hillary-clintorus

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Pov I'm in your Grindr radar and I'm choking you

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as a cis guy, when presented with the "99% you get a ton of money, 1% you turn into a girl" it honestly would be dumb to not hit that button until it breaks. like ok now i have 100 bajillion dollars and gender dysphoria. big deal. i have all the money in the world to turn me back into a guy. like with that kind of money i could have obama do me a phalloplasty. he wouldnt be able to do it as he isnt a surgeon but the point still stands

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My skills include getting oddly shaped sunburns and being a cutie patootie

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I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"

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Stop Using Spotify.

(source 1, source 2)

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embraced by mama's serpentine neck...

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Bootyful 🍑

Nothing like a good booty bop on a rock!

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First one up after guys night to take care of something ⛺️

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can I come over and just sleep on top of you

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She loves that toy☺️

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Dude my coworker left a scrumptious cookie unattended

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this is so fucking funny