hiimalex

[hiimalex]

Tw for self-harm

Dont read if the talk of self-harm makes you uncomfortable

Or if cringe makes you uncomfortable lol

Starscream made me change my mind on self-harming.

Last night I was feeling frustrated and upset. I asked my mom to leave me alone, which, long story short, she has a history of disrespecting my boundaries. I'm not going to trauma dump too much since this isn't what this post is about. But, long story short, her reaction (which was really negative) to me asking to be left alone, made me feel hopeless and worthless. It made me want to punish myself for existing.

So, I got up, planning to use a pushpin to scratch my arms with. You see, I keep all of my keychains hanging on pushpins that I have lined up on my wall. The keychain I took off was this small Starscream plush I had.

And the second I held that plush in my hand, a thought ran through my head. "Would Starscream like it if you harmed yourself?" I see Starscream as a father figure. Fictional father figure obviously, but a comfort character nonetheless. I imagined him getting upset/angry at me for even daring thinking about hurting myself in such a way.

And, it worked. The idea of Starscream getting upset at me, prevented me from relapsing again. I'm now four days clean as of today. And I hope it'll turn into more than a year like it used to be.

I know Starscream is a fictional character, but damn, bro low-key inspired me.

[hiimalex]

Stickers are covering my Starscream

Still not getting the hang of outlining without it looking messy, but, I feel as though I am improving in a way.

Unfortunately I still don't have a pencil (erasable obviously) so I'm still relying on a coloring pencil to make the sketch lol

Also for some reason my goofy ass gave the star stickers an orange border???? Literally 90% of stickers have a white border. I'm so fucking goofy I swear.

If you like this art, please like or reblog it! I would really appreciate it :]

[hiimalex]

FINALLY FINISHED THIS

I started this a month ago, but due to working on other projects and other factors, I couldn't get it finished until as of recent.

The design is an adoptable by MagicClan on Deviantart.

Please reblog or like if you like my art. I would really appreciate it and it would make me feel like my hard work on my art isn't all for nothing. :]

[hiimalex]

vent

holy fuck I hate myself

I hate myself

I'm literally useless and unimportant to so many people. "We care about you." Not as much as I care about you. Never. All I want is reassurance and yet I can't get that anymore. The last straw was when I asked if I'm overly dependent and only one person fucking responded. I take silence as an answer. I always do. Ive been taking silence as an answer for a while now. Every single time I mentioned feeling unimportant or boring. And I barely got any reassurances. I took that silence to heart. Every. Single. Time.

I'm hurting. If I'm so hated and so under valued then just fucking tell me. Just be honest. Just tell me you just see me as some kind of acquaintance. Tell me you see me annoying. Tell me you see me as too much.

So many people barely care if I were to go silent without warning. Only one or two people care. I'm tired of it. Tired of it.

I'm not even asking for your time 24/7. I just want to be valued and loved as much as I can value and love somebody.

For now, I'll just imagine Ratchet or Starscream comforting me. That's what I always do. Going into my daydreams to imagine myself as somebody intelligent and or powerful, or seeking comfort from fictional characters.

[hiimalex]

yes. Yes it is. It is a terrible cock die picture in the corner.

The other day while I was cleaning off my dresser, I finally put the voting stickers I got into my sticker collection book (It was my first time ever voting and my mother knew I am a sticker collection so she asked the lady handing them out to give me a roll of them)

And well,

I accidentally created a Starscream propaganda poster

vote for Starscream today

[hiimalex]

He is so cute 💔

[hiimalex]

Intersex pride flag octopus

Based on blue ring octopi

If you like my art, reblogs and likes are appreciated :]

[hiimalex]

A huge reason why I love Ratchet so much is because he helped me get over my fear of doctors

No medical trauma or anything, I just had an innate fear of the doctors or any medical places at all for that manner. For YEARS whenever I had to go to the doctor, I would feel this horrible sense of dread or I would be worried the doctor would hurt me for some reason (again, don't know what caused this fear haha).

But then I started to imagine Ratchet being the one to check me out, or do any procedures, or prescribe me medicine, ORRR be the one to take care of me after any procedures. After each dental procedure I had last year, I would imagine it was Ratchet himself taking care of me. Shit low-key helped me not feel miserable while healing from my two wisdom tooth removals. Whenever I had to go to the doctor last year, I would imagine that Ratchet was the doctor I'd be going to see. Now granted, I did make a human form for him, to make it so the poor guy wouldn't have to fit himself into a building much too small for him, it still helped immensely with getting rid of my medical fear.

[hiimalex]

It was so cool seeing him

He literally said, "Hello Pride humans." and then he put on a really cool flight show for everyone.

Love him ❤️💙

yooooo look who showed up at pride

[hiimalex]

The other day while I was cleaning off my dresser, I finally put the voting stickers I got into my sticker collection book (It was my first time ever voting and my mother knew I am a sticker collection so she asked the lady handing them out to give me a roll of them)

And well,

I accidentally created a Starscream propaganda poster

vote for Starscream today

[hiimalex]

For the ones who have a crush on and or view Starscream as a comfort character

I am somebody who views Starscream as a comfort character. Notably as a father figure? How? ....I honestly don't know. When I watched Transformers Prime for the very first time, my brain just immediately latched onto him. The only Starscream I am familiar with that I do not see as a father figure, is Transformers Animated Starscream. ANYWAYS

I am currently feeling very on-edge thinking of an IRL friend of mine. I won't go into detail, but let's just say I have a bad gut feeling about them.

So, I came up with a scenario, for myself, and decided to share it;

If you're every feeling on-edge, unsafe, and or uncomfortable. Then Starscream will come to you if you wish, swoop down, grab you, and place you into his cockpit (he's in jet mode). He will then fly you around in the skies (at your preferred speed of course), making you feel safe since the thing or person that was making you feel that way, is unable to get to you. Starscream, as, brash as he is, is able to care for beings other than himself and you happen to be one of them. Lucky you. Now enjoy that jet ride. :]

[hiimalex]

Demiboy Mantis

Where is one of his legs???

Hes a demiboy remember?...

[hiimalex]

Genderfaun deer

Get it? GenderFAUN

FAWN

.. .I'm sorry

Also fun fact, I myself, am genderfaun

Genderfaun is a form of genderfluidity where somebody is fluid only between male/masculine and nonbinary genders.

[hiimalex]

heck nonbinary opossum

Im tired AF. Barely anybody is gonna see this, so...

Nonbinary people cool af 👍

[hiimalex]

If you know you know

[hiimalex]

aromantic pride flag themed shoebill

I may have a bit of bias here. Considering I am aromantic and shoebill is my favorite bird.

Anyways happy pride month to my fellow aromantic people!

Some reminders:

Aromantic means LITTLE to NO romantic attraction. So if you're questioning whether or not you're aromantic due to having one or two crushes in the past, you still can be.

Aromantic people are a part of the LGBT+ community just like anyone else is. They fall under the A in the full typed-out acronym.

Aromantic people are not loveless freaks. They're able to love friends. Love family. Love themselves (self-love is important). Romantic love isn't the only type of love out there.

[hiimalex]

So, if Megatron likes Donald Trump...

...Do you think he would find the Elon Musk x Donald Trump break up memes funny?

Or or

He would low-key be kinning Donald Trump because of his break up with Optimus Prime (Elon Musk)