i keep wanting to buy more toys for Cyrus to play with but then i remember i might be handing him over to my apprentice in like. six to eight months. and i just keep getting images in my head of giving him this BOX full of toys like im selling a dog instead of an overly intelligent and easily bored hawk
today i am thinking about what we leave behind. in the store, on all of the bath mats, someone has drawn a heart or left a handprint. in the pen aisle, each page of the test paper is covered in names and little drawings and fuck covid and over and over again - hello hello hello hi hello. on the street i live, three houses have perfect hopscotch lanes carefully transcribed with rules and everything - jump here! now do a spin! graffiti of a deer on the side of a building, names scrawled into setting concrete. initials carved into park bench seats.in the bathroom, in silver sharpie - i hope you’re okay out there. i love you, you’re beautiful, keep trying. geocached tubes of trinkets, jackets left out in case somebody needs it. a note on my windshield - closed your door it was a little open have a great day and stay safe! my friends and i, fully grown adults, build a sandcastle on the edge of the ocean.
inside of returned schoolbooks. inside of little secret pockets. hi hello hello hello. what a beautiful calling. you and i are in different times, and will never meet, but here is the greeting i’d owe you. if you never get to see this person, what do you say? hello! i love you. be good out there. be safe.
if you miss someone who does not miss you, or who is no good for you, or is unattainable, take all the love you once felt for them and spread it around other places. put your love in worthwhile people and things, turn the romance in to passions for hobbies or admiration for others- enrich your own life. focus on yourself and those who actively make you happy.