holdingagodinsidemeishard - Tumblr blog

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

I think I know why khun is so attached to bam..he told us himself that bam gives his life meaning... as khun is very cautious.. when bam is so pure..you don't feel afraid to love him...you can love him without fear and that is the thing people like khun wait for...it gives their life meaning..and that is what makes him enable to struggle and beautiful....I know it because I've been always afraid of being too attached to people...if I ever met someone like bam..whom I could love with everything I have without any fear....I wouldn't let them go either..

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

this chapter talked to me like I was talking to myself...I literally saw myself in khun and when I talk to myself I know that I need to find something to struggle for,I need to find a meaning.. because IT'S ONLY WHEN PEOPLE BECOME OBSESSED WITH LIFE THEY CAN REALLY FIND THEMSELVES... I don't know what is more precious than this I can never thank enough SIU for this talk..it feels like wow so someone in this world felt this too..believe me no one is happier than me that khun found something to struggle...because I know how it feels to live without any meaning...art is manifestation of emotions and it really is the best way to connect.....

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

I know we all suffer from emptiness... it feels like something is missing in my soul....but then again I think it can be a byproduct of human civilization....but when our belonging in the human society is causing this emptiness...there comes a fluctuation with it....I don't know but this fluctuation..the byproduct of human made world..I can feel it in me...it makes me feel kind of disgusted....I absolutely abhor this feeling....but then again...there's another kind of hollowness..... which comes from within...from your connection with the universe as a being....this dissects you to atoms but you can't help but somehow love it....I don't know how it works but this hollowness makes me completed and empty at the same time....I feel like this is me..this is something closest to my soul... I can reach this close to myself..

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

I know murakami...I know

Everybody's born with some different thing at the core of their existence. And that thing, whatever it is, becomes like a heat source that runs each person from the inside. I have one too, of course. Like everybody else. But sometimes it gets out of hand. It swells or shrinks inside me, and it shakes me up. What I'd really like to do is find a way to communicate that feeling to another person. But I can't seem to do it. They just don't get it. Of course, the problem could be that I'm not explaining it very well, but I think it's because they're not listening very well. They pretend to be listening, but they're not, really. So I get worked up sometimes, and I do some crazy things.

— Haruki Murakami, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

I could kill myself right now but I'm also feeling the world inside of me right now....every atoms to all the peoples emotions...... everything is screaming inside of me...

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

me reading romance manga and webtoons for whole day and having swollen eyes like....

WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN READING THIS I DON'T EVEN HAVE A LIFE REALLY OK STILL GONNA READ ROMANCE SHIT EVEN IF WHEN IT COMES TO REAL LIFE ROMANCE I'LL JUST RUN AT 2038297392918KM SPEED

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

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[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

me just recovering a little and feeling a little good..

given in my face:

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

seriously though...this girl kizu natsuki is a fucking blessing I feel so blessed that she exist she has successfully destroyed me I mean she knows exactly how to hurt someone I mean yeahh....

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

isn't it too cruel...too cruel for them to tell me you have to let go..everything changes...time heals...I survived believing this....why can't I hold on to this now...why do I want nothing to change why do I want to believe in forever when....when did I become such a disgrace....shitty person...why am I losing the resolve to fight...where is my self respect everything is shattered...

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

why do I relate to nishioka kyoudais work so much?I think this artist is really brilliant and his works are so good it literally speaks to me in an spiritual level....I mean I was reading gods child and I related so much now I'm afraid of myself....I feel like the dark side on our mind is the truth and I really want to explore it but I'm also afraid of myself....

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

ok I’m done is the author trying to kill me or what

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

19 days in a nutshell😂

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

.....my fujoshi thoughts.....

19 days made me laugh as much as given made me cry💜💜

[holdingagodinsidemeishard]

our little mo and fuck your whole family😂