hiiddens - Tumblr blog

[hiiddens]

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖          hiiiii cuties it’s been a HOT minute since i’ve been around as many unexpected and unfortunate things keep happening in real life with family ( + other things... ) that has kinda forced my hand to take a much needed step back despite promising so many things (╯︵╰,) i wanted to leave some sort of note much earlier but the timing was never right or i just couldn’t get my thoughts together to say anything . . .

eventually when it’s closer to the last day of my hiatus i’ll message those of you i was either plotting with and / or threading with to see if anything should be dropped / restarted / continued / revised but i’m excited to return to you all and hopefully bring back hyerin in full force !!!! (◕‿◕)♡

i hope you all are doing well and see u cuties soon (´ ε ` )♡

[hiiddens]

KARINA ‘I’m Unhappy’ Track Video

[hiiddens]

i lied..... i’m gonna leave the starters for the next city because i’m late trash and the next city will be posted in two days so...... (づ˶•༝•˶)づ♡

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖          hellooo now that i’m free to do as i please and not restricted by work, here is my attempt at a STARTER CALL !! i’ve been way slower this weekend than i should’ve been ( blame is on me for forgetting friday & sunday are holidays… ) but now that everything is done i can finally do things ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ if you’re interested in a starter please hit that heart & i’ll get started on it either tonight or tomorrow !!

[hiiddens]

ofnari​:

❀ → OPEN

The Starbucks in the Bosque de Chapultepec was absolutely gorgeous with those huge trees anywhere she looked, the perfect place to spend some time just to enjoy nature in the middle of a concrete city. It was true that she shouldn’t really be on her own, even if she was trying to be as careful as possible, but she hadn’t wanted to drag Silver or Xin to one of her adventures when she knew the girls had their own plans. Sitting cross-legged on a swing chair, her pink drink in one hand and her book in another, Nari felt as relaxed as she had felt in Maui.

Taking a deep breath, she looked up to see the Avenida Paseo de la Reforma, all the people walking by, the cars rushing by, a city that never seemed to stop. Her sandwich had been delicious and she was wondering if she should get something sweet, or if it was time to move on. The plan was to take a walk across the bosque and go to the Papalote Museum (she had to see the Ángel de la Independencia made of lego that could be found there), since it was just an over thirty minutes walk and she would get to see that beautiful place before going. Nari leaned into the swing and smiled, but soon surprise adorned her features when she looked up and found a familiar face. “Oh, hi.”

          the weather in mexico city was absolutely stunning, and it would be a waste to spend her time indoors. she’s usually the type to plan ahead before they arrive at the next destination of the tour, ensuring that she would experience all of the things a tourist should, but her time back in seoul with her family left her too exhausted to think of creating an itinerary. yang hyerin is nothing if not adaptable (thankfully) so exploring blind is definitely not an issue. so far she’s done only a little shopping — little, by her standards — and she was due for a much needed pause from all of the walking.

          she swears she’s never been more thankful to see a starbucks, immediately beelining to their line to order some refreshments. as she waits, she takes in the scenery around her for the first time, eyes scanning over the establishment until they land on a familiar face seated just a couple feet away from her. she debates whether or not to say hi, not wanting to disturb her peace, but also doesn’t want to completely ignore her either. once she has her drink and snacks, she cautiously approaches with the intention to not scare her. “hi, funny seeing you here,” she smiles, “you’ve chosen such a pretty place to relax ! i was just about to rest at one of the tables here — would you like to join me? only if you’re comfortable, of course.”

