hidden-demons

[hidden-demons]

the topic of living healthy and exercising and weight has became a frequent talk and in all honesty i dont know what to feel about it. yes, i know you just want the best for me, you want to help, you want me to be healthy -- but my mind is a little distorted and i dont know if i can handle your kindness. on the other way, i know that i shouldnt stay the same. but to be constantly told to change is exhausting.

why can’t i be good enough?

-- well, maybe because i’m not.

i’m not good enough. i’m not doing good enough. i didn’t exercise everyday. i still eat chips and pizzas and dinner. my weight isn’t dropping. i’ve been told i could do better. drugs don’t even give me the same result as they were my body is a bitch.

please -- leave me alone.

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

I am helpless

07//08//19

[hidden-demons]

Growing up with overly strict parents is wanting to speak your mind or wanting to tell that parent how you feel, but you don’t do it because you’re supposed to go to a friend’s house later that week or you want to ask that parent to do you a favor/buy you something and you know that if you voice your opinion you’ll be punished and you wont have that opportunity anymore so you either have to wait for that event to pass to be able to speak freely, or you just end up never saying anything at all.

[hidden-demons]

There’s a difference between parents who want you to be happy, and parents who want you to look happy.

 If your parents want you to be happy, they will be there for you when you need them, and help you with your struggles. They’ll take your pain seriously. They wont make fun of your problems when that hurts you. They’ll point out your good sides. They’ll let you know they hold you valuable and important no matter what the rest of the world says about you. They’ll make sure you know they’re on your side, here to protect and get you out of trouble, that if something happens you have backup, you have a safety to fall back on. They’ll make sure you have a place you belong to, place where you’re welcome and wanted. They’ll be a source of comfort, warmth and support.

If your parents want you to look happy, they’ll demand that you stuff down your emotions and play an act of a child who doesn’t need anything or anyone, who is just fine the way things are, no matter how bad things are for you. They’ll dictate what you’re allowed to think of them and how you’re supposed to react on anything and everything they do. They’ll demand you hide your pain, your symptoms, your anger, your fear, anything that makes them look like less than perfect parents has to go. They’ll let you know that they are important, you aren’t. Their emotions and needs and desires are important, yours aren’t. Their pain has to be paid back, yours has to be ignored and forgotten. Your life falls back on what is and isn’t convenient to them, every part of you is judged only by how much use they can have of it. And of course, they’ll tell you they did it all for your sake, because if they didn’t, who knows how awful you would turn out. 

If they say they want you to be happy, but their actions tell you that you need to look happy “or else”, they’re abusive parents, and they do not care about your happiness.

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

my hidden talents include romanticising everything, oversharing, crying, and overthinking 

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

bro who else are you supposed to jack off to if youre in a relationship HELLO?

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

"sedih dikit tp gapapa" is my motto because this too shall pass.

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]

[hidden-demons]