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The Tzimisce: "You can't solve everything with firebombs!"

The Lasombra: "I'm not, I'm just solving these two things"

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at this point that satire requires clarity of purpose copypasta genuinely makes my skin crawl every time i see it because 83% of the time someone smugly whips it out the clarity of purpose was fuckin crystal, they personally are just dumb as rocks

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G.L.O.S.S

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Magic the Gathering tip: if the military sends u an email about a “draft” don’t reply there’s no cards

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real punk is finishing in my mouth

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I looove the Jesus turns water into wine story. It's short enough I'll just post the whole thing in case you haven't read it

On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine. 4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come." 5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.” 6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. 7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim. 8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.” What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

Such a weird, nothing miracle. A literal party trick! Why have it be his first miracle? Did the actual jesus actually start with party tricks? Except in this version of the story the miracle is basically a secret. He's sort of weirdly food themed. Loaves and the fishes, and of course being eaten. Maybe that's the idea, from a literary perspective, he begins and ends with providing wine

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i hope tumblr users never stop talking about punk music i think we deserve this

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incredible website

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i did once block someone for too insistently incorrectly "explaining" marxism to me

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atoms are made of positive parts, negative parts, and neutral parts. the positive parts are attracted to the negative parts and repelled by each other, like magnets. but there's a second force that attracts positive and neutral parts to each other. to have an atom, you need the two forces that govern the parts of the atom to attain celestial harmony, which means you need enough neutral parts to make the positive parts stick together in the middle.

sometimes an atom is permissible but celestially disharmonious, usually because it's too big. there's also an occult diagram that determines which forms of atom are harmonious, but it's usually because it's too big. when this happens, the angels take offense and break it apart. this makes atoms that aren't celestially harmonious into smaller atoms that are, and is where balloon gas comes from: the form of balloon gas is particularly favored by God.

that's all well and good, as such things go. there are rocks that make balloon gas because God thinks their atoms are too big. that's fine. we can use it for balloons. but there's another type of celestial disharmony, caused by a secret third force that does this, where a neutral part of an atom can break into a positive part, a negative part, and a secret third thing called an "anti neutrino", and the atom gets bigger. you can't use this to make explosions, that's a third thing, but you can use it to light exit signs. you probably can't use it to turn base metals into gold either; that's a fourth thing, which is maybe the opposite of the third.

it's really hard to make gold because there's only one kind that isn't so celestially disharmonious that it curses you to death with beams. we wouldn't like gold if it cursed us to death with beams. it does curse us to death, of course, but the harmonious kind doesn't do it with beams.

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The biggest reason 9/11 did not happen in brazil is because big jesus would have catched the plane and destroy the terorist. Second big reason is tjat world trade center wads not i nbrasil

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people say dolphins are smart but there not smart enough to not be Shity grey rubber tubes flappin about in the gotdamn ocean

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dino saurs were not scary monsters they were mamas with eggs and when they drank water they were like fuckk yessss waterrrr

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were using climbing cum now baby

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used to be people would say things like "avast" or "hither and yon". nowadays folks mostly say stuff like "ethernet cable"