himbodiaz

[himbodiaz]

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[himbodiaz]

hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad

[himbodiaz]

highly recommend getting concussed as a method of fully getting over a breakup

[himbodiaz]

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i wrote this when i was journaling yesterday and like. yeah that’s it

Whoever my forever partner is would never think me uncaring or cold, when I’m just sad and protecting myself. They would understand that the less I say, the sadder I feel, the more hurt I am. Because I save the trust of my vulnerability for when I am feeling safe. And doing the one thing I explicitly said would hurt me would make me feel so hurt and unsafe, that the way I act would be just me doing what I could to ensure that I could still function.

They would understand that breaking my trust so severely would completely cut them off from any vulnerability. Any reaction they got would just be a series of acts of emotional self-preservation. And they would not see me as cold, but as sad, and hurt, and scared.

Anyway. idk why i’m sharing but i think i just need it Out There

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actually just realized i deserve to be with someone who doesn’t think me cold and uncaring when i shut down bc they broke my trust and now don’t want to share how im feeling or fight with them. i deserve someone who understands such a fundamental part of me

[himbodiaz]

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actually just realized i deserve to be with someone who doesn’t think me cold and uncaring when i shut down bc they broke my trust and now don’t want to share how im feeling or fight with them. i deserve someone who understands such a fundamental part of me

[himbodiaz]

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you don’t get to say you miss me and that it’s weird we don’t talk anymore when you are the one that broke things off and don’t want to be friends again.

[himbodiaz]

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i’m just so MAD and SAD because like. i was more or less over and done mourning the relationship. and now i have to go and grieve our friendship. it would have hurt less if she didn’t say she missed me and made me hope that maybe we could at least fix that. and then she went and told me she didn’t want to be friends anyway. after asking me to reassure her through our whole relationship that we’d still be friends afterward.

it feels like i didn’t act how she expected me to in our conversation and so she’s just punishing me for it.

and the way she said it is making me feel like maybe i’m not worth the effort that any person had to put into a friendship with me. and sure maybe that’s not true but it doesn’t feel like it. and it just sucks because i HATE doubting myself.

i’d rather hold onto my anger from the weekend, but instead i’m just SAD

[himbodiaz]

People in age bracket 25-29 you need to listen to Let It Rock by Kevin rudolf ft lil Wayne again cause you forget yourself

[himbodiaz]

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you do not get to tell me you miss me and then tell me you don’t want to be friends in the exact same way you told me you wanted to break up. you don’t get to manipulate me into being vulnerable after i told you i didn’t trust you. you don’t get to treat me with zero compassion. you don’t get to ignore that you lied to me and did the one thing i asked you not to do.

you don’t get to cause this aching sadness in me. i hope one day someone treats you the way you treated me and no one cares.

cruel and mean-spirited are the two words i can think of to describe how our conversations went

[himbodiaz]

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i am twenty five years old im a licensed registered teacher im an adult with a career i’m too old to be doing the whole guessing game of what song you posted your story and what you reposted on your tiktok to figure out if you want to hear from me or not!!!!! if you have something to say just say it to me oh my GOD

[himbodiaz]

im just listening to hunger games video essays and doing my logic puzzle what do you MEAN bobby dying?????????

[himbodiaz]

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god what is it about me and the 3/4 month mark that just. makes people breakup with me. what is it about that amount of time that people decide they’ve had enough of whatever we’re doing. like is that the point where you get past the idea of me? or the excitement of a new relationship? and the reality sets in? and then they realize that ultimately i’m unwantable.

and i hate hate hate even the thought of talking to my friends about it. bc essentially ALL of them are in long-term, committed, like gonna get married, relationships. and ive never even had one make it to a year. there just something so lonely and sad about being the one person out of all your friends that’s alone. i don’t mind being alone, or doing things by myself. i always have. but fuck i’m so lonely. and i just. can’t see it ever changing.

god i hate this.

[himbodiaz]

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i know i’m going to be okay. but things just feel so awful right now. it just feels like everyone i talk to doesn’t Get It or Get what i’m saying. and i’m not a sad person, im not the sad friend. but i just feel so alone in this, in a way i really haven’t before. and the two people who Could be there for me, who would get it, can’t. because of one circumstance or another.

it just sucks because i’m not normally someone who Needs other people. i’m generally genuinely comfortable and happy with how i handle things on my own, even being sad. but this i can’t seem to get a grip on by myself, but i also can’t share it with anyone else so i’m just. stuck with being sad

[himbodiaz]

having a very public breakdown on tumblr is actually quite noble and should be respected

[himbodiaz]

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[himbodiaz]

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[himbodiaz]

me and @himbodiaz are not watching but we are perceiving, and

i guess my buddie couples therapy fic was meant to be written NOW?