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A Cure for What Ails Ya: A Review/Impression of Kumail Nanjiani’s “The Big Sick”

Before I begin, I figure it’d be a nice time to explain one thing about myself: I am that guy you see in every “loser rom-com”. I think I’m funny, sociable and maybe even sweet in some awkward, nerdy way. And, truthfully, I relate quite a bit with these main characters and their struggles to win the heart of a significant other, and maybe learn a little something about themselves along the way. I’ve never been lucky, or brave, or confident enough, to pursue romance, but I’ve watched a helluva lot of these amazing/boring/derivative/original stories. Because, truthfully, the rom-com is a simple formula: person meets person, and the two go on a journey of love and growth. There have been dozens of variations of the simple formula of two characters who, at their core, are in love with each other, and through this love, go on a journey. Sometimes the journey leads to a happily ever after, with kids, successful career, white-picket fence...pets. Sometimes, it ends with both characters separating and becoming better people, only to eventually reunite. Sometimes, they don’t even reunite and go on to live completely different lives. And sometimes, amidst all these formulas, these tropes and archetypes, you find a winning recipe. A unique take, a unique perspective on something that has been trod across for decades at this point. It is good to know that there is still world-record recipes to be discovered out there in the world, and The Big Sick is one of the best I’ve seen. You should see it, too, if you’ve been in love, or had friends, or, well, a beating heart. Anyway! 

The Big Sick tells the story of Kumail Nanjiani, a Pakistani-American who immigrated to the big U.S. when he was a teenager with his family. Right off the bat, you are introduced to Kumail and his life (Uber-Driver, Stand-Up, Slacking Son all with dreams of one day succeeding in the cut-throat world of stand-up comedy), his family and their habit of introducing him with arranged marriage candidates, his friends, also struggling stand-ups, and one-night stand turned girlfriend, Emily. All of this is done to introduce us to a roster of lovable, unique and relatable supporting characters that revolve around Kumail’s life of struggle and uncertainty. The movie takes its time to truly live in Kumail’s life and takes a focus on two avenues: his blossoming romance with Emily, and his family’s expectations of him to remain faithful to his culture, his heritage and his religion, all of which Kumail struggles with. The movie does an excellent job of displaying and explaining Pakistani customs, including history, pass-times, culture and even main exports (cotton and cement), while blending it with the life of the American single: a life of apartments, struggling to pay bills and build a life and friendship serving as both support and comfort. These two cultures, American-Single and Traditional-Pakistani do a wonderful job of breathing life into Kumail’s stand-up and observations, providing both story and evidence to something often relegated to background or a brief joke. Never in the movie does it come across as window dressing or sub-plot: these cultures are infused and displayed proudly, embraced and criticized and ruminated upon throughout, and even used to further develop a rapport with audience and character.

So, while this is definitely a movie about culture, it is also a movie about something that transcends culture: love. Kumail meets Emily, a young woman attending grad school in hopes of becoming a therapist. Immediately, the contrasts between the two are presented: male to female, slacker to career-mind, Pakistani to American, but prove to be little in the way of love. Despite protests and jokingly made decisions to never see other, the two fall in love. A beautiful, simple and often adorable love, the two are not without flaws, and these flaws are never shunned or dressed up, but presented straight. Kumail lies and is often silently agreeable to his parents demands to attend arranged marriage dinners, while Emily is often in denial about their relationship. Still, their love wins out for the most part, until the movie takes a turn for the dramatic: breakup, recovery, and then, the title of the movie, The Big Sick arrives. Emily is rendered comatose after an infection, and Kumail meets her parents, something that was a point of contention between the two. Emily’s parents, portrayed amazingly by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter as nervous, passionate and concerned and confrontational, are complex humans who, nonetheless, start to build a relationship with Kumail. Things spiral out from there. Characters grow. Plots thicken. Sickness pervades the story. Dreams rise and die. But to get further in would be a spoiler, and honestly, I’d be doing a disservice to the film to spoil it for you: instead, take solace in that the movie does not pull punches in drama or comedy, and instead, binds the two into a tale of love and all the complexities that come about from culture clash, awkward situations, and perceptions.