[hiiddens]

xojinnie​:

     normally, jinnie reserved her bare face for behind closed doors. as much as her loved ones and valentines said otherwise, there was a part of the maknae that didn’t feel particularly secure in how she looked. she was getting better about being so critical of herself, especially in the presence of others, but it was still something she struggled with. the biggest issue ( to her ) were her eyes. their naturally sharp features made her seem unintentionally unapproachable at times. their stylists used that fact to craft and enhance the ‘powerful’ jinnie that was seen on stage, but the maknae was always hoping for softer ways to do her makeup offstage. that was exactly how she found herself outside of hyerin and mei’s hotel door, her folded knuckles hovered over the door. if there was someone who would be able to give her good insight, it would be the makeup artist. the braveheart member had been a fan of her youtube channel for years now, and it was still so cool that they’d gotten to know one another more during the length of the tour.

     finally, she knocked and within moments, the door was opened to her. jinnie waved in greeting, offering her friend a smile. “ hyerin-ah. ” the maknae spoke up pleasantly. her eyes turned pleading as she looked at the other. “ are you busy ? i was wondering if you could teach me a softer everyday look… i want to do less winged eyeliner. ”

꒰ ♡ ꒱ — @hiiddens​!

         hyerin absolutely cherishes her time off, as she’s typically forced to run around for different schedules where she’s tasked with doing whoever’s makeup. she loves her work (there’s zero doubt about it) though there’s nothing like having freedom to do what she wants when the time allows, so for today's clear schedule she was planning on staying in for the majority of the day, and then go explore more of the city later in the afternoon. at least that was the original plan, but she still had yet to get ready to go out. an unexpected knock on the door startled her momentarily, definitely not expecting anyone other than mei to come to their shared room. imagine her surprise when she opened the door and it turned out to be braveheart's maknae on the other side !

          sometimes it’s still hard for the young woman to believe she could call her a friend, having admired braveheart since their debut seven years ago. “for you? i’m never busy.” working with and getting to know jinnie over the course of the year was something she had only dreamed of in the past, and she’d help her with anything she ever needed under the assumption it was within her ability to. “a softer look...” she steps aside to let the other in, confusion written all over her face. “i hope you don’t mind me asking, but did someone say something to you? don’t let what they said get to you, you’re cute as is.”

[hiiddens]

          “is that so? should i write that down for next time?” he really shouldn’t joke about it, mostly because she is more than willing to actually execute it. especially now, when she technically has the power to do it — for the sake of this special stage (a poor, false excuse), but also for her own personal amusement. it’s not everyday when she has the ultimate freedom to bring all of her creative ideas to reality. “you’re saying that now, but i have a feeling you will change your mind if i showed you any references i have for this disco ball-esque look.”

          she tries to hide her surprise as he explains himself — not understanding the lack of confidence in himself. she’s seen him perform on stage by himself, one or two of the aforementioned solo songs, and she always thought he did well. his entire group is good at performing, and she only knows from watching their stages through screens backstage, so she had always believed they would excel if they released solo work. “as the saying goes, ‘you’ll never know unless you try.’” she knows she’s not qualified to encourage him, but she knows a thing or two about stepping out of her comfort zone — it’s the whole reason she is even working with him today. “surely there’s no harm in trying it out at least once, right?”

          it became a highlight of her day to see him performing in the store he used to work in. she had only started going into the convenience store when she was running late, knowing she’d miss her bus if she went to the one right by her high school and the last thing she really needed after a hard day in classes was to be reprimanded for being late to her cram school classes. she started checking if he was working too, only stepping in when her eyes would land on his familiar face behind the counter. eventually she started running out of her last class to catch an early bus to see him before her after-school classes rather than after, and finally hold conversations with him before she had to rush to where she really needed to be. what else was a teenage girl in love supposed to do?

          the young girl she used to be is a far cry from who she is now. the quiet and shy girl, almost as if she were afraid of her own shadow, had somehow turned into a larger than life character within the span of seven years. the young hyerin he would’ve known back then wouldn’t have thought of getting hammered the night before an important schedule. she would never indulge in unhealthy habits the way present hyerin does, though she had unhealthy habits of her own of a similar scale. harming the body slowly and gradually, just different executions. surely if yehyun knew the extent of her bad habits, he might question whether or not she was really the same person he knew back then.

