she/her the shadowhunter chronicles, the raven cycle, all for the game. the sandman
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this part has been driving me insane because it shows how much jean put kevin on a pedestal. this was true even before kevin left the nest but it continued afterward too with jean comparing his recovery to kevin’s and filling in the gaps of what kevin’s life must be like now based on the glimpses he saw of him on tv or at the banquets. in jean’s mind, kevin got everything he wanted: a return back to exy, a championship win, a father who accepts him, a new partner in form of andrew as well as having neil by his side, neil who was supposed to be jean’s promised partner. kevin got to escape and while he didn’t come out unscathed, he seemingly has the ideal life (and he did it all without jean).
and we see this view collapse real time in the golden raven, where jean is realizing that kevin is still struggling and that he's been holding himself to an impossible standard by comparison, and he doesn't know what to do with that. he doesn't know what to do with the fact that the boy he still once loved is flawed because believing that kevin was perfect, was better, was unshakable was how jean made it through the nest. but if kevin still has things he can't deal with, what is jean supposed to do now? and with kevin saying "we are what they made us" in response, the next question is what are they? are they doomed to be broken ravens forever?
the answer is no, of course, and the trilogy really is the story of jean figuring out who he is apart from the ravens, outside of the nest, despite what has been done to him or what they tried to make him into, but i think he had to let go of that perfect image of kevin to do so and that them meeting again was a huge turning point in jean's journey because of that.
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TGR SPOILERS!!!!!
reading comprehension at an all time low!!!! i seen some people (on twitter) confused about kevin’s “they were supposed to be a warning” line so here i am breaking down the meaning of that and defending my canceled queen.
this line is NOT about what riko did to jean!!!!! yes, the ravens have a way of defending anything that was done to them or to others, they have an excuse for it. kevin is very much included in this. while talking about grayson, jeremy struggles to ask kevin if what happened to jean happened to him too. kevin then goes on to give a detailed reason on why what happened to jean would NEVER happen to kevin.

this matches what jean tells andrew when andrew asks if grayson ever touched neil.

jeremy, rightfully so tells kevin there is no excuse that can justify what happened. “Jeremy honestly wasn’t sure what was worse: that the Ravens thought themselves right for hurting Jean so horrifically, or that Kevin knew what their excuse was.”
there a stark difference between what kevin says and what jeans say, which i will try to explain a bit more. it’s important to note though that both kevin and jean say along the same things when trying to explain the mindset of the nest to an outsider, only one of them (truly) believes it, while the other doesn’t but forcefully follows/enforces it.
kevin tells jeremy he doesn’t say anything in defense of what the ravens said about jean in the spring because he knows better to put jean’s back to the wall.

again, this references something jean tells rhemann.


no matter what jean said or did, the ravens would have always found a way to blame him. jean was forced to pretend he consented to what was done to him, and to undermine jean would be going against riko. they both knew the consequences of what would happen if that was done. they both still use it as their main defense now. which makes sense with kevin’s “i will not listen to it again”. the only confirmation we got that kevin knew more about what was happening was from his conversation with jeremy. we still never got a inside look on jean thoughts at all. the only time he mentions kevin in term of the rumors is when he said in the sunshine court that “ even kevin didn’t know the full story, only the jagged half-lie riko fed him”. jeremy continues to push back against this when mentioning jean’s age.
kevin says this:

which is cruel itself, but unfortunately the truth. jeremy doesn’t know that for many reasons, kevin and jean cannot speak up against riko. like ever. it’s clear that a part of kevin wants to tell jeremy

this is relevant because it’s important to grasp that kevin knows. even if he doesn’t refer to it by name, even when he says it’s “history” in front of andrew (which andrew later mocks) he knows. how much he knows is up to air, it is kept very vague especially when kevin says “all ravens know variations of the story”. but then kevin always say “you don’t even know what his truth is” in a frustrated tone which shows the audience that he knows something and is fighting against what he has to say and what he knows really happened. kevin keeps the same attitude when jeremy turns it onto him.

now back to what this post is originally about. it’s very clear by now that jean was in love with kevin. i could go through the book and take a bunch of screenshots but then we will be here all day. the most notable one is this:

then this:

kevin is under the impression that jean has a thing for jeremy (which he brings up twice now, one in tsc and once in tgr) and yes kevin is a prophet but also an idiot because yes jean has always been attracted to jeremy, but that is not who riko is referring too. he (once again) mistakenly makes things worse for jean by even mentioning the trojans.
jean simply tells cat that “he got caught and doesn’t want to talk about it”
the sequence of events isn’t very clear but kevin does talk about the trojans a lot. he specifically shows jean interviews of Jeremy from his freshman year. THAT WAS THE WARNING! it makes more sense to believe this happened after riko accused jean of being queer. this was part 2 of kevin’s “it’s easier if he remains heterosexual”
at this point, jean had no idea about what went down fully with jeremy. and he couldn’t back then either because he couldn’t read well enough.
kevin accuses jean of just staring at jeremy’s photograph instead of reading the actual interview , which jean fights back with that he couldn’t. and THAT’s when kevin says “they were supposed to be a warning” and then: “you missed the entire point of me sharing them” the lesson itself never gets expanded on because jean didn’t take the bait.
when it comes to his sexuality, jean is scarred because of what was done to him as a result of it. even jeremy notices the reaction he has to kevin was more intense then him just being his normal shy when checking out cat or laila. because it was programmed for jean to feel so ashamed by riko. he almost says the same thing to andrew, that he should have expected the assault when he claimed kevin.
kevin stance was more along the lines of how the public will react to it, because of what happened to jeremy.
when jean figures out that adi and rhemann have been together for so long, he’s not sure if that makes him feel safer or not. when he compares riko and kevin’s statements to neil, it was more along the lines of “being queer is bad or dangerous” vs neil’s “who cares” it wasn’t stating that kevin believed the ravens assaulted jean as a warning. that’s all riko. kevin thing is all about publicity. because of how he was raised. there ignorance, and being scared to speak up, but it’s not kevin agreeing that jean deserved to be raped. it’s more to show how far the nest brainwashing and manipulation really goes.
this was v long but i felt sick watching people group kevin in with riko. we have long established by now kevin is a victim. sure he is an “ugly” victim but he is a victim all the same. it’s not the same as luther refusing to believe andrew or cass turning a blind eye because it was her son and she couldn’t believe he could do that. they are both victims of the same place and people in different ways. the idea that kevin in any way could have stopped riko is ridiculous. grouping him in with his abuser because he can be rude or demanding isn’t it. jean quite frankly speaks about the brainwashing kevin went through.
leaving y’all with this quote:
“most of Kevin’s scars were branded into his heart and mind. By the time Jean was thrown at Riko’s feet, Kevin had mastered the art of putting mental walls between himself and whatever Riko was doing”
one last thing, jean believed that surviving evermore was possible after watching kevin “be a soulless puppet” but then secretly ask to learn french. he hated kevin for it, but he quickly understood the way kevin shaped himself to to survive. “jean had to simply let go and stop fighting”
because that what both of them did and still doing. learning to survive.
additional note: it’s why jean got so upset seeing kevin drink. kevin would rather be drunk than process the horrors of the nest, even though kevin was supposed to be the strong one.
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jean about neil in tsc: the wayward child. a tedious malcontent. a wretched little runaway. an insignificant brat. an abominable cockroach. a rabid little fox. the tiny bastard. a miserable wretch.
also jean about neil in tsc: my misplaced forever partner. an unfulfilled promise. my permanent partner. his voice is a line to follow home.
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jeremy: “i’ve picked up more people at bars by having a lighter handy than I have by being charming”
andrew in his mind: interesting…
renee later: so what do you think of the trojan’s captain?
andrew: he’s gay
renee who gets 25 texts about jeremy from jean in a day: interesting…
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Drawing Adam reading because it means I’m basically reading, which means I’m studying ☝🏻
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Part 2 of meeting Aaron and Katelyn’s daughter. Katelyn had to make a call and asked Neil if it was alright to hold the kid for a moment. Next thing Neil knew he was staring down at a much smaller, less judgmental face than the one standing beside him
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leaving aside the fact that jinx is probably still alive, that ending was oddly comforting.
the two sisters will never grow old together in either timeline. but in each one where they do survive, they find happiness. they find purpose. they keep going. isnt that what we all do? the tragedy of life is that we will never get everything we want. the beauty of it is that we still make it worth living.
i know people are going to give the writers a lot of shit for this, but i admire that they took this direction. its painfully realistic, its bittersweet and it hit me harder than any piece of media has any right to.
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I think I'm really REALLY unwell.... why did I decide to binge watch Arcane s2? I HAVE NO IDEA
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But I have nothing to fear! For the blue bird is with me.
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if i had a nickel for every time Viktor died i would have 2 nickels... WHICH IS WAY MORE THAN I'D LIKE PLEASE STOP KILLING HIM
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Year 4 Remus on the train in his “thug” attire (atyd) !! Tried to make his buzz cut look at least semi-ok 😩
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maybe it's just me but sometimes the narrative surrounding Julian & his siblings in the fandom annoys me just a little bit. especially the twins like he is not their father?? he did not raise them?? yes he did raise Tavvy but the twins are literally two years younger than him. they have the exact same age gap as Alec & Izzy.
like I understand where this perspective comes from, aka Julian. obviously it seems like common sense to take a main character at his word but you can't!! Julian's has a very disordered thought process regarding his siblings specifically and he isn't necessarily representing the situation clearly. he was forced to grow up very quickly at a young age and because of that he's created a narrative in his head that frames his siblings as being younger than they are and he's wrong!! except maybe Tavvy they ALL grew up too fast. we literally see Dru looking after Tavvy multiple times during tda like she's also raising him. and Julian is in many ways blind to that (he does work on it throughout the series tho, see: him letting Ty & Livvy go out on their own in London & treating Dru less like a little kid)
yes he refers to them as his kids sometimes, but again, this is disordered thinking. Livvy Ty & Dru don't view him at a father figure: Ty was literally the champion of wanting Mark to take over from Julian (and he hates change!!). Livvy & Ty also hacked his phone so they could keep tabs and make sure he was ok like. Julian perspection is not mutual, and even he doesn't always believe in it. exhibit a:

look at the language he uses regarding each of his siblings. in his ideal future, he wants to teach Tavvy (which is very parental) but he wants to fence with Livvy, and watch movies with Dru, and look for animals with Ty - as equals, as siblings. he just wants to be able to hang out with them doing things they love without having the burden of caring for them. which is also different to how Mark & Helen (& Aline) are referred to, as they are sharing that burden. he's not really bonding with them in the way he wants to with his younger siblings. (which also is bring us to the other contributing factor here which is that tda (& sobh) give the impression that Julian is closest with Mark and people assume that has always been the case. which isnt true but that's a whole other post lol)
anyway I really really hope twp digs into this significantly & we see more of the whole situation from Ty's & Dru's eyes. because I need Julian's framing to be broken down within the text for my own peace of mind and also because I want to see him finally have that bond back
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