The movie, I feel, does an excellent job at portraying what all movies try to do, or at least, the ones that care about their audience: tell a story that is both human, and extraordinary. Characters reveal deep-seated complexities and beliefs that paint a full picture of each cast member. We learn of Kumail’s insecurities with connecting with his parent’s culture, of Emily’s struggles in high school and with her illness, of Terry and Beth, Emily’s parents, and the struggles they’ve faced in raising a daughter, marriage in the modern age, and with their own tumultuous romance. And it is through these different facets that the movie reveals a simple truth: history, culture and family all help create who we are, who we will be, and who we were, but truly, we are all united by these factors. Kumail and Terry, in particular, display a bromance for the ages, with both reaching catharsis through communication and comedy. Kumail and Beth, meanwhile, close the gap from open disdain and reluctance, to mutual assistance, to friend and beyond. And through their struggles in dealing with the stress, terror and pressure of the Big Sick, they come together and draw strength from each other. It is in these scenes of communication and earnest, open honesty that truly sets “The Big Sick” apart from rom-coms, which often times skirt the surface of human romance to focus on saccharine-sweet montages and pointless drama about he-said, she-said or “who has the meaner parents”.

Of course, like anybody, the movie also thrives in its depiction of the complexity of family. Beth and Terry are portrayed as loving parents and good people, who aside from an initial stand-offish appraoch to Kumail, are people I would love to have in my family. While flawed (Terry is a timid man and Beth is fierce and overly-judgmental), neither of them come across as insufferable, shallow or prejudiced. The hostility they show is portrayed as a human reaction to  a perceived harm done (In this case, Emily’s romantic relationship and the abrupt end of it), rather than an outright disdain for those different from them. It is in this strange, but sweet, situation that “The Big Sick” carves off a new, unique territory. Kumail’s own parents are also portrayed as strict and burdened with high-expectations, but nonetheless love and support their son. And while their is a scene with them that comes off as overly harsh and, in a way, heartless, it is resolved with humor and humanity and love, as the movie accomplishes in stride. The role of parent, and the relationship with children, is best summarized by a quote from Terry, spoken in Romano’s deep, nasally tone that lends both sincerity and humanity to the statement: 

“Loving someone this much, as a parent, is terrible...it sucks. Love isn’t easy...that’s why they call it love.”

And, honestly, that’s what “The Big Sick” is about: for all its humor, drama, commentary and struggle, it is a story about love. Love for family. Romantic love. Love for friends. Love for what one does. Self-love (Not that kind, silly) and even the anger and hate that comes from love. And not only is this a story about love. It’s a GREAT story about love. And honestly, in the political and social climate that, as I write this, pervades and suffuses itself into every aspect of American culture, it is nice to a see a movie about love that transcends borders, cultures, beliefs and hate. And does it with style, grace and humor. If you are looking for a deep, earnest and complex depiction of love and human interaction, then look no further: The Big Sick is the cure for what ails ya (See what I did there? I worked the title into the ending paragraph. Nice). 

Thanks for reading!

TL;DR: The Big Sick is a great movie and this gif above summarizes my opinion on it quite accurately. Hopefully, this won’t be the last movie Mr. Nanjiani pens with his wife, because if they can tell this extremely personal and intimate story, I look forward to whatever other stories they can create together.

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Counting Mummies Before They Hatch: A Critical Look at The Mummy, The “Dark Universe”, and Modern Blockbuster Bull!@#%

There has been plenty of controversy, criticism and commentary surrounding Universal Pictures’ latest smash-hit failure, The Mummy (2017). Whether it be around the decision to spring-board an entire “spooky Marvel” universe off of a pretty legitimately bad movie, casting an aging movie star as the “Face of the Dark”, or even criminally under-using the one saving grace of this movie (The titular Mummy, and truthfully, she’s quite bad. She’s just the least bad in this stinker.), it is not difficult to find a treasure trove of hate for this film. But, unfortunately, I had to sit through this, and frankly, if I had to suffer, so do all of you. That’s the way it works, that’s how it should be, that’s how the world learns not to give these people money. So, please, come down this deep, dark, dank and disconcerting path with me, and maybe, you’ll learn a thing or two. Probably not, but it might be fun. Ahem.

