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Where did my confidence go?

Hi, its been a long time. So this is how it feels to be a mother. Mom belly

Hair loss

Bad metabolism

Very lack of confidence.

feels unwanted.

hey, anyone who read this. If you do know me, if you met me please say the kind words hehe.

I still look beautiful, right?

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Pernah ga sih?

Pernah ga sih kalian dapet kabar sebuah pengkhianatan dari temen yang selama ini manis di depan, belaga jadi pembela kalian nomor 1. Tapi ternyata kalo sama orang lain suka ngebolak balik omongan kalian..? Pernah ga?

Trus setelah itu, apapun yang dilakukan doi, kita jadi negative thinking duluan. Jadi bad vibes banget pokoknya. Sementara kita kudu pura-pura ga tau kelakuannya.

Emang kita tuh kudu belajar dari zombie. Emang bener dia makan manusia, tapi setidaknya dia ga makan temen.  

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You better go get yourself together, nes!

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Pernah ga?

Udah loyal sama temen sendiri, ternyata dibelakang dia nya ngata2in.

Pernah ga?

Udah effort banget nyenengin hati si temen, tapi doi lebih denger omongan orang lain daripada kenyataan dan effort temennya sendiri.

Pernah ga?

Niat kita bantu, malah dikira pengen menjatuhkan yang kita bantu.

Pernah ga?

Udah repot2 mikirin perasaan temen, malah dianya ga mikirin perasaan kita.

ya anjing emang rasanya.

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Hello again.

Hi tumblr. It’s been a long time. :)

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Pagiiiiiiii ! Udah sayang sama aku belom hari iniii??? Kalo belom, yaudah nggak papa..aku tanya besok pagi lagi yaaaa.. 🐥🐥🐥

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All these serendipities are getting creepy

 All these serendipities are getting creepy, especially over this past two months (ditulis November 2015). I feel that my Heavenly Friend is very close to me, and He listens to every WORDS I say (both spoken and unspoken words in my prayer). The things I wanted, is happening. One by one.

All the deppression begins around July, at the time I’ll carry out my thesis defense. All the commotion of submitting my manuscript + postponed thesis exam + Mas Dama had a ligaments surgery + my so called holiday (in the wrong time) has drown me into a frustration, fatigue, and my lifestyle was fully in a mess. Somehow I still wanted to graduate on time. And ta-da.. I did! In a very limited time, I did!

But my lifestyle still in a mess. This kind of lifestyle lead me into trouble. I.got.sick. And this ‘sickness’ was last up to 1 month and my activities got extremely obstructed. Have been going to 3 different doctors, doing medical check up for several times, sucking many types of drug. And it doesn’t help. At all. Till finally, my very last doctor, dr. Yana Soelan, SpS suggested me to avoid stress, keep away from canned foods, and all the fatty foods (oh boy!). But okay.... I hardly tried to follow my doctor’s advice. But the most important thing, I ask for healing from God. And ta-da! I recovered well. Without any drugs (anymore). And let me tell you that this sickness is one of my ‘lesson learned’. And God also showed me that I have my most sincere people in life. Whoa. I cannot stop being grateful for that!

And the more I get closer to God, the more I feel protected and feel pampered by the love of God. EVRYTHING I ask for, He make it possible. Even for the smallest  thing like: “God, don’t let me trapped on the traffic jam” - when I’m about to attend any job interviews. And I always get to the place on time. 

“God, hopefully, Mas Dama can join both his company recreational event and Titin wedding reception as well” - and the recreation got postponed till 1 week after Titin wedding reception. See?

“God, I want my negativity goes away” “God, I want this..” “God I want that...” His answer always surprised me.

Even for this prayer: “God, let me get a job at least for this November”.

I dont know what is up with my prayer. I think I already frustrated being a job seeker. Hahahha. Mmmm.. about the end of August, I got called by my friend, telling that I pass the administrative selection for Perumnas, state owned company in Indonesia.(tapi bukan ini ya perusahaan yang akhirnya saya tempati. Dont get your hopes too high. Saya cuma pengen cerita aja) Ya.. so-so.. it’s just an administrative selection. Not a big deal. The next step is psikotest and Focus Group Discussion.