          “i’m good,” though she’s well aware of how dubious she sounds. hyerin wouldn’t believe herself either if she was him. in her defence, she really tried her best to hide her poor condition — she’s done it many times before in the past. she also tends to underestimate the status of her state of mind, so perhaps this outcome shouldn’t be a complete surprise to her. she was so quick to ignore the throbbing in her head and her current sensitivity to light, and she only hoped that it would gradually fade over time. it usually does, anyway. instead of trying to rid herself of any evidence that she had been drinking the night more, she should’ve put more work into actually getting rid of the ailments caused by aforementioned drinking.

          turning back to the desk, she searches for her eyelid glue among the products laid out. she will just trudge through this as scheduled, preferably without more small mishaps. “trust me, it’s nothing to worry about.” is she trying to convince him, or convince herself? she’s not really sure either. taking two eyeshadow packing brushes, she dips the tip of one into the glue before painting a very thin layer on his cheekbones — finer glitter acting as a sea of stars. “i just had a rough night, that’s all. i don’t recommend consuming alcohol hours before an early morning schedule.”

"that actually sounds pretty fun, though," never one to be even slightly jealous of glitter, sparkle, or rhinestones, it was hard to definitively say that they were ugly. sure, he didn't like them on his face while dancing or singing – sometimes a big flake would get stuck in a crease and end up pinching him, or the glitter wouldn't come off for days and could still be seen through the next day's foundation. yet even with all of that in mind, it was still easier to perform as indigo's hyun if he didn't feel like himself. make-up was a way to achieve that. perhaps that's why he felt the most comfortable while performing obsession: wild eyeliner, fake gashes, and contact lenses. 

"i mean," no. but it's not like he hasn't thought about it, he has. it was something early-teen yehyun had dreamed about – just him and his guitar – but was quickly shot down when he realized what the industry consisted of. no one was looking for a new kim kwangseok, no one was looking for a voice. they needed energy, dance, variety, all things yehyun had to build to even be considered for indigo. being solo meant that all of that would be his burden to carry. it was comfortable in a group, where he could take on what others couldn't and they could do the same for him. "yeah, not really. i like singing, i like singing a lot, but i could never do promotions alone." 

oh, how embarrassing it was that she remembered; part of him hoped and prayed that hyerin had forgotten. he knew he was a not-bad singer even then, but still, how cringy was it for him to try and win her over by singing boyfriend by justin bieber while at work? in a convenience store, of all places. it's a moment in his life that he still thinks about, late at night when he can't sleep. it's something his brain likes to torture him with. 

in yehyun's defense, though, he did only sing when he knew she would come in. at first, he didn't keep track of her schedule and found himself blindly waiting for that bell to ring and to see her stroll right to the fresh food section. it was after a few weeks he realized when she'd come. yehyun would then catch himself peering out the windows to see if she was coming down the street. sometimes she'd pass by (but look inside), but she'd often come inside to buy her routine items. it took him about a month to build up the courage to bring his guitar to work. as soon as he saw her shoes from underneath the poster hung on the glass wall, the guitar was already on his lap and he pretended like he had been practicing for hours. 

yehyun kept his face still, eyes closed, as she worked on him. how could he lie his way out of that? telling the truth was not an option, "the, uh, the manager, he never came while i worked, so i studied a lot." yeah, that was good. he could only hope that it was believable enough. "i asked about bringing my gui–" the sharp snap of plastic hitting the floor startled him.

he reached down, even though he was far too high to reach the fallen jar, but settled back in his seat once she had it. "are you" – he knew before asking: the little shakes, labored blinks, rough voice. she was anything but – "alright?" yehyun tried to gauge her condition from the look in her eyes, but was unable to. was she sick? a fever? too much to drink? "you're a little out of it today."

[hiiddens]

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖          hellooo now that i’m free to do as i please and not restricted by work, here is my attempt at a STARTER CALL !! i’ve been way slower this weekend than i should’ve been ( blame is on me for forgetting friday & sunday are holidays... ) but now that everything is done i can finally do things ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ if you’re interested in a starter please hit that heart & i’ll get started on it either tonight or tomorrow !!

