hiding-at-5-in-the-afternoo-blog - Tumblr blog

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I want ferrero 🥺

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Feb 15: Day 1 of Dopamine Detox (FAILED!)

Day 1 was a mess 😭🤦‍♀️

Yesterday, I told myself that I'll get every inch of dopamine since I'll be starting detox tomorrow... so I binged watch ''Business Proposal''

I never got to finish the series and I ended up finishing it ON THE FIRST DAY OF DETOX

(＾︺＾💧).. Oh, how I hate myself

Not only did I waste 3 hours from watching, I also ate cake... a lot of it [ yum (●´ ¬｀●) ]

Well, at least I got to eat healthy at Lunch , weak redemption... but still...

And that's how day 1 went. If anything the only good thing that happened today is less mindless scrolling plus accomplished daily chores

���(︶﹏︶"")╭ ﾔﾚﾔﾚ

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Getting ready to start my dopamine detox 😊🌱

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I'm always surrounded by people

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But I wonder why I still feel so lonely?

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I found a word today! 😊: LIFELINE

Actually, I've known this word since way way back but today's the only time it resonated with me.

My lifeline is Jesus and mafu's music ✨🎶 and I just feel so lucky to have someone and something I can hold on to. Not everyone's able to find one for themselves so I feel really lucky to have two.

I've noticed that I'm never without a support system and Jesus always finds a way to keep me hanging. I know it's him cause I feel it and some are what I've prayed for.

Mafu's music... the lyrics, his voice, the arrangement, the entirety of it, somehow it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel emotions... 'cause to be honest I'm struggling with apathy (if this is what's it called).

Anyway's I'll value this word a lot more from now on ❀( ⸝⸝•ᴗ•⸝⸝ )❀

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I'm so happy right now! 😊😊😊

！！！

I feel lucky to have this friend who's very consistent with his promise

。。。。

I was feeling quite down lately but his everyday sharing of memes has helped me hold on 🌼

;

Unknowingly, I've been looking forward to his everyday message 🍀☁️🌻

I hope I get to be this kind of friend to someone in the future ✨

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I didn't know that letting go of someone hurts this much...

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It's weighing on me

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I feel like everything's heavy, and I can't stand or don't have the motivation to do anything...

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But for some reason, I have this overwhelming feeling that this decision will eventually lift my heart

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I wish someone would give me a bouquet of daisy 🌼🌼🌼

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I feel so sad... so confused

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Too much anger... too much resentment and never ending guilt

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Never gosh darn ending guilt...

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Too plenty of shame and lack of clarity

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I want to die, but I'm too scared to commit to death and I still tell God that I'm not ready yet... so idk, I'm just too confused and I want to start again...

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But that too... is never ending

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Bought a friendship ring for me and my friends 😊🌼

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Saw a rainbow, I feel light 🌼 I feel at peace ⸝⸝⸝🍵* (ृ´ ᵕ ` ृ )

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Sun light always makes me feel better no matter how bad the day gets. 🌼🌻

...

and to be honest I feel cute in these photos so I'm posting it here hehe (⸝⸝ ˇωˇ )

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Waaaahhh 😭☁️🤍 I love it sooo much!

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花🌼

Throwback to this beautiful flower I found! Don't worry I didn't kill it, It fell from a tree. Isn't it pretty (*ˊᗜˋ*)/

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(;-_-)

Holy crap... I meant to have this space on the internet as my freedom wall but it turned into a mafumafu appreciation corner ∑(; °Д°) I didn't mean for it to turn out like this... I hope I don't look like a mega crazy fan lol. Now I'm over thinking haaa 🤦

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It's a great day today. I didn't look up at the sky but I can imagine how peaceful and calm the sky looks... sooo blue. I feel happy

I guess, one of the reason why I'm so into mafumafu-san's songs is because I've always wanted someone to tell me to live, genuinely. I do have friends who stop me from going into the depths of thoughts but they're like walking on thin ice with me. They avoid saying anything heavy, even terms so... somehow I feel like I'm not being seen. They say they want me to live but they avoid deeper conversation in their own way. And I respect that, I understand them too.

But mafu-san... his songs... the lyrics especially, with his music I hear everything I want someone to tell me. His songs make me want to live and the lyrics itself also tells me to keep on struggling, to keep on living. He says this without avoiding the darkness that comes with it. And I'm thankful for that... I really am

If there's one thing I'm very thankful for here on earth, it's that I get to find his music

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I really want to reply to mafumafu-san's tweets however I'm always late with checking twitter that by the time I see it time has already passed by T_T

Commenting late on someone's post will highlight it, right? He probably won't notice it but I'm still embarassed. What if the other fans think "uwaah~ she's replying late to gain attention"... I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT THAT ˚‧º·(˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥)‧º·˚

As I've expected, I will be a forever silent follower ＼(￣O￣)