There’s A LOT of my friend who is way much SMARTER than me at that time. And it’s kinda ‘nyiutin nyali saya’. Hello, this is focus group discussion and you know very well who is gonna be your rival. Saya.berniat.kabur. Hahahhaa.. (I’m such a ‘mental tempe’ person)

But but but.........I gathered all of my willpower as much as possible. I’ve also prepared my ‘MUKA TEMBOK’. And I did! Even with sedikit tergagap-gagap. Bodo amat. And ta-da. I passed the test and FGD, while many of my friend didn’t pass it. Okay. God is trying to show me that if you make an effort, the result’s gonna worth your effort. Okay. the next step is interview and TECHNICAL TEST! While I’ve been a little bit forgot how to operate my design software. Bhahaha. But again and again, “Bodo amat, yang penting jalanin dulu”. And in the end, it’s not as scary as you think. During the interview, I explained that if I passed this step, I will go to Jakarta for 1 year trainning, and I will be under bound  for 3 years and can be placed throughout Indonesia. *siulan*

I WANT THIS JOB, mostly because the prestige. I asked The Lord again. My prayer is asking God to give me this job yet forcing God to make a miracle such “i will be placed in Surabaya from the beginning” :))))))))

Till I reach the point of : “Ya... God knows me best. God knows me better than I know myself” Tuhan tau kalo saya dapet yang ini, saya mungkin akan kehilangan sesuatu yang lain dari hidup saya. Begitu juga sebaliknya. Dan kalaupun saya bisa dapet dua-duanya, pasti masih ada yang harus dikorbankan. WAKTU.  Tuhan tau saya lebih nggak bisa hidup tanpa yang mana. Tuhan jauh lebih tau yang saya pengen dan yang saya butuh.

And someday, I dreamed of Jesus. My dream was walking with Jesus, in the middle of the cloudy sky, and suddenly Jesus poked me and showed that He had made that cloudy sky become very bright and sprinkled with a lot lot lot lot of stars. And guess what. The next day, I got the announcement that I did not pass the selection of Perumnas. Whoa. I cried the whole night feel that I can’t give my best.

But I know God won’t ever let me down.I still got a job in November 2015. I got a job in a private company located in Surabaya. I work comfortably and happily. I got a lot of experience and friends who are sincere, there ( Pak Franky, Mbak Wanty, Mas Wima, Bu Meta, Mbak Ida, Mbak Dwis, and more). And guess what? My friend who was accepted in PERUMNAS, now placed in Palembang. Apparently, God did not allow me to work in PERUMNAS, because God knows I’ll be better to have a job in Surabaya. Once again, I am blessed.

Dan cita-cita saya utk bekerja di BUMN? God works with His time. Setahun setelah saya bekerja di Securindo Packatama, sekarang saya di terimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa,,, di BRI. :D (udah jalan 7 bulan ini ding)

SO, THE POINT IS.... Janganlah bersungut-sungut atas apa yang diberikan Tuhan pada hari ini. Tuhan akan selalu tahu maksud dari doa-doa kita kok... Meskipun apa yang kita terima sekarang nggak sesuai sama harapan kita, tapi PERCAYALAH..itu cuma proses yang diberi Tuhan untuk menjawab doa dan harapan kita tadi.

Cut all the worries, GOD’s never sleep. :)

PS: Ini draft seriusan dari 2 tahun yang lalu...lupa aku post... dan ya udah aku tambahin aja ya 3 paragraf terakhir..biar lebih dramatis. hahahhahaha

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Back to "you say goodmorning but it's midnight" routine. 💑

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No place I'd rather be.

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Keadaan. Mau marah segimananya.. mau kesel segimananya.. Udahlah. Nggak bakal menang sama yg namanya keadaan. Nggak usah buang2 energi buat marah. Toh mau marah juga keadaannya akan tetap sama. 😊 Jadi sekarang belanja aja....hati senang pikiran riang. #ngomong.........sama kaca.

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Lupa pernah seunyu2 ini 😆 On frame : Kaprodi Pascasarjana Arsitektur jurusan Perumahan Permukiman ITS beserta 8 anak didik yg cantik semua

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I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need And I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking There upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas Day I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you You, baby Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow And I'm just gonna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for Saint Nick I won't even stay awake to Hear those magic reindeer click 'Cause I just want you here tonight Holding on to me so tight What more can I do? Baby, all I want for Christmas is you You, baby Oh, all the lights are shining So brightly everywhere And the sound of children's Laughter fills the air And everyone is singing I hear those sleigh bells ringing Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need? Won't you please bring my baby to me? Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas This is all I'm asking for I just want to see my baby Standing right outside my door

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The only way to do great work is to love what you do 💁

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Jaman2 sregep olahraga

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Nggak ada yg digelendotin sampe Desember. Ucing pala barbi 🙉

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Life doesn't get easier. It's you that just get stronger. ✌💆

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Doubt.