So, before we begin, let’s just take a look at this movie’s stats. It’s got a 16% on Rotten Tomatoes, with the average rating being a low 4, and a pretty sad viewer satisfaction rating. It cost $125 MILLION DOLLARS, and probably more with the tendency for Hollywood to hide advertising budgets, and has made almost $200 million worldwide. Thankfully, that’s not a lot of money, and this Dark Universe may be, much like a zombie or vampire or Frankenstein’s Monster, dead on arrival. One could only hope, because this movie is loaded with problems that money simply cannot solve. Let’s start with the biggest problem I had with this movie: Every. Single. Thing.

The movie opens up with a relatively cliche villain origin: person destined for greatness has their greatness stolen away by an unforeseen circumstances. In this case, it’s an “Egyptian Princess wiped from the History Books ON PURPOSE!?” who was going to inherit the title of “Pharaoh” from her father. That is, until he gets freaky with a concubine and has a lil’ baby boy. Naturally, due to the patriarchal society of Ancient Egypt, the Princess is removed from the line of inheritance, and decides to kill everyone and become the harbinger of the Death God. Within a day, she strips nude, kills some guys, kills her Dad and finally, kills a lil’ baby boy with a wicked-bone knife. Afterwards, she gets mummified and becomes the titular Mummy. This set-up isn’t the most original thing in cinema history, but it’s main risk is casting a relatively unknown actress as the Villain (treated more as comedic eye-candy) of the big blockbuster. The only thing that surprised me was the baby murder. That was a lil’ extreme for a PG-13 movie. They might’ve wanted to put that in the warnings: Violence, half-naked mummies and baby murder. Moving on!

Tom Cruise and That Guy from New Girl spend 10 minutes yelling at each other while explosions go off. Then the explosions stop and a Hot Generic Blonde Lady shows up and yells at them. Tom Cruise goes through a midlife crisis involving stealing things and poor performance in bed. They then find the Egyptian princess tomb in modern day Iraq. Which...you know...its a tomb, so those Egyptian dude-architects might’ve just spent a few decades carving a nice tomb for a regicidal mummy-monster. Like...yeah. They really did revere the prisoner they were trying to entomb for crimes against her family and the country. Anyway, after this, That Guy from New Girl yells some more and becomes a zombie. There’s another boring action scene involving a plane. People fall out of the plane after That Guy from New Girl, or just TGNG from now on, stabs a few dudes and, comically, gets a gat popped in his face a few time. He comes back as a zombie after some ravens destroy a plane by flying into it. Tom Cruise dies?

Tom Cruise didn’t die. But he’s marked as a super sexy husband for Mummy. Things happen for a bit in really badly shot,badly explained and badly written scenes where Hot Blonde explains that Mummy is, once again, Egyptian Princess who got wiped from the History Books. They repeat this...five times, afterwards, because modern audiences don’t understand something unless you. Repeat. It. Fifty. Times. In. One Hour. So, after the basic plot of the movie is explained for the third time by the same character, TGNG is a zombie and yells at Tom Cruise in a lady’s bathroom. Tom Cruise decides to go stop the Mummy by going to look at her so he can prove she’s not real.

This fails. So, instead, there’s a comic scene where zombies try to help Mummy in a weird sex-ritual thing where Tom Cruise’s fifty-year old pecs are CGIed into being “decent” instead of “Oh god stop please I beg you”. Then, Mummy gets kidnapped and somehow becomes a damsel in distress for a few scenes. The villainess is damsel’d by Dr. Jekyll, and for some reason, Hot Blonde wants to release the Mummy instead of just imprisoning her. They repeat the plot again. This time, Tom Cruise needs to die because it might make the Mummy go away. Tom Cruise then fights Russell Crowe for a lil’ bit, and it turns out that Russell Crowe is actually Dr. Jekyll. Anyway, after they fight, The Mummy makes a spider free her. Then London explodes for a lil’ bit.

