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“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

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imagine if you will, a fairly dry survival crafting game in which you live in a bunker and must periodically venture out to scavenge food, set up turrets for attacking monsters, etc

now, your computer inside the bunker has a game-inside-a-game on it which is a charming farming sim of undeniably greater quality and scope than the survival game you're playing. therefore, the object of the game becomes to keep your bunker secure so you can play the farming game more.

now, once you achieve the highest rating in the farming game, a secret shop inside it unlocks, and one of the novelty items you can purchase is a game console, giving you access to games-inside-a-game-inside-a-game. most of the games for it are typical mobile shovelware, but one of them is a highly polished, extremely brutal precision platformer with amazing level design and production values exceeding that of the survival game and farming sim combined.

it is only at this point that the purpose of this entire contrivance becomes clear: to create the most deranged speedrun community the world has ever seen.

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I can’t make pasta any more without mumbling to myself, “wet the drys… then dry the wets…”

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Genre-savvy horror protagonist figures out they're in a slasher movie, simply turns around and leaves; realises too late that they're actually in an artsy character-driven psychological horror film about them slowly being driven mad by existential uncertainty over whether they've successfully escaped the narrative.

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For Pride Month, I would like to throw my very long and pointy green hat in the ring.

[Disclaimer: this is 100% a joke and not a real audition unless you like me, in which case, I am very serious]

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the part that scares me most about the supernatural fandom is when they need a certain gif to add to a post they know exactly where to find it or know exactly what episode of any of the nine whole seasons to make one

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“paid subscription with ads” is fucking crazy. if you pay for a service and then get served an ad on said service you should be allowed to pipe bomb its executive at no legal risk

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oil & water

ummm yeah idk what to say about this one

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I don't care if this is real or not, i want this to be known as "having a rowling"

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There’s this douyin account for a cat shelter and everyday he livestreams to adopt out cats and he’s always just like

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Gatekeeping is so good and important

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Meanwhile, on Mars...