[hiiddens]

🌞

[hiiddens]

@michelleboyd_studio

[hiiddens]

soulfm​:

ꕥ

it was way too early to be in the midst of the busy venue they were having their first show of the tour at. ren had zero time to get mentally prepared with this many people — idols and staff alike, some familiar. . most definitely not. it was a little unnerving having to share this all with everyone under infinite, he was only used to his band, his staff and any of their other tour regulars that came along to assist them. but he couldn’t let it be known he was this frazzled with blurs of people passing by at every direction — sooner or later, he would have to get used to this as they had more continents and countries to cover with days just like this.

so the guitarist trudged on with a hot chocolate in his hand, following closely behind his manager towards the makeup room. thanking them quietly before they left to rally up the other members and make sure they’re doing what they’re supposed to be. . which means he was left alone, which was fine. he was fine, okay? until he kind of wasn’t. it took a tiny second to even register that maybe his presence wasn’t expected the way this makeup artist thought, throwing him off. glancing around at the perplexed expressions, he blinked and redirected his gaze back at her. “um. . i think i am in the right room.” he replied slowly as he felt the sheepishness creep up inside him, “my — i’m soul. . of tidal. i can show you my k-profile or something.”

          the silence that swept over the room finally registers in her head, sending unexpected shivers down her spine. had she said something wrong? she was just trying to be helpful ! why did everyone stop what they were doing? her eyes began darting between the other perplexed faces — some offended, on behalf of the new presence in the room, probably — hoping one of them would speak up and diffuse the awkward tension in the room she created. her gaze finally lands on him again, still not getting the hint until his words rang through her seemingly empty head.

          soul? soul of tidal? he is soul of tidal?

          “you’re... soul...” shit, shit, shit ! she’s frozen as a deep blush quickly makes itself known on her face, unable to do anything for a moment as the situation really sinks in. will she be fired over this? should she start pleading to let her keep her job? “i— i’m so sorry !!” she begins to bow, ninety-degree and everything, “i didn’t— i just— i really thought—” hyerin is not the type to show embarrassment easily in front of others; she was beyond flustered at this revelation. “i’m sorry... please don’t be offended... i— i don’t know everyone well yet...”

[hiiddens]

          she couldn’t help but to be amused at the apparent turmoil her friend was experiencing — over food, of all things. she covered her mouth to stifle her giggles, gaze travelling back and forth from the older woman’s expression to the papers on the counter. hyerin wasn’t picky at all, and enjoyed all of the options available. “you did your best, thank you for trying,” she teases, patting her shoulder as if consoling her. “i was thinking of adding more options but i’m worried it might cause your brain to overheat.”

          hyerin takes the available seat next to ayoung, taking two of the pamphlets — one for each hand — while nodding quickly at the other’s question. “yes please. as much as possible.” she’s really not much of a drinker, but who is she to turn down a glass when she’s around someone she trusts? she already knows the older woman would stop her if she ever tries to go over her own limit. “italian…” thinking back on it now, when the tour made its stop in milan she was certain that she spent seventy-percent of her free time there eating all that she could — desserts very much included. “alright, you’ve convinced me ! is this a new place?”

– – ｡˚ ˚☽ @hiiddens

➜ ayoung pursed her lips, wiggling from side to side as she glanced down at the pieces of paper strewn about the island in her kitchen. she was deep in thought, causing her nose to scrunch at the bridge and her eyebrows to furrow, giving her an expression much too serious for the situation at hand. "okay, I give up!" she finally announced, a dramatic huff escaping her lips as she fell into the chair next to her. "chinese, indian, Italian. any thoughts?" she turned to the younger woman by her side, hoping she could be more decisive.

she regarded the glass of peach moscato in front of her for a moment before deciding to pour herself a glass. "want one?" she inquired, patting the adjacent chair as she smiled from behind the wine glass. "I think I'm leaning towards italian but that's only because of the dessert options."

[hiiddens]

i changed her theme (still need to fix it a bit) and added a scenario-based section to her plots page if you wanna check that out !! if you ever wanna change plots or add onto ones we have just let me know, as i’ll eventually add more over time ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚ i’ll be online tomorrow (saturday) afternoon and reply to all my im’s on discord and tumblr so i’m really sorry if you’re waiting for me !!!