After London explodes, there’s a few more scenes but it basically boils down to The Mummy killing Hot Blonde after explaining the plot. A-gain. AGAIN. THEY DO IT AGAIN AND THEN TOM CRUISE PSEUDO-EVOLVES INTO A MUMMY. They fight for a few seconds. Mummy loses. Tom Cruise goes to the Desert for a bit with non-Zombie TGNG (he comes back after Tom Cruise resurrects him with Hybrid-Mummy powers and they become an adventuring duo) while Dr. Jekyll explains to Hot Blonde that Tom Cruise Will Return in the Monster-Vengers. The movie ends. I resist the urge to swear off all hope in mankind.

I really wish I was this mummy-skeleton now, because then at least I’ll be in the Egyptian World of the Dead, chillin’ with pharaohs and maybe the brains being pulled through my nose with hooks during the mummification process removed my memories of this movie. I doubt it, though, because I’m still alive and breathing. Anyway, let’s get on with the criticism, and also, my personal opinion on why this trend of “trailer-movies” need to come to a violent and bitter end.

1. Counting Mummies Before They Hatch (And Also Before the Audience Gives A Crap About Them)

    My main criticism of this movie comes from how clearly it is striving to do one thing that no movie should ever strive to do: set up a million sequels. Usually, a blockbuster only really needs to do four things to be considered a success by the audience and the studio:

Tell a complete story. Have a beginning, a middle and an end. t

Portray an interesting setting that is both visually and emotionally interesting.

Wrangle some decent actors, give them a character, and let the character develop into something the audience and root for or even come to admire.

Make a lot of money so they can do it all again three or four more times.

  Unfortunately for The Mummy, it fails to do any of these things, aside from maybe a bit of the first point. Instead, the movie moves from set-piece to exposition to set-piece to exposition to set-piece to exposition to a shoddy climax. This is, in my opinion, painfully obvious that the studio wanted to shove this one out as quickly as possible to make a quick buck and continue to pump these movies out. While The Mummy is getting trounced at the domestic box office to everyone’s favorite Princess of Themyscira, it is doing decently on the world stage. Which is bad. It means more might be made. More zombie-films staggering out of a tomb-studio to gnaw away the brains we so cherish and adore. Not the ones on screen. The ones in our very skulls!

   For you see, this movie does not try to tell a complete story. It is not the story of a daring thief/army ranger (Wut) and his wacky sidekick. It is not the story of a clandestine, CIA-esque agency hunting down monsters. It is not a young woman struggling to achieve power and respect in an ancient, patriarchal society. It is not the story of a modern woman striving to become a respected archaeologist. The movie has elements of these, they are present and visually represented, but honestly, nothing feels or seems complete. By the end of the movie, every character is barely changed: Tom Cruise now has vaguely defined Mummy powers, his friend is a resurrected zombie, and its revealed that the young damsel in distress is still very much a damsel in distress. And the titular Mummy? She’s put in liquid carbonite for the inevitable sequel that I’m sure the screen-writers are furiously penning as I type these words. None of these characters have a satisfying arc, a payoff, a narrative beyond these basic elements, and thus, by the end of the movie, you feel as if you’ve seen nothing occur.

   What’s worst, however, is how blatant this movie is trying to set up future movies. Instead of picking one of its meandering plot threads and delivering an arc and a climax, it just sets up future movies. More time is spent on showing off the Monster CIA’s monster-vault, such as a vampire skull and a skeletal arm covered with fur, than developing a character that the audience can relate to or invest in. All Tom Cruise does in this movie is look old and confused, and hit on girls half his age, while a one-eyed zombie tells bad jokes and quips about spooky zombies whilst being one. Which brings me to the main point of this segment: The studio is so obsessed with their Dark Universe that they barely care about how they get there. What they see is a Marvel-record business streak, and not the steps and plans and struggles that Marvel went through for the decade+ they took setting up their much-vaunted shared movie universe. So, what’s left is a shambling corpse of a movie with no characters or interesting plot, instead of a mummy-emperor dominating our minds and wallets, craving for anything they give us to sate our undead-need for entertainment/sustenance.

