Hutt River: Christopher Kirkland

Kugelmugel: Leopold Edelstein

Ladonia: Erland Oxenstierna

Molossia: Jacob Jones

"JJ" :)

Sealand: Peter Kirkland

Seborga: Romeo Vergano

Okay listen. I have no explaination, I just really like this name. Also, if the names of the trio is Peter, Wendy, and Romeo, they're all named after characters from literature. I think that's fun.

Wy: Wendy Kirkland

Former Nations

Ancient Egypt: Neferure

References the only biological child of Hatshepsut.

Ancient Greece: Helene

Ancient Rome: Marcus Valerius Maximus

Marcus is the praenomina (given name) and refers to how Romulus and Remus were said to have been twins of Mars, the god.

Valerius is the nomen gentilicium (hereditary name) and means “to be strong”.

Maximus is the cognomen and means “the greatest”.

Germania: Alaric

Holy Roman Empire: Otto Beilschmidt

Personally I like the idea that HRE and Germany aren't the same person, but share the same body.

[hetacupid]

Meanwhile, in GerAme

America: I Ain’t talkin’!

Germany, sharpening a knife: I have ways of making you talk.

Germany: *Cuts cake*

America, sweating:…Can I have some?

Germany: Cake is for talkers.

[hetacupid]

every movie has an audience and a purpose.

i like twilight. it's a terrible vision of romance. there's plenty of weird psychological manipulation, and all the relationships involve power imbalance. but i like it anyway. it's meant to be both fearful and sappy. it's a guilty pleasure movie. it's like a saccharine b-list movie which gets under your skin and asks questions about what it means to love the things that frighten you.

i don't emulate it, but i still enjoy the experience of watching it.

i'm a relativist - i am not ashamed to appreciate and disapprove of something at the same time. i can criticize any movie while still finding joy in the experience of the thing.

you can hate a movie if you want - nobody can stop you. every movie has an intended audience, and it's okay to admit that it's not you.