[hiiddens]

✨💖💫💕

[hiiddens]

❥     uncover.

summary: the atmosphere is so warm ⸻ so why does it feel so icy?

          her parents’ laughter bounces off the walls, echoing all the way to her room. even with her music playing in her headphones at nearly max volume, she could hear them as if they were only feet away.

          it’s almost mocking; like multiple stab wounds to the heart as a reminder she couldn’t join not because she can’t, but a different way of letting her know that she shouldn’t. her parents were masters of making her feel unwelcome in a space that used to comfort her so much, but maybe she's been gone for too long for her room to maintain the same healing effect it once had all those years ago. 

          now, her childhood bedroom remains intact as a reminder that the little girl that once lived here still has scars that have yet to heal. she still exists deep within the strong woman yang hyerin forces herself to be, hidden under shell she continues to harden so no one would hurt her anymore. somehow, regardless of how hard she tries to steel herself in the presence of her parents, it always seems like there’s a crack she doesn’t account for that begins to chip away the longer she stays in the same space as them.

          it’s unfortunate to admit that even without uttering a single word to her, they still manage to destroy all of her defenses and cause her image to crumble in seconds.

          is this how it will always be? what will it take to change this never-ending cycle?

          she only wanted to bask in her parents’ love and affection — was that so wrong for a little girl to want? she could never understand why it was so hard for them to give her a fraction of what they gave to her sister, constantly questioning what she did that had them turning their backs on their youngest when she reached for their hands to hold. she can no longer remember how many nights she spent crying hoping for the answer to make itself known, even if it would be the final nail in the coffin. at least she would have closure, and be able to move on with her life.

          it was hard not to be bitter as she watched her parents immediately warm up to her sister’s husband earlier in the evening, who was previously an outsider up until the moment her sister introduced him as her boyfriend to the family all those years ago. with a tight-lipped smile, she could only watch with disappointment swimming in her eyes as they praised him for his lifestyle and interests. he's ‘the son they always wanted,’ as her father claimed. 

          she can’t be mad at him because he is a genuine person. she, too, wants to join in on praising him if only her pride would allow her.

          this isn’t the first time they have shown love for someone else, but even she knows that their praise is a rare occurrence. it was like a trophy for being worthy of their respect — worthy of the love they only give to those who they can trust to not disappoint them.

          and as someone who isn’t her sister, or even the same caliber in her parents’ eyes, she was never going to be worthy.

          she accepted the fact that she will always be her sister’s antithesis a long time ago, but it doesn’t hurt any less.

          "hyerin.”

          why is her sister’s voice so loud right now? isn’t her volume at max?

          “hyerin.”

          she reluctantly pauses the song, sliding the headphones off her head. “yes?”

          “won’t you come back to join us?”

          no. that is the exact opposite of what she wants and needs right now. spending time in a room full of people who forgot she was in the same house seems like a horrible idea. still, deep down she desperately wants to be close to her sister. maybe she could be selfish for a little bit and keep her here until their parents begin calling for them again. “i think i’m still feeling jet-lagged from the plane ride back home... so i’ll be staying here for the rest of the night.”

          “okay, but you should come downstairs when you feel like it.”

          she watches in horror as her sister turns to leave, jumping off her childhood bed to stop her. “wait !” her sister doesn’t fully turn to her — her heart breaks a little upon seeing the disinterest in the older woman’s eyes — and stops just a foot away from where she was standing at the door. “can’t we talk up here for a bit? there’s so much i want to tell you.”

          her sister doesn’t move from her spot, only turning around to face her. their relationship was never as good as hyerin made it seem to the public, but it was less shameful than to admit that she had no one to call family. still, she always hoped that maybe she was always reading her sister’s expressions wrong the entire time. when her sister eyes her, as if telling her to continue her thoughts, hyerin feels helpless; she’s almost like their parents, except she only feels loving when she wants to be. hyerin never knows when to expect her affection but craves for it all the time.