   If this DARK UNIVERSE wants to succeed, it needs to have two things : Tone and Theme. This movie isn’t a comedy, an action, a drama, a horror. It’s a Frankenstein’s Monster of every movie genre, moving from quips to poorly shot action to CGI armies to a spoopy scene in a damp, dank hallway, then back to quips. Thus, instead of getting a bit of everything, you get nothing: no scares, no thrills, no tension, no hyucks, nothing. Zip. Nada. Nuh-sing. So, what does an audience get when they go see a DARK UNIVERSE movie? Hell if I know. It could be a comorroramation movie filled with poor CGI and worse writing. So, to give an example, here is a scene to scene breakdown of how ten minutes pass in The Mummy

-Baby gets murdered with a knife on screen, blood-splatter and everything. 

Tom Cruise quips and gets yelled at by his buddy before the baby blood is even drying on the villain’s face.

Pointless explosions.

More explosions.

Comedy.

Horrible spiders kill everyone

   What is the tone here? I don’t know. What is the theme? I don’t know. Do I care? No, I don’t. And hopefully, no audiences will.

2. Weirdly Sexist Stuff and MESSED UP Stuff

Now, before I continue to go off on a tangent, spoiler and trigger warning, cause I’m gonna be talking about some downright depraved stuff that this movie shows off. And I’m not talking about the lack of a female with agency or a story arc, or the costume that barely covers the Mummy’s undead bod, or the fact that this movie somehow fails the Bechdel Test when the villain is an empress mummy sorceress wielding a magic bone dagger and intent on bending the world to her will. This segment is basically gonna be two observations that, honestly, really irritated and disgusted me. Especially after seeing a movie portray a strong female lead literally the night before (Once again, Wonder Woman, all aces).  

So, in the movie, there are two female characters: Jenny and Ahmanet. Not only do they never do anything but talk about Tom Cruise/Chosen One (Ahmanet calls him her Chosen One, and all I could think of was Kung-Pow! Enter The Fist. I really wish I watched that one instead.), but neither of them are able to live without him. Literally. Jenny is a doctorate level archaeologist working for a Monster-Hunting MI6, but she fails at even the most basic things like: Running from zombies. Running faster than Tom Cruise (He’s 54 dammit). Self-defense. And, despite all this, she still survives. Jenny is literally the damseliest damsel in the history of blockbusters. She exists literally to pine over Tom Cruise and act like an object. Almost every shot she’s in is just a lesson and exercise in how to not write a character, let alone a female one. I wish I could say Ahmanet, the Mummy, is given a better deal, since she’s the titular character and is also the villain and has a cool design, but...nope. It’s worse for her.

Ahmanet is a terrible villain. She basically exists to make Tom Cruise the Dark Universe’s Iron-Man/Superman. She just wants to fall in love with Tom Cruise, have some intimacy with him, then rule the world as his Queen. Even though she’s an immortal killing machine gifted with superhuman capabilities, ancient magic and a literal God of Death inhabiting her undead carapace, all she really wants is some TLC from Tommy Cru-Cru. She kills her family. Kills a baby. Kills some random mooks. All to kiss old-ass Tom Cruise and then let HIM take over the world? It’s...so bad. Like, this character has literally no motive to let him become the God of Death aside from a spooky skeleton asking her to for 5 seconds at the start of the movie.

Also! Why Tom Cruise?! He’s so old, and I know he does his own stunts, but his face is weird and puffy and he’s so short and he’s hitting on girls half his age, which is just super creepy. And, this brings me to the worst and most disturbing part of the movie: Tom Cruise basically abuses and forces himself on Ahmanet by the end of the movie. Like, I get it: she’s a monster-mummy. But the movie spends quite a bit of time trying to portray her as a strong, powerful force of nature. Then, the climax of the movie happens. 

