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Okay I KNOW I said I wasn't going to get the Grimm.jow Funko Pop that just came out. I even made a poll to ask and the clear majority said not to get it

but

how could I resist when I turned around at Barnes and Noble today and he was There on a display right behind me?

ignore me using a notebook as a backdrop

I'M SORRY I'M NOT THAT STRONG. *HE* CAME TO *ME* THIS TIME 😭 I was minding my own business at B&N and when I turned around he was THERE and there was only one and I couldn't say no to him. He wanted me to take him home!!!

Also don't worry, yes Pop figures are more expensive at B&N for some reason but fear not, for I have a membership, and I had some rewards stacked up to redeem, so I used them while buying him and a new book and a few other things.

sorry guys I love this gremlin I've let into my house

*Patrick voice* LOOK AT IT

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Jak in Jak 3 before the Kleiver race: "Don't worry, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's race."

Me, the player, and therefore Jak by proxy, remembering the dozens of times I've failed and had to restart all the races in Jak II because I am Not Good at them:

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boring ramblings about Ar.cana stuff

Alright. So. Ever since I finished Julian's route the first time and realized that, despite knowing what happens, it still stresses me out a bit upon replaying it, I have wanted to search for lighter, lower-stakes content with him that still scratches that particular indulgent itch that the main Arcana game provides, but have ultimately been too shy/cowardly to do so. Part of the reason is because I'm a shy, easily-flustered idiot, and part of it is because wherever there's Julian content, there is also canon x canon content with him lurking just around the corner, waiting to jumpscare me (particularly Jul.ian/As.ra stuff). I'm not a sharer (block and ignore team), and I definitely do not enjoy canon x canon stuff with any of my f/os, so I know I'm not mentally or emotionally strong enough to deal with the psychic damage that J/A content would cause. I'm such a wimp about it that whenever I log into the Arcana app, I cover part of the screen with my hand so that I don't see any Jul.ian/Asra art in the promo pop-ups that appear when you open the app (it's caught me off guard before, and now that I know it's a possibility, I'd rather try to avoid it if I can).

But sometimes some of the promos would intrigue me, advertising different Arcana stories and events and such, and I would be curious to check them out; but again, I was too shy and scared for my own good. I thought they were accessible through another part of the app, and so I finally decided to follow the link for the "texting Julian" promo.

Enter the Dorian app, or the broader hub for the company? team? that I believe originally created Arcana, featuring a bunch of different unrelated, original sims and stories from different artists and writers. I finally actually opened the app today to check it out and immediately felt like I was out of my element. Lots of attractive dating sim men, clearly aimed at more mature audiences, and even though I'm ficto, my ace ass was like "I should not be here". But I pressed on because I was here to find Julian, and I had no idea what else this app of dating sims had in store for me.

Good news is, I found the Arcana section after scrolling a bit, so I know where all these mysterious side stories I've heard about through the pop-ups in the Arcana app are hiding.

Bad news is, I saw at least 3 separate stories/thumbnails featuring Clearly Romantic Jul.ian/As.ra art, all of them falling under the "Modern Arcana" AU-branch-whatever you want to call it. I'm not entirely sure how this works if you (the player) are still. you know. a player and active participant in these stories and can interact with these characters, and all these stories are supposedly built around being able to date the characters...yet it seems to be implied that these two are dating each other in this AU thing. And if that's the case, I'll never find out because the implications and art of the thumbnails alone are enough to make me not want to open any of the Modern Arcana stories to find out. If I know there's even a possibility that I'll see Julian in love with and kissing someone that isn't me, why would I torture myself by opening up the story to confirm it?

Even if I want to check out the other Arcana stories, I'll still likely take some form of psychic damage just trying to avoid the thumbnails I don't want to see.

I also have no idea who exactly creates these stories; I'm pretty sure the original dev team has done some of them (extra psychic damage if they're the ones behind Modern Arcana pushing J/A on me) but idk about the others, and I worry the experience won't be the same.

I ALSO did not realize until I opened the app and started looking around that Dorian is like...an interesting visual novel-social media app hybrid. Like people can comment on the scenes in the stories you read. People can befriend you and see your profile and all this stuff and I'm like "!!!!! do not perceive me. please do not perceive me. I don't need more randos on the internet being able to see the indulgent dating sims I check out and possibly being able to see the choices I make in them"

idk. hopefully I'll muster up the courage to check out one of the Arcana stories that calls to me and see what's up, and hopefully it won't make me curl up in flustered embarrassment like a pillbug, but we shall see. That's for Ellie on another day, possibly after a potent edible or some liquid courage.

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Arc.ana app, as soon as I log in: "Jul.ian and As.ra: The Route! Play the new chapter!"

Me, petty and easily jealous: I think I'd actually rather eat rocks than have to witness Jul.ian being romantic with someone other than me but thanks for asking

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enjoy

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Me when I’m stuck in this miserable existence instead of my f/o’s arms

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FUCK IT, KRIMZON REIGN ANNIVERSARY ART SHOWCASE (all drawn by my dear friend, the lovely @sleeping-platinum! Thank you forever for drawing such nice art of these two and listening to my rambles >w>)

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Cyr was never shown in any of the J.ak games because she and Errol would be too powerful together

Can y'all believe I've been yapping about this bastard man for five years now. I sure can't. But damn if he hasn't been one of the few things keeping me going for the past five years as well. Errol may be awful in canon, but he's helped get me through some rough patches, and I still love stopping and staring at his posters around Haven when I'm playing J.ak II.

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being crazy over fictional characters is so funny cuz you'll be fine all day and then you start Thinking and then you can feel yourself transform in real time

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There are certain f/o ships out there that are like oh. the creators want me to ship these two so bad. It’s not having the intended effect unfortunately

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A non-sharing selfshippers daily life:

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every time I have a bad day because of work, the hollow!Cyr AU lore grows deeper and more of her powers manifest as a result of her pain and rage (mirroring my own irl). I for one am excited to see (well, envision) what her full hollow/Arr.ancar form will manifest as and for the fictional catharsis that comes with letting your s/i fight back against the ones who have been harassing her.

bonus angst factor for when Cyr gets captured by a certain Squad 12 captain and is left weakened, chained, caged, with her powers sealed, and subject to awful treatment and mockery that she's currently powerless to fight back against.

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do you ever see a character that’s worshipped by a fandom and go “you’re not that great”

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I need this shit SO badly tonight it is not even fucking funny

deeply deeply in love with the idea of snow leopard Grimm in all contexts for my self ship, but right now I'm particularly soft for the idea of both Grimm and Cyr being snow leopards and being so affectionate and cuddly with each other

examples:

I want what they all have 🥺

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my FIFTH (5th!!!!) anniversary with Errol is the 22nd and I don't think I'll even be able to celebrate properly because by sheer awful luck, I'm working yet ANOTHER 6-day streak that cuts right through the 22nd. can't have shit around here.

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"m/f ships aren't interesting why do people write about them" are you twelve. Honest question

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*lets out a sad, pained howl from my curled up position in bed* aauuuggghhhh how I wish that my only options for comfort and snuggles weren't all plushies of various shapes and sizes. How I wish I could be held securely by my f/os!!! To have them hold me close and help me relax and make me feel safe with them!! I want to feel arms around me and feel them pressed against me so there's no denying I'm being held by someone and not just cuddling plushies as my only substitute