          “the bracelet you gave me... it really helped me get through some tough days while i was away, you know?” her sister’s eyes soften a little, and she takes it as encouragement to continue. maybe she’s breaking her walls? “i never took it off ! i even added more charms like you suggested, too. to be honest, it was a lot harder to pick out which ones i liked best, they had so many cute ones ! oh, and i even brought you—”

          “what’s taking so you long, yiyeon? we’ve been waiting for you to come back.” her mother’s voice is heard before she rounds the corner, and hyerin immediately shrinks under her gaze. “hyerin, stop bothering your sister.”

          her eyes go wide for a moment, before her eyes travel to her sister. an unreadable expression is on her face again, and the helpless feeling from earlier returns full-force. ‘please say something !’ is what her eyes are silently screaming, however her sister is no longer looking her way. the girl shrinks even more, unable to say the words on the tip of her tongue. why couldn’t her sister be on her side?

          “don’t worry. hyerin was just saying good night to me, and that she was sorry for feeling unwell right now.” her face completely falters, yet she can’t refute her sister’s words — it was an unnecessary, losing battle. her sister finally turns back to her, a gentle expression on her face in spite of the cold words she previously voiced out. why was she requesting for hyerin’s presence if she was going to brush her off like this now? how is it that she stays so hot and cold with her? “she just wanted me to relay the message.”

          nodding, she reaches for the door to close it — she just needed to be alone again. “yes... i’m sorry. it seems like i’m still not used to flying on a plane.” she gives a sheepish grin, regardless if the statement is far from the truth.

          they don’t care.

          “if you’ll excuse me, i’d like to rest now. please enjoy the rest of the evening.”

          she loathes speaking to her family as if they are strangers, so devoid of emotion or care. what can she do when they speak to her the same way? once the door is shut, she turns the lights off and crawls back into her former bed. the tears don’t fall like they used to when her sister did this in the past, but she knows her younger self is crying deep inside. their relationship wasn’t always like this, she’s almost certain, but she can’t remember a time where it wasn’t, either.

          when she finally falls asleep, some hours later after contemplating her life up until this moment (as spending time around her family usually makes her question all of the choices she’s ever decided to make), she’s unable to sleep peacefully. she’d love nothing more but to dream, wanting to be as far from reality as she possibly could be, though unfortunately the night has other plans.

          she wakes just before sunrise, and as if she were in a trance, she begins packing her things. she doesn’t even know why she decided to come here, where she only feels uncomfortable and unguarded.

          then again, she never has the heart to deny her sister. after all these years, hyerin still longs for her affection too.

          hopefully this will be the last time — she’s uncertain if she can trust her heart.

          she leaves as soon as she can, finally feeling like she can breathe comfortably once she’s in an uber, heading farther and farther from her ‘family’ and closer to the sun, where she feels real warmth for the first time in forty-eight hours.

[hiiddens]

          she’s aware that one of his most captivating features are his cat-like eyes, but for once it’s not the main focus in today’s look. it’s typical for makeup artists to bring attention to the eyes — especially for televised stages, where eye-contact with the cameras is a must — though she wanted to bring more attention to the centre of his face with constellations made of glitters and rhinestones decorating his cheekbones. under the assumption that it is being recorded, she isn’t very sure as to how it would look on video. she didn’t necessarily think about the stage lights shining down on him either, but that’s something she can worry about another time. she can have fun this one time, right? she finishes with the simple eyelining, using a fluffier brush to soften the edges of her work. ��if you want, i could make you look like a disco ball.”

          only three are considered official? that’s… embarrassing to not know. it makes her feel like a bad friend; she’ll make a mental note to catch up on their discography another day. “i see… would you ever want to release more solo work, though? obviously i wouldn’t know how hard the process is, but it sounds like fun.” she can only assume that most idols would want to release solo work eventually. all artists are attracted to the idea of creating masterpieces of their own. moonlight? it only sounds familiar, but she doesn’t let him know that — he doesn’t need to know that, because she doesn't want him wondering why.

          it's undeniable that the song is beautiful, at least from the snippet that she gets to hear from him. his voice is also (undeniably) pretty, though her mind is focusing in on the lyrics. she has half a mind to ask who it might be about, curious as to what happened for him to write something so heartbreaking. she already knows it isn't her — no, there's absolutely no way he was ever interested in her back then — so she can't help but want to know. the question doesn't leave her lips, however, realizing it may be awkward to ask. could she consider them close enough for him to tell her?