*Spoilers/Warning*

Tom Cruise gets plot powers...then proceeds to choke-slam Ahmanet onto a bunch of tables. Hold her down as the camera zooms in on her pelvis, her legs struggling to escape, her chest, her face and then he kisses her while all this is going on and basically sucks her soul out of her mouth. It’s easily the most disturbing and horrible thing in the movie, and I might be reading between the lines, but honestly, it was disturbing as hell for a corny blockbuster to go from quips and ineffectual zombie mooks to a young woman getting choke-slammed and manhandled by a dude, then have her soul-sucked out via forceful kiss while the camera pans over her body. It was...a huge tonal shift and an absolutely disturbing choice to depict that.

*End Spoilers/Warning*

The movie then ends happily. Tom Cruise goes off to explore his cool powers. Dr. Jekyll says he’ll come back to fight monsters for reasons. Jenny The Plot Device decides to wait for Tom Cruise’s elderly ass. Tom Cruise’s best friend quips! And...Ahmanet is dumped in a bunch of mercury in the fetal position and locked in a coffin for the inevitable team-up/sequel movie. After...that scene...it just is completely tone-deaf and monstrous. Which, I mean, I get the monstrous part, but the tone-deafness and the choice of positioning is terrible.

3. So, What Else? 

I really hate every actor in this movie. I really feel sorry for every actress in this movie. I really hope the pay was good, because I feel like this is very much a black-mark on everyone’s career. The movie somehow found a way to be disturbing AND offensive AND horrible AND boring at the same time without achieving anything beyond abject loathing for the movie. Every character is insufferable. Every plot point is predictable. The horror is laughable. The laughs are horrible. The drama is comedic. The action is...boring. There is nothing redeemable about this movie. Except maybe Sofia Boutella at least trying to be a cool villain before the script makes her wish Tom Cruise would notice her.

Some more minor gripes.

The zombies are pathetic. They shamble in a weird, herky-jerky movement that makes them laughably silly. Their a shocking amount of gore with them, too, like arms going through mouths and skulls getting crushed and arms getting pulped. And still, it all comes off as laughable. They also make this weird gurgly-breathy sound that made me chuckle at how poorly designed it was each and every time.

In a movie that is 85% white, they still somehow kill the black guy first.

Set, an Egyptian God, is apparently also Satan. ?_?

The movie also has a Not-ISIS expy that destroys historical artifacts and cultural settlements as a plot device. This is an actual problem that a lot of countries are dealing with and I feel its disrespectful, and once again, tone-deaf. 

Russell Crowe is fat. Then not fat. Then fat again. Then not fat. I dunno if this is cause of reshoots or just for fun, but it was hilarious each time and it pulled me even more out of the movie. But, hey, at least it made a fun mini-game: Guess Russel Crowe’s appearance before he shows up. Speaking of Mr. Crowe....

Why are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in the movie? They serve no purpose aside from an Old Dude Smackdown between Cruise and Crowe....actually, I bet the director just wanted the middle-aged wrinkly, CGI-de-aged dudes to duke it out for fun. It wasn’t fun. 

How did this get greenlit?

Why is there a Dark Universe? Do we really want to see Dracula, Frankenstein and a few Mummies fight Set/Satan in 2025?

Can I ever get my 22.98 bucks back?

Can crows break an airplane’s wind-shield? 

4. In Memoriam

Anyway...sorry for ranting. I just hated this movie to its rotten, bandage-ridden bones. There is no good scene in it. There is no...good..ANYTHING...in it. It just starts as painfully average and collapses in on itself like a star going supernova then black-hole. I just hope they never make another one. 

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This movie was so bad it made me start a blog just to complain about it. Thanks for reading this blog post. Don’t see this movie. If you like it, follow me I guess. I’ll post more stuff eventually.