          "i hear you sing during the tour, but now that i get to hear it up close like back then, your voice has improved a lot." he didn't sound bad all those years ago in the past either, which is why he gets to sing his heart out on stage for millions to see. "you have always been talented," she smiles softly, "though i'm not sure how you got away with singing while working so many times." was she allowed to joke about it with him? was that something he wanted to remember? she loved hearing him sing back then, and it'll always remain as a fond memory for her.

          going back to her work at hand, it has come to the moment she's been eagerly waiting for. well, almost. thankfully it's easy to apply a bit of blush to bring life back to his face, and contour just to make his jawline stand out more (she knows his fans will thank her later). once she's finished, she turns back to her station to collect the next products needed for this masterpiece in the making: glitter. it may be the bane of his existence, however it just so happens to be her favourite ally.

          well... usually it is. the small jar was in between her fingers for a second, and then in a moment of weakness it had slipped out of her grasp. thankfully the lid was still on tight. "s — sorry about that. i'm not sure what came over me !" she chuckles awkwardly, trying to sweep it under the rug, "even if something happened to this one, i got more waiting to be used."

yehyun continued to sit still, peaking an eye open every time he felt untouched for more than a few seconds. he could never gauge just how much had been applied or when it'd be finished – every make-up artist he came across had a different approach: some would barely cover the mole under his eye, others would cake a base so thick he couldn't smile without it leaving lines, and some seemed to touch him just because they could. hyerin wasn't like that. it felt as if she didn't even see him; instead he was just a canvas, an object. and he liked that about her. "i regret bringing it up," his curiosity begged him to ask, but he was afraid of opening that door and letting her live out whatever twisted fantasy she was thinking of. and giving her any ideas – especially about how much he hated tightlining – would not be good for him.

"a lot of solos?" he laughed. "i lead a lot of songs, but don't have that many by myself," it kind of hurt that she didn't know. it could make sense – she is busy and there are so many other artists out there – but that fact still felt like a sharp sliver under his skin. "there are only three official ones, and a couple covers they let me do during concerts," yehyun sometimes had a small sense of greed that never quite manifested fully; he'd like to sing more songs alone, but he didn't crave that type of recognition nor glory. "but if you know moonlight, it's that one," giving up the name of the song should have been nothing, and it was. but giving up the name of the song also meant that the lyrics would be on full display if her heart ever dared to pry into his own past affection for her.  

after moon yehyun had ended that surely one-sided love, he saw her everywhere. 'yang hyerin' was written on billboards, taunting him. her face had morphed into those of shopping mall models, youtube advertisements, and sometimes a passing stranger on the street. she would even visit him in his dreams, an ethereal light parting through her hair. she'd take his breath away as punishment. yehyun would wake up in a cold sweat of regret and try to slow his beating chest. 

it was after one of those dreams when he finally decided to write down a lyric: it's not you who flew to me at night. because it wasn't. it was his image of her – the idealized version that he'd grown to cherish. it was a fake love that he destroyed when saying goodbye to the real yang hyerin; the slight tremble of her shoulders when they parted ways had to have been his imagination, too.

at seventeen, moon yehyun would have dropped everything he had just to calm the worries in a sigh she made. at twenty-four, he was a lot more cautious. a request? see, singing wasn't an issue; there were very few situations where it was awkward for him to do so. it was the contents of the song that posed one too many questions, questions he couldn't answer (at least not truthfully). hyerin listening to the song on her own? "no, i'll sing it," a few lines were direct reiterations of their past; she'd recognize it, yehyun was sure of it. but if he sang instead of letting her have freedom, he could control where and when to stop. 

yehyun pulled out his phone, "i'll, uh, sing the first chorus and a little bit after." he scrolled through the instrumental version of the song and sang, trying to not remember what he felt all those years ago.

[hiiddens]

caught in